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"Just so you know..."

"Crossroads".
Not the really cool Walter Hill movie with Ralph Machio about blues guitarists, no, that movie was excellent.

This Crossroads is the title of Britney Spears' new movie.
And, just so you know, I will find your house and come visit if you so much as set foot in the cinema to see this.

She cannot sing.
She lip-synchs to everything. She is not sexy, unless the idea of a robot-from-the-future with a bomb in her ribcage and shark-eyes is attractive to you.
She is vacous, a danger to your children and has no concept of irony.
"I'm a virgin, I don't believe in exploiting sex to sell records"
Excuse me? What the hell is dancing around in a school uniform singing "Hit me baby one more time"?
It's appealing to sado-masochistic sexual fantasy is what it is.
Who fell for that?
Who actually thought that song was good and she was hot?
You got played by marketing demons, get over it.

This floater movie should, in a world of justice, bomb.
But it won't, because little girls will go watch it and smile as the android tries to not walk into furniture.
This.
Movie.
Will.
Suck.

IF you are a man and you watch this, you are creepy and have sweaty palms.

IF you are a woman and you watch this, you are secretly a bimbo-wannabe with no sense of self-identity and you will never find a man, except for a hairy welder that will beat you because "he loves you"

IF you are a kid and you watch this, then you're stupid and you have a future working in garages being forced to listen to the pap through the piped-radio stations they have there.

I have seen with horror and dread the end of the world, it is called "Crossroads".
Go watch a porno movie over the net, at least they don't try and make records.

I just read on MSN that Britny has a topless scene in the movie, but it was cut before release. What are they, stupid? that scene alown would have filled the cinema with teenage boys and dirty old men.

So now its just another chick flick

Someone needs to save Dan Aykroyd.

I basically said the same thing as this topic to friends in school.

"What? Are you gay or something?" Came the reply.

Nice.

Maybe Kevin Smith can save us.

I am going into the hills where I shall live underground for 20 years.
Whilst I am in there, Bush will pull off his mask and reveal his true self whilst annihilating all of The Middle East, and Spears will stand beside him whispering things into his fundamentalist Christian brain egging him on.

She will join the UN as an envoy, currency is uniting worldwide and we are becoming the 3rd Mall from The Sun.

Save yourself while you can, for demons are among us and they wear the cloak of power and influence.

Perhaps two of us could embark on a quest to walk through a Pepsi factory door and thus end all enternity?

I refuse to go to the cinema when it's on. I even refuse to go and see another film in that cinema while it's on.

This is worse than Spiceworld.

She is The Anti-Christ.

The Devil hasn't returned as Marylin Manson, that is too obvious.
No, he has returned in a disguise far more dangerous and insidious.
He has taken the shape of a 19yr old pretend-singing dancing bear that men think "is hot" and girls want to be.

Never mind Judas Priest and Death Metal, that audience is limited.
But turn on eMpTyV and you will find the Morningstar, parading around and trying to sell your products.

It is said that you will know the beast, for it has a number. A human number and the mark.
If you were to lift her hair, you would find the mark of Pepsi on her neck.

Our time is limited on this planet, she is in control

As unbelievable and tragic as it may sound, yes she does Stryke.

As if she hadn't done enough damage to the world already, she is going to cause more untold misery to millions of parents whose little kids wanna see the movie.

Never fear, with any luck she will be along side Mr Milosovic for crimes against humanity in the near future.

*no, morons, not the Ex Aston Villa striker; more things happen in the world than computers and football *

This is one big joke, isn't it? She cannot have her own movie....Can she?

Aw, it sounds so sweet.
I hope I can buy the soundtrack with exclusive Britney tracks on it!

And, wow, I hope there is a promotional advert from Pepsi to tie-in with the release and maybe, just maybe, she could appear on a chat-show with Frank Skinner to drum up support for this evil,evil thing.

Hey look, she mocks herself! She's ok after all!
Moo Moo
She's aware of her image and plays up to it! I like her now!
Moo Moo

To quote Bill Hicks:
"How far up your as(h) do their di(p)s gotta be before you realise they're fu(nn)ing you?"

Moo Moo "Look at Britney act!" Moo Moo