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You are an extremist Leader.
You can place Fatwah on anyone you like, and you are promised a hit within 1 month.
Who are your targets?
No limits, but you must justify your religious murder:
Jamie Oliver:
Because he needs it. And you know it
P Diddy:
For his stupid name and stupid songs and stupid ex-girlfriend.
Steve Guttenburg:
For wasting his Police Academy potential
You can place Fatwah on anyone you like, and you are promised a hit within 1 month.
Who are your targets?
No limits, but you must justify your religious murder:
Jamie Oliver:
Because he needs it. And you know it
P Diddy:
For his stupid name and stupid songs and stupid ex-girlfriend.
Steve Guttenburg:
For wasting his Police Academy potential
Page:
Interesting thought:
Goatboy and Kitty.
Put them both in a room with 2 chairs and a table.
Every so often throw in a copy of "The Sun" and show them many a moronic thing in the world and watch the results.
:-)
--------
Another List:
Barbara Windsor: Enough Said.
Editor of "The Sun": Well enough said.
Politicians: Enough Said
:-)
What a great argument I put forward there.
Goatboy and Kitty.
Put them both in a room with 2 chairs and a table.
Every so often throw in a copy of "The Sun" and show them many a moronic thing in the world and watch the results.
:-)
--------
Another List:
Barbara Windsor: Enough Said.
Editor of "The Sun": Well enough said.
Politicians: Enough Said
:-)
What a great argument I put forward there.
OK I'll give Sexy Beast a chance. Ray Winstone is on his yellow card but we'll see. Anyway after my week-end I need to redo my fantasy fatwah list.
1) Angry People. There are way too many angry people out there. I was getting the bus home last night at around midnight. It was the usual selection of those who had horrible evenings and were going home cos "Darren doesn't love me" and people like me. Sobre and desperately wanting to get home. The bus took an age to arrive. Got three stops towards home when an old and obese lady wanted to get on. She also had a trolley with her. The bus driver starts making a fuss about how this old lady will have to put her trolley in the luggage compartment as she can't leave it in the "aisle"This old lady can barely get herself on the bus never mind start heaving her trolley around. The guy next to me who smelt strongly of wifebeater decided to pose a series of questions to the bus driver e.g. "What kind of Wa**** are you? Can't you see she's an old lady" etc, etc.Bus driver yells "Right thats it I'm not moving until you get off my bus". Lets face it its a powerful position when you have a busload of p****d, tiered people wanting to go home. Into the melee comes old ladies daughter who mistakes wifebeater for the bus driver and a tussle with the trolley ensues. Wifebeating man, daughter and trolley disembark with a volley of questions still being thrown at the bus driver e.g. "What kind of c*** are you?". Undeniabley the bus driver was a power crazed loon
but wifebeater so wanted a ruck. Note to self, get rich enough to get a cab home anytime after the pubs have chucked out.
2) Shops. For once in my life my shopping wasn't really curtailed by a budget - someone else was paying. This should have made for a rewarding shopping experience. Oh no. Round the shops hungover on Saturday. Its 9 million degrees and every perfume girl in Selfridges terrorised me with free samples of eau de bordello. Had to leave twice to avoid chucking. Shopping is hell
3)Dropping of food aid in Afghanistan. Surely there is something wrong with the world when we bomb and feed the same people. All this strategic bombing business is rubbish. Scud missles with their finely tuned navigational systems have a 2% chance of hitting their targets. Doubtless people are dieing as bread gets dropped on their head from a great height. Also every humanitarian agence in the world worth its credability knows dropping food is a waste of time. 80% of Afghanistan has land mines, presumabley they are managing not to drop the food into land mine areas. Unlikely giving their history at precision bombing. Also who do they think is going to leg it out to get it. The old/very young/infirm and anyone else who needs it. Doubt it, probably been knocked out by a loaf of bread already. It would be funny in a Monty Python kind of way if it wasn't so desperately sad.
1) Angry People. There are way too many angry people out there. I was getting the bus home last night at around midnight. It was the usual selection of those who had horrible evenings and were going home cos "Darren doesn't love me" and people like me. Sobre and desperately wanting to get home. The bus took an age to arrive. Got three stops towards home when an old and obese lady wanted to get on. She also had a trolley with her. The bus driver starts making a fuss about how this old lady will have to put her trolley in the luggage compartment as she can't leave it in the "aisle"This old lady can barely get herself on the bus never mind start heaving her trolley around. The guy next to me who smelt strongly of wifebeater decided to pose a series of questions to the bus driver e.g. "What kind of Wa**** are you? Can't you see she's an old lady" etc, etc.Bus driver yells "Right thats it I'm not moving until you get off my bus". Lets face it its a powerful position when you have a busload of p****d, tiered people wanting to go home. Into the melee comes old ladies daughter who mistakes wifebeater for the bus driver and a tussle with the trolley ensues. Wifebeating man, daughter and trolley disembark with a volley of questions still being thrown at the bus driver e.g. "What kind of c*** are you?". Undeniabley the bus driver was a power crazed loon
but wifebeater so wanted a ruck. Note to self, get rich enough to get a cab home anytime after the pubs have chucked out.
2) Shops. For once in my life my shopping wasn't really curtailed by a budget - someone else was paying. This should have made for a rewarding shopping experience. Oh no. Round the shops hungover on Saturday. Its 9 million degrees and every perfume girl in Selfridges terrorised me with free samples of eau de bordello. Had to leave twice to avoid chucking. Shopping is hell
3)Dropping of food aid in Afghanistan. Surely there is something wrong with the world when we bomb and feed the same people. All this strategic bombing business is rubbish. Scud missles with their finely tuned navigational systems have a 2% chance of hitting their targets. Doubtless people are dieing as bread gets dropped on their head from a great height. Also every humanitarian agence in the world worth its credability knows dropping food is a waste of time. 80% of Afghanistan has land mines, presumabley they are managing not to drop the food into land mine areas. Unlikely giving their history at precision bombing. Also who do they think is going to leg it out to get it. The old/very young/infirm and anyone else who needs it. Doubt it, probably been knocked out by a loaf of bread already. It would be funny in a Monty Python kind of way if it wasn't so desperately sad.
I feel your pain.
Although I'd disagree with Ray Winstone in your choice but hey, that's your call.
Go watch "Sexy Beast" to see him annihalate every "'ard geeza" performance he's done.
On the DVD he says "This is an fantastic film, it's a love story and you see the stuff I usually get offered, I..punch the geezer, but I get the bird in this one...lovely"
But I'd agree 100% with the rest of your choices. especially the chat-show-as-therapy one.
The exception to that is Springer.
He makes no bones about helping or drawing out pain for entertainment. He just gets rednecks on and lets them punch each other.
That guy is king and he knows it.
I have a website devoted to the things that make me go "Grrr", I think you would enjoy it muchly.
As for my revised fatwah list:
George W Bush (someone beat me to it though)
A retarded, warmongering fundamentalist (christian) with no sense of the world, a backing in the CIA and firmly in the pocket of ESSO and other OPEC companies.
Celebrity Tradesman
You know these people. A film-crew follows them on their job and suddenly we have to endure their idiotic mind-vomit for a few months until they fade into obscurity.
Tabloid Newspaper staff
Moron comic books obsessed with pop-stars and soap stars, tales of people with comical tattoos and "My night of Passion" exposes. These things should not class themselves as "newspapers". If I want celebrity gossip, I'll buy Heat or some other window into a world I care not for.
And anyone that thinks a "paper" with a topless woman in each day is valid as a forum for world comment? Get back to watching Teletubbies and eating puree food.
Fred Durst
For making testosterone-fuelled music to beat people to.
"I've never read a book in my life" says Durst.
It shows.
Although I'd disagree with Ray Winstone in your choice but hey, that's your call.
Go watch "Sexy Beast" to see him annihalate every "'ard geeza" performance he's done.
On the DVD he says "This is an fantastic film, it's a love story and you see the stuff I usually get offered, I..punch the geezer, but I get the bird in this one...lovely"
But I'd agree 100% with the rest of your choices. especially the chat-show-as-therapy one.
The exception to that is Springer.
He makes no bones about helping or drawing out pain for entertainment. He just gets rednecks on and lets them punch each other.
That guy is king and he knows it.
I have a website devoted to the things that make me go "Grrr", I think you would enjoy it muchly.
As for my revised fatwah list:
George W Bush (someone beat me to it though)
A retarded, warmongering fundamentalist (christian) with no sense of the world, a backing in the CIA and firmly in the pocket of ESSO and other OPEC companies.
Celebrity Tradesman
You know these people. A film-crew follows them on their job and suddenly we have to endure their idiotic mind-vomit for a few months until they fade into obscurity.
Tabloid Newspaper staff
Moron comic books obsessed with pop-stars and soap stars, tales of people with comical tattoos and "My night of Passion" exposes. These things should not class themselves as "newspapers". If I want celebrity gossip, I'll buy Heat or some other window into a world I care not for.
And anyone that thinks a "paper" with a topless woman in each day is valid as a forum for world comment? Get back to watching Teletubbies and eating puree food.
Fred Durst
For making testosterone-fuelled music to beat people to.
"I've never read a book in my life" says Durst.
It shows.
Fantasy Fatwah. Perfect topic for a woman with a short temper and a major dose of PMT.
1) Guy Ritchie, Gary Oldman, Ray Winstone, assorted old eastend wideboys and anyone involved in perpetuating the whole mockney cockney gangster myth. My favourite Julie Burchill line is "Why does Guy Ritchie have a scar on his cheek?" Answer "Its where he fell of his pony and the silver spoon in his mouth caught him".
The whole glamourising of the gangster chic by middle class boys who went to RADA and want to look hard is painful. I watched a documentary about Britain during the war and the ensuing crime epidemic it spawned. Yup thats right we weren't all noble, it wasn't "our finest hour". Crime rates rocketed by 43% as various people took advantage of the black out to carry on with various misdeeds. Notable amongst these was some old eastend character called Charlie someting or other. He's a staple of the chat show scene and has bought out his ghost written autobiography about his time with the Krays. (yawn). Anyway this scumbag took advantage of the war situation by a)deserting b)nicking the uniform of air wardens and liberating people of thier posessions as they took off down the bunkers. It would actually be quite funny if he wasn't some right wing, racist thug professing to love his country.
b)Oprah, Esther, Ricki and the like. Intelligent women milking the misery of not so intelligent people (other women generally) in the name of some bastardized version of therapy. Spilling your guts on TV doesn't equal entertainment or therapy. Its exploitation. It generally doesn't generate understanding. The personal may have been political in 1968 these days its high ratings. Emotional incontinence is not entertaining.
3)Travel bores. I've done a fair amount of travelling and it doesn't matter what corner of the planet you are in there is the resident travel bore. You can usually spot them as a)they have every bit of outdoor survival kit going and generally totally unnecessary for the region - they are in Malaga not Mongolia or b)they travel so light they spend the whole time sponging of you. They will also totally invalidate any travel experience you've ever had. You could have been to the moon and they would have been there twice. Base jumping in Mogadishu is the only valid travel experience as far as they are concerned. I would hack them to death with my swiss army pen knife but I've usually lost it and would have to borrow theres.
1) Guy Ritchie, Gary Oldman, Ray Winstone, assorted old eastend wideboys and anyone involved in perpetuating the whole mockney cockney gangster myth. My favourite Julie Burchill line is "Why does Guy Ritchie have a scar on his cheek?" Answer "Its where he fell of his pony and the silver spoon in his mouth caught him".
The whole glamourising of the gangster chic by middle class boys who went to RADA and want to look hard is painful. I watched a documentary about Britain during the war and the ensuing crime epidemic it spawned. Yup thats right we weren't all noble, it wasn't "our finest hour". Crime rates rocketed by 43% as various people took advantage of the black out to carry on with various misdeeds. Notable amongst these was some old eastend character called Charlie someting or other. He's a staple of the chat show scene and has bought out his ghost written autobiography about his time with the Krays. (yawn). Anyway this scumbag took advantage of the war situation by a)deserting b)nicking the uniform of air wardens and liberating people of thier posessions as they took off down the bunkers. It would actually be quite funny if he wasn't some right wing, racist thug professing to love his country.
b)Oprah, Esther, Ricki and the like. Intelligent women milking the misery of not so intelligent people (other women generally) in the name of some bastardized version of therapy. Spilling your guts on TV doesn't equal entertainment or therapy. Its exploitation. It generally doesn't generate understanding. The personal may have been political in 1968 these days its high ratings. Emotional incontinence is not entertaining.
3)Travel bores. I've done a fair amount of travelling and it doesn't matter what corner of the planet you are in there is the resident travel bore. You can usually spot them as a)they have every bit of outdoor survival kit going and generally totally unnecessary for the region - they are in Malaga not Mongolia or b)they travel so light they spend the whole time sponging of you. They will also totally invalidate any travel experience you've ever had. You could have been to the moon and they would have been there twice. Base jumping in Mogadishu is the only valid travel experience as far as they are concerned. I would hack them to death with my swiss army pen knife but I've usually lost it and would have to borrow theres.
I guess you haven't been watching the news much then.
It's The Middle Ages all over again, but with nicer fireworks and you can watch it on tee-vee while you eat.
It's The Middle Ages all over again, but with nicer fireworks and you can watch it on tee-vee while you eat.
loki wrote:
> If you can beat 'Fantasy Fatwah' surely that's justification enough for a
> topic.
This is true.
And I do have "Fantasy Fatwah" beat, but when to release this nugget?
Hmmm...check back in the Life forum later on this morning when I'm at work.
> If you can beat 'Fantasy Fatwah' surely that's justification enough for a
> topic.
This is true.
And I do have "Fantasy Fatwah" beat, but when to release this nugget?
Hmmm...check back in the Life forum later on this morning when I'm at work.
Penny Smith - That stupid cow, parents watch GMTV first thing I ALWAYS SEE in the morningno matter how hard I try not to... stupid boot :-D
Lead singer of Cosmic Rough Riders - He sucks, they suck and he just sucks... and the only bloody *celebrity* I have met :-D
Stupid Bloke - Some ass, whos going out with my bird to me, stupid boot doesn't know what shes missing *beats chest*
I could go on all day :-D
Lead singer of Cosmic Rough Riders - He sucks, they suck and he just sucks... and the only bloody *celebrity* I have met :-D
Stupid Bloke - Some ass, whos going out with my bird to me, stupid boot doesn't know what shes missing *beats chest*
I could go on all day :-D
If you can beat 'Fantasy Fatwah' surely that's justification enough for a topic.
loki wrote:
Nice title though, so: Robert Kilroy Silk, the writers of
> Eastenders and Gail Porter.
I know, but I fancied being the Ayotollah Goatemi for the day.
And I'm trying to come up with a topic that can justify the best pun ever about this whole USA Vs Arab thing.
And I promise you, it's a doozy
Nice title though, so: Robert Kilroy Silk, the writers of
> Eastenders and Gail Porter.
I know, but I fancied being the Ayotollah Goatemi for the day.
And I'm trying to come up with a topic that can justify the best pun ever about this whole USA Vs Arab thing.
And I promise you, it's a doozy
Page: