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I think it was a year ago that I met this wonderful girl, she was special, we were very much alike and got on well. After a week into the relationship, she finally told me she had a 6 year old son. I was completely shocked, I didn't know what to do and I'd never pictured myself with a single mother before. So I was confused, I would love to say I'm such a great guy that I just shrugged it off and the idea that she had a son didn't bother me. But it did, atleast a little.
To go out with her I would not only have to be a boyfriend but a substitute father as well. I do love kids but to become a father of a boy half way to being a teen seemed a lot. Having met him I soon warmed to him and already he wanted to call me his dad. The idea of being with a single parent didn't bother me at all infact it probably helped our relationship.
Unfortunately it wasn't to be and we eventually broke up. It was hard for him to have a father like figure in his life and then to suddenly lose it again. I felt terrible, it must be so difficult being a single parent and trying to juggle so many things at once. Relationships are hard enough but to be a mum at the same time really complicates things.
Has anyone else dated a single parent? Would it bother you if he/she had a kid? Or perhaps you're a single parent and you've been through something like this already.
To go out with her I would not only have to be a boyfriend but a substitute father as well. I do love kids but to become a father of a boy half way to being a teen seemed a lot. Having met him I soon warmed to him and already he wanted to call me his dad. The idea of being with a single parent didn't bother me at all infact it probably helped our relationship.
Unfortunately it wasn't to be and we eventually broke up. It was hard for him to have a father like figure in his life and then to suddenly lose it again. I felt terrible, it must be so difficult being a single parent and trying to juggle so many things at once. Relationships are hard enough but to be a mum at the same time really complicates things.
Has anyone else dated a single parent? Would it bother you if he/she had a kid? Or perhaps you're a single parent and you've been through something like this already.
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pb wrote:
> If you love someone enough then you'll cope with all that comes
> with them as well, kids included.
I agree with that. I think if you love someone that much then you'll be able to deal with most things.
The problem comes before you love them though. If you've just met someone, would you have that much faith in a new relationship you're not bonded to, to deal with such big issues, or would you just take the easier option of walking away? I cant blame anyone who takes the latter.
> If you love someone enough then you'll cope with all that comes
> with them as well, kids included.
I agree with that. I think if you love someone that much then you'll be able to deal with most things.
The problem comes before you love them though. If you've just met someone, would you have that much faith in a new relationship you're not bonded to, to deal with such big issues, or would you just take the easier option of walking away? I cant blame anyone who takes the latter.
yes and yes it bothered me. i don`t want kids, i don`t like them, and although i didn`thave to deal with them much, they would always be a concern one way or another.
I wouldn't have a problem with it myself and although I've never experienced it first hand I know a few people who have and one of them is 6 years happily married and 1 other is in a long term relationship.
The others failing weren't really to do with kids (in fact the one whose married couldn't believe how lucky he was to have a "ready made" family) it was just because the two of them weren't really compatible and fizzled out like many relationships do.
The others failing weren't really to do with kids (in fact the one whose married couldn't believe how lucky he was to have a "ready made" family) it was just because the two of them weren't really compatible and fizzled out like many relationships do.
I wouldn't have a problem with it, to be honest. But then I love kids, which helps.
If you love someone enough then you'll cope with all that comes with them as well, kids included.
If you love someone enough then you'll cope with all that comes with them as well, kids included.
Borat §agdiyev wrote:
> In a lot of cases they still have their ex in their life, and I >would find it so difficult to take my mind off the fact that these >two people were very, very much in love at one time or another.
Aye this is true, but how you have to see it is they WERE ONCE very much in love. Its in the past, the future then just been how good a parent they can still be to their child/children. Take T&T's dad, yeah i was very much in love with him and our relationship lasted 7 years and ill always care for him, but he is only now the father to my children. We get along and thats the way i want it to stay for the sake of the kids. There was a time when we split where all we did was argue when we saw each other but we gained nothing from it and just started getting along again. 7 year relationship and 2 kids, i couldnt really hate him if i tried. I hate what he did to me but thats about it!
> Can't help feeling, right or wrong, that there will always be
> some feelings there deep down ...
Ill always have feelings for him, but nothing like i use to have for him.
> Jealousy is the worst emotion there is and will easily destroy
> relationships in no time, and it can make people very bitter
> indeed.
I was once more back when i was school/college age where i would get very jelous. But as i got older i just started to grow out of it if you like. Today i just think its stupid to be jelous. You gain nothing by been the jelous type and it gets you know where.
> In a lot of cases they still have their ex in their life, and I >would find it so difficult to take my mind off the fact that these >two people were very, very much in love at one time or another.
Aye this is true, but how you have to see it is they WERE ONCE very much in love. Its in the past, the future then just been how good a parent they can still be to their child/children. Take T&T's dad, yeah i was very much in love with him and our relationship lasted 7 years and ill always care for him, but he is only now the father to my children. We get along and thats the way i want it to stay for the sake of the kids. There was a time when we split where all we did was argue when we saw each other but we gained nothing from it and just started getting along again. 7 year relationship and 2 kids, i couldnt really hate him if i tried. I hate what he did to me but thats about it!
> Can't help feeling, right or wrong, that there will always be
> some feelings there deep down ...
Ill always have feelings for him, but nothing like i use to have for him.
> Jealousy is the worst emotion there is and will easily destroy
> relationships in no time, and it can make people very bitter
> indeed.
I was once more back when i was school/college age where i would get very jelous. But as i got older i just started to grow out of it if you like. Today i just think its stupid to be jelous. You gain nothing by been the jelous type and it gets you know where.
I'm a single mother and when I meet people I'm straight up about who I am and the fact that I'm divorced and have three children. I can imagine how learning of there being a child in the picture a week into developing fondness for a person can be a bit of a disheartening shock. That's just shady and selfish to drop the ball in your court that way and have you conflicted with your conscience. That must have sarked, but I commend you, Machie, for keeping an open mind and heart. Most guys would have bailed right-quick in that circumstance.
As a single parent it's been a challenge to find the time to date, then synchronizing schedules, child care, yadda yadda.. but hey, I play the cards I've been dealt and try my hardest to do it with everyone's best interests at heart. Needless to say, I've encountered less than honorable guys. They never got the pleasure of meeting my kids.
I don't bring my children into the equation until I know that it's a definite long-term relationship and even then, he's only perceived as a friend to my children, not a daddy figure. I try to keep the roles identified to eliminate any expectations or pressures to conform to being something perhaps no one is ready for.
I find that its a lot more enjoyable just going with the "friendship" flow and not botching anything from the beginning by being secretive, especially with what should be the most important thing in your life as a parent in general, your children.
edit: just wanted to throw in here that for single parents, it's not really dating, it's more like interviewing. heh
As a single parent it's been a challenge to find the time to date, then synchronizing schedules, child care, yadda yadda.. but hey, I play the cards I've been dealt and try my hardest to do it with everyone's best interests at heart. Needless to say, I've encountered less than honorable guys. They never got the pleasure of meeting my kids.
I don't bring my children into the equation until I know that it's a definite long-term relationship and even then, he's only perceived as a friend to my children, not a daddy figure. I try to keep the roles identified to eliminate any expectations or pressures to conform to being something perhaps no one is ready for.
I find that its a lot more enjoyable just going with the "friendship" flow and not botching anything from the beginning by being secretive, especially with what should be the most important thing in your life as a parent in general, your children.
edit: just wanted to throw in here that for single parents, it's not really dating, it's more like interviewing. heh
I could make a killing out of the divorce settlement. Assuming I got in first before the other four and nabbed all the cash before they got their mits on it! ;-)
Careful, you'll be at the wedding ceremony before you know what hit you.
It's hard to turn down an offer once you're at the alter, even if you would be his fifth.
It's hard to turn down an offer once you're at the alter, even if you would be his fifth.
Machie wrote:
I dont think we have
> any females around to answer that :(
I've got long girlish locks if that helps...?
I dont think we have
> any females around to answer that :(
I've got long girlish locks if that helps...?
Really? more Japanese and Chinese wives for me then I guess :)
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