The "General Games Chat" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
I sit here tapping out words on my keyboard which has served my loyally for 4 years. In these four years I have noticed many things about the keyboard and found it to be exceedingly useless. My findings continue below:-
The keyboard is presented as a masterful tool that allows the user to achieve anything, it is a lie.
1- The “home” key.
If the keyboard was half as useful as it was supposed to be, the keyboard could be taken to the pub on a Saturday night and when you emerge at 1am, the home key could be pressed and you could re-appear outside your house door. This would be truly useful!
The home key doesn’t even work for me on the Internet. When I am gawping at the latest bikini shots of Kelly Brook and my 65 year old auntie walks in, I expect to be able to tap home and see the ‘old faithful’ Freeserve homepage, instead nothing happens.
The uselessness rating of the home key is 9/10
2- The ‘insert’ key.
As you would assume, this key doesn’t let the user insert anything. You would think that buying the keyboard would save you buying a scanner as you could ‘insert’ your own pictures via the keyboard, not the case though. This is false advertising at its most volatile!
As if this wasn’t enough, you can’t use the insert key in basic programmes such as Word or MS paint! You have to use your precious energy to click on the task bar whilst the insert key glares mockingly back at you.
Uselessness rating is 7/10
3- The ‘power’ button.
I don’t mean the ‘On/off’ button, I have one up near the caps lock light. I just pressed it to see if I could criticise it and it closed my msn messenger down! The key didn’t turn the power off to the keyboard, which you would expect. It made my friend call me a ‘useless d**e’ for suddenly disappearing offline. The button has no use whatsoever and I am going to prise it off with a biro in a minute.
Uselessness rating is 10/10
4 – The ‘escape’ key.
Some of you may argue, “But it is used to quit programmes”, well perhaps so, but “Alt + F4” can be used in its place. It doesn’t seem to work on modern software packages either and instead of reaching over to press the key you can quite as easily click the little [x] in the top corner.
Again I am going to whine about false advertising with the Esc key. If you get into a brawl with a gang of sweaty bikers with knuckle dusters and crowbars, you should be able to pull out a keyboard and tap [Esc] and disappear. This could also provide useful in family reunions or when you are caught in a compromising situation with your mates sister in a hot tub, there goes my secret!
Uselessness rating is 7/10
5 – The ‘Control’ key.
As you would expect, this would allow you to control things, preferably the world but lets not be fussy. You buy a computer that cost at least £900, of course you expect to be able to control it, but you expect something else. Perhaps a dropdown menu that allowed you to bomb different areas of Russia or Kazakhstan, a pop up that asked if you wanted to deploy nuclear missiles or just a little message asking if you wanted to start a riot. This is the control that should be given with a keyboard, heck it doesn’t even have to be real, it could be a game to catch up the stupid people and the power crazed maniacs.
Uselessness rating is 6/10
Hope you Enjoyed
-kyz²²-
The keyboard is presented as a masterful tool that allows the user to achieve anything, it is a lie.
1- The “home” key.
If the keyboard was half as useful as it was supposed to be, the keyboard could be taken to the pub on a Saturday night and when you emerge at 1am, the home key could be pressed and you could re-appear outside your house door. This would be truly useful!
The home key doesn’t even work for me on the Internet. When I am gawping at the latest bikini shots of Kelly Brook and my 65 year old auntie walks in, I expect to be able to tap home and see the ‘old faithful’ Freeserve homepage, instead nothing happens.
The uselessness rating of the home key is 9/10
2- The ‘insert’ key.
As you would assume, this key doesn’t let the user insert anything. You would think that buying the keyboard would save you buying a scanner as you could ‘insert’ your own pictures via the keyboard, not the case though. This is false advertising at its most volatile!
As if this wasn’t enough, you can’t use the insert key in basic programmes such as Word or MS paint! You have to use your precious energy to click on the task bar whilst the insert key glares mockingly back at you.
Uselessness rating is 7/10
3- The ‘power’ button.
I don’t mean the ‘On/off’ button, I have one up near the caps lock light. I just pressed it to see if I could criticise it and it closed my msn messenger down! The key didn’t turn the power off to the keyboard, which you would expect. It made my friend call me a ‘useless d**e’ for suddenly disappearing offline. The button has no use whatsoever and I am going to prise it off with a biro in a minute.
Uselessness rating is 10/10
4 – The ‘escape’ key.
Some of you may argue, “But it is used to quit programmes”, well perhaps so, but “Alt + F4” can be used in its place. It doesn’t seem to work on modern software packages either and instead of reaching over to press the key you can quite as easily click the little [x] in the top corner.
Again I am going to whine about false advertising with the Esc key. If you get into a brawl with a gang of sweaty bikers with knuckle dusters and crowbars, you should be able to pull out a keyboard and tap [Esc] and disappear. This could also provide useful in family reunions or when you are caught in a compromising situation with your mates sister in a hot tub, there goes my secret!
Uselessness rating is 7/10
5 – The ‘Control’ key.
As you would expect, this would allow you to control things, preferably the world but lets not be fussy. You buy a computer that cost at least £900, of course you expect to be able to control it, but you expect something else. Perhaps a dropdown menu that allowed you to bomb different areas of Russia or Kazakhstan, a pop up that asked if you wanted to deploy nuclear missiles or just a little message asking if you wanted to start a riot. This is the control that should be given with a keyboard, heck it doesn’t even have to be real, it could be a game to catch up the stupid people and the power crazed maniacs.
Uselessness rating is 6/10
Hope you Enjoyed
-kyz²²-
Page:
Ever seen those 'extra' keys you can get in Tesco? Panic and suchforth.
I'd like extra Shifty keys for raised eyebrow situations, scroll lock should lock away important early documents and sysrq should tell you exactly what your sister is after. Numlock would either be useful to wrestlers or if you had toothache....
The list goes on (so I won't)
I'd like extra Shifty keys for raised eyebrow situations, scroll lock should lock away important early documents and sysrq should tell you exactly what your sister is after. Numlock would either be useful to wrestlers or if you had toothache....
The list goes on (so I won't)
Maverick42 wrote:
> Anyone know what the 'End' key does?
>
> I'll try it..
>
> ...
>
> No apparant change..
---
For me, it moves you down to the bottom of the page.
> Anyone know what the 'End' key does?
>
> I'll try it..
>
> ...
>
> No apparant change..
---
For me, it moves you down to the bottom of the page.
The any key, what's the any key, where's the any key.
It was bound to happen.
Spam Spam Spam.
Spam 41.
It was bound to happen.
Spam Spam Spam.
Spam 41.
Anyone know what the 'End' key does?
I'll try it..
...
No apparant change..
I'll try it..
...
No apparant change..
Heh. That was a good read :).
Original, too.
Original, too.
The main problem with these 'key boards' is that they are incrediblt leftist. It requires numerous hours of rearranging and changing for me to to play Mafia at gerrds house.
I have 2 shift keys, 2 control keys, and 2 start keys. Why? What is the bloody point?
Kyz22 wrote:
> 3- The ‘power’ button.
>
> I don’t mean the ‘On/off’ button, I have one up near the caps lock
> light. I just pressed it to see if I could criticise it and it closed
> my msn messenger down! The key didn’t turn the power off to the
> keyboard, which you would expect. It made my friend call me a ‘useless
> d**e’ for suddenly disappearing offline. The button has no use
> whatsoever and I am going to prise it off with a biro in a minute.
>
> Uselessness rating is 10/10
---
Heh.
I don't have that button - probably because I've got this weird infa red keyboard, whcih I can use from other rooms. "OOOOOOH."
I wish I did have that button though, because I'd have so much fun constantly closing down windows. I have a fun life.
Anyway, good stuff - enjoyed, and very much so indeed. :-D
> 3- The ‘power’ button.
>
> I don’t mean the ‘On/off’ button, I have one up near the caps lock
> light. I just pressed it to see if I could criticise it and it closed
> my msn messenger down! The key didn’t turn the power off to the
> keyboard, which you would expect. It made my friend call me a ‘useless
> d**e’ for suddenly disappearing offline. The button has no use
> whatsoever and I am going to prise it off with a biro in a minute.
>
> Uselessness rating is 10/10
---
Heh.
I don't have that button - probably because I've got this weird infa red keyboard, whcih I can use from other rooms. "OOOOOOH."
I wish I did have that button though, because I'd have so much fun constantly closing down windows. I have a fun life.
Anyway, good stuff - enjoyed, and very much so indeed. :-D
Usefulness rating 4/10
I sit here tapping out words on my keyboard which has served my loyally for 4 years. In these four years I have noticed many things about the keyboard and found it to be exceedingly useless. My findings continue below:-
The keyboard is presented as a masterful tool that allows the user to achieve anything, it is a lie.
1- The “home” key.
If the keyboard was half as useful as it was supposed to be, the keyboard could be taken to the pub on a Saturday night and when you emerge at 1am, the home key could be pressed and you could re-appear outside your house door. This would be truly useful!
The home key doesn’t even work for me on the Internet. When I am gawping at the latest bikini shots of Kelly Brook and my 65 year old auntie walks in, I expect to be able to tap home and see the ‘old faithful’ Freeserve homepage, instead nothing happens.
The uselessness rating of the home key is 9/10
2- The ‘insert’ key.
As you would assume, this key doesn’t let the user insert anything. You would think that buying the keyboard would save you buying a scanner as you could ‘insert’ your own pictures via the keyboard, not the case though. This is false advertising at its most volatile!
As if this wasn’t enough, you can’t use the insert key in basic programmes such as Word or MS paint! You have to use your precious energy to click on the task bar whilst the insert key glares mockingly back at you.
Uselessness rating is 7/10
3- The ‘power’ button.
I don’t mean the ‘On/off’ button, I have one up near the caps lock light. I just pressed it to see if I could criticise it and it closed my msn messenger down! The key didn’t turn the power off to the keyboard, which you would expect. It made my friend call me a ‘useless d**e’ for suddenly disappearing offline. The button has no use whatsoever and I am going to prise it off with a biro in a minute.
Uselessness rating is 10/10
4 – The ‘escape’ key.
Some of you may argue, “But it is used to quit programmes”, well perhaps so, but “Alt + F4” can be used in its place. It doesn’t seem to work on modern software packages either and instead of reaching over to press the key you can quite as easily click the little [x] in the top corner.
Again I am going to whine about false advertising with the Esc key. If you get into a brawl with a gang of sweaty bikers with knuckle dusters and crowbars, you should be able to pull out a keyboard and tap [Esc] and disappear. This could also provide useful in family reunions or when you are caught in a compromising situation with your mates sister in a hot tub, there goes my secret!
Uselessness rating is 7/10
5 – The ‘Control’ key.
As you would expect, this would allow you to control things, preferably the world but lets not be fussy. You buy a computer that cost at least £900, of course you expect to be able to control it, but you expect something else. Perhaps a dropdown menu that allowed you to bomb different areas of Russia or Kazakhstan, a pop up that asked if you wanted to deploy nuclear missiles or just a little message asking if you wanted to start a riot. This is the control that should be given with a keyboard, heck it doesn’t even have to be real, it could be a game to catch up the stupid people and the power crazed maniacs.
Uselessness rating is 6/10
Hope you Enjoyed
-kyz²²-
The keyboard is presented as a masterful tool that allows the user to achieve anything, it is a lie.
1- The “home” key.
If the keyboard was half as useful as it was supposed to be, the keyboard could be taken to the pub on a Saturday night and when you emerge at 1am, the home key could be pressed and you could re-appear outside your house door. This would be truly useful!
The home key doesn’t even work for me on the Internet. When I am gawping at the latest bikini shots of Kelly Brook and my 65 year old auntie walks in, I expect to be able to tap home and see the ‘old faithful’ Freeserve homepage, instead nothing happens.
The uselessness rating of the home key is 9/10
2- The ‘insert’ key.
As you would assume, this key doesn’t let the user insert anything. You would think that buying the keyboard would save you buying a scanner as you could ‘insert’ your own pictures via the keyboard, not the case though. This is false advertising at its most volatile!
As if this wasn’t enough, you can’t use the insert key in basic programmes such as Word or MS paint! You have to use your precious energy to click on the task bar whilst the insert key glares mockingly back at you.
Uselessness rating is 7/10
3- The ‘power’ button.
I don’t mean the ‘On/off’ button, I have one up near the caps lock light. I just pressed it to see if I could criticise it and it closed my msn messenger down! The key didn’t turn the power off to the keyboard, which you would expect. It made my friend call me a ‘useless d**e’ for suddenly disappearing offline. The button has no use whatsoever and I am going to prise it off with a biro in a minute.
Uselessness rating is 10/10
4 – The ‘escape’ key.
Some of you may argue, “But it is used to quit programmes”, well perhaps so, but “Alt + F4” can be used in its place. It doesn’t seem to work on modern software packages either and instead of reaching over to press the key you can quite as easily click the little [x] in the top corner.
Again I am going to whine about false advertising with the Esc key. If you get into a brawl with a gang of sweaty bikers with knuckle dusters and crowbars, you should be able to pull out a keyboard and tap [Esc] and disappear. This could also provide useful in family reunions or when you are caught in a compromising situation with your mates sister in a hot tub, there goes my secret!
Uselessness rating is 7/10
5 – The ‘Control’ key.
As you would expect, this would allow you to control things, preferably the world but lets not be fussy. You buy a computer that cost at least £900, of course you expect to be able to control it, but you expect something else. Perhaps a dropdown menu that allowed you to bomb different areas of Russia or Kazakhstan, a pop up that asked if you wanted to deploy nuclear missiles or just a little message asking if you wanted to start a riot. This is the control that should be given with a keyboard, heck it doesn’t even have to be real, it could be a game to catch up the stupid people and the power crazed maniacs.
Uselessness rating is 6/10
Hope you Enjoyed
-kyz²²-
Page: