Viewing Thread:
"I. Hate. Harlow!"

Yes that's right, I'm from the black hole that is Harlow. Surrounded by the picturesque towns of Sawbridgeworth and Epping, you might be forgiven for mistaking it for a nice place...but you'd be wrong! For Harlow is the most wretched hive of scum and villainy since that place on that planet in Star Wars (geeky reference I know, but hey, it's my thread!). So why am I so peeved (substitute for "p****d off") with my home town at this moment in time? Well, I thought I'd be safe walking home from my girlfriend's house tonight. It's Saturday, everyone's out for a good time, but I come home early because it's my Mum's birthday tomorrow and I want to get some sleep. It's only a 5/10 minute walk past a school, main road and a pub. So why do some of the f*ckwits who live in this town think it's funny to throw eggs at people from passing cars. At first I thought the bloke was drunk or something - his car kept swerving - but now I know he was just lining his shot up! And a good shot it was too - hit me right on the arm...although I'm sure they were aiming for my face. Lucky for me I left my Mum's present round my girlfriend's house - I would not have been a happy bunny if they'd have wrecked that. My top needed a wash anyway.

I was angry.

But I'm a bigger man than that and found that raising my fist to the air and shouting "Waaaaaaaaankers" calmed me down. (I had my hand on the phone in my pocket ready to call someone if they turned around).

Cool...no anxiousness about if they come back or not...no paranoia, just a mindless act of random violence. I play games like that all the time...on my Playstation. Certainly not at 10:15 at night in a poofy white 4x4 with a big gay purple wheel on the back! Ha ha, I may have egg on my sleeve, but at least I don't have a gay car! Take that Mr Essex-boy!

So I thought that was it - my night of dodgy Essex-ness was over. Wrong! For round the corner were a bunch of 15 year old girls having a big spat about something *Essex-girl voice* "You know what I'm like when I've been drinking*. No, enlighten me, do you confuse Pidgeetoo with Pokewotsit? Didn't get involved though, just let them all walk into the middle of the road, secretly hoping they'd get crushed by Big Foot (the monster truck, not the man-beast).

Excellent, only five minutes into my journey and I've already witnessed 2 acts of oafness! And the third? A fight outside the pub of course! Obviously it's the pre-pubescant "Lads" that couldn't get in, so they took to buying from the off-license and drinking on the steps to the pub.

So that concludes my tale. I hate Harlow and can't wait to get back to Cambridge and get my head into my books and my studio. Sorry about the bad language, but I thought it was neccesary to convey the emotions that I'm feeling right now about living in a town where everyone is the village idiot.

I bid you good day, Sir!

Thanks!! :)

Here's hoping that the bloke learned a lesson eh?

Woah. Good on your Dad.

I tend to avoid places like Basildon, Romford and Sarfend if I can. Although, I do find myself down Lakeside from time to time.

Anyway, a minor incident involving one of my family members happened last weekend. My Pops was sitting in the car down the Lakeside lay-by, waiting for my other half to finish work.

Out of the corner of my eye, we see a young lady about 18 years old being physically beaten by her boyfriend. Now since it was in a lay-by, it was pretty much out of view for most walking, in anycase, my Pops undoes his seat-belt, gets out of the car and walks over to this bloke who was beating his girlfriend and told him the era of his ways.

Anyhoo, this bloke's turned to my Pops and said "Do you want..." and before he could finish his sentence, me Pops punched him out, knocking him to the ground, before walking away and getting back in car.

This bloke's girlfriend, picked him up and went back to there car.

Fighting isn't big or clever. But hitting women is bang out of order, it annoys me that most people nowadays turn a blind eye to something like that, pretend it isn't happening to them and going about there business.

The liquid metal Terminator bloke.

But really campy looking.

Darkus Wrote:
> I wonder who will play you in the story of his life...

Pob?

Mr.Snuggly wrote:
> Interesting fact:
> the guy who bought it in Barrymore's pool lived in the same street as
> my then girlfriend. I saw his front door and everything!


I wonder who will play you in the story of his life...

you werent expecting that were you..
sorry.

I have lived in harlow all my life now (23 loooong years) and i know it is a poo hole but it still has a place in my heart, i am gonna eventually move down to devon with my other half but i will miss this place (dunno why), true the majority of people here are doll bludgers who are ripping off the state some way or another and i begrudge paying for them with my well earned cash. I never really get into trouble though even when i go out down millenium night club because all the little blonde basin harcut boys who have brobably got deranged older brothers think they can mess with me, i used to take it and walk away but i am not doing that anymore and as soon as you stick up for yourself they back off because they might get hurt (P***YS) i tend to get the most trouble as i am the biggest built out of all my mates so the little mouthy twonk monsters wanna go for the biggest, so if they did win a fight (in their dreams)they would look better in front of there chums, also i find i am more intelligent than these kids and it is easy to confuse them all you have to do is when they come up to you and say

"what you lookin at"

All you say is something like

"cheese salad"

This will confuse them for ages and make there tiny brains go PUFF.

c.b

Millennium? You mean Barrymore's hunting ground? Interesting fact: the guy who bought it in Barrymore's pool lived in the same street as my then girlfriend. I saw his front door and everything!

Coincidentally, I actually had a fantasy that Harlow was swallowed up into the ground last night. Has anyone out there ever been to Millennium in Harlow? I have. I think it's to my credit that, after a bit of time has passed, I can look back and laugh. Hell on earth. Really.

Quinty wrote:
> Harlow eh? I live in Hertford, and you're right it is full of brain
> dead idiots.

Yeah Harlow Bites. Hertford Rocks, especially Elburt Werlins on a friday, A bit of old skool hip-hop action. Nice. :)