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> Machie wrote:
> @ngel do you have a back up? I'll be your back up =) if neither
> of us are married by the time we're 30 then we'll get together.
>
>
> oh thanks :)
Just 4 more years and you're mine =)
> Hmmm, yeah, that's perhaps an aspect I've not considered. Maybe
> it's hard/impossible to imagine what it's like to be actually
> committed to someone like that until you actually do it.
The only way you can do it is by "fake marriage" or engagement. It gives you a sense of being married without actually being married.
> @ngel do you have a back up? I'll be your back up =) if neither
> of us are married by the time we're 30 then we'll get together.
oh thanks :)
> No, there needs to be a sense of progression and commitment i
> think. Being casual can help for a while but when the big
> arguments come, you need to feel that you should go back and
> work things out.
> I've seen it in a couple i've known recently, they've been
> together for as long as i've known them but they got married and
> it's all collapsed because they cant deal with the "We're
> married now, why aren't things perfect" mentality.
> Basically they could deal with problems when they werent tied to
> each other, now they are, it's a case of "If it's not right,
> it's wrong"
Hmmm, yeah, that's perhaps an aspect I've not considered. Maybe it's hard/impossible to imagine what it's like to be actually committed to someone like that until you actually do it.
> For definite, without question - how anyone can get married
> without first living together is beyond me. You only really get
> to know a person when you live with them IMO.
Yeah, I kinda do it a bit already. The longest time was 2 months, so we were together 24 hours a day 7 days a week and it was perfect. We got on great and had no problems. Well just the one and that was 2 months still going by quickly =)
If you cant stand being with each other 24/7 then it's probably not going to work out.
> No idea, and I don't want to speculate either :)
I'd like to think me because I'm getting old and I want to start having kids =D
> That's pretty much what I was saying but then we were talking
> about his friend who at 10 years still hasnt gotten round to
> marrying his girlfriend.
>
> I think 2 years max living together would be enough.
Hmmm, well yeah I see what you're saying. But the way I figure it, they've been together for 10 years, although they've only lived together for about a year so far. So I think they're taking things at the right pace - they know full well they get on to the point of not straying for 10 years, now they're settling into life together in a house. I'm fairly sure they'll marry in the next few years, but the way I see it - if you know full well you're going to spend your life with this person, there's no real need to rush into marriage, like so many do, and later regret.
> Aye well that makes sense, but then wouldn't you say that you'd
> have a good idea if the pair of you could make a go of it
> without getting engaged, simply remaining as boyfriend and
> girlfriend?
No, there needs to be a sense of progression and commitment i think. Being casual can help for a while but when the big arguments come, you need to feel that you should go back and work things out.
I've seen it in a couple i've known recently, they've been together for as long as i've known them but they got married and it's all collapsed because they cant deal with the "We're married now, why aren't things perfect" mentality. Basically they could deal with problems when they werent tied to each other, now they are, it's a case of "If it's not right, it's wrong"
> I disagree. I think it's a good thing to have some sense of what
> it's like being tied together before you're properly tied
> together. How many longterm couples have you seen collapse after
> getting married because they cant adapt to the mindset.
> Everything is more permanent, you dont take a break, you get
> divorced instead. it's all stress and long engagements are a
> pretty solid idea.
That's pretty much what I was saying but then we were talking about his friend who at 10 years still hasnt gotten round to marrying his girlfriend.
I think 2 years max living together would be enough.
> Still I think living together first is a good idea. Just maybe
> not for years before marriage.
For definite, without question - how anyone can get married without first living together is beyond me. You only really get to know a person when you live with them IMO.
> So who do you think out of all of us will be married first?
> (apart from Smedlos who's getting married this summer)
No idea, and I don't want to speculate either :)