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"Lord of the Regs..."

Chapter 1: The Sound of the Shell
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The plane hits the ground, and in a large uproar of smoke and flame, a palace of evil, a dance of death is made, 'The Scar' is made. The boy turns to see this, but turns back to his original position, still miffed at what exactly is going on. His glasses have some dust on them, but that is quickly erradicated by some saliva rubbed onto his shirt.

'Same happen to you?', asks a distant voice, which seems to be getting closer, to the overweight, scared little boy.

'Who are you?', asks the child.

'Hi. I'm Badgerman. I've been here a few hours, we got shot down too...', he says, staring down at this child, who he seems to perceieve as the perfect stress toy for all their anger and emotions. That's at first glance, however, and you cannot judge a book by it's cover. Badgerman was smart enough, and had enough experience in short life to know that. 'Who are you?', inquisitive about the name of his potential victim, he asks.

'Erm...why do you wanna know my name?'

'I wanna know who I'm gonna be spending my time on here with...'

'Well...'

'Well...what!? What's your name?'

'I don't like to tell people my name, because they usually make fun of me. They call me a different name normally...'

'What's that?'

'Look, just drop it, Ok?'

'No, I wanna know your name. Tell me...'

'All right...Kazama...', and those three words alone cause Badgerman to stare at Kazama strangely, before bursting into a fit of laughter, joking around, and hitting Kazama on the back of the head, knocking his glasses to the floor. 'Look, if that's your attitude, just forget it, Ok?'

'Sure, whatever...Kazama!', which starts Badgerman off again. After seeing the look of destain on Badgerman's face, he quiets down, sits down and listens to whatever Kazama wants to say, whether he wants to or not. However, he notices that something else has caughty Piggy's eye, much lightening up his mood.

'Hey, what's that?', and with that, Kazama crawls over on all fours to a small hedgerow, where something peeps out. Curious and unsure, Kazama crawls over further and reaches in. What he pulls out also leaves a little mystery, but is soon cleared up by Kazama and Badgerman's collective interlect - 'I think...it's a...conch or a shell or something.'

'Ok...whatever...'

'Look, we can make a sound with it!', says a still-experimenting Kazama. He blows and it makes a loud noise that could clearly be heard all over the island.

'Lemme see that...', and with that, Badgerman snatches the conch and blows into it. 'Heh, so it does...', says Badgerman, as he begins playing with it like it's a new toy. He improves at his new found skill quickly and blows hard. From the side of the mountain, we see a number of children, ranging in shape, size and age, emerging from The Scar, where the plane crashed, where the sky is lit by the brimstone. Kazama is startled, questioning their mentality.

'Badger, they might be dangerous!'

'Nah, they're with me.'

'So, who are they?'

'Well, that's KR there, and his choir members - Iron Monkey, Whitestripes, Microchips, Phi11ip and Kerrang. Oh, and over there is Swander, and the two brothers, Redpath and Quinty. Oh, yeah, and Linx. They're a bit clingy, so don't approach them too fast.', says Badgerman, as if the leader, as if he had been on the island for months. But then again, he was a natural born leader, and everyone around him new that, even the unobservant and dim Kazama. 'Right, time for an assembly or something - we've got rules to devise, and we need a chief.'

'You be chief Badger!', says a small boy, with a shrill voice.

'Sorry, Micro, but we're gonna have a vote, so you can have your say then. So, let's do a vote.'

'Why do we need a vote anyway? I can see they all want you to be chief, and I don't care. Why do we even need a chief anyway?', asks an inquisitive Kazama.

'Look, that's the only fair way to do it, so who votes for Kazama to be chief?', and as that is said, the entire assembled group goes quiet, and no hands are raised. 'Alright then, who votes for me as chief?', and with that, all the hands raise, a few-half-unsure, but nonetheless, they all want Badgerman to be the chief, and so it is done: 'Ok then, the results speak for themselves - I am the chief, and that's that. Now, we need some people to make a fire. Who will do that?'. As if under his spell, several hands raise, and Badger nods his head in acknowldgement, as he does the same for several other choire groups, until we get to the final one. 'Hunting then?', and as the only few left, KR and his choir (or littluns, as they will be known through this spoof) raise their hands in acceptance. 'Right KR, we need you and your hunters to go out and kill every other night for food. Do you underst...'. Before he can finish, they pelt out into the night in search for weapons.

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KR and his travelling circus finally stop running, and out of breath, KR looks around, sensing something around him.

'Hey, is there something there?'

'Nah, I don't think so KR', announces Kerrang, which puts KR's mind at rest, but brings back the excitement of the chase to him, and the rest of the troop.

'Ok, well, it looks like we've got some good weapons here. Let's gather them u...', and he is interrupted by a loud, snorting noise. What could it be, thinks KR? As the oldest in the group, he must stay calm and show good leadership skills, as he learnt back home. 'Alright, I think we might have an animal here. Get a stick and look around'. Another loud noise makes them all jump and as they're backs are turned in a moment of weakness, something runs through the creepers and past them, but they are observant enough to notice. 'Get it! Kill the pig! Take it's blood!', chants KR, as they begin to chase the pig. They catch up to it, but it is still a good lead ahead. KR lunges his bamboo stick forth and misses, but pulls a flick-knife out of his pocket and slashes it across the head, causing it to fall to the floor. 'We got it. Now, let's take it back to the camp and cook it.', and this alone sparks many a cheer from his entourage. KR goes to lift it up, but the pig quickly runs off, with bloody pouring from it's face. It gets a good lead ahead, and they decide to abandon it.

To Be Continued...

have you even seen it


(i kinda thought of writing a res spoof thismorning but it would take up my precious time)

also ill try downloading it to get a better spoof (although i have seen it before)


howabout panic room (that would be hillarious)

That would be quite a good idea, actually...kid :P

coool i magaged to read this one and i think ill wait for more

and still youd make a good spoof writer

why dont yu try make a spoof of res evil (that would be funny)

Chapter 2: Fire on the Mountain
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After KR and Co. arrive back at the camp, Badger sees that they are notable exhausted, and so calls an assembly to call some more order. Badger beckons for them to come in, and they follow. They sit on the floor, and listen to what Badger has to say. 'Alright, we haven't really talked about this yet, but I wanna remind you that we are on an *isolated* island, with no big people, just us. So, get that through all of your heads, and remember that we're alone here.'

With that, KR adds his sentiment - 'Ralph, we need some real hunting equipment, and need to learn how to hunt, because we found a pig earlier, but it got away...'. Following that, KR begins to fade into a flashback:

Another loud noise makes them all jump and as they're backs are turned in a moment of weakness, something runs through the creepers and past them, but they are observant enough to notice. 'Get it! Kill the pig! Take it's blood!', chants KR, as they begin to chase the pig. They catch up to it, but it is still a good lead ahead. KR lunges his bamboo stick forth and misses, but pulls a flick-knife out of his pocket and slashes it across the head, causing it to fall to the floor. 'We got it. Now, let's take it back to the camp and cook it.', and this alone sparks many a cheer from his entourage. KR goes to lift it up, but the pig quickly runs off, with bloody pouring from it's face. It gets a good lead ahead, and they decide to abandon it.

Badger listens to what KR has to say, and then adds his own bit - 'Ok, let's add some rules, and we can get you some hunting gear and want not with it. Now, what rules do...'

'The conch! The conch!', interrupts Kazama, holding it with happiness.

'What about it?'

'Whoever has the conch should be able to speak!'

'Ok...fair enough. Officially a rule then: whoever has the conch has priority to speak. Now, the next rule?'

As he is about to ask for feedback from the others, Phi11ip, who has a birthmark on his face, walks up to Badgerman and begins speaking, out of the blue - 'What about the beastie?'

'What?', ask all of them in unison.

'What beastie?', asks Badger, as most of the others are loudly discussing it, most saying that it is the littluns imagination and nothing else.

'After I got here, I saw a beastie, and it probably wants to kill us, you know.'

'Look, stop causing panic. There's no beastie around here or anywhere on this island, got it? Now, we're all going to pull together and get off this island, one way or another', and that alone causes Phi11ip to sit down with a disgusted look on his face.

'We're never gonna get off this island! How can we!?', asks a clearly upset Linx.

'Hey! We're getting off this island, just like Badgerman said, and we're gonna get rescued, Linx, so never give up hope!', replies Swander, who appears agitated by that rather negative comment.

'It's not difficult, really. All we have to do is maintain a fire, and passing planes will see it, and we'll get rescued, guys, so, get some wood and let's get a fire started right here and now!', announces Badger.

And so the boys run off the find fire, and when they return, attempt to light it...

'Alright, let's try and light it people!' commands KR.

'Hey, I'm the chief, let me to it!' replies Badger.

'That conch and you being chief and all that doesn't count on this mountain!'

'This damn thing won't light!', says Linx.

'Here, let me help', offers Kazama.

'Oh, thanks.', and Linx takes Kazama's glasses and begins positioning it on the wood. Soon, a little smoke begins to rise from the wood and it begins burning. However, they were not careful when doing this, and fire continues spreading.

'Hey! Give me back my glasses!'

'What the hell have you done!?', asks Badgerman.

However, it is uncontrollable and it continues to spread. And in the fire, Phi11ip disappears.

'Where did he go!?', asks Piggy.

To Be Continued...

well im sorry to offend just i find long posts hard to read i probably would of read it if it was on paper but imnot wasting my last drops of ink on a story i would read in 2 mins

Excellent start.

I feel sorry for that poor little piggy...

:)

The army generals have a small part near the end.

Excellent first par. But where army general 3?

LoL! Ironically enough, I've just come online mate! Let's discuss the banning of 0utlaw then :P

Excelent my good friend. Come on msn.