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The game had been released on the Super Game Boy Turbo 2 Revival Edition, which had strong third party support, especially from Capcom with their Street Fighter Advance series. Poke-It-On had been a hit. Players got a free cuddly toy with the game which included a chip in it so the so the Super Game Boy Information Station Chip Reader could read the information about their Poke-It-On and convert it into game data like Poke-It-On type, sex, strengths and weaknesses, etc. Players had to fight their Poke-It-On with others to increase its level and make it stronger. Players could expand their team by buying more chipped cuddly toys and having their data read into the game.
A year after the Japanese received the game the reams of crucial text, data and Poke-It-On names had been converted into English. This let the American launch go ahead. The hype had been mounting, and it paid off for Nintendo. Again the Poke-It-Ons were a huge hit. The cuddly toys were banned from schools as they distracted pupils and bullies often stole them.
Now, eight long years after the Japanese launch, and seven after the US, Europe was finally going to get a taste of the Poke-It-On craze. But they were letting something much more sinister into the EU than anyone could have predicted…
-----EPISODE 2-----
Deeply embedded within every Poke-It-On cuddly toy is a Super Game Boy Pi-krap-chu Edition Mini Camera. From Japan Mr. Yamauchi could watch the Poke-It-On hysteria grow. But even more sinister was a mind beacon device developed by one of Nintendo’s many second parties called ‘Yuri Systems’. When activated it could take control of youngsters in the immediate area around the so-called toy.
Mr. Yamauchi’s plan was all going well. The hype in Japan had led to great success in America. In this land of the free he was sure the children could gain access to the higher level military equipment they would need. Now all he needed was the Europeans. Well every other World War was centred in Europe. If nothing else, at least Mr. Yamauchi was being consistent. The European launch was just as hectic as Japan and the US, parents desperately trying to get their ‘little angels’ Poke-It-Ons before they sold out in the Christmas rush. And it was only July.
By Christmas almost no child had a Poke-It-On free holiday, but the parents thanks for them came the very next day. Mr. Yamauchi decided it was time, and flicked the little red switch. Instantly child’s minds went blank. The next thoughts they had were along the lines of “KILL SONY” (except in rare cases where the translation was distorted, and came out as “KILL SHEEPY”, as if he didn’t have enough problems with Dringo!)
TO BE CONTINUED...
What will happed to Sheepy? Will Sony finally be destroyed? Are we all doomed?
Find out soon in the next episode...
Now he had heard the speech and the evil plot it was time to take action. James Bond style he whipped out his magnetic watch, and pulled the Super Game Boy Weapons Of Mass Destruction Edition out of Yamauchi’s hands and grabbed it himself. He ripped it apart and stamped on it just to be sure.
“Now what are you going to do Yamauchi?” was the triumphant question.
Yamauchi took out his BigGoron sword (but how he kept it in that relatively small suit pocket always remained a mystery) and charged, but the source of his anger had dived aside.
“I’ll get you! Come out and fight like a man!” Yamauchi really shouldn’t have said that. Grabbing at the Fierce Deities mask hanging from the wall, a transformation took place. Yamauchi saw a small teenager one-minute, the next a hulking great figure with burning eyes and a fat afro!
“NOO!” yelled Yamauchi as the figure stomped towards him. The sword hit right and left of Yamauchi as it was swung wildly, and as he tried to run for the door. But the Deity somersaulted over Yamauchi, blocking the doorway.
“NO ESCAPE FOR YOU!” the voice boomed, literally blowing Yamauchi to the other side of the room. An arrow whizzed to the right of his head at incredible speed considering it had just been chucked, with no bow in sight, and then a second, this one flaming, shot straight through his hand and into the wall. Yamauchi was stuck. And on fire.
“If I go down, I’m taking you with me!” A look of intense concentration came over his face, as he summoned his thoughts to tell his minions to press the big red button marked ‘Do Not Press’.
*3 Minutes till self destruct…* came a voice over the PA.
*Remember, regular medical checks are required for continued employment in the Nintendo facility.*
It repeated on a constant loop for no apparent reason.
Sorry, forgot about this...
TO BE CONTINUED...
Will the Ninty race rule supreme? will the Super Game Boy Weapons Of Mass Destruction Edition ever see a European release? And when will the next episode be available?
FInd out this evening! DOH! Gave the answer to that last one away didn't I?
“Ah, I’ve heard so much about you, yet I still don’t know your name.” There was a tense silence. “If you don not wish to speak allow me to tell you of my brilliant plan. For years I have yearned to take over the world to make it a cuter place, but Sega and now Sony have proved worthy opponents. They must be obliterated. My Poke-It-On merchandise will ensure their downfall. Even now most anti Nintendo resistance has been crushed, and the worlds arms are in my power! Just watch now as your rebel friends see that these ‘toys’ are not just mind control devices.” Mr. Yamauchi motioned over to large circular window behind his throne. “Just look at you pathetic friends attempts” he spat, flicking a switch on his Super Game Boy Weapons Of Mass Destruction Edition. Behind the glass window the forms of rebels could be made out. The Poke-It-On masses where overwhelming them. Suddenly they all drew back, and one of the cuddly toys started moving slowly forwards with its ‘realistic walking action’ feature. As it drew closer to the rebels cover, Mr. Yamauchi and his ‘guest’ could see the full extent of these ‘toys’. Some of the fur had ripped off and inside was a vast quantity of C4 explosives! The cuddly rounded the corner and the rebels saw it.
“OPEN FIRE” one yelled. It was too late.
*BEEEEEEEP… BOOM!
The rebels were goners.
“And so you see, you have no hope. Nintendo will rule supreme, and I will make the world a better place. A place of only one race! The Nintys! All races, classes, sexes, religious beliefs, will all be accepted… as long as they support Nintendo! This elite race is the only fit to rule the world!”
“NOOOO!” Sheepy came crashing though the roof and dived into the crossfire. As Cooky let loose, his bullets hit Sheepy, and as his body collapsed onto the floor Cooky was met with a face full of lead from his nemesis’ CMP-150.
*Narrator: Hang on Sheepy, you’re already dead!*
“I just did it for the dramatic effect” Came Sheepys repley.
*Narrator: What? You’re STILL not dead?*
“What can I say, I found some shield technology on my way here.”
*Narrator: So why did you pretend to die AGAIN?*
“Well, it did scare the $*@! out of Tony last time! Heh heh. But don’t blame me, you’re writing this rubbish!”
*Narrator: Fair point…*
“Sheepy, get out of here. It’s too dangerous!”
“Okay, I don’t know who you are, but take this” Sheepy handed him a block of finely matured Edam. “Use it wisely”
Sheepy took the elevator down while the thorn in Nintendo’s side continued on through the building. As another set of double doors swung open yet another ominous voice echoed around.
TO BE CONTINUED... (tomorrow)
How did Sheepy get to Japan? What is the relevance of a block of cheese? And how many more blummin episodes of this tripe is Sibs gonna post?
Find out next time...
Our Carrington Institute trainee proceeded to the next room. As he entered he heard a booming laugh… Mwa Ha Ha Ha! But it wasn’t Yamauchi… Swivelling round in his black leather chair stroking his famous water bong (aptly named ‘fluffy’) was Tiltawhirl!
“Who are you? Some Newbie? I’ll defeat you no problem!” he said calmly as he connected to the chat forums. His nemesis whipped out the Laptop gun and was swiftly connected his favoured Dreamcast keyboard and proceeded to type at a pace previously unseen by Tiltawhirl. His new copy of Windows XP was overloaded by data from the posts and soon- ‘An internal error has occurred in Windows. Please save all programs and shut down your computer’
“DAMN YOU TO HELL BILL GATES!” yelled Tiltawhirl as his net connection went down, and he fainted in the chair.
“That boss was easy… too easy…”
As the ominous looking lift was entered and the next floor up pressed gas filled the chamber!
*Cough, Cough*
Luckily you don’t invade Nintendo’s HQ unprepared. An (ahem) GasMask saved the day! The correct floor was reached and the *Bing!* of the lift alerted the guards on the floor.
“Leave him to me…” A voice echoed. The guards immediately left the room. A figure in black combat clothing dropped form the ceiling, munching a Tesco brand American Style chocolate chip cookie.
“Ah… The infamous Ev][L~Cooky I presume”
“That’s right” came the reply as he wiped the chocolate crumbs from his lips, “And you are?”
“You’re worst nightmare…”
Cooky immediately whipped out his Nunchuks and charged. Cookys adversary grabbed at his Fairy Bow and shot arrow after arrow at him, but he batted them all down with his fast paced Nunchuk skills. The duelling pair dived at each other and the bow fell to the ground. They met in mid-air in a beautiful dance of death. They fell to the floor and much hair pulling ensued. Finally they broke off from their close combat, and both pulled out a CMP-150. Cooky immediately switched to Lock on target mode. His target dived for cover behind the desk, unloading rounds towards Cooky. He had him now. Locked on and strafing around the desk Cooky approached.
“Say Goodbye newbie!”
TO BE CONTINUED... (in tonights evening edition of 'Invasion of the Poke-It-Ons)
Is this the end for the stories unknown hero? Will Tiltawhirl still complain a about bosses being too hard now that he has been on the other side? And why do I keep typing these dumb questions at the end of every episode?
Find out next time... (later tonight...)
Getting to Japan proved no easy task. Strafex had to use all his barrel rolling, U-turning, lock on bombs and loops just to survive- not to mention the four Argh-Bombs he used to destroy the elite Poke-It-On Stray Fox squadron.
When the pair finally reached Japan Strafex realised he couldn’t land his Argh-Wing! His co-pilot ejected out over the ominous Nintendo building. He landed on the roof, where no guards were patrolling. He was only thirteen and therefore not so big, so he managed to clamber down the vents, until he reached what looked to be some sort of lobby. As he clambered past he was amazed to see none other than Shigeru Miyamoto!
“HEY! Where are you going?”
“I’m leaving! It… used to be about gameplay. Now his ambitions of… World Domination… they have taken over!” replied Shigsy in surprisingly good English. Shigsy continued running, and our teenage friend decided that if Shigsy was running away, he’d have to go the opposite way to get to Yamauchi…
The Poke-It-On hunter opened the double doors, and an alarm sounded. Kids brought over from the US armed to the teeth poured in. Bullet time was immediately dived into. Fire from twin uzis neutralised countless targets, and the Americans did not know what had hit them. Their ranks had first been decimated and now they could not see their target. He was behind one of the pillars, but there were so many. A tapping was heard and all the Poke-It-On controlled American children ran to investigate.
*BOOM*
The proximity pinball grenade detonated as they drew close, sending body parts, and cuddly Poke-It-On limbs flying all over the room. That showed them who was boss…
TO BE CONTINUED... (later)
Where will Shigsy create games now? What happened to Strafex? And how did the un-named hero get all these weapons?
Find out in the next exciting episode (or will you?)