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I sit here tapping out words on my keyboard which has served my loyally for 4 years. In these four years I have noticed many things about the keyboard and found it to be exceedingly useless. My findings continue below:-
The keyboard is presented as a masterful tool that allows the user to achieve anything, it is a lie.
1- The “home” key.
If the keyboard was half as useful as it was supposed to be, the keyboard could be taken to the pub on a Saturday night and when you emerge at 1am, the home key could be pressed and you could re-appear outside your house door. This would be truly useful!
The home key doesn’t even work for me on the Internet. When I am gawping at the latest bikini shots of Kelly Brook and my 65 year old auntie walks in, I expect to be able to tap home and see the ‘old faithful’ Freeserve homepage, instead nothing happens.
The uselessness rating of the home key is 9/10
2- The ‘insert’ key.
As you would assume, this key doesn’t let the user insert anything. You would think that buying the keyboard would save you buying a scanner as you could ‘insert’ your own pictures via the keyboard, not the case though. This is false advertising at its most volatile!
As if this wasn’t enough, you can’t use the insert key in basic programmes such as Word or MS paint! You have to use your precious energy to click on the task bar whilst the insert key glares mockingly back at you.
Uselessness rating is 7/10
3- The ‘power’ button.
I don’t mean the ‘On/off’ button, I have one up near the caps lock light. I just pressed it to see if I could criticise it and it closed my msn messenger down! The key didn’t turn the power off to the keyboard, which you would expect. It made my friend call me a ‘useless d**e’ for suddenly disappearing offline. The button has no use whatsoever and I am going to prise it off with a biro in a minute.
Uselessness rating is 10/10
4 – The ‘escape’ key.
Some of you may argue, “But it is used to quit programmes”, well perhaps so, but “Alt + F4” can be used in its place. It doesn’t seem to work on modern software packages either and instead of reaching over to press the key you can quite as easily click the little [x] in the top corner.
Again I am going to whine about false advertising with the Esc key. If you get into a brawl with a gang of sweaty bikers with knuckle dusters and crowbars, you should be able to pull out a keyboard and tap [Esc] and disappear. This could also provide useful in family reunions or when you are caught in a compromising situation with your mates sister in a hot tub, there goes my secret!
Uselessness rating is 7/10
5 – The ‘Control’ key.
As you would expect, this would allow you to control things, preferably the world but lets not be fussy. You buy a computer that cost at least £900, of course you expect to be able to control it, but you expect something else. Perhaps a dropdown menu that allowed you to bomb different areas of Russia or Kazakhstan, a pop up that asked if you wanted to deploy nuclear missiles or just a little message asking if you wanted to start a riot. This is the control that should be given with a keyboard, heck it doesn’t even have to be real, it could be a game to catch up the stupid people and the power crazed maniacs.
Uselessness rating is 6/10
Hope you Enjoyed
-kyz²²-
The keyboard is presented as a masterful tool that allows the user to achieve anything, it is a lie.
1- The “home” key.
If the keyboard was half as useful as it was supposed to be, the keyboard could be taken to the pub on a Saturday night and when you emerge at 1am, the home key could be pressed and you could re-appear outside your house door. This would be truly useful!
The home key doesn’t even work for me on the Internet. When I am gawping at the latest bikini shots of Kelly Brook and my 65 year old auntie walks in, I expect to be able to tap home and see the ‘old faithful’ Freeserve homepage, instead nothing happens.
The uselessness rating of the home key is 9/10
2- The ‘insert’ key.
As you would assume, this key doesn’t let the user insert anything. You would think that buying the keyboard would save you buying a scanner as you could ‘insert’ your own pictures via the keyboard, not the case though. This is false advertising at its most volatile!
As if this wasn’t enough, you can’t use the insert key in basic programmes such as Word or MS paint! You have to use your precious energy to click on the task bar whilst the insert key glares mockingly back at you.
Uselessness rating is 7/10
3- The ‘power’ button.
I don’t mean the ‘On/off’ button, I have one up near the caps lock light. I just pressed it to see if I could criticise it and it closed my msn messenger down! The key didn’t turn the power off to the keyboard, which you would expect. It made my friend call me a ‘useless d**e’ for suddenly disappearing offline. The button has no use whatsoever and I am going to prise it off with a biro in a minute.
Uselessness rating is 10/10
4 – The ‘escape’ key.
Some of you may argue, “But it is used to quit programmes”, well perhaps so, but “Alt + F4” can be used in its place. It doesn’t seem to work on modern software packages either and instead of reaching over to press the key you can quite as easily click the little [x] in the top corner.
Again I am going to whine about false advertising with the Esc key. If you get into a brawl with a gang of sweaty bikers with knuckle dusters and crowbars, you should be able to pull out a keyboard and tap [Esc] and disappear. This could also provide useful in family reunions or when you are caught in a compromising situation with your mates sister in a hot tub, there goes my secret!
Uselessness rating is 7/10
5 – The ‘Control’ key.
As you would expect, this would allow you to control things, preferably the world but lets not be fussy. You buy a computer that cost at least £900, of course you expect to be able to control it, but you expect something else. Perhaps a dropdown menu that allowed you to bomb different areas of Russia or Kazakhstan, a pop up that asked if you wanted to deploy nuclear missiles or just a little message asking if you wanted to start a riot. This is the control that should be given with a keyboard, heck it doesn’t even have to be real, it could be a game to catch up the stupid people and the power crazed maniacs.
Uselessness rating is 6/10
Hope you Enjoyed
-kyz²²-
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Weird wonder wrote:
> ... the ctrl key not useful...... ??????? Are you a weirdo.. (no
> offence intended) the ctrl key is the button for lazy people... i.e
> ctrl+s is save in most documents... ctrl+c is copy and ctrl+v is
> paste... The lazy key... remember that
So I gave it a uselessness rating of 6/10 - making it 40% still usefull
:-)
> ... the ctrl key not useful...... ??????? Are you a weirdo.. (no
> offence intended) the ctrl key is the button for lazy people... i.e
> ctrl+s is save in most documents... ctrl+c is copy and ctrl+v is
> paste... The lazy key... remember that
So I gave it a uselessness rating of 6/10 - making it 40% still usefull
:-)
... the ctrl key not useful...... ??????? Are you a weirdo.. (no offence intended) the ctrl key is the button for lazy people... i.e ctrl+s is save in most documents... ctrl+c is copy and ctrl+v is paste... The lazy key... remember that
Fun though, unless the arson dept. get you, which they almost certainly will.
A good idea, no doubt a dangerous one too.
Judah Ben-Hur wrote:
> Can you make the power button casually explode your PC?
> My win95 166mhz pc certainley doesn't have this function.
Quite easily, replace the electronics underneath the button with a lighter and some fuse wire which leads to an oil drum containing your tower system, speakers, printer, monitor and 16 litres of kerosene.
Tun on the computer and hit power. Kaboom.
> Can you make the power button casually explode your PC?
> My win95 166mhz pc certainley doesn't have this function.
Quite easily, replace the electronics underneath the button with a lighter and some fuse wire which leads to an oil drum containing your tower system, speakers, printer, monitor and 16 litres of kerosene.
Tun on the computer and hit power. Kaboom.
Can you make the power button casually explode your PC?
My win95 166mhz pc certainley doesn't have this function.
My win95 166mhz pc certainley doesn't have this function.
½pint wrote:
> And if you go to power settings you can choose what the power button does.
Does it have a setting to wire it up to a power station? The whole speech thing was looking promising on the Mac, but it still has its faults, so I guess we're stuck with keyboards for now.
Just reminds me of Star Trek IV...
> And if you go to power settings you can choose what the power button does.
Does it have a setting to wire it up to a power station? The whole speech thing was looking promising on the Mac, but it still has its faults, so I guess we're stuck with keyboards for now.
Just reminds me of Star Trek IV...
If you have a decent keyboard, you can remap said keys by going to the control panel then keyboard settings. I have a cool Microsoft multimedia keyboard with which I control media player. And if you go to power settings you can choose what the power button does.
There should be a REALLY BIG button called MOOTEWAH! which simply freezes and exits everything which is going on on the screen at any given moment and replaces it with your science coursework. This would be especially useful for 'specialist websites'. You know, the kind Tony looks at all the time in his office with the box of kleenex.
AfroJoe wrote:
> Maverick42 wrote:
> Anyone know what the 'End' key does?
>
> I'll try it..
>
> ...
>
> No apparant change..
>
> ---
>
> For me, it moves you down to the bottom of the page.
Me too, hence me not rubbishing it.
> Maverick42 wrote:
> Anyone know what the 'End' key does?
>
> I'll try it..
>
> ...
>
> No apparant change..
>
> ---
>
> For me, it moves you down to the bottom of the page.
Me too, hence me not rubbishing it.
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