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"Self Confidence"

All my life I'm confident around friends and family and those people but anybody I don't know or just meet I just come across like a boring git and it frustrates me... I'm not sure why but recently I've been thinking it's because when I talk with people I know well it's kind of personal and proper conversation... not just "chit-chap" to make conversation which I hate...

Anyway.. I need to go... so how is everybody's self confidence then?

Don't talk to me about self-confidence.

And I expect a lot of you are sick of hearing about it from me too. :D I babble on for ages about how crap it is when I'm feeling low.

Still the same for me, Sheepster. Quiet and shy. Although in Life Skills our teacher put us boy/girl/boy/girl, and I've ended up next to a rather excellent looking girl who I haven't spoken to since Junior school.

Then again, I never had the guts to speak to her then either. :D

Hopefully I can 'progress', if you know what I mean. Should be a challenge.

Stryke wrote:
> I've got my ego. So that helps. With mates. Not with girls, really. If
> I know them, then it's fine, but if I don't I can't say much. Tis
> annoying.
>
> But, I have a huge ego. It helps. Too much self-confidence.

Well a psycologist told me that I had a super ego!
Beat that!
:P

I've got my ego. So that helps. With mates. Not with girls, really. If I know them, then it's fine, but if I don't I can't say much. Tis annoying.

But, I have a huge ego. It helps. Too much self-confidence.

Goatboy wrote:
> You "Hello, would you like a drink?"
> Her "Not with you thanks, please go away"
> You "No, you misheard me, I said you had a massive bum in that
> skirt"
> Her "You ##!?@~"

LOL!

Yeah, I used to be really nervous around new people, quite a quiet guy. Then I started working for a company in a team of about a dozen guys, all mid 20's, you soon lose your inhibitions about talking to new people about anything. Now I can talk to anyone I've met for just a couple of seconds.

It helps if you have something to talk about though. Like in About a Boy, Grant realises his life is boring, so he can't talk to the woman he fancies because he knows he will be boring.

BUT, there is always something to talk about. You have a life, you've done things, the person you are talking to doesn't know about them. I have to agree, there does seem to be a bit of practice makes perfect about it, but there's only one way to do that, try. So what if the first couple of times it doesn't work? You don't know the person, if you make a fool of yourself who cares. They'll forget you, you can forget them.

Get on with living people, there is no time to worry about stuff.

-------------------------------------------
Every day is a beautiful day, no matter what its like outside - My uncle

the key to self confidence is being happy with yourself. you don't have to be a happy person, you don't have to be able to look in the mirror and think "yeah, i look gooood". You just have to be able to answer yes when asked "Are you happy in your life?"

People lose self-confidence because inside, they aren't happy, and by approaching others, they feel they are running the risk of being put down, rejected, or humiliated. A content or happy person doesn't fear this. So what of someone says "go away you loser", it's them who have the problem, because you're fine. And the happy person is less likely to come across "go away you loser" type reactions because they will come across more friendly, and pleasant, whereas someone with less confidence will start sweating, go slightly red or possibly even start shaking. This doesn't make you look like a pleasant person to talk to, it makes you look like a psycho ward escapee.

Don't worry, be happy. Be confident.

Just my opinion.

My self confidence is poor, i only ever talk to my friends. I never talk to girls, because i melt into a void of nerves. And im quite witdrawn from society.

I have the problem of being, if anything, over confident with people.
I used to be massively shy, to the point of withdrawn, but that changed over a couple of years once I moved away from situations that were causing me unhappiness.
Now it's completely different story.

At work, with mates,it doesn't matter at all - I'll bowl right up and start blabbering away 10 to the dozen.
As for approaching members of the opposite sex, I used to be as quiet as you like, never said anything and just flumbled my words and ended up feeling stupid and looking at the ground.

Now?
I'm the opposite.
For me, the key is not caring what people think of me. If I end up looking stupid then that's fine by me, because I know I'm not.
It's just "blah blah blah".
Look at me and "The Angry-Hair Bird" from the SR Sawbo shop, I posted something in the Cust.Service forum and she responded.
I haven't seen her in the store yet, but when I do I'll wander over and point at her furious 'fro and say something stupid.
It's not a case of "being smooth", if anything I've found that to be one of the easiest ways to guarantee you'll never score.
Just be yourself, or a good imitation of yourself minus the nerves.

Being in a band is a great assistance for getting over nerves.
If anything is going to force you to be confident, getting up onstage in front of a bunch of people and exposing pieces of your soul through music will do it.
Side Note:
Four times now at gigs I have been approached by women I've never met.
And every single time my girlfriend has been present. I'm not saying I'd do anything, but if you ever want an confidence booster,having a girl come up and start chatting to you (instead of the other way round) will have a lasting effect for days.
Here's the killer, last gig we did in London, driving back home afterwards my girlfriend said "Oh there was a chick there that was hot for you"
"Eh? How do you know?"
"I was in the toilet and she asked me if I'd seen you guys before and did I know if the drummer was with anyone, as he had the cutest eyes and butt"
Curses...foiled again.

I don't know if confidence is something you learn or just get naturally.
All I know is I'm more than happy to go up to a complete stranger, male or female, and just start talking about anything at all.
And having a few anti-knockback jokes is a good way of not feeling too stupid if you get shot-down.
My fav:

You "Hello, would you like a drink?"
Her "Not with you thanks, please go away"
You "No, you misheard me, I said you had a massive bum in that skirt"
Her "You ##!?@~"
--
You won't feel nearly as silly as if you just went red and melted into the crowd.
Just don't worry about how you'll come off looking, get in there and entertain.
Who cares if they like you or not.

I get so surprised by how many ppl do have low cofidence. You never see it around though, i guess i know it's there though. At the moment i'm slowly building up my confidence and self-esteem, it seems to be taking ages (and i am quite impatient), but i'm getting there. I've recently come from being in a very low place in my life and i'm now taking control of things which is great, I'm becoming what I slowly want to be. I hope that you all get what you all need to be more confident. Just remember that absolutely no-one has the right to talk down to you and treat you bad, and just to be your own person. :o)

Sure, if it's someone at school, I'm happy to...if I try that with a parent, I get made to feel guilty for hours until I get told to go and apologise for having spoken my mind and ended up being offensive. I tend to just sit quietly now, once in a while I'll get told I don't care and need to be more considerate..just put up with it.

Actually, I'm often far too blunt with people at school, heh..as Katie discovered one time. Dark secrets of the past, etc, but I can come across as remarkably evil.

My self confidence is great. People don't scare me.