The "General Games Chat" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
A Sunday afternoon spent waiting in a computer store for the simian to work the till out.
And me and my mate spent the drive home ranting about how most people shouldn’t be allowed out and we came to the following conclusions:
As a scientist, he will forgo his endless quest for superpowers by mixing chemicals and falling into vats of bubbling stuff and now intends to create a formula that will eliminate stupid people.
You have nothing to fear unless you fall into the following categories:
You migrate to DIY stores for “things for the house” on a Sunday, and spend 20 minutes looking at curtain rods going “ooh nice”
You name your house, despite living on an estate somewhere you still put a plaque up that says “Little Cottage” and insist your mail is addressed just so.
You put neo-classical roman columns outside your semi-detached house with a name
You have stained glass windows, those little round ones with a bird in the middle.
You drive a Fiesta/Uno/Nova and think by removing the name badge, blacking the windows out and having neon on it, you are cool and sexy.
You listen to those in-car CDs that only seem to have buzzing bass and 180bpm drum machines on, and you leave the door open whilst you stand with your chimp mates in a car-park of a fast food restaurant.
You have a squat dangerous dog called “Savage” or “Vinnie Jones” that you let wobble out your estate after dark, then spend 20 mins standing on your doorstep at 11pm shouting it’s name and kicking it when it runs past you with a limb in it’s mouth.
Your idea of eating out is going to a place where they have pictures of the food on the menu and it’s coated in easy-wipe plastic.
---
There are more categories, but I forgot them already.
And me and my mate spent the drive home ranting about how most people shouldn’t be allowed out and we came to the following conclusions:
As a scientist, he will forgo his endless quest for superpowers by mixing chemicals and falling into vats of bubbling stuff and now intends to create a formula that will eliminate stupid people.
You have nothing to fear unless you fall into the following categories:
You migrate to DIY stores for “things for the house” on a Sunday, and spend 20 minutes looking at curtain rods going “ooh nice”
You name your house, despite living on an estate somewhere you still put a plaque up that says “Little Cottage” and insist your mail is addressed just so.
You put neo-classical roman columns outside your semi-detached house with a name
You have stained glass windows, those little round ones with a bird in the middle.
You drive a Fiesta/Uno/Nova and think by removing the name badge, blacking the windows out and having neon on it, you are cool and sexy.
You listen to those in-car CDs that only seem to have buzzing bass and 180bpm drum machines on, and you leave the door open whilst you stand with your chimp mates in a car-park of a fast food restaurant.
You have a squat dangerous dog called “Savage” or “Vinnie Jones” that you let wobble out your estate after dark, then spend 20 mins standing on your doorstep at 11pm shouting it’s name and kicking it when it runs past you with a limb in it’s mouth.
Your idea of eating out is going to a place where they have pictures of the food on the menu and it’s coated in easy-wipe plastic.
---
There are more categories, but I forgot them already.
Page:
So what can we learn from this thread?
Women hate most things about men, and wish they were different, while realising that they're not. They complain about the inadequacies of men, while the few that meet their expectations are branded 90s noncey poetry boys, and discarded as being too boring.
Men hate most things about women, except for their rude bits. They will suffer all the rest just to ensure exclusive access to said rude bits.
If it wasn't for the sex part of it putting most people off, being gay would probably be a whole lot easier, as both parties "Know their enemy".
Women hate most things about men, and wish they were different, while realising that they're not. They complain about the inadequacies of men, while the few that meet their expectations are branded 90s noncey poetry boys, and discarded as being too boring.
Men hate most things about women, except for their rude bits. They will suffer all the rest just to ensure exclusive access to said rude bits.
If it wasn't for the sex part of it putting most people off, being gay would probably be a whole lot easier, as both parties "Know their enemy".
Never say "I love you" before 2 years of the relationship, because that means you are a stalker nutter and we're outta there quicker than Schumacher.
Goatboy, I love you. (are you scared yet? are you?)*waves goodbye to him as he starts his 100m sprint to safety*
I think the comment most relevant to me is -
Don't get drunk, because then you'll be sick and do that crying thing whilst we hold your hair back and think "Jesus you're disgusting"
This has happened too many times in my life. I know, disgraceful behaviour for a gentille lady.
Goatboy, I love you. (are you scared yet? are you?)*waves goodbye to him as he starts his 100m sprint to safety*
I think the comment most relevant to me is -
Don't get drunk, because then you'll be sick and do that crying thing whilst we hold your hair back and think "Jesus you're disgusting"
This has happened too many times in my life. I know, disgraceful behaviour for a gentille lady.
RastaBillySkank wrote:
> Recently a survey was done of a 100 men and a hundred women. The question was:
> Which sex do you think a computer is?
Recently a survey was done of a 100 men and a
> hundred women. The question was: Which sex do you think a computer is?
Dang. Whoops, my bad :-)
> Recently a survey was done of a 100 men and a hundred women. The question was:
> Which sex do you think a computer is?
Recently a survey was done of a 100 men and a
> hundred women. The question was: Which sex do you think a computer is?
Dang. Whoops, my bad :-)
Recently a survey was done of a 100 men and a hundred women. The question was: Which sex do you think a computer is?
The general consensus of the women was that computers are male for the following reasons:
1) To get their attention you first have to turn them on
2) They store an amazing amount of information but you can never get anything out of them.
3) Once you’ve finally got yourself one, you end up wishing you’d waited for a better model.
The men all thought that computers were female for these reasons:
1) They are in fact, so complex that only their makers can understand them.
2) Even though they can store a lot of information, one little error will remain in their memory forever.
3) After you’ve spent a fortune on getting one, you have to spend another small fortune on their accessories. Recently a survey was done of a 100 men and a hundred women. The question was: Which sex do you think a computer is?
The general consensus of the women was that computers are male for the following reasons:
1) To get their attention you first have to turn them on
2) They store an amazing amount of information but you can never get anything out of them.
3) Once you’ve finally got yourself one, you end up wishing you’d waited for a better model.
The men all thought that computers were female for these reasons:
1) They are in fact, so complex that only their makers can understand them.
2) Even though they can store a lot of information, one little error will remain in their memory forever.
3) After you’ve spent a fortune on getting one, you have to spend another small fortune on their accessories. Recently a survey was done of a 100 men and a hundred women. The question was: Which sex do you think a computer is?
Tallulah wrote:
> Ah, but which fella wrote this -
"You couldn't hold a candle to my
> girlfriend, no offence."
--
Ssh woman, me no have feelings.
Me alpha male that drink beer and watch football and stuff.
Man, that's the thing about women, they retain the most innocous and passing comment and bring it up days later when we've already forgotten about it.
> Ah, but which fella wrote this -
"You couldn't hold a candle to my
> girlfriend, no offence."
--
Ssh woman, me no have feelings.
Me alpha male that drink beer and watch football and stuff.
Man, that's the thing about women, they retain the most innocous and passing comment and bring it up days later when we've already forgotten about it.
Rules For Women:
Never ask us if we like your dress. We don't care.
Never ask us "What are you thinking about" after sex if we're quiet. Because it's usually "I wish my mates could have seen that" or we're thinking about your sister/best mate
Never complain that "We don't listen", because when we do, you say "You don't understand"
Never flip someone off in traffic and then expect us to defend you when nunchuck monkey-boy gets out and starts to lumber over.
Never say "I love you" before 2 years of the relationship, because that means you are a stalker nutter and we're outta there quicker than Schumacher.
Don't ask "Do I look fat?", because you have done from the moment we hooked up together.
Don't get drunk, because then you'll be sick and do that crying thing whilst we hold your hair back and think "Jesus you're disgusting"
Don't say "Do you think she's attractive" whilst holding up a picture of a woman in Heat magazine, because whatever answer we give you'll get angry and throw stuff at us.
Don't make goo-goo noises around babies and smile weirdly at us, that is scary and we will leave you immediately.
Never ask us if we like your dress. We don't care.
Never ask us "What are you thinking about" after sex if we're quiet. Because it's usually "I wish my mates could have seen that" or we're thinking about your sister/best mate
Never complain that "We don't listen", because when we do, you say "You don't understand"
Never flip someone off in traffic and then expect us to defend you when nunchuck monkey-boy gets out and starts to lumber over.
Never say "I love you" before 2 years of the relationship, because that means you are a stalker nutter and we're outta there quicker than Schumacher.
Don't ask "Do I look fat?", because you have done from the moment we hooked up together.
Don't get drunk, because then you'll be sick and do that crying thing whilst we hold your hair back and think "Jesus you're disgusting"
Don't say "Do you think she's attractive" whilst holding up a picture of a woman in Heat magazine, because whatever answer we give you'll get angry and throw stuff at us.
Don't make goo-goo noises around babies and smile weirdly at us, that is scary and we will leave you immediately.
Tallulah wrote:
> Rules To Be A Man
Don't call, ever.
If you don't like a girl, don't tell
> her. It's more fun to let her figure it out by herself.
Lie.
V
V
V
LIE.
---
I do all of these. Except football. I hate it.
See, be an ape and they'll be falling at your feet.
Be a nice man and watch you become "sweet" and "like my brother"
Sad but True.
> Rules To Be A Man
Don't call, ever.
If you don't like a girl, don't tell
> her. It's more fun to let her figure it out by herself.
Lie.
V
V
V
LIE.
---
I do all of these. Except football. I hate it.
See, be an ape and they'll be falling at your feet.
Be a nice man and watch you become "sweet" and "like my brother"
Sad but True.
Jesus, you know me better than I know myself!
Rules To Be A Man
Don't call, ever.
If you don't like a girl, don't tell her. It's more fun to let her figure it out by herself.
Lie.
Name your penis. Be sure it is something narcissistic and unoriginal, such as "spike"
Play with yourself. Talk about it.
Be as ambiguous as possible. If you don't want to answer, a nice grunt will do.
Always remember: You are a man. Therefore, no matter what, it isn't your fault.
Lie
Girls find it attractive if a man has had more women than baths. Women like it when you ignore them. It arouses them.
Vanity is the most important trait for a man to have. Whenever you pass a reflective surface, check you hair, clothing, etc.
One sure way to make a girl like you is to go after her best friend. She will then see what she's missing and love you for not giving up on her.
Say things like "Wha...?"
Lie.
Deny everthing. Everything.
Good break up line, "It's not you, it's me."
No means yes.
Yes means no.
Feelings? What feelings?
Love" is not in your vocabulary. don't even think about saying it.
Lie.
ALWAYS apologize. NEVER mean it.
You are male, therefore you are superior
Females do not care what you do to them as long as they get to please you.
Don't ever notice anything.
Lie.
If you cheat on a girl, but no one finds out, then technically you've done nothing wrong.
Crying is not manly. Then again, if you are a man, what do you have to cry about, anyway?
Practice your blank stare.
Beer. Then more beer.
Scratch your balls. See if you can embarrass people.
One word: FOOTBALL!
LIE.
Don't call, ever.
If you don't like a girl, don't tell her. It's more fun to let her figure it out by herself.
Lie.
Name your penis. Be sure it is something narcissistic and unoriginal, such as "spike"
Play with yourself. Talk about it.
Be as ambiguous as possible. If you don't want to answer, a nice grunt will do.
Always remember: You are a man. Therefore, no matter what, it isn't your fault.
Lie
Girls find it attractive if a man has had more women than baths. Women like it when you ignore them. It arouses them.
Vanity is the most important trait for a man to have. Whenever you pass a reflective surface, check you hair, clothing, etc.
One sure way to make a girl like you is to go after her best friend. She will then see what she's missing and love you for not giving up on her.
Say things like "Wha...?"
Lie.
Deny everthing. Everything.
Good break up line, "It's not you, it's me."
No means yes.
Yes means no.
Feelings? What feelings?
Love" is not in your vocabulary. don't even think about saying it.
Lie.
ALWAYS apologize. NEVER mean it.
You are male, therefore you are superior
Females do not care what you do to them as long as they get to please you.
Don't ever notice anything.
Lie.
If you cheat on a girl, but no one finds out, then technically you've done nothing wrong.
Crying is not manly. Then again, if you are a man, what do you have to cry about, anyway?
Practice your blank stare.
Beer. Then more beer.
Scratch your balls. See if you can embarrass people.
One word: FOOTBALL!
LIE.
Page: