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[Captain's Log: 10/03/04 - Day of the Edit Post Feature]
[Diary Entry: 7/7/05 - "We shall never forget"]
I'm a bit disappointed really. I was hoping for something that looked a bit more impressive. Instead it's feeble and wonky.
Oh well, maybe next time :^D
> Cyclone wrote:
> Anyway, if current situation doesn't go well (but it might, one
> cannot tell yet), I'm going out and getting plastered and just not
> giving a toss. Never know what might happen.
>
> Might come home with a lady-boy...
>
> :S
Hoho
It didn't happen. But at least now you know. I don't expect moving on to be easy for you, but, well, you will.
I recommend a course of rebound ladies if at all possible :^)
> Anyway, if current situation doesn't go well (but it might, one
> cannot tell yet), I'm going out and getting plastered and just not
> giving a toss. Never know what might happen.
Might come home with a lady-boy...
:S
Heh.
It's odd how fragile I still am about it all despite killing myself repeatedly over the past few years in that sense. Usually one or two words can shatter a month of dreaming, and yet I still do it.
Well, actually I don't anymore, because now I have guts and the realisation I don't actually have to be unhappy. I just have to be confident and damn well do what *I* want to do in these situations, as long as it is acceptable by whoever. I may make mistakes, but my desires and needs are just as important as anyone else's, so why should I scare myself away? Well, as long as I don't get over bearing etc. Stupid human condition.
Anyway, if current situation doesn't go well (but it might, one cannot tell yet), I'm going out and getting plastered and just not giving a toss. Never know what might happen.
I think clubs are one of the best place to meet people, as your meeting people with at least something in common with ya, and they don't neseccerily do the same job as you.
:)
Today was the day my heart... Well, I don't quite know what state I'm in right now, but I don't like it. I'm not happy. Everything I had ever thought of or hoped for with Kelly now appears to be over. Today, I found out she DOES have a boyfriend, after all.
And again, it's a case of `who he is´ rather than just the fact that "it's not me". Some big, bold-headed, very chav-like bloke (who looked a good couple of years older than her) turned up last-thing at work, to see her. All it took was for someone to say "Oh! So, that's her boyfriend, then. ...Looks like a pillock, aswell!", and that was it for the "us" that never was, and may never well be.
All I've felt; all I've seen; all I've heard... What does it mean now I know this?
Have I been blinded from the truth - the real Kelly?
Was I only trying to deny the blatantly-obvious?
Is the only reason she ever showed any kind of "interest" in me down to the fact that she is bunny-boiling can't-get-enough-of-men Slapper everybody else has been saying she is for some time now???
I just don't know anymore. All I know is that it's over before it's even started.
I'll admit I don't even know the bloke. And, also, that I didn't even make so-much as a single-effort towards even learning his name. But, just the way he looks; the way he raced off with her like a typical Boy Racer... And then, I learn that HE is the bloke with whom she cheated on Muppet with. Now, I know I've come to say some bad things about him in the past, too, but, really, he is alright. He's a decent bloke who really wouldn't do as-much to hurt her in ways I fear this other guy could.
He's already hurt the feelings of someone I now consider to be a friend (even though she also had a part to play, of course).
And, if that IS the case, it means she'll have been going-out with him for MONTHS now, anyway. I could've done something sooner, but it wouldn't neccesarily have worked-out any better than this.
I don't know how I've made it this long [okay, only an hour or-so...] without having broken-down or anything. It's really getting to me. Everything. And now, I have that familiar feeling of being all "alone", and the fear of a life of lonliness once again rears it's ugly head (even though, I'm only 18).
People were surprised Muppet didn't go out and hit him after all he's already done - I even felt willing to offer my right fist for him!
I can see now how she would never really have been right for me, but I'm not sure how I'm going to get through all this so easily, now. I still have feelings for her, but what do they really matter now I know the truth?
As much as I feel I have been able to compare this situation to that of Tim and Dawn's, this isn't The Office; it's the cold, cruel world of reality. I don't meet enough new faces to help. And, compared to the kind of person I'm looking for, I'd still struggle to meet the right type.
If that bloke does do anything to hurt her, and I hear about it, you can bet I'll be hunting him down within the hour - as I would with any person; female or not; whom I consider to be a "friend" of some kind.
My attitude towards her is certainly gonna change, though...
You know it's contageous, right?
Solskjær wrote:
> Saturday was incredible... Sometimes - quite a lot of the time,
> actually - I feel like I've got these special "powers of
> demanding" or something, where, something I want to happen
> (within reason) will, suddenly, just happen, out-of-the-blue...
I sometimes get that too. I usually put it down to me being a big hippy, but you never know...
> Not since we were
> still forced to take - and fail - our Cycling Profficiency tests,
> back in '95/96.
Heh. I think I see a pattern emerging ;^D
The fact that there will never be an LBA 3, or the fact that I'm, pretty much, in-love with a "Chav"...
www.chavscum.co.uk
:S