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1. Mobile phones in hospitals. Nup, ain't going to happen. It inteferes with the equipment, you see. A friend of mine kept trying to use hers in casualty and almost had to be readmitted due to the great vengeance and furious anger of the duty nurse. Even Jack Bauer would have had some trouble dealing with that.
2. Almeida's beard. It really is cruel to kill a mouse and then use its pelt as a piece of facial hair: just cruel. How could such a man gain a position of authority in CTU?
3. Jack's table manners. Not too much of a spoiler here, but in a later episode we DO get to see Jack eat; frankly it was reminiscent of a pig at a trough. And yet this man still has beautiful women falling all over him.
4. Jack's bladder. How big exactly is it? Big enough that, if Richard Branson were to inflate the thing, he could attempt another hot-air balloon record? Or bigger even than that? Big enough to swallow the earth?
5. Jack's car. It doesn't talk? Did David Hasselhof make Knightrider for NOTHING?
6. Mobile phones II. You ring, they answer. Sound familiar? Thought not. No dropped connections, no random redirections to voicemail etc etc. What network are these people on?
7. Mobile phones III. Everyone has the same mobile. I can only presume that the producers bought themselves a great big box of the things down the market. I mean, surely a woman of Nina's obvious sophistication would have a snap-on cover - possibly in cowskin - or, at the very least, a snazzy ringtone. No wonder Jack dumped her.
8. The female Bauer gene. Any dangerous situation will act as an irresistible magnet for Kim or Terri, but at the last minute a magical repulsion will set in, causing the bullet/car/bomb to miss by a whisker.
9. Ira 'all seeing' Gaines, a man who has somehow hacked into every single CCTV camera in the city - how did he do that then?
10. Mobile phones IV. Does triangulating a signal really take so long? I thought the networks knew where we were every second of every day so that they could reccomend restaraunts to us: or in Gaines' case, secret hideouts. Why don't they just FIND these people.
11. CTU headquarters. Given that CTU peeps are constantly whining about being overstretched, why in god's name did they spend so much money on interior designers? I admit it looks cool: but shouldn't they be fighting terrorists instead of keeping Laurence Lllewellyn Bowen in stripy pants?
12. Jamey Farrell's chin. Ugh.
13. Ira 'not-so-all-seeing' Gaines and Rick. For a man clever enough to hack all of LA's security cameras, Gaines really lets himself down by promoting some loser kid with a crush on his hostage into a position of immediate authority. In future episodes: Gaines hands Rick a nuclear warhead and $50,000,000 'just to look after'.
14. So Mr Miyagi is sent to kill the women: HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO PULL A DAMN TRIGGER????
15. Kim's stylist, make-up artist etc. Stop work people! The girl has been kidnapped, punched, chased and terrorised; she has seen her friend left for dead, and her mum raped. I think it's OK that she looks a little tousled - she doesn't have to go to the prom.
16. Kim's stylist II. Why is that top not cut a little lower?
17. How come something REALLY exciting happens at almost exactly 59 minutes past every hour?
18. Ira 'not-so-all-seeing' Gaines II. If you're going to run such a brilliant terrorist operation, is it really too much trouble to actually CHECK if people are dead?
19. The news. Headline: Senator Palmer to have breakfast - says, I expect two slices of French toast, bacon, coffee and orange juice; Republicans condemn the move as unpatriotic. In other news: Senator Palmer expects to visit a school. Oh yes, and a few hours ago a plane or something blew up in Nevada.
20. Keith Palmer. In the absence of any discernible acting ability, he seems to express all emotion as a kind of subtle build up of physical pressure in his head. I predict he will explode by 9pm.
21. Magic freeways. Any location in under five minutes - or your money back.
22. Not so magical freeways. Unless that location is somewhere that you really need to get to. Then you'll probably arrive five or ten seconds too late.
23. Why is everyone EXCEPT Jack Bauer so utterly incompetent? He can sneak out of a locked down CTU, get a prisoner out of a police station, escape road blocks and avoid statewide manhunts. Is he Osama Bin Laden in disguise?
24. The self-destruct button. What's that you say? You're about to give Jack a vital piece of information that will ensure the safety of his family and Senator Palmer? You're going to tell him now? OK, hang on I'll get him...Jack! Jack! Quick!...OK, now tell him...Oh, you're dead.
Any more?
2. Almeida's beard. It really is cruel to kill a mouse and then use its pelt as a piece of facial hair: just cruel. How could such a man gain a position of authority in CTU?
3. Jack's table manners. Not too much of a spoiler here, but in a later episode we DO get to see Jack eat; frankly it was reminiscent of a pig at a trough. And yet this man still has beautiful women falling all over him.
4. Jack's bladder. How big exactly is it? Big enough that, if Richard Branson were to inflate the thing, he could attempt another hot-air balloon record? Or bigger even than that? Big enough to swallow the earth?
5. Jack's car. It doesn't talk? Did David Hasselhof make Knightrider for NOTHING?
6. Mobile phones II. You ring, they answer. Sound familiar? Thought not. No dropped connections, no random redirections to voicemail etc etc. What network are these people on?
7. Mobile phones III. Everyone has the same mobile. I can only presume that the producers bought themselves a great big box of the things down the market. I mean, surely a woman of Nina's obvious sophistication would have a snap-on cover - possibly in cowskin - or, at the very least, a snazzy ringtone. No wonder Jack dumped her.
8. The female Bauer gene. Any dangerous situation will act as an irresistible magnet for Kim or Terri, but at the last minute a magical repulsion will set in, causing the bullet/car/bomb to miss by a whisker.
9. Ira 'all seeing' Gaines, a man who has somehow hacked into every single CCTV camera in the city - how did he do that then?
10. Mobile phones IV. Does triangulating a signal really take so long? I thought the networks knew where we were every second of every day so that they could reccomend restaraunts to us: or in Gaines' case, secret hideouts. Why don't they just FIND these people.
11. CTU headquarters. Given that CTU peeps are constantly whining about being overstretched, why in god's name did they spend so much money on interior designers? I admit it looks cool: but shouldn't they be fighting terrorists instead of keeping Laurence Lllewellyn Bowen in stripy pants?
12. Jamey Farrell's chin. Ugh.
13. Ira 'not-so-all-seeing' Gaines and Rick. For a man clever enough to hack all of LA's security cameras, Gaines really lets himself down by promoting some loser kid with a crush on his hostage into a position of immediate authority. In future episodes: Gaines hands Rick a nuclear warhead and $50,000,000 'just to look after'.
14. So Mr Miyagi is sent to kill the women: HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO PULL A DAMN TRIGGER????
15. Kim's stylist, make-up artist etc. Stop work people! The girl has been kidnapped, punched, chased and terrorised; she has seen her friend left for dead, and her mum raped. I think it's OK that she looks a little tousled - she doesn't have to go to the prom.
16. Kim's stylist II. Why is that top not cut a little lower?
17. How come something REALLY exciting happens at almost exactly 59 minutes past every hour?
18. Ira 'not-so-all-seeing' Gaines II. If you're going to run such a brilliant terrorist operation, is it really too much trouble to actually CHECK if people are dead?
19. The news. Headline: Senator Palmer to have breakfast - says, I expect two slices of French toast, bacon, coffee and orange juice; Republicans condemn the move as unpatriotic. In other news: Senator Palmer expects to visit a school. Oh yes, and a few hours ago a plane or something blew up in Nevada.
20. Keith Palmer. In the absence of any discernible acting ability, he seems to express all emotion as a kind of subtle build up of physical pressure in his head. I predict he will explode by 9pm.
21. Magic freeways. Any location in under five minutes - or your money back.
22. Not so magical freeways. Unless that location is somewhere that you really need to get to. Then you'll probably arrive five or ten seconds too late.
23. Why is everyone EXCEPT Jack Bauer so utterly incompetent? He can sneak out of a locked down CTU, get a prisoner out of a police station, escape road blocks and avoid statewide manhunts. Is he Osama Bin Laden in disguise?
24. The self-destruct button. What's that you say? You're about to give Jack a vital piece of information that will ensure the safety of his family and Senator Palmer? You're going to tell him now? OK, hang on I'll get him...Jack! Jack! Quick!...OK, now tell him...Oh, you're dead.
Any more?
Page:
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1. Mobile phones in hospitals. Nup, ain't going to happen. It inteferes with the equipment, you see. A friend of mine kept trying to use hers in casualty and almost had to be readmitted due to the great vengeance and furious anger of the duty nurse. Even Jack Bauer would have had some trouble dealing with that.
2. Almeida's beard. It really is cruel to kill a mouse and then use its pelt as a piece of facial hair: just cruel. How could such a man gain a position of authority in CTU?
3. Jack's table manners. Not too much of a spoiler here, but in a later episode we DO get to see Jack eat; frankly it was reminiscent of a pig at a trough. And yet this man still has beautiful women falling all over him.
4. Jack's bladder. How big exactly is it? Big enough that, if Richard Branson were to inflate the thing, he could attempt another hot-air balloon record? Or bigger even than that? Big enough to swallow the earth?
5. Jack's car. It doesn't talk? Did David Hasselhof make Knightrider for NOTHING?
6. Mobile phones II. You ring, they answer. Sound familiar? Thought not. No dropped connections, no random redirections to voicemail etc etc. What network are these people on?
7. Mobile phones III. Everyone has the same mobile. I can only presume that the producers bought themselves a great big box of the things down the market. I mean, surely a woman of Nina's obvious sophistication would have a snap-on cover - possibly in cowskin - or, at the very least, a snazzy ringtone. No wonder Jack dumped her.
8. The female Bauer gene. Any dangerous situation will act as an irresistible magnet for Kim or Terri, but at the last minute a magical repulsion will set in, causing the bullet/car/bomb to miss by a whisker.
9. Ira 'all seeing' Gaines, a man who has somehow hacked into every single CCTV camera in the city - how did he do that then?
10. Mobile phones IV. Does triangulating a signal really take so long? I thought the networks knew where we were every second of every day so that they could reccomend restaraunts to us: or in Gaines' case, secret hideouts. Why don't they just FIND these people.
11. CTU headquarters. Given that CTU peeps are constantly whining about being overstretched, why in god's name did they spend so much money on interior designers? I admit it looks cool: but shouldn't they be fighting terrorists instead of keeping Laurence Lllewellyn Bowen in stripy pants?
12. Jamey Farrell's chin. Ugh.
13. Ira 'not-so-all-seeing' Gaines and Rick. For a man clever enough to hack all of LA's security cameras, Gaines really lets himself down by promoting some loser kid with a crush on his hostage into a position of immediate authority. In future episodes: Gaines hands Rick a nuclear warhead and $50,000,000 'just to look after'.
14. So Mr Miyagi is sent to kill the women: HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO PULL A DAMN TRIGGER????
15. Kim's stylist, make-up artist etc. Stop work people! The girl has been kidnapped, punched, chased and terrorised; she has seen her friend left for dead, and her mum raped. I think it's OK that she looks a little tousled - she doesn't have to go to the prom.
16. Kim's stylist II. Why is that top not cut a little lower?
17. How come something REALLY exciting happens at almost exactly 59 minutes past every hour?
18. Ira 'not-so-all-seeing' Gaines II. If you're going to run such a brilliant terrorist operation, is it really too much trouble to actually CHECK if people are dead?
19. The news. Headline: Senator Palmer to have breakfast - says, I expect two slices of French toast, bacon, coffee and orange juice; Republicans condemn the move as unpatriotic. In other news: Senator Palmer expects to visit a school. Oh yes, and a few hours ago a plane or something blew up in Nevada.
20. Keith Palmer. In the absence of any discernible acting ability, he seems to express all emotion as a kind of subtle build up of physical pressure in his head. I predict he will explode by 9pm.
21. Magic freeways. Any location in under five minutes - or your money back.
22. Not so magical freeways. Unless that location is somewhere that you really need to get to. Then you'll probably arrive five or ten seconds too late.
23. Why is everyone EXCEPT Jack Bauer so utterly incompetent? He can sneak out of a locked down CTU, get a prisoner out of a police station, escape road blocks and avoid statewide manhunts. Is he Osama Bin Laden in disguise?
24. The self-destruct button. What's that you say? You're about to give Jack a vital piece of information that will ensure the safety of his family and Senator Palmer? You're going to tell him now? OK, hang on I'll get him...Jack! Jack! Quick!...OK, now tell him...Oh, you're dead.
Any more?
2. Almeida's beard. It really is cruel to kill a mouse and then use its pelt as a piece of facial hair: just cruel. How could such a man gain a position of authority in CTU?
3. Jack's table manners. Not too much of a spoiler here, but in a later episode we DO get to see Jack eat; frankly it was reminiscent of a pig at a trough. And yet this man still has beautiful women falling all over him.
4. Jack's bladder. How big exactly is it? Big enough that, if Richard Branson were to inflate the thing, he could attempt another hot-air balloon record? Or bigger even than that? Big enough to swallow the earth?
5. Jack's car. It doesn't talk? Did David Hasselhof make Knightrider for NOTHING?
6. Mobile phones II. You ring, they answer. Sound familiar? Thought not. No dropped connections, no random redirections to voicemail etc etc. What network are these people on?
7. Mobile phones III. Everyone has the same mobile. I can only presume that the producers bought themselves a great big box of the things down the market. I mean, surely a woman of Nina's obvious sophistication would have a snap-on cover - possibly in cowskin - or, at the very least, a snazzy ringtone. No wonder Jack dumped her.
8. The female Bauer gene. Any dangerous situation will act as an irresistible magnet for Kim or Terri, but at the last minute a magical repulsion will set in, causing the bullet/car/bomb to miss by a whisker.
9. Ira 'all seeing' Gaines, a man who has somehow hacked into every single CCTV camera in the city - how did he do that then?
10. Mobile phones IV. Does triangulating a signal really take so long? I thought the networks knew where we were every second of every day so that they could reccomend restaraunts to us: or in Gaines' case, secret hideouts. Why don't they just FIND these people.
11. CTU headquarters. Given that CTU peeps are constantly whining about being overstretched, why in god's name did they spend so much money on interior designers? I admit it looks cool: but shouldn't they be fighting terrorists instead of keeping Laurence Lllewellyn Bowen in stripy pants?
12. Jamey Farrell's chin. Ugh.
13. Ira 'not-so-all-seeing' Gaines and Rick. For a man clever enough to hack all of LA's security cameras, Gaines really lets himself down by promoting some loser kid with a crush on his hostage into a position of immediate authority. In future episodes: Gaines hands Rick a nuclear warhead and $50,000,000 'just to look after'.
14. So Mr Miyagi is sent to kill the women: HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO PULL A DAMN TRIGGER????
15. Kim's stylist, make-up artist etc. Stop work people! The girl has been kidnapped, punched, chased and terrorised; she has seen her friend left for dead, and her mum raped. I think it's OK that she looks a little tousled - she doesn't have to go to the prom.
16. Kim's stylist II. Why is that top not cut a little lower?
17. How come something REALLY exciting happens at almost exactly 59 minutes past every hour?
18. Ira 'not-so-all-seeing' Gaines II. If you're going to run such a brilliant terrorist operation, is it really too much trouble to actually CHECK if people are dead?
19. The news. Headline: Senator Palmer to have breakfast - says, I expect two slices of French toast, bacon, coffee and orange juice; Republicans condemn the move as unpatriotic. In other news: Senator Palmer expects to visit a school. Oh yes, and a few hours ago a plane or something blew up in Nevada.
20. Keith Palmer. In the absence of any discernible acting ability, he seems to express all emotion as a kind of subtle build up of physical pressure in his head. I predict he will explode by 9pm.
21. Magic freeways. Any location in under five minutes - or your money back.
22. Not so magical freeways. Unless that location is somewhere that you really need to get to. Then you'll probably arrive five or ten seconds too late.
23. Why is everyone EXCEPT Jack Bauer so utterly incompetent? He can sneak out of a locked down CTU, get a prisoner out of a police station, escape road blocks and avoid statewide manhunts. Is he Osama Bin Laden in disguise?
24. The self-destruct button. What's that you say? You're about to give Jack a vital piece of information that will ensure the safety of his family and Senator Palmer? You're going to tell him now? OK, hang on I'll get him...Jack! Jack! Quick!...OK, now tell him...Oh, you're dead.
Any more?
Page: