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"Ridding the world of evil"

A Sunday afternoon spent waiting in a computer store for the simian to work the till out.
And me and my mate spent the drive home ranting about how most people shouldn’t be allowed out and we came to the following conclusions:
As a scientist, he will forgo his endless quest for superpowers by mixing chemicals and falling into vats of bubbling stuff and now intends to create a formula that will eliminate stupid people.
You have nothing to fear unless you fall into the following categories:

You migrate to DIY stores for “things for the house” on a Sunday, and spend 20 minutes looking at curtain rods going “ooh nice”

You name your house, despite living on an estate somewhere you still put a plaque up that says “Little Cottage” and insist your mail is addressed just so.

You put neo-classical roman columns outside your semi-detached house with a name

You have stained glass windows, those little round ones with a bird in the middle.

You drive a Fiesta/Uno/Nova and think by removing the name badge, blacking the windows out and having neon on it, you are cool and sexy.

You listen to those in-car CDs that only seem to have buzzing bass and 180bpm drum machines on, and you leave the door open whilst you stand with your chimp mates in a car-park of a fast food restaurant.

You have a squat dangerous dog called “Savage” or “Vinnie Jones” that you let wobble out your estate after dark, then spend 20 mins standing on your doorstep at 11pm shouting it’s name and kicking it when it runs past you with a limb in it’s mouth.

Your idea of eating out is going to a place where they have pictures of the food on the menu and it’s coated in easy-wipe plastic.
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There are more categories, but I forgot them already.

I know you've gone off the point of the original post (I'm pretty sure there was one in there...)

The amount of stupid people is actually Robin Cook's fault. He heard Tony Blair whispering about a devolution policy with Gordon Brown years back, except he thought it was a de-evolution policy aimed at turning us into hordes of mindless labour voters. Anyway, he's launched a government program to strategically dumb down the populace. And it's been more successful than his wildestest expectations. Even the Conservatives have been dumbed-down into electing Iain Duncan-Smith as their leader.

It's also the reason why I have never left PC World without the alarm going off. I mean what is it with those check-out people? They take the time to demagnetise the security strip but every single time you go through the detector it goes off. Why do they bother?

I know.
But a blind refusal to accept reality and instead to dwell in a fantasy-land where I'm great is the only way I can continue to schlep round this pebble until my people come and take me home.

Apart from that, it passes the time at work for us both and gives the crowd something to read.
Car-Crash forum posting almost.

So let us continue our barbed comments and smouldering tippity-tap postings until it's time to go home.
So I shall engage the knotted cord of brain-stem I possess and make you equally furious and chuckling to yourself, shaking your head and wondering just who the hell I think I am:

Lies Women tell Men:

"It's ok, happens to everyone"
"I was out with my mate. One that you've never heard me talk about before. A girl."
"I think I need some space to, y'know..think"
"No, there's nobody else, it's me."

You're not annoyingly charming, just annoying.

It's ok, self-confessed Goatboy obessives are issued with a "Wow, he's annoyingly charming" pendant which renders the formula ineffective.

So yer safe.

If you have blue hair, pierced eyebrows/lips etc and a t-shirt with offensive slogan and then say “What you looking at?”, when it’s blatantly obvious they’re staring at you. Which is why you dressed like that in the first place



B****r, I guess I dont make the grade then. Damn you all to hell, you small minded ignoramuses.

People who overtake you on the motorway, then pull in front of you and slow down. Also, people who sit in the outside lane doing 75 when there's nothing in the middle lane. ROAD RAGE!!!!

People who throw money into fountains or down wells.

My personal favourite: people who ask how much things cost in Poundland.

Further additions to the list of unfortunates that will not make the grade:

If you laugh at cinema ads really loudly despite not laughing at them at home.

If you covered your entire house outside with Christmas lights

If you have blue hair, pierced eyebrows/lips etc and a t-shirt with offensive slogan and then say “What you looking at?”, when it’s blatantly obvious they’re staring at you. Which is why you dressed like that in the first place

If you say “Star Trak”

More categories:

People who go outside for a fag break, then come back in and say "It's freezing outside." Yup, well done Sherlock. It's the beginning of January, and you go outside in just a T-Shirt. You may feel just *slightly* chilly.

All the people who bought tickets for LotR on Friday night, so it sold out and I couldn't go and see it. B******s.

People who shopping with their friend, and spend half an hour wondering just why two trolleys won't go don't that thin gap in the aisle.

Tallulah wrote:
> Yer, NancyBoy is a more fitting moniker, I reckon.
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You have discovered my alter-ego?
Curse you vile woman
*shakes fist in non-threatening manner*

I am Nancyboy!
The ability to decorate in fitting pastel shades!
Able to leap clashing shoe/pant combos in a single bound!
Faster than a secretary dashing to Cafe Nero on her lunchbreak!

Oooerr... I only call him Gay Boot cause it's an anagram of Goatyboy :-D

Best anagram from rastaBillySkank is, A kinky bra stalls. Bloody brilliant :-D