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":: Joke ::"

An english man, and scotish man and an irishman die and they all go to hell. When they get to hell the devil says before they spend eternity in hell they have spend 100 years with 1 thing doing whatever they want. The englishman says he wants to spend the 100 years with a beautiful woman and so the devil put him in a room with a beautiful woman. The scotishman asks for all the finest whiskey in the world and so the devil puts the scotishman in a room with all the whiskey in the world. The irish man asks the devil for all the finest cigarettes in the world and sure enough the devil puts him in the room with all the finest cigarettes in the world. 100 years later satan comes back to the three blokes.

The English man is very happy and ready to spend his time in hell, the scotish man is equally happy and very drunk and ready to spend his time in hell. When the devil gets to the irish man he is crying. the devil asks him what is wrong and the irish man says, "I forgot to bring a lighter"

-kyz22-

Here in Ireland, we tell that joke with the Englishman and irishman in reversed roles. :P

That was funny Kyz

A lot of the jokes I tell are ones you have to hear to get properly. It's difficult to emphasise the punchline with just typing.

What do you do if an Irishman intends to throw a grenade at you and pulls the pin ?

Run like hell - the silly sod's got a grenade in his mouth.

Heard it before, but still made me laugh.

Savatt78 wrote:
> What do you do if an Irishman intends to throw a grenade at you and
> pulls the pin ?

Give him some money and tell him to buy a whisky on you but tell him to hurry before it's last orders.

Savatt78 wrote:
> What do you do if an Irishman intends to throw a grenade at you and
> pulls the pin ?
>
> Run like hell - the silly sod's got a grenade in his mouth.

LOL! Haven't heard this joke or Kyz's original joke, both very, very funny!

Shadow Knight wrote:
> What do you do if an Irishman intends to throw a grenade at you and
> pulls the pin ?
>
> Give him some money and tell him to buy a whisky on you but tell him
> to hurry before it's last orders.


Ha, Ha, better answer that savatt78's one.

Cub wrote:
> Here in Ireland, we tell that joke with the Englishman and irishman in
> reversed roles. :P

It really should be:

An Irishman, A Scotsman and Tony Blair but we'll let you off.

A funny true story about Irishmen?

Here you have it then.

My Dad was in the army, he did three 6 month tours in Northern Ireland, which is a lot, most people only do one, and a few do two. But my Dad did three, because he was well hard.

Anyway, as you will be aware, the military presence in Ireland was necessary because of the terrorist activity at the time. So my Dad spent a lot of time with explosive experts and such, and was often called in with his team to disarm located bombs and what not.

He was also called in when a suspected IRA member as on the prowl, or had been located and needed to be chased down. On one such occaision, this IRA bloke, who we will call Ronan, because it's the only Irish name that comes to mind, was a slippery little blighter. He evaded my Dad's team, and they had to resort to chasing Ronan about the streets.

Eventually, slippery little Ronan managed to lose my Dad's team, who found themselves at the end of a road blocked by a solid brick wall some 12 feet high. Just about to turn about and go back, they heard from the other side, in a thick Irish accent "'Ave some o' this, ya English pigs", followed shortly after by a small clunking sound and then a small explosion.

Wondering what had happened, they ran around to get to the other side of the wall, and found Ronan, who had tried to throw a grenade over the wall, which had bounced back off the top and come back down to land next to him and blow him into several pieces.

Such is the marvellous intelligence of the Irish.