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"I'm Worried About My Personality..."

To be honest, I don't know if it's good or bad.

This topic is mostly stemming from my mates going paintball and wanting me to come. I went once before and didn't like it much at all-well, no where near as much as they all liked. So I don't want to go this time. I'm not sure why I don't want to go...am I boring? Am I too scared to go? I don't know, but I'm certainly very different from the rest of my mates. The problem is, if I say that I don't want to go, they'll take the p!ss out of me, so I've been deserpately trying to think of a decent excuse. Nothing yet.

But all this has made me think. I mean, I hate going places which are very busy. As some of you know, I lack in a lot of self-confidence. I'm nervous around new people, and especially nervous around girls. There's another thing...some of my mates go out with different girls all the time because they're more confident, and they don't seem to care at all when they break up. As some of you may know (I posted a topic on here and FOG Prime all about it,) I got really worked up over this one girl. Just one!

Quite a lot of my friends go to this local nightclub where they try and pick up as many girls as possible. If they asked me to come, I wouldn't know what to say, because that sort of place really doesn't sound like my sort of thing. But I'm worried...why am I like this, and no one else is??

I mean, I enjoy my life. I occasionally go and play cricket and pool with my mates, and I go to a youth club on sunday nights as well as a Christian Youth Group, but that's it. I mean, I don't particurlarly enjoy the youth club. It's good, but sometimes I just wish I could stay at home. I actually think I'm more lucky than some...perhaps they all wanna go out all the time because they have no interests at home, where as I have gaming and this website. I love to play games, and also love to chat here. None of my friends (apart from 1, and he likes going Paintball,) have this...

I'm confused. I like my life, but I'd also like to be a bit more extrovert, a bit more confident and I'd also like to know, within myself why I don't like these things, that so many others do.

At the moment I'm beginning to think that I'm gonna turn out like my uncle (about 40 years old, never married, still at home with his mother.)

Thanks for reading, Ant.

I can't really say much more than anyone else already has. You know what I think Ant, and I don't think you really need me to say it.

I will, however, say one thing.

The largest failure of mankind is the fact that intelligent people have so little confidence in themselves as humans. If for one moment we actually believed in our abilities, we would be on top of the world.

Secondly, it's better to regret something you did, to something you didn't do. Might write a topic about something along these lines soon. But now, I'm off to walk around the Pembrokeshire coastline with my parents. How very sad I must be.

:0)

I live at home at 28.
Or I stay with my girlfriend.

I'm the furthest you can get from a mummy's boy you can imagine.
I did live away from home but circumstances got bad and I went back.

Living at home is the new Rock and Roll

Ant wrote:
> Oh yeah, I hope the line about my uncle didn't offend you Wookiee.

No, no offence was taken... I was just saying that if people do consider me a mummy's boy for living with my parents at 30, then that's their problem, not mine. It's my life, I'm happy with it, and that's all that matters! :-)

I envy you. I didn't go to nightclubs too much when i was younger, but in my first year at uni i got drawn into it a lot more. Most of the rime i didn't particularly want to, but everyone did so i went along with it. It was expensive, i did enjoy it up until the point when i'd get a little too drunk, but everyone was dropping tripple vodkas or rushing through the pints. I got to thinking about it, i'm going to try to stop this year. Not stop going out completely - for me, the line i'm looking for is going out occasionally, not drinking too much. As for relying on it as a social crutch - the friends i've made through other things, mostly basketball, are much better friends than the drinking, clubbing crowd. There are so many of those guys who i can honestly say i don't even like any more, but the people from that group who are my friends don't care if i don't want to go heavily, and understand if i don't want to go out too much.

Women? I get cut up over it pretty easily (using cut in just the obvious sense of the word!), and i'd always sooner take things thinking about one person at a time, or it just gets complicated, and i'm looking for something a little more meaningful than replacing the last one the next night.

So the point is, i envy where you are now, i'm going to try to get back there myself, and it ain't just the grass being greener on the other side, it's doing what you actually want to do.
Keep your head up.

Oh yeah, I hope the line about my uncle didn't offend you Wookiee. I mean, my Uncle's a really cool guy. He loves to play video games, and he's a nice enough guy to find a woman, but he just doesn't have the confidence.

It's just something I really want in life is to get married and settle down.

Humm...thanks for all the replies guys. I didn't know that you changed all that much as you grew up...

Thanks again, I'll try and think about your comments everytime something comes up.

Oh yeah, and I told my friends that I don't have the money to go Paintball (which I actually don't, I've got about a tenner in my bank account {:)) and although there's been a little bit of mickey-taking, it's nothing new, and most of the time I smile and say something like, "Yep, I'm not going paintballing."

Anyway, thank for everything you've said, and as I've said before, I regard you lot as true friends.

Thanks, Ant.

Don't worry Ant. Just because you don't like doing something doesn't make you strange.

I don't get out much but I enjoy myself playing games with my mates and playing the odd game of football.

I don't have a lot of confidence (as you already know) but chances are that, in time, you will have self confidence and you will be able to do anything that you want to do.

Just don't make the same mistakes I made. :D

Ant.

If you want to get more confidence up, join a local drama group.


My parents have been involved in one ever since I can remember, and I have been involved as well since I was about 13.

It's great fun, I've done acting, make-up, as well as learning stuff by helping out with the lighting and sound effects.

All the people involved are really outgoing and friendly. No one cares if you make a fool out of yourself, it's all good natured anf great fun. You get a lot of self confidence from doing it, trust me, as well as meeting new people, who may like the same kind of things as you.

I'm actually joining one down here in Surrey. It starts up again on Sunday after their summer break. I don't know where you live, but I imagine there's one around somewhere, if you go to the local library they can give you the info.

Ant, I get a lot of stick from people at work because I don't go out every Friday night to the pubs and clubs etc.

People think I'm being unsociable, but I'm not - I'm just not interested in going out every week, getting plastered and peeing £50 away on booze. I've nothing against drinking, but I'd rather spend that cash on something that's going to give me more than one nights 'enjoyment' and a crashing headache the next day.

If anyone asks me to go anywhere else, such as Alton Towers or somewhere entertaining, then I'll most likely go. The weekend before last I went with a friend to the Britbowl (UK American Football league finals) and enjoyed it a lot.

I've been paintballing and I enjoyed it, but I haven't been since. I've also been karting, enjoyed that, but haven't had the opportunity to go again since. The people I know through work think nothing of going out at least every Friday and getting drunk, but they never really show any interest in anything that takes a bit of effort to get to.

I find it incredibly boring going to the same places every week to drink; so much so that I rarely even go out to celebrate peoples birthdays now.

If I'm honest, I'd rather stay home and play a game.

And even though I'm 30, I still live at home with my parents. Am I a 'mummy's boy'? I'll let people form their own opinion, because as long as I'm not upsetting people, their opinion doesn't matter to me one bit. I certianly don't think I am, though.

A few years ago, I was in the process of getting a house with my fiancee, but we split up and that all fell through. For me, there's no rush to get my own place. My parents are extremely cool, and I am able to treat the house as my own - there are no rules about what I can and can't do. I pay my parents a significant amount of money each month for 'lodging' there, but it's much better for me financially to stay there at the moment.

I was like you when I was younger - lacking self-confidence, shy etc. I still am to a point, but a lot of that disappeared after the split with my fiancee. I now have a much bolder attitude, and less concern about what other people think. If they can't like you for who you are, then it's their problem, not yours. True friends will always take you as they find you and accept the differences between you.

The bottom line is, if you don't want to do something, or aren't comfortable doing something, then don't do it. Don't do anything until you're ready to.

Don't bother giving your mates an excuse - just tell them the truth - you don't want to go because you didn't enjoy it. It's up to them to deal with it, mate.

Don't worry you aren't any different, in fact I know a lot of people who are very like yourself.