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"Worrying Gamecube news"

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Fri 04/01/02 at 10:35
Regular
Posts: 787
Gamecube made entirely from straw shocker!

It has been revealed, through a leaked memo from some Japanese bloke that works for Nintendo that the European release date of the new console has been the subject of serious delays due to the new console being built with the popular farmyard feed material.
Consumers’ suspicions were first aroused when, on starting up the console, nothing happened.
There then followed a burning smell, the console self-immolated in front of them before little fireman ran in, doused the blaze and left immediately.
Tatsuki Bazooki, Tokyo spokesman for Nintendo said to an eager press “This is wubbish. The idea that we would fake a console and pay computer sites to review with bribes of money and offers of Cornish pasties is total fabwication.”

Customers, meanwhile, were left wondering why not one single game would ever play and those that lived in rural areas of Japan found that whenever they settled in to play, their goats would enter the dojo and proceed to eat the “Haycube”. It is also known that horses take to peeing on the machine before wandering off and starting revolutions on the farmyard.
Napoleon the Pig said, “This is a lie. The horses are merely selected for work because they are the strongest animals. The pigs live in the farmhouse because we are the smartest animals. This is in no way an allegory for modern man and social behaviour.”

European fans on Nintendo refuse to believe the idea that the Haycube is a myth, they clutch their security blankies and say “No, I saw pics on the web so it must be true, it must me”.
When pointed out that there are also pics of Elvis in space and other things, the Nintys burst into tears and sat in the corner rocking.
Sony fans, when learning of this info, laughed hysterically until it was pointed out that Metal Gear Solid 2 was also made from straw.
PC owners shrugged and continued to play online games and look for porn.

So what is the future for Nintendo, considering their “Bold new machine” is in fact, rubbish?
One would think that people would learn from the debacle of the N64 being filled with water but it would appear not.
Shigsy Mawiggsy, Nintendo head, said “I don’t care. Look in my eyes, this is the gaze of a lonely rich man with the odour of cabbage and empty barns. Please touch me, I so lonely.”

Gamecube: Made entirely from Straw.
You read it here first.
Fri 04/01/02 at 14:22
Regular
"funky blitzkreig"
Posts: 2,540
Sorry, momentary lapse of concetration...

*look of disbelief*
The gamecube is made of straw?? That means that the bi-quantum speed upgrade will only be able to function at half the regular cycle. And coupled with the recent tests to see which made the best cup of hot chocolate, the PS2 is now the best console on the planet..

Yeah PS2!
Fri 04/01/02 at 13:59
Regular
"Infantalised Forums"
Posts: 23,089
*falls to his knees*

Thank you. Seriously, thank you.
Maybe *all* humanity shouldn't be shot into space.
Fri 04/01/02 at 13:57
Regular
"funky blitzkreig"
Posts: 2,540
Goatboy said:
"Napoleon the Pig said, “This is a lie. The horses are merely selected for work because they are the strongest animals. The pigs live in the farmhouse because we are the smartest animals. This is in no way an allegory for modern man and social behaviour.”"

LOL (that bit actually did make me LOL)

More literary references in ironic posting please.
Fri 04/01/02 at 12:58
Regular
"Peace Respect Punk"
Posts: 8,069
MWA HA HA!
Points to Rogue Leader
(only available on GameCube)
Fri 04/01/02 at 12:16
Regular
Posts: 23,216
Mr.Snuggly wrote:
"Funny, cos I heard a rumour that Xbox was completely made out of sh..."

Obi-Wan, to me one of the most promising looking games on the X-Box, is getting crap reviews.

I'm a bit annoyed actually. Stupid Lucasarts. Go make some decent games like you used to.
Fri 04/01/02 at 12:12
Regular
"Infantalised Forums"
Posts: 23,089
*realises that the word irony is now defunct*
Fri 04/01/02 at 12:02
Regular
"I won the turnips!!"
Posts: 905
*Reffering to Saleeva and 1/2pint's posts*

Good.
Fri 04/01/02 at 11:55
Regular
"Sally On Weekdays!"
Posts: 378
outlaw_uk2002 wrote:
> Why can't you just accept that all consoles have there strengths and weaknesses
> rather than slating them - see my "hypocrits" post.

Meh - I do accept that I by god agree with you. That was a post more for a joke - you didn't think I was serious about it being made out of clay do you? :D However, I was telling the truth about the X-Box / PS2 fiasco. I am not a hypcrit sir! ::Sigh::
Fri 04/01/02 at 11:53
Regular
"¬_¬"
Posts: 3,110
outlaw_uk2002 wrote:
> Why can't you just accept that all consoles have there strengths and weaknesses
> rather than slating them - see my "hypocrits" post.

I can accept that all consoles have their strengths and weaknesses, it is just one-minded people who think that just the PS2 is the best that really annoy me. I wasn't meaning that the PS2 in itself is crap, more the one-minde imbecylles who play on it and take no notice of other, better consoles.
Fri 04/01/02 at 11:50
Regular
"Sally On Weekdays!"
Posts: 378
˝pint wrote:
> Salevaa wrote:
> ˝pint wrote:
> I find it quite amusing that you
> are all ripping the
> GameCube and Xbox when the
> worst console is the
> PS2. You make me sick...
> :)

Dude, read my post below or read it here
> - I made the first
> move!

"So, the X-Box is made out of
> sh...um...shiny material and the
> Gamecube is made out of straw!? Well, I
> heard that an even more worrying fact -
> there experiments have been going
> on long before any of us had any idea. Yes -
> the Playstation 2 is made out
> of coloured clay! When the original PS was made,
> there was no coloured
> clay, so it had to be grey. Ah, the wonders of
> science!"

Ahh, so
> good to find someone who appreciates the complete and utter ...(insert rude
> word)... of the PlayStation 2.

Yes - I have decided to bypass the PS2 and go for the X-Box. I will get PS2 in a few years, of course.

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