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"Beardy Virgin Rant"

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Wed 27/03/02 at 23:59
Regular
Posts: 787
A proper rant, not one of thos pale imitations that seem to be more and more common here.
Read and learn:

Dark Age of Camelot.

An online-only game involving all manner of pixies, elves and other assorted folk from wizardworld.
Now, ordinarily I would ignore such nonsense and leave it to the pasty geeks that inhabit this female-less world of many sided dice and an unhealthy obsession with hairy-toed midgets desperate to "destroy a ring" (Subtext anyone? Jung?)

But I was persuaded by my boys that it was actually good, a cool game where loads of you could meet online and smash stuff up being a "berserker" (K Smith fans understand the appeal of that).
So I buy this game today from SR and get home to begin my exploration into the murky world of RPG games.

Except I discover that it requires a 15mb patch to even register the game.
And it's via auto-updater, which means I can't get it at work via ASDL and burn it onto CD.
No, I have to sit and wait whilst my 56k modem chugs through 15mb.
You can imagine the length of time that's going to take.

Except the server isn't working.
So not only can I not register and play this game, but I can't even log on to get help at the site, because you need to be a registered member.

And that's why I hate RPG games.
I tried to be part of it, I really did.
But it blows donkeys

Auto-updaters.
Why?
What is the point of that? To force you to download the new patch without giving you the option.
To prevent you playing until you've sat there for hours watching your modem trying to download mgs of info.
Rubbish.

But even if I could, what's the point?
Why be some bloody hobgoblin and level up so I can fight virgin woodpixies?
And I know that everyone else playing is one of *those* people.
You know the ones:

Those slightly over-weight, lank haired pasty nerds you see hunched over those stupid tables in Games Workshops, eating marmite sandwiches from He-Man lunchboxes that their mum's packed for them.
And it was their mums, because they don't have girlfriends.
Because they spend their life rolling 234 sided dice to decide which wizard is best at using the spell of halitosis.

And then they rush home to discuss whatever series of Star Trek is on Sky One that night, and complain because Captain Hymen used a warp-drive laser screwdriver when clearly that wouldn't have worked in the anti-grav field.

Or they download wallpapers of Valkyries standing prone over a tiger, clutching a big sword with eagles flying behind them.
And they put this poster right next to the one of the Ferarri or WWF Ladyboy with oily pants.

Christ I can't understand games involving wood minxes and the freakish loners that collect War Hammer lead figure and paint them, only to take them to Games Workshop the next Saturday and snigger because one of them "touched boob" when he was in the line for the latest Lord of The Rings spin-off collectors cards.

Bah.

THAT is a rant, not some lame whiny ponce about how tough school was.
Infuse real anger and disdain for others.

Lesson over.
Big stupid gay greasy overweight virgin troll-lovers.
Thu 28/03/02 at 20:51
Regular
"Hmmm....."
Posts: 12,243
Armatige Shanks wrote:

yes you are... :)
--------------------

ok then, whatever you say.
:)
Thu 28/03/02 at 20:49
Regular
"everyone says it"
Posts: 14,738
Grix Thraves wrote:
> It's a offline demo, two missions, www.fileplanet.com.

It's crap. It's a nice
> little homage to all the old superhero mags, but... that's about it. Click click
> click fight fight fight win win win.

Surely the offline demo cannot give you any lead as to what the finished OnlineRPG (the game) is going to be like in terms of gameplay?
Thu 28/03/02 at 20:42
Regular
Posts: 23,216
It's a offline demo, two missions, www.fileplanet.com.

It's crap. It's a nice little homage to all the old superhero mags, but... that's about it. Click click click fight fight fight win win win.
Thu 28/03/02 at 20:38
Regular
"everyone says it"
Posts: 14,738
Grix Thraves wrote:
> Goatboy you biased ugly toe yanking fish rubbing w***e, you're judging the
> entirety of RPG's by a massive, and crappy, proportion of the genre.

Legend
> of Mir is crap, City Of Heroes is crap, that one you played is bound to be crap,
> because it's just like these ones. And yes, er-no, City of Heroes IS crap. Play
> the demo.

Get yourself Skies of Arcadia, and then tell me all RPG's are about
> goblins and beards.

Oh yeah, I'm not here, ignore me.

A demo? I swear there isn't one out at all? The game hasn't even gone into beta or isn't up on the servers they have just brought? Grix. What. How. Where?

If this game is crap. Then online gaming is altogether crap.
Thu 28/03/02 at 16:38
Regular
Posts: 23,216
Goatboy you biased ugly toe yanking fish rubbing w***e, you're judging the entirety of RPG's by a massive, and crappy, proportion of the genre.

Legend of Mir is crap, City Of Heroes is crap, that one you played is bound to be crap, because it's just like these ones. And yes, er-no, City of Heroes IS crap. Play the demo.

Get yourself Skies of Arcadia, and then tell me all RPG's are about goblins and beards.

Oh yeah, I'm not here, ignore me.
Thu 28/03/02 at 16:38
Regular
"relocated"
Posts: 2,833
Dringo wrote:
> That is a disgusting stereotype of anyone who likes Warhammer, Star Trek, RPG's
> and as for he-man lunchboxes, are you saying peoples Girl friends pack their
> lunchboxes...

Of course people's girlfriends pack their lunchboxes, that is the POINT of girlfriends. And a word of advice: once they stop cutting the crusts off, it's time to move on.
Thu 28/03/02 at 14:03
Regular
"That's right!"
Posts: 10,645
Your Honour wrote:


*Get's bag of Werthers Originals and goes to watch Pakinson with a
> cup of cocoa...*

---------

Don't forget your pipe, and your wrinkled crips
Thu 28/03/02 at 14:02
Regular
"Eric The Half A Bee"
Posts: 5,347
Hercules! wrote:
Not really
> no.

yes you are... :)

you said...

Hercules! wrote:
> dont play one.
all that they are is going round collecting little gems, killing
> monsters and gaining special powers and stuff like that.
theyre all sad really

That could be Sonic, or Mario, of Half-Life, or Doom, or...
Thu 28/03/02 at 12:24
Regular
Posts: 14,117
Good to see we've got some proper rants back on the forums.

Not these pathetic "Oooh! I broke a nail today..." style rubbish that seem to be springing up all over the place.

When I was a lad, we knew how to have a rant. Not this pre-packaged, ready made, watered down tasteless pap we have nowadays!

*Get's bag of Werthers Originals and goes to watch Pakinson with a cup of cocoa...*
Thu 28/03/02 at 12:22
Regular
"Hmmm....."
Posts: 12,243
Armatige Shanks wrote:

lol... hold on... havnt you just
> descibed the majority of computer games? .. erk! :)
-------------------

Not really no.
And RPG's you go round in a little fantasy world.
All your enemies are goblins and dragons and monsters.
And your character looks like an elf or something like that.

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