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"Idiot's Newbie guide to Winning Gameaday"

Many of you are still yet to win a game of your choice for any console, but chances are your methods of trying have been honourable, whilst not actually winning, you've come here for the fun and community spirit that has developed over the years. However, there are those idiots who come here for nothing but the chance of winning one of the three competitions. Here is the Idiot's Newbie Guide to Winning Gameaday:


1. Topics Galore (i)

If at first you don't succeed, try and try again. How can you increase your chances of winning? Create more and more topics. If you have more topics than anyone else on here, surely one of them will win! So start topics asking people's opinions on different things. Obviously, you wont have time to type your own opinions or actually give any reasons for them, but people are bound to reply.


2. Topics Galore (ii)

Ok, so you're getting fed up of starting topics asking questions over small things like "Do you like Nickleback?", so why not take a different approach. Start topics giving your opinions on things like "I think Pokémon is crap because pikachu is yellow!" and people are bound to agree with you. If they don't, make your case stronger by calling them names and referring to them as homosexuals.


3. Replies

Make sure you get lots and lots of replies. As you probably already know, the more replies you get to your topics, the higher your chances are of winning! So, if one person argues against you or tells you to 'shutup' (as they're bound to) then make sure you reply and start a heated argument. If you still don't get any replies, go to topics started by other people which have no relation to your own topics and advertise your topic. That will definately attract more members to your topics.


4. Regularity

So you think the reason people aren't replying to your topic and are slating your opinions is because you are a newbie? Then pop along to a quieter forum such as the Pokémon forum and spam! Yes, spamming will increase your word count and will enable you to quickly become a regular! Because the forum is quiet, no one will notice.


5. Notables

As you may or may not know, the staff are sleeping with the Notables, so getting on the right side of the Notables will increase your chances of winning by twifty-percent! Maybe compliment a Notable, or become their best friend on MSN messenger.


6. Copy 'n' Paste (i)

Everyone knows that it's the decent reviews and topics that win Gameaday, and you know that there's no chance in hell of you producing anything of decent quality on the Special Reserve forums. So why not look on really popular websites such as Gamespy and IGN and copy the reviews and reports. No one will suspect a thing and you're almost guaranteed to win!


7. Copy 'n' Paste (ii)

So you've spotted a game on UKreviews.com that nobody has reviewed for a long, long time. However, the last person to review that game won. Why not copy and paste their review and pretend you did it. that way you're getting a free game for nothing! After all, the review won before, so why wont it win again?


8. Change your name

You've started to get disliked because of all your attempts at copying have been found out. The best thing to do now is to change your name. Obviously, because you've changed your name, you can't be banned because it wasn't you who cheated, it was the other name. Chances are, people will notice that the taglines between both names are exactly the same, but again, you can always completely deny any relation and the staff will never check!


9. Extra Extra Gameaday

You still feel you haven't got a chance in hell of winning a Gameaday prize? How about attempting an Extra Extra Gameaday competition? You could try using all the above methods to try and win it, but chances are the competition will be very easy to enter so everyone has a chance, so you could actually get those cogs in your head working and try something for yourself for once. However, make sure each attempt is in a different reply so your name is more spread out throughout the whole Extra Extra Gameaday topic.


10. Duplication

Your name still isn't on the winners list? How about duplicating topics then? Somebody is bound to have started a really good discussion on a gaming matter, so why not copy and re-word their topic and claim it as your own. Then you'll get lots and lots of replies of people joining in the discussion. You're bound to win!


So there you go, a nice and easy to follow guide to help you win the Gameaday competition! Have fun and enjoy yourself on the Special Reserve network!


Disclaimer: You follow this guide at your own risk. All comments about other members are entirely fictional. Nickleback does not rule and Pokémon is not crap. Chances are, following this guide will get you banned. For Newbies who are reading this and have thought up some ideas along the lines of any of the Idiots Newbie Guide to Winning Gameaday, please note that this is a joke and following this will decrease your chances of winning Gameaday and may even result in a banning. If you haven't read this disclaimer then you truly are an idiot.

I dont like being a newbie anymore

Nope, actually it wasn't, as there have been ten a penny posts of a similar ilk over the past week - which have been serious. Just looks like another regular making widespread assumptions to me.

He didnt need to put he was joking or any smileys etc as it was obvious it was a joke.

One little addition to that... had I posted my reply as a topic, about regulars, I would've been accused of spamming immediately - and you can bet your bottom dollar there would've been a few gripes about it. Makes much more sense to post it as a reply on the topic pertinent to it. ;)

Ahhh, but you committed the irredeemable sin, if it was intended as a joke and not as a sweeping comment of the attitude of all Newbies, where was the little smiley? ;)

Heck, you didn't even add a little "I don't actually believe all newbs are like this" in your disclaimer, and as we all know - disclaimers are only used for the sole purpose of indemnifying your own hide against any adverse outcome. :P

Pointless Babble wrote:

> If you follow these simple steps you'll be on your way to being a
> self-involved, arrogant little gimp, who casts sweeping
> generalisations based on ignorance. Remember people, courage, if you
> aspire to moronic goals you too can succeed!
>
> Disclaimer: Feel free to attempt any of the above, as frequently as
> you see fit, enough people do it already and one more isn't going to
> hurt.
>
> There ya go Edgy, I can be a biased, ignorant fool too. ;)
> The problem here is as much people like yourself, with their head
> lodged up their rear, as it is the few new users who spam the forums
> with junk threads. Your problem is that you don't like having it
> pointed out to you. Generalised, sweeping stereotype posts such as
> this aren't funny, they're insular - and all they do is continue
> spreading bad blood. If you bothered taking a few extra minutes to pay
> attention to what other people have posted over the last few days,
> rather than only showing interest in what you've said, and continuing
> in your ignorance; you might've noticed the post by RM18 entitled
> "What's happening here?"
>
> Had you read it, you might have a bit more of an informed outlook, and
> maybe even become a bit more educated. Because unlike you, people like
> Mojo and RM18 are actually amiable, and are of sound enough mind to
> not brand everyone with a certain title beneath their name with a
> stereotyped label. Whats unfortunate is that as long as there are
> people like you around in the world, its never going to get
> anywhere.
>
> Theres a nice little sobering reply for you.


ROTFLMAO!!!!

So now we're not allowed to joke? Oh Excuuuuuuuuuuuuse Me Princess (The Legend of Zelda 1989)! This was not having a go at anyone. Nor was this showing 'big-headedness'. This was a bit of humour based on the majority of individuals who seem to follow all 10 steps in my original message.

Sure, I know not all newbies are the same. I was new here once (despite not actually ever having a 'newbie' status) and I've enver cheated or copied anything ever since I first registered!

There's always humour at someone elses expense on these boards, most of it light harmless humour like this topic. If you take this topic that seriously, I reccomend a cold shower. Maybe even start a topic yourself on regulars!

Groovy baby!

Peace maaaaan!

Um...I'm not a hippy....honestly!

Idiot's Moronic, Egomaniac Guide to Winning Gameaday


1) Pompous Attitude (a)

Theres nothing wrong with being entirely full of yourself, and assuming everyone else should think the same way too, after all when you fart it has no smell.

2) Pompous Attitude (b)

Nobody is smarter than you, nobody is better than you, especially Newbies. They have the Newbie tag by their name, so they're obviously idiots... make sweeping generalisations, because stereotypes are always right, and it's not at all ignorant. Newbies have no right to win GAD, and YOU are the one who is meant to win EVERY day.

3) Insular Outlook

Change is bad. New arrivals are bad. We don't want change, because change is bad; anybody who hasn't got regular or notable status cannot be given a chance to outshine the people who have... do NOT under any circumstances allow them to post a good topic, if they do - immediately try to discredit it because you're at a severe risk of the status quo being disrupted.

4) Boring, Unimaginative, Melodramatic (BUM)

Topics which require creativity are for idiots. Anything that is past it, done to death, dull or repetitive is good... particularly if it sounds exactly like the other 50 topics above and below it on the forum listing. Stick to what's worked before, because having an imagination is bad.

5) Self-Involvement

Nobody else's topics are interesting, only your own. When you appear on your daily basis to attempt (but you know you'll win, attempt is just the word you use to keep the peasants happy) winning GAD, be brief. Post your own topic with loving attention, and pay blatant disregard to anything anyone else has posted, the only exception you should make to this is if someone is posing a threat to your winning. In this case, make one or two more posts than you usually would, to discredit their topics in whatever way you can. Remember rule No.3; change is bad, so protect everyone from change by ensuring you keep winning.

6) No Education

Thats right, education is bad, knowing what you're talking about is bad...whenever possible, try to sound as ignorant and oafish as you possibly can. It strikes fear into your opponents, as nobody can argue with a moron, remember this mantra: "Stupid is good, stupid is good".

If you follow these simple steps you'll be on your way to being a self-involved, arrogant little gimp, who casts sweeping generalisations based on ignorance. Remember people, courage, if you aspire to moronic goals you too can succeed!

Disclaimer: Feel free to attempt any of the above, as frequently as you see fit, enough people do it already and one more isn't going to hurt.

There ya go Edgy, I can be a biased, ignorant fool too. ;)
The problem here is as much people like yourself, with their head lodged up their rear, as it is the few new users who spam the forums with junk threads. Your problem is that you don't like having it pointed out to you. Generalised, sweeping stereotype posts such as this aren't funny, they're insular - and all they do is continue spreading bad blood. If you bothered taking a few extra minutes to pay attention to what other people have posted over the last few days, rather than only showing interest in what you've said, and continuing in your ignorance; you might've noticed the post by RM18 entitled "What's happening here?"

Had you read it, you might have a bit more of an informed outlook, and maybe even become a bit more educated. Because unlike you, people like Mojo and RM18 are actually amiable, and are of sound enough mind to not brand everyone with a certain title beneath their name with a stereotyped label. Whats unfortunate is that as long as there are people like you around in the world, its never going to get anywhere.

Theres a nice little sobering reply for you.

Hey edgy I never knew you were a Hippy critic

smoking guns wrote:
> Edgy
> Arnt you a bit hipicritical with rules 6(i) 6(ii).

Take a look at my stats, then check all the topics and reviews I've been lucky with, then learn to spell!