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"Football"

Ouch, that says it all really; I am in a lot of pain right now.

I just finished a game of 5-a-side football at school, but there just so happened to be 6 in each team, strange. I was playing like the soccer dynamo I am but then was harshly kicked in the ankle by a clumsy retard who doesn't understand the concept of tackling. I promptly punched him in the face (Call it natural instinct or psychotic behaviour) and was red carded. I begrudgingly went off and got a little pleasure when I saw the guys nose bleeding from my punch.

Sat on a bench in the cold, sweaty sports hall I sat thinking, "This wouldn't happen in a computer football game, would it?"

In the thirty-something minutes I sat there I came up with a few original concepts you may appreciate. Whether it is Fifa or Pro evolution that you play for your footballing kicks (Great pun, eh!) imagine these 'additional extras' in the game to spice it up a little bit.

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Psycho mode - If your selected player is frustrated because the team are 3 goals behind, or because the other teams cente forward has been 'visiting' his wife, he should be able to switch to psycho mode. There could be an on-screen psycho meter which goes up when the other team scores, when a team mate is fouled or when the referee makes an unjust decision. Once the meter is full you player could unleash his rage on the other team. This could include simple vicious tackling ranging to punches, heatbutts and taking off the boot and clouting them over the head with it. You should also be able to attack the crowd Eric Cantona style (A.K.A dropkick in the face).

Psycho mode would not only take out your in-game aggression, but could solve personal vendettas against teams you truly dislike in the league.

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Cheating mode – You have seen the Brazilians and the Argentineans do it against England, now its your turn. You can hit the ball with any flailing body part and confuse the other team. As in most international clashes, the referee will have been bribed by your manager to turn a blind eye to your cheating ways. You can goal hang as much as you wish because despite the other teams complaints, the referee will enact the “I don’t understand English” technique. You can re-enact your favourite cheating moments with specials such as the ‘Hand of God’. You can out-cheat your team to victory, or can you?

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Faking it – If you watch any Italian, Argentinean, Tottenham Hotspurs game, you will notice the amount of dives is phenomenal! You could have such options as “fall over and cry”, “clasp face and scream” and “play dead” at your disposal. You can throw yourself over in the box to claim a penalty, or when you find yourself in a tricky situation you just need to collapse to the floor to win a free kick. The referees will be home grown Brazilians who blow the whistle more often then Jordan has had surgery. But it doesn’t have to stop there; you could progress to the level of the Argentineans themselves. You could throw yourself over when the ball is at the other side of the pitch, and the cheating 3rd official would wave his arms manically to give you a free kick. You could also copycat such cheating idiots as Rivaldo (Worldcup ’02), Crespo (Champions league ’02) or the Tottenham squad (Each and every game).
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I would have probably though up some more, but the bell went and I hobbled home on my badly bruised ankle.

Hope you liked reading this.

-kyz²²-

Its you... but im not that sort of person ;)
People would react like you or like me.

§n][pe® wrote:
> hmm i would call ur reaction bad tempered.. but look at vieira he has
> got over it. But i would never do that let the football talk.

- -

Its a vendetta you don't understand. The guy is the cockies son of a... in the school. He is rich, spoilt and big headed and thinks everyone else is a nothing compared to him. He tried to fight be before but ran away to a teacher to get me suspended, He then thinks he can get away with kicking me on purpose, no. If you was me you would understand mate.

hmm i would call ur reaction bad tempered.. but look at vieira he has got over it. But i would never do that let the football talk.

Indeed, getting sent off right at the end of a game. Fool.

Still a good player though.

Bonafide wrote:
> James Beattie is a good goalscorer as you mentioned, but he is a bit
> of a prat.
>
> I mean come on, lashing out like a little baby against Tottenham in
> the FA Cup, that's just wrong.
>
> Him and Alan Smith are a bit alike - total gimps

James Beattie is a good goalscorer as you mentioned, but he is a bit of a prat.

I mean come on, lashing out like a little baby against Tottenham in the FA Cup, that's just wrong.

Him and Alan Smith are a bit alike - hot tempered

Foreman wrote:
> Kyz22 wrote:
>
> James Beattie = prat
>
> Good goalscorer, who is doing better than expected. I reckon he will
> play for Newcastle in a few years time.

Newcastle, surely a demotion? :-P

Kyz22 wrote:

> James Beattie = prat

Good goalscorer, who is doing better than expected. I reckon he will play for Newcastle in a few years time.

Bonafide wrote:
> If anyone grabs hold of your shirt just give them the old niple
> twist.
>
> Works every time.

Or the accidently run of the opposite direction... they fall flat on there face!!! :D

§n][pe® wrote:
> No offence but if u really punched someone u dont no sh*t about
> playing football.

And if you look at the moon while drinking a cat you will become rich like a rich arab.