The "Nintendo Games" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
Okay, it's my first ever story on SR, and i just wrote the whole thing since my last post tonight.
I'll be posting it a bit at a time. Hopefully, you'll be able to keep track of what's happening from one chapter to the next. I wouldn't recommend missing bits out really.
I'll try to put up one of the 5 chapters every evening until the end, starting now, and continuing tomorrow (friday). Let me know what you think. (Maybe wait until the end to judge it - it kind of spans a few styles of writing).
***Chapter 1***
“It’s happened again”
Cooky’s message was brief, but everyone knew what it meant.
The next post followed minutes later.
“Who this time? What happened?” Asked Sibs.
As the posts continued, the exact situation became apparent. Another ‘disappearance’, this time it was Solskjaer_24. Another user ‘grayed out’, as it had become known. Banned from the server, and stripped of the colour of their name – the ultimate dishonour.
It didn’t always happen this way though. It had been a month since anyone had heard anything from stephen18, now assumed missing, and three months since kingklik had announced his departure.
“It could be any one of us next.” Tiltawhirl struggled to meet the keys with his shaking fingers, but managed to post his tense message. All the forum members reading it were thinking the same thing.
Despite furious refreshing of pages, nobody said anything for a clear ten minutes. Then Ev][L~Dark broke the silence.
“We have to do something”
I'll be posting it a bit at a time. Hopefully, you'll be able to keep track of what's happening from one chapter to the next. I wouldn't recommend missing bits out really.
I'll try to put up one of the 5 chapters every evening until the end, starting now, and continuing tomorrow (friday). Let me know what you think. (Maybe wait until the end to judge it - it kind of spans a few styles of writing).
***Chapter 1***
“It’s happened again”
Cooky’s message was brief, but everyone knew what it meant.
The next post followed minutes later.
“Who this time? What happened?” Asked Sibs.
As the posts continued, the exact situation became apparent. Another ‘disappearance’, this time it was Solskjaer_24. Another user ‘grayed out’, as it had become known. Banned from the server, and stripped of the colour of their name – the ultimate dishonour.
It didn’t always happen this way though. It had been a month since anyone had heard anything from stephen18, now assumed missing, and three months since kingklik had announced his departure.
“It could be any one of us next.” Tiltawhirl struggled to meet the keys with his shaking fingers, but managed to post his tense message. All the forum members reading it were thinking the same thing.
Despite furious refreshing of pages, nobody said anything for a clear ten minutes. Then Ev][L~Dark broke the silence.
“We have to do something”
Page:
So SR were reading the plans we posted on their forums?
Damn! I never saw that one coming! :-D
Good story.
Paper rounds...
Damn! I never saw that one coming! :-D
Good story.
Paper rounds...
***Chapter 5***
“Who was giving you your orders Tonty?” Asked Dr Duck.
Everyone fell silent.
..
...
....
“AfroJoe”
“What? But… How? Him???”
Suddenly, the door to Tony’s office was flung open.
Everyone span round, to see the big haired figure of AfroJoe march in.
“I see I’ve been rumbled. Ah well, like all good supervillains, I’ll explain my plan.”
AfroJoe paced across the room, and looked passively out of the window.
“I too knew of Tony and Tonty’s mental condition, and with my brilliant evil science, I was able to create a cheap labour force to combine with Tonty’s market strategy, to become RICH! RICH, I tell you, and I’d have gotten away with it too if it hadn’t been for you pesky kids.”
“Why not just send Christmas cards to the people on your paper round?” Asked Dr Duck.
“Nuts.
- ah well, you’ll never catch me… TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!!!”
With that, AfroJoe Jumped from the window, as wings expanded from his backpack.
As his engine coughed tepidly, his final words came through the broken window…
“I knew I should have tested it first....” Thud.
***Epilogue***
Sibs looked out of the window.
“So that’s what they mean by a red splat saver?”
“What happens now?” asked Tilitawhirl.
“I guess we just go on like we used to.” Replied Cooky. “Tonty will go on taking his revenge on consoles by selling them cheap, and as for the cyborgs… we can’t do anything for them. The only one who could have, he just jumped out of the window. So they stay with Tonty, letting him sell cheap games. Without AfroJoe, he can’t make any more cyborgs, so we’ll be safe, and never have to worry about nintys going missing from the forums. All is well.”
And so it was.
The End.
“Who was giving you your orders Tonty?” Asked Dr Duck.
Everyone fell silent.
..
...
....
“AfroJoe”
“What? But… How? Him???”
Suddenly, the door to Tony’s office was flung open.
Everyone span round, to see the big haired figure of AfroJoe march in.
“I see I’ve been rumbled. Ah well, like all good supervillains, I’ll explain my plan.”
AfroJoe paced across the room, and looked passively out of the window.
“I too knew of Tony and Tonty’s mental condition, and with my brilliant evil science, I was able to create a cheap labour force to combine with Tonty’s market strategy, to become RICH! RICH, I tell you, and I’d have gotten away with it too if it hadn’t been for you pesky kids.”
“Why not just send Christmas cards to the people on your paper round?” Asked Dr Duck.
“Nuts.
- ah well, you’ll never catch me… TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!!!”
With that, AfroJoe Jumped from the window, as wings expanded from his backpack.
As his engine coughed tepidly, his final words came through the broken window…
“I knew I should have tested it first....” Thud.
***Epilogue***
Sibs looked out of the window.
“So that’s what they mean by a red splat saver?”
“What happens now?” asked Tilitawhirl.
“I guess we just go on like we used to.” Replied Cooky. “Tonty will go on taking his revenge on consoles by selling them cheap, and as for the cyborgs… we can’t do anything for them. The only one who could have, he just jumped out of the window. So they stay with Tonty, letting him sell cheap games. Without AfroJoe, he can’t make any more cyborgs, so we’ll be safe, and never have to worry about nintys going missing from the forums. All is well.”
And so it was.
The End.
Tonight's installment was a little late (little?) - sorry about that, been busy.
Final part monday or tuesday evening?
Your call.
Final part monday or tuesday evening?
Your call.
***Chapter 4***
As the nintys drew up to SR Towers, the driving rain was joined by heavy thunder and forked lightning. Pistols in their belts, concealed by coats, trying to look natural, like customers, the group walked into the store.
“What are we looking for? Asked Twain.
“We need to find the door that goes into the offices at the back, then get through unnoticed.” Replied Sibs, in hushed manner.
“There!” Exclaimed Tiltawhirl, trying to control his nerves with his whispers.
As a store assistant walked up to the group, everyone fell silent pretending to look at the shelves.
“Can I help you gentlemen?” the assistant asked.
“No. Just looking. Thanks.” Ev][L~Dark responded.
As the assistant walked away, Strafex and Twain started choking.
“The X-box launch software.” Sobbed Twain. “Can’t we get out of here yet?”
They hurried through the door and into the office area. The cubicles and open plan desks were deserted.
“They know we’re coming” Sighed Strafex.
“Haven’t we been through this already?” Hissed DR Duck.
Tiltawhirl interrupted,
“Look, that must be Tony’s office. There could be the paperwork on the missing nintys in there.”
The group piled through the doorway. Stopping dead in their tracks, they were confronted my Tony, Loki and Mr Snuggly.
“Hello, what can I do for you?” Asked Tony innocently.
“We’re here for the nintys” Stated Cooky firmly.
“What… hey, Loki, Mr Snuggly, what are you doing?” Exclaimed Tony, as his two top employees drew pistols from cop-style holsters under their armpits, but Sibs was too fast , dropping both staff members before anyone else could respond.
“Now, talk.” Demanded Sibs.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I swear, I swear” Replied a shaken Tony.
“It won’t get past the language filter if you do that” quipped a now calm Sibs.
Meanwhile Ev][L~Dark looked behind a filing cabinet.
“Hey, you can come out from there now Twain” he suggested, “It’s safe now”
As Twain crept out, Ev][L~Dark noticed something, pulling it out,
“A neo-geo, I’ve not seen one of these in years.”
Seconds passed on an old grandfather clock in the corner of the room.
“I’ve got it!” Dr Duck exclaimed.
“Tony, this is yours, right?”
Tony nodded, still shaken and pale faced.
“I understand now! Let me explain. As part of my medical training, I studied psychology, and theories on schizophrenia. One theory suggested an intensely strong childhood trauma could cause a split in personalities, one would go unaffected while the other would suffer the entire trauma. I think that when Tony got the neo-geo, and realised what he had done, it triggered this split, the trauma was strong enough to do it even so far from childhood. One side went on unaffected, and had an ordinary life. I think this is the one we know as Tony. The other, became bitter, and craved to control neo-geos, then all the consoles. That’s why he built up SR. So he could get the consoles and abuse them in the way his neo-geo abused him. He did it by degrading them and pimping them off at dirt cheap prices. I call this side Tonty, and it’s Tonty we need to speak to about the missing nintys.”
“Can you do that?” Asked Cooky.
“I can try” replied Dr Duck.
With Tony sat in a chair, Dr Duck began to swing Tony’s gold pocket watch back and forth.
“You are feeling sleepy. Very sleepy. When I click my fingers you will be at rest, and will listen and respond only to my voice.”
-click-
“I want to speak to Tonty now. Is he there?”
“Yes, I am here” came the soft response.
“Where are the nintys Tonty?”
“They’re gone”
“Where Tonty?”
“They’ve changed. They aren’t nintys any more”
“What happened to them Tonty. Tell me everything.”
“I took them from the forums. Some I banned, some I accessed their password and put ‘I’m leaving’ messages, some I just took. Then they were processed - they had chips implanted in their heads, they work for me now, in my stores and on the web site. I chose nintys because I needed loyal people for the chips to work fully, so they wouldn’t rebel. There weren’t enough segas left, and it couldn’t by sony owners. So I took nintys. If you take the chip out, it’ll kill them.”
“Can any be saved? Is there hope for any of them Tonty?”
“No. Only the one who hasn’t been processed.”
“Where? Tell me!” Shouted Dr Duck
“The door on the left.”
Cooky cautiously opened the door. Through it he saw a wrist handcuffed to a radiator. Attached to the wrist was a blindfolded Joe Poly. As the blindfold was removed, Joe saw the nintys.
“You came!” He exclaimed. “They were going to process me months ago, but Tony lost the key to the handcuffs, and if they cut my arm off, I’d be too slow to work typing up figures when the shop was closed. Thankyou!”
Two minutes later, Cooky came back, having got the key from down the back of the sofa in Tony’s office.
Once freed, Joe Poly said;
“There’s something you should know – twice every day, at 11am and 4pm, Tony would go into the room through the door at the back of the room. I counted the chimes from the clock. I always heard 2 voices, then maybe half an hour later, Tony would come out and give instructions to his cyborg staff.”
“Sounds like Tonty wasn’t the top man here.” Cooky said. “Lets take a look in that room.”
Inside, there was an empty table and two chairs, a security monitor and a vcr connected to what seemed to be a camera focused on the door they had just passed through.
“Well,” began Cooky, “if Tonty was taking orders from someone, there’s no clue as to who he is now.”
“No, wait” interrupted Tiltawhirl, “It’s only 5.30 now. If Tonty met ‘Mr Big’ at 4 today, he’d have had to come through this door to get in and to leave, and if the vcr was recording then, he’ll be on the tape!”
As the tape rolled, a figure came into view.
“Who is it?” asked Twain.
“No, that’s Tonty” replied Ev][L~Dark.
The tape stopped.
“Now we’ll never know who the real boss was.” Cooky’s obvious frustration mirrored everyone’s feelings.
“I hate to state the obvious,” said Twain, “but we could just ask Tonty”.
“Who was giving you your orders Tonty?” Asked Dr Duck.
...to be continued...
As the nintys drew up to SR Towers, the driving rain was joined by heavy thunder and forked lightning. Pistols in their belts, concealed by coats, trying to look natural, like customers, the group walked into the store.
“What are we looking for? Asked Twain.
“We need to find the door that goes into the offices at the back, then get through unnoticed.” Replied Sibs, in hushed manner.
“There!” Exclaimed Tiltawhirl, trying to control his nerves with his whispers.
As a store assistant walked up to the group, everyone fell silent pretending to look at the shelves.
“Can I help you gentlemen?” the assistant asked.
“No. Just looking. Thanks.” Ev][L~Dark responded.
As the assistant walked away, Strafex and Twain started choking.
“The X-box launch software.” Sobbed Twain. “Can’t we get out of here yet?”
They hurried through the door and into the office area. The cubicles and open plan desks were deserted.
“They know we’re coming” Sighed Strafex.
“Haven’t we been through this already?” Hissed DR Duck.
Tiltawhirl interrupted,
“Look, that must be Tony’s office. There could be the paperwork on the missing nintys in there.”
The group piled through the doorway. Stopping dead in their tracks, they were confronted my Tony, Loki and Mr Snuggly.
“Hello, what can I do for you?” Asked Tony innocently.
“We’re here for the nintys” Stated Cooky firmly.
“What… hey, Loki, Mr Snuggly, what are you doing?” Exclaimed Tony, as his two top employees drew pistols from cop-style holsters under their armpits, but Sibs was too fast , dropping both staff members before anyone else could respond.
“Now, talk.” Demanded Sibs.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I swear, I swear” Replied a shaken Tony.
“It won’t get past the language filter if you do that” quipped a now calm Sibs.
Meanwhile Ev][L~Dark looked behind a filing cabinet.
“Hey, you can come out from there now Twain” he suggested, “It’s safe now”
As Twain crept out, Ev][L~Dark noticed something, pulling it out,
“A neo-geo, I’ve not seen one of these in years.”
Seconds passed on an old grandfather clock in the corner of the room.
“I’ve got it!” Dr Duck exclaimed.
“Tony, this is yours, right?”
Tony nodded, still shaken and pale faced.
“I understand now! Let me explain. As part of my medical training, I studied psychology, and theories on schizophrenia. One theory suggested an intensely strong childhood trauma could cause a split in personalities, one would go unaffected while the other would suffer the entire trauma. I think that when Tony got the neo-geo, and realised what he had done, it triggered this split, the trauma was strong enough to do it even so far from childhood. One side went on unaffected, and had an ordinary life. I think this is the one we know as Tony. The other, became bitter, and craved to control neo-geos, then all the consoles. That’s why he built up SR. So he could get the consoles and abuse them in the way his neo-geo abused him. He did it by degrading them and pimping them off at dirt cheap prices. I call this side Tonty, and it’s Tonty we need to speak to about the missing nintys.”
“Can you do that?” Asked Cooky.
“I can try” replied Dr Duck.
With Tony sat in a chair, Dr Duck began to swing Tony’s gold pocket watch back and forth.
“You are feeling sleepy. Very sleepy. When I click my fingers you will be at rest, and will listen and respond only to my voice.”
-click-
“I want to speak to Tonty now. Is he there?”
“Yes, I am here” came the soft response.
“Where are the nintys Tonty?”
“They’re gone”
“Where Tonty?”
“They’ve changed. They aren’t nintys any more”
“What happened to them Tonty. Tell me everything.”
“I took them from the forums. Some I banned, some I accessed their password and put ‘I’m leaving’ messages, some I just took. Then they were processed - they had chips implanted in their heads, they work for me now, in my stores and on the web site. I chose nintys because I needed loyal people for the chips to work fully, so they wouldn’t rebel. There weren’t enough segas left, and it couldn’t by sony owners. So I took nintys. If you take the chip out, it’ll kill them.”
“Can any be saved? Is there hope for any of them Tonty?”
“No. Only the one who hasn’t been processed.”
“Where? Tell me!” Shouted Dr Duck
“The door on the left.”
Cooky cautiously opened the door. Through it he saw a wrist handcuffed to a radiator. Attached to the wrist was a blindfolded Joe Poly. As the blindfold was removed, Joe saw the nintys.
“You came!” He exclaimed. “They were going to process me months ago, but Tony lost the key to the handcuffs, and if they cut my arm off, I’d be too slow to work typing up figures when the shop was closed. Thankyou!”
Two minutes later, Cooky came back, having got the key from down the back of the sofa in Tony’s office.
Once freed, Joe Poly said;
“There’s something you should know – twice every day, at 11am and 4pm, Tony would go into the room through the door at the back of the room. I counted the chimes from the clock. I always heard 2 voices, then maybe half an hour later, Tony would come out and give instructions to his cyborg staff.”
“Sounds like Tonty wasn’t the top man here.” Cooky said. “Lets take a look in that room.”
Inside, there was an empty table and two chairs, a security monitor and a vcr connected to what seemed to be a camera focused on the door they had just passed through.
“Well,” began Cooky, “if Tonty was taking orders from someone, there’s no clue as to who he is now.”
“No, wait” interrupted Tiltawhirl, “It’s only 5.30 now. If Tonty met ‘Mr Big’ at 4 today, he’d have had to come through this door to get in and to leave, and if the vcr was recording then, he’ll be on the tape!”
As the tape rolled, a figure came into view.
“Who is it?” asked Twain.
“No, that’s Tonty” replied Ev][L~Dark.
The tape stopped.
“Now we’ll never know who the real boss was.” Cooky’s obvious frustration mirrored everyone’s feelings.
“I hate to state the obvious,” said Twain, “but we could just ask Tonty”.
“Who was giving you your orders Tonty?” Asked Dr Duck.
...to be continued...
"Hi Dr. Duck!!"
I'm in the first chapter, but I don't think I posted in the elite forum? I don't mind you including me though, as your chapters are good. Keep it up!
"Thanks Dr. Duck!!"
"Bye Dr. Duck!!"
I'm in the first chapter, but I don't think I posted in the elite forum? I don't mind you including me though, as your chapters are good. Keep it up!
"Thanks Dr. Duck!!"
"Bye Dr. Duck!!"
Just a short one today, but chapter 4 was too long to combine them.
Thanks for all the feedback guys.
Thanks for all the feedback guys.
***Chapter 3***
Night had fallen by the time Strafex’s limousine led the motorcade to the street outside a large house. With what remained of the group in tow, Strafex walked up to the porch, and hammered on the oak door. As the door opened, Strafex pushed his way in.
“Dr Duck. We need to talk.”
Dr Duck walked into a large living room with a large hi-fi, 60” tv, large open fireplace and leather sofas, beckoning for the others to follow.
Before Dr Duck could welcome his visitors, Strafex cut in.
“We’ve just been to the Egham & Staines SR store. But you knew that, didn’t you?”
“Yes, I knew” responded Dr Duck.
“When we got there, they were waiting with guns. They knew we were coming, someone sold us out. You should have been there. And you seem to have enough money.. how else could you afford this place?”
“When I was 13 I dropped out of school and took all 6 of the paper rounds in my village on. In mid December I sent cheap Christmas cards to everyone on my rounds. They all felt obliged to give me Christmas tips, and now I can live off the interest they’re earning me for the rest of my life.
Anyway, of course SR knew you were coming, you posted all your plans on a chat forum on their web site!”
Strafex looked at Dr Duck.
“Nuts”
“Well,” began Cooky, “We won’t post our plans on SR’s web site any more. Will you join us?”
“Sure” responded Dr Duck.
The next day, the group re-equipped themselves with weapons from Dr Duck’s underground bunker, and headed back to SR Towers, Upminster & Hornchurch.
Night had fallen by the time Strafex’s limousine led the motorcade to the street outside a large house. With what remained of the group in tow, Strafex walked up to the porch, and hammered on the oak door. As the door opened, Strafex pushed his way in.
“Dr Duck. We need to talk.”
Dr Duck walked into a large living room with a large hi-fi, 60” tv, large open fireplace and leather sofas, beckoning for the others to follow.
Before Dr Duck could welcome his visitors, Strafex cut in.
“We’ve just been to the Egham & Staines SR store. But you knew that, didn’t you?”
“Yes, I knew” responded Dr Duck.
“When we got there, they were waiting with guns. They knew we were coming, someone sold us out. You should have been there. And you seem to have enough money.. how else could you afford this place?”
“When I was 13 I dropped out of school and took all 6 of the paper rounds in my village on. In mid December I sent cheap Christmas cards to everyone on my rounds. They all felt obliged to give me Christmas tips, and now I can live off the interest they’re earning me for the rest of my life.
Anyway, of course SR knew you were coming, you posted all your plans on a chat forum on their web site!”
Strafex looked at Dr Duck.
“Nuts”
“Well,” began Cooky, “We won’t post our plans on SR’s web site any more. Will you join us?”
“Sure” responded Dr Duck.
The next day, the group re-equipped themselves with weapons from Dr Duck’s underground bunker, and headed back to SR Towers, Upminster & Hornchurch.
quit snivelling and maybe you can be in my next story when I (eventually) write it...
*Sniff* Why wasn't i in it??? (:( *Sniff* I've never been in a story before *Sniff* *RiCkOsS runs off crying*
Damn Dirty Staff members...
good story Dr Duck... pretty funny :D
PS if you want to find out if you became a Nintendo Elite the results are posted in the Battle For Elite topic, so check it out.
good story Dr Duck... pretty funny :D
PS if you want to find out if you became a Nintendo Elite the results are posted in the Battle For Elite topic, so check it out.
Page: