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Game developers have come together and decided to bring out a new range of games aimed at the not-so-bright ones among us. Games for the simpletons who have trouble turning their TV's on, let alone figuring a typical Metal Gear Solid dilemma. This range has an all-star cast of games including the following.
FIFA 2003 SE (Simpleton edition)
You start the game with just one team to avoid the confusion of navigating through all those hundreds of clubs. Within this one team you only get to control one player, thus saving the immense skill of actually changing player every time you wish to kick the ball. Pressing directional buttons will suggest to your player which way you want to go, and he will decide whether to obey you or not depending on whether you are asking him to do something sensible. When your player actually has the ball, control is simplified so that he will control himself until he is no longer in posession of it. Free kicks and penalties are also made easier as you just have to press a button and your player will take a decent kick wherever he likes, but still leaving ultimate power to you as you get to choose when he kicks it. Also included are post-match interviews with Beckham to make dim players feel intelligent.
Colin McRae Rally 3 SE
Since the normal version required a good deal of driving skill to master, certain driving aids have been introduced to help out the 'less-gifted'. The first change is invisible cushions along all the tracks that stop your car from leaving the track but actively pull opponents off. As well as auto-braking at corners, there is an additional option for auto-turning where the car steers itself round the corners. Also the AI cars don't exceed 30 mph, and they regularly explode and get flat tires without obvious cause. As an added measure, to ensure that players don't get distracted and worried too easily, the original plan to model the driver as a true likeness of Colin has been canned.
Unreal Tournament 2003 SE
In a bold move, UT developers have made the shock decision to allow the player to control ALL directional movements. This is swiftly countered by the changeover to become a 2D platformer, and the auto-aim facility, which will automatically aim your crosshair at the nearest enemy player, be he in sight or not. The weapons have also been simplified, so you'll now be able to wield the likes of a rolling pin, knife and fork, cucumber, and nuclear bomb.
Final Fantasy X SE
The main character who you control is Fred, the original names for FFX are too hard to read and pronounce and so have been cut in favour of smaller and simpler names. To obviate the obvious need to solve the hard puzzles throughout the game, you actually watch a pre-rendered video sequence of the game's characters completing the missions. To make players really think they are having an input into the game, lights flash and the controller vibrates.
These games should exploit a previously untapped niche in the market, and cater for the gaming needs of all the total idiots around today. They're still too advanced for the techno-illiterate oldies of yesteryear, but just perfect for Joe Bloggs next door who still uses tip-ex on his computer monitor.
The future's bright. The future's simpleton.
FIFA 2003 SE (Simpleton edition)
You start the game with just one team to avoid the confusion of navigating through all those hundreds of clubs. Within this one team you only get to control one player, thus saving the immense skill of actually changing player every time you wish to kick the ball. Pressing directional buttons will suggest to your player which way you want to go, and he will decide whether to obey you or not depending on whether you are asking him to do something sensible. When your player actually has the ball, control is simplified so that he will control himself until he is no longer in posession of it. Free kicks and penalties are also made easier as you just have to press a button and your player will take a decent kick wherever he likes, but still leaving ultimate power to you as you get to choose when he kicks it. Also included are post-match interviews with Beckham to make dim players feel intelligent.
Colin McRae Rally 3 SE
Since the normal version required a good deal of driving skill to master, certain driving aids have been introduced to help out the 'less-gifted'. The first change is invisible cushions along all the tracks that stop your car from leaving the track but actively pull opponents off. As well as auto-braking at corners, there is an additional option for auto-turning where the car steers itself round the corners. Also the AI cars don't exceed 30 mph, and they regularly explode and get flat tires without obvious cause. As an added measure, to ensure that players don't get distracted and worried too easily, the original plan to model the driver as a true likeness of Colin has been canned.
Unreal Tournament 2003 SE
In a bold move, UT developers have made the shock decision to allow the player to control ALL directional movements. This is swiftly countered by the changeover to become a 2D platformer, and the auto-aim facility, which will automatically aim your crosshair at the nearest enemy player, be he in sight or not. The weapons have also been simplified, so you'll now be able to wield the likes of a rolling pin, knife and fork, cucumber, and nuclear bomb.
Final Fantasy X SE
The main character who you control is Fred, the original names for FFX are too hard to read and pronounce and so have been cut in favour of smaller and simpler names. To obviate the obvious need to solve the hard puzzles throughout the game, you actually watch a pre-rendered video sequence of the game's characters completing the missions. To make players really think they are having an input into the game, lights flash and the controller vibrates.
These games should exploit a previously untapped niche in the market, and cater for the gaming needs of all the total idiots around today. They're still too advanced for the techno-illiterate oldies of yesteryear, but just perfect for Joe Bloggs next door who still uses tip-ex on his computer monitor.
The future's bright. The future's simpleton.
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Sony simpletons you mean.
Insane Bartender wrote:
> Simpleton gaming already exists on the PS2.
>
> Ps2 has the GTA series.
Ooh!! Controversial. Not only are you utterly and completely wrong, you will also soon have a band of furious Sony fans shouting at you.
> Simpleton gaming already exists on the PS2.
>
> Ps2 has the GTA series.
Ooh!! Controversial. Not only are you utterly and completely wrong, you will also soon have a band of furious Sony fans shouting at you.
Simpleton gaming already exists on the GameCube and PS2.
Ps2 has the GTA series, while the Cube has "Doshin the Giant".
If you want to feel like you're being treated like a retard, play one of those games
Ps2 has the GTA series, while the Cube has "Doshin the Giant".
If you want to feel like you're being treated like a retard, play one of those games
Game developers have come together and decided to bring out a new range of games aimed at the not-so-bright ones among us. Games for the simpletons who have trouble turning their TV's on, let alone figuring a typical Metal Gear Solid dilemma. This range has an all-star cast of games including the following.
FIFA 2003 SE (Simpleton edition)
You start the game with just one team to avoid the confusion of navigating through all those hundreds of clubs. Within this one team you only get to control one player, thus saving the immense skill of actually changing player every time you wish to kick the ball. Pressing directional buttons will suggest to your player which way you want to go, and he will decide whether to obey you or not depending on whether you are asking him to do something sensible. When your player actually has the ball, control is simplified so that he will control himself until he is no longer in posession of it. Free kicks and penalties are also made easier as you just have to press a button and your player will take a decent kick wherever he likes, but still leaving ultimate power to you as you get to choose when he kicks it. Also included are post-match interviews with Beckham to make dim players feel intelligent.
Colin McRae Rally 3 SE
Since the normal version required a good deal of driving skill to master, certain driving aids have been introduced to help out the 'less-gifted'. The first change is invisible cushions along all the tracks that stop your car from leaving the track but actively pull opponents off. As well as auto-braking at corners, there is an additional option for auto-turning where the car steers itself round the corners. Also the AI cars don't exceed 30 mph, and they regularly explode and get flat tires without obvious cause. As an added measure, to ensure that players don't get distracted and worried too easily, the original plan to model the driver as a true likeness of Colin has been canned.
Unreal Tournament 2003 SE
In a bold move, UT developers have made the shock decision to allow the player to control ALL directional movements. This is swiftly countered by the changeover to become a 2D platformer, and the auto-aim facility, which will automatically aim your crosshair at the nearest enemy player, be he in sight or not. The weapons have also been simplified, so you'll now be able to wield the likes of a rolling pin, knife and fork, cucumber, and nuclear bomb.
Final Fantasy X SE
The main character who you control is Fred, the original names for FFX are too hard to read and pronounce and so have been cut in favour of smaller and simpler names. To obviate the obvious need to solve the hard puzzles throughout the game, you actually watch a pre-rendered video sequence of the game's characters completing the missions. To make players really think they are having an input into the game, lights flash and the controller vibrates.
These games should exploit a previously untapped niche in the market, and cater for the gaming needs of all the total idiots around today. They're still too advanced for the techno-illiterate oldies of yesteryear, but just perfect for Joe Bloggs next door who still uses tip-ex on his computer monitor.
The future's bright. The future's simpleton.
FIFA 2003 SE (Simpleton edition)
You start the game with just one team to avoid the confusion of navigating through all those hundreds of clubs. Within this one team you only get to control one player, thus saving the immense skill of actually changing player every time you wish to kick the ball. Pressing directional buttons will suggest to your player which way you want to go, and he will decide whether to obey you or not depending on whether you are asking him to do something sensible. When your player actually has the ball, control is simplified so that he will control himself until he is no longer in posession of it. Free kicks and penalties are also made easier as you just have to press a button and your player will take a decent kick wherever he likes, but still leaving ultimate power to you as you get to choose when he kicks it. Also included are post-match interviews with Beckham to make dim players feel intelligent.
Colin McRae Rally 3 SE
Since the normal version required a good deal of driving skill to master, certain driving aids have been introduced to help out the 'less-gifted'. The first change is invisible cushions along all the tracks that stop your car from leaving the track but actively pull opponents off. As well as auto-braking at corners, there is an additional option for auto-turning where the car steers itself round the corners. Also the AI cars don't exceed 30 mph, and they regularly explode and get flat tires without obvious cause. As an added measure, to ensure that players don't get distracted and worried too easily, the original plan to model the driver as a true likeness of Colin has been canned.
Unreal Tournament 2003 SE
In a bold move, UT developers have made the shock decision to allow the player to control ALL directional movements. This is swiftly countered by the changeover to become a 2D platformer, and the auto-aim facility, which will automatically aim your crosshair at the nearest enemy player, be he in sight or not. The weapons have also been simplified, so you'll now be able to wield the likes of a rolling pin, knife and fork, cucumber, and nuclear bomb.
Final Fantasy X SE
The main character who you control is Fred, the original names for FFX are too hard to read and pronounce and so have been cut in favour of smaller and simpler names. To obviate the obvious need to solve the hard puzzles throughout the game, you actually watch a pre-rendered video sequence of the game's characters completing the missions. To make players really think they are having an input into the game, lights flash and the controller vibrates.
These games should exploit a previously untapped niche in the market, and cater for the gaming needs of all the total idiots around today. They're still too advanced for the techno-illiterate oldies of yesteryear, but just perfect for Joe Bloggs next door who still uses tip-ex on his computer monitor.
The future's bright. The future's simpleton.
Page: