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Just sitting here thinking about people I no longer see.
My grandad.
He died when I was about 7 or 8. We were at their house for Xmas. I remember waking up in the spare bedroom hearing my mum going "1-2-3 breathe...1-2-3 breathe" (she was a nurse back then). I didn't realise it at the time but he passed away that night.
I remember sitting downstairs with my mum and Sis (3 or 4 then) and Nan.
Ambulance/Police were in the living room.
Apparently he had a heart attack and died in his sleep. Nan says before they turned in for the night, he said "You'd better kiss me goodnight Dot, don't want to go without that".
Odd but 100% true.
He was cool, I remember on Xmas morning the year before, my present from him was a Weetabix box. I opened it up and it was full of Star Wars action figures, all Stormtroopers so I had enough for an army.
He used to take me into the toyshop and tell me to get anything I wanted.
And I used to stand on his slippers/feet and he would walk me around the house.
I miss my grandad but I don't remember him too clearly, and that makes me feel guilty.
My nan isn't doing too well, she's not fully aware of things more often and she needs a social worker to pop in every other day or so.
It's going to break me when she dies, I'm closer to my nan than I am anyone else in family.
My Dad.
I don't miss him at all. Rarely think of him to be honest.
My parents got divorced when I was 11.
Me and my Sis would go and stay with him every other weekend, him and his new woman.
After a few months of that, I decided that if he could walk out on his kids then I didn't want to know him and he certainly had no claim to me as his "son", so I stopped visiting him.
The last time I spoke to him, I was about 13.
15 years ago now and I'm being honest when I say that I think of him maybe once or twice every few months - if that.
It just doesn't interest me in what he's doing now.
Last I heard, he was living in France.
His dad/my grandad on his side of the family died last year.
I had nothing to do with his parents, they took sides and when you're a kid you don't understand why nan & grandad won't talk to you.
I didn't go to the funeral, meant nothing to me. Neither did he.
Shows how much he thinks of other people.
And if I see him in the street, if I even recognised him anymore, I would do my utmost to punch his lights out.
For the upset and misery he caused to my mum and sister.
For the number of night shifts my mum worked in order to pay for me and my sister to go to school/have decent clothes.
She went without a lot of things for a long time so her two kids could have a decent life.
My stepfather.
A bullying, violent psychopath.
Did time in prison for assault before he met my mum and she didn't know.
He was fine until he moved in, and then he changed.
A man that once punched me up a flight of stairs for telling him to not grab my cat.
And a load of other stuff I don't want to talk about.
It took a court order and police to remove him from our lives.
I was a scared little boy when he was around, I could do nothing when he started on my mum and sister.
But I'm not little anymore and I swear on my family if I ever meet him again I will do my utmost to kill him.
That's not exaggeration - I will try to end his life if he ever shows up again here.
It's been over a decade since he left, but my hate still flows for that man and how he treated us.
Now it's late and I'm going to bed, I just wanted to get out the thoughts in my head that are stopping me from sleeping.
01:12 and wide awake.
This sucks.
My grandad.
He died when I was about 7 or 8. We were at their house for Xmas. I remember waking up in the spare bedroom hearing my mum going "1-2-3 breathe...1-2-3 breathe" (she was a nurse back then). I didn't realise it at the time but he passed away that night.
I remember sitting downstairs with my mum and Sis (3 or 4 then) and Nan.
Ambulance/Police were in the living room.
Apparently he had a heart attack and died in his sleep. Nan says before they turned in for the night, he said "You'd better kiss me goodnight Dot, don't want to go without that".
Odd but 100% true.
He was cool, I remember on Xmas morning the year before, my present from him was a Weetabix box. I opened it up and it was full of Star Wars action figures, all Stormtroopers so I had enough for an army.
He used to take me into the toyshop and tell me to get anything I wanted.
And I used to stand on his slippers/feet and he would walk me around the house.
I miss my grandad but I don't remember him too clearly, and that makes me feel guilty.
My nan isn't doing too well, she's not fully aware of things more often and she needs a social worker to pop in every other day or so.
It's going to break me when she dies, I'm closer to my nan than I am anyone else in family.
My Dad.
I don't miss him at all. Rarely think of him to be honest.
My parents got divorced when I was 11.
Me and my Sis would go and stay with him every other weekend, him and his new woman.
After a few months of that, I decided that if he could walk out on his kids then I didn't want to know him and he certainly had no claim to me as his "son", so I stopped visiting him.
The last time I spoke to him, I was about 13.
15 years ago now and I'm being honest when I say that I think of him maybe once or twice every few months - if that.
It just doesn't interest me in what he's doing now.
Last I heard, he was living in France.
His dad/my grandad on his side of the family died last year.
I had nothing to do with his parents, they took sides and when you're a kid you don't understand why nan & grandad won't talk to you.
I didn't go to the funeral, meant nothing to me. Neither did he.
Shows how much he thinks of other people.
And if I see him in the street, if I even recognised him anymore, I would do my utmost to punch his lights out.
For the upset and misery he caused to my mum and sister.
For the number of night shifts my mum worked in order to pay for me and my sister to go to school/have decent clothes.
She went without a lot of things for a long time so her two kids could have a decent life.
My stepfather.
A bullying, violent psychopath.
Did time in prison for assault before he met my mum and she didn't know.
He was fine until he moved in, and then he changed.
A man that once punched me up a flight of stairs for telling him to not grab my cat.
And a load of other stuff I don't want to talk about.
It took a court order and police to remove him from our lives.
I was a scared little boy when he was around, I could do nothing when he started on my mum and sister.
But I'm not little anymore and I swear on my family if I ever meet him again I will do my utmost to kill him.
That's not exaggeration - I will try to end his life if he ever shows up again here.
It's been over a decade since he left, but my hate still flows for that man and how he treated us.
Now it's late and I'm going to bed, I just wanted to get out the thoughts in my head that are stopping me from sleeping.
01:12 and wide awake.
This sucks.
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It means I'm very, very lazy. :0)
I'm sure I should get that joke, but... it's Friday. Come on then, explain it to stupid Rob :D
I probably will eventually. Let me get out of my chair first.
Katie's a really fantastic person. She has cool hair too. Grix, you should come down to Saffron Walden with me next time and meet a load of SR peoples. Well, 5 at least :)
Leprachaun wrote:
"Thanks. Feels good to get that out, although my friends have heard it too many times. I can just see them yawning as they hear me talk about it for the millionth time."
I write about me all the time. I don't really care if loads of people read it, I just find it great to get stuff out of my head, which I do on a regular basis.
You're a FANTASTIC writer for your age, by the way.
"Thanks. Feels good to get that out, although my friends have heard it too many times. I can just see them yawning as they hear me talk about it for the millionth time."
I write about me all the time. I don't really care if loads of people read it, I just find it great to get stuff out of my head, which I do on a regular basis.
You're a FANTASTIC writer for your age, by the way.
Damn, life really does suck. I'm pretty lucky that my folks have always got on pretty well. My heart goes out to anyone who has had a sucky upbringing, I've been blessed with a pretty sweet childhood I guess.
Hum. Funny how all these issues turn into one big hilarious joke. Huh? I'm in hysterics. Ahaha.
Someone that has gone from my house, but not from my life, is my mum. And she is certainly not forgotten. I think about the pain she caused my dad, my sister and I too often. Somehow I am still stuck in the middle of this.
My whole family life since I was about 7 is a massive blur. All I can remember is crying. Lots.
My mum had an affair with a guy named Colin when...I am not sure when. I was in about year 2 or 3 at primary school. I can remember him. She had the nerve to let me meet him. I was ill one day...so who does she bring around.. Yes, you've guessed it. Darling Colin. He had a dog (evil). I was completely oblivious of what was happening because I was young. Hadn't got a clue.
I knew stuff wasn't right between my parents for a long while. My mum had the tendency of throwing things at my dad. I kept a tally.
Knives = 3 (that I noticed)
Chairs = 1 (we still have the darn thing.)
Plates = 6/7
I arrived home from school to see shattered plates on the draining board too many times. Fortunately my mum's aim is crap, so my dad didn't sustain permanent injuries from her mental fits.
And so, she confessed. Or my dad found out, I was never sure. My dad, the kind, loving, forgiving person that he is, forgave her for her "little" sin/sins. God knows.
I remember coming downstairs for a drink once at about midnight. My mum was sitting on the floor crying her eyes out. She is so stupid, "yes, you have caused this family great suffering, well done." My dad was understanding (though I couldn't see what there was to understand). Apparently, that was the night that my mum had confessed or my dad had found out. Laadeedaa. We have slight peace in our family for a few months. But it was never the same after the "Colin" incident.
You'd think that my mum would learn from these mistakes, but no. She'd go shag another person that she had been "in love" with all those years ago back in college. Name of Trevor. He'd just split up with his wife. Mum says "He just needs a shoulder to cry on" when she really meant "Your father hasn't given me a good shag in months therefore I shall go sleep with this dude, who is on the rebound, without any consideration for my children or my husband" ( I'm not bitter, honest. )
Heh, this mess went on for 12-18 months. Specific events I remember were :
Many nights of hearing my mum and dad fighting downstairs, curling up in a ball at the end of my bed with every bit of duvet/pillow over my ears, straining not to hear. It hurt. Lots.
The actual "throwing-out" of my mum by my dad. My sister and I were picked up from school early. I was confused as I didn't think that we -both- had a doctors appointment that day, nor did I think that the doctor's surgery was anywhere near my house, because that's where we were heading. I was puzzled. When we got in the door I was shocked to find two suitcases with all of my mums belongings inside of them sitting on the landing. I was worried now, but still left in the dark about what was going on, other than "Your mum will be moving to Nana's for a couple of weeks." My mum wasn't even aware that my dad had found out until she walked through the door and found the suitcases 30 mins later.
So, my family sat, in the living room. I was in tears, we were all in tears, even my dad, it wasn't a nice experience. I didn't want my mummy to leave. (being the young, girlie girl that I was, I was obviously close to my mum, and didn't understand why she was leaving, what she'd done wrong.)
And then, I screamed out the worst sentence I have ever screamed out in my entire life : "I HATE YOU DAD! WHY CAN'T YOU LEAVE!!" Damn I regret that.
I love my dad so much. So much. I should tell him that more often. He is a rock. He slaves away for my sister and I, hardly gets any time to himself. He stuck through all of the stuff we had to go through. Sure, he cried, but at least he didn't abandon us. He did change the locks on all of our doors when my mum left, however. Heh, do you blame him?
After all this, I am 14, and I have learnt a great deal from the experience. I am still young, sure, but at least I have learnt. It would have been an utter tragedy if I hadn't. And, I think it has made me a stronger person, but it has also brought up other issues, like Goatboy said. Bah. So many people go through worse than this, I sympathise, I really do.
One thing I don't understand out of all of this is how I can still love my mum. Because I do. It's worrying. She is one f*cked up women. I don't think I could love her like I do if she had done what she did now. Now I would understand what went on, which would give me cause to get very angry. But back then, I was so totally oblivious of what was happening, all that anger got lost inside my ignorance. I still hate her for putting my dad and my sister through all of that, but she is still here, she comes around every Tuesday. I suppose I am a bit like my dad, I forgive too easily. Twas hell at the time, but we move on. She is treated better than she deserves. But I still love her. Strange I know. I suppose however hard I try to forget the fact that she is my mother, I can't. There's something big and emotional keeping my mind from hating her. Never the less, I vow to myself everyday that I will not end up like her.
Mum and Dad. They are divorced. Mum is still with Trevor. Sigh. But that's messed up. I am sure that she is having another affair...I just hope she doesn't cause as much suffering to some other family somewhere else.
------
Thanks. Feels good to get that out, although my friends have heard it too many times. I can just see them yawning as they hear me talk about it for the millionth time.
Someone that has gone from my house, but not from my life, is my mum. And she is certainly not forgotten. I think about the pain she caused my dad, my sister and I too often. Somehow I am still stuck in the middle of this.
My whole family life since I was about 7 is a massive blur. All I can remember is crying. Lots.
My mum had an affair with a guy named Colin when...I am not sure when. I was in about year 2 or 3 at primary school. I can remember him. She had the nerve to let me meet him. I was ill one day...so who does she bring around.. Yes, you've guessed it. Darling Colin. He had a dog (evil). I was completely oblivious of what was happening because I was young. Hadn't got a clue.
I knew stuff wasn't right between my parents for a long while. My mum had the tendency of throwing things at my dad. I kept a tally.
Knives = 3 (that I noticed)
Chairs = 1 (we still have the darn thing.)
Plates = 6/7
I arrived home from school to see shattered plates on the draining board too many times. Fortunately my mum's aim is crap, so my dad didn't sustain permanent injuries from her mental fits.
And so, she confessed. Or my dad found out, I was never sure. My dad, the kind, loving, forgiving person that he is, forgave her for her "little" sin/sins. God knows.
I remember coming downstairs for a drink once at about midnight. My mum was sitting on the floor crying her eyes out. She is so stupid, "yes, you have caused this family great suffering, well done." My dad was understanding (though I couldn't see what there was to understand). Apparently, that was the night that my mum had confessed or my dad had found out. Laadeedaa. We have slight peace in our family for a few months. But it was never the same after the "Colin" incident.
You'd think that my mum would learn from these mistakes, but no. She'd go shag another person that she had been "in love" with all those years ago back in college. Name of Trevor. He'd just split up with his wife. Mum says "He just needs a shoulder to cry on" when she really meant "Your father hasn't given me a good shag in months therefore I shall go sleep with this dude, who is on the rebound, without any consideration for my children or my husband" ( I'm not bitter, honest. )
Heh, this mess went on for 12-18 months. Specific events I remember were :
Many nights of hearing my mum and dad fighting downstairs, curling up in a ball at the end of my bed with every bit of duvet/pillow over my ears, straining not to hear. It hurt. Lots.
The actual "throwing-out" of my mum by my dad. My sister and I were picked up from school early. I was confused as I didn't think that we -both- had a doctors appointment that day, nor did I think that the doctor's surgery was anywhere near my house, because that's where we were heading. I was puzzled. When we got in the door I was shocked to find two suitcases with all of my mums belongings inside of them sitting on the landing. I was worried now, but still left in the dark about what was going on, other than "Your mum will be moving to Nana's for a couple of weeks." My mum wasn't even aware that my dad had found out until she walked through the door and found the suitcases 30 mins later.
So, my family sat, in the living room. I was in tears, we were all in tears, even my dad, it wasn't a nice experience. I didn't want my mummy to leave. (being the young, girlie girl that I was, I was obviously close to my mum, and didn't understand why she was leaving, what she'd done wrong.)
And then, I screamed out the worst sentence I have ever screamed out in my entire life : "I HATE YOU DAD! WHY CAN'T YOU LEAVE!!" Damn I regret that.
I love my dad so much. So much. I should tell him that more often. He is a rock. He slaves away for my sister and I, hardly gets any time to himself. He stuck through all of the stuff we had to go through. Sure, he cried, but at least he didn't abandon us. He did change the locks on all of our doors when my mum left, however. Heh, do you blame him?
After all this, I am 14, and I have learnt a great deal from the experience. I am still young, sure, but at least I have learnt. It would have been an utter tragedy if I hadn't. And, I think it has made me a stronger person, but it has also brought up other issues, like Goatboy said. Bah. So many people go through worse than this, I sympathise, I really do.
One thing I don't understand out of all of this is how I can still love my mum. Because I do. It's worrying. She is one f*cked up women. I don't think I could love her like I do if she had done what she did now. Now I would understand what went on, which would give me cause to get very angry. But back then, I was so totally oblivious of what was happening, all that anger got lost inside my ignorance. I still hate her for putting my dad and my sister through all of that, but she is still here, she comes around every Tuesday. I suppose I am a bit like my dad, I forgive too easily. Twas hell at the time, but we move on. She is treated better than she deserves. But I still love her. Strange I know. I suppose however hard I try to forget the fact that she is my mother, I can't. There's something big and emotional keeping my mind from hating her. Never the less, I vow to myself everyday that I will not end up like her.
Mum and Dad. They are divorced. Mum is still with Trevor. Sigh. But that's messed up. I am sure that she is having another affair...I just hope she doesn't cause as much suffering to some other family somewhere else.
------
Thanks. Feels good to get that out, although my friends have heard it too many times. I can just see them yawning as they hear me talk about it for the millionth time.
zaphod beeblebrox wrote:
> i was the one who startred taking the pi** and i will appologise i am
> sorry
You god damn well better be!
> i was the one who startred taking the pi** and i will appologise i am
> sorry
You god damn well better be!
Blazing Anton wrote:
> If you dont wanna talk about it why did you start a topic about it?
True but it's a pretty good one tho.
> If you dont wanna talk about it why did you start a topic about it?
True but it's a pretty good one tho.
i was the one who startred taking the pi** and i will appologise i am sorry
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