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"Planet of the Apes - the verdict"

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Fri 17/08/01 at 12:03
Regular
Posts: 787
Hmm, okay, I was expecting this to be pure summer blockbuster material, but with a nice Tim Burton-tint to it. I also read some dodgy reviews of it, which lead me to believe it was a bit pony. However, any film with monkeys is okay by me.

Best bits:
Countless monkeys (real ones too)
They're all really violent
Tim Roth
Helena Bonham Carter makes one sexy chimp
The ending

Worst bits:
Mark Wahlberg
The beginning
No monkey-on-monkey action
Not being able to figure out which apes are from the WWF
The ending

The one-liners:
'Get out your monkey'
'I'm going to get my chimp'
'Get your stinking hands off me, you damn dirty human!'

Verdict - a monkey-tastic 7/10
Sun 19/08/01 at 15:42
Posts: 0
I am very sorry but I saw the film two days ago and was extremely disappointed. It was absolutely pathetic, not the slightest bit entertaining and to be honest i would be very insulted if i was an ape!!
I haven't seen the original movie, so I watched this with a completely open mind, without any expectations (except for the fact that I expect Tim Burton films to be top notch, and well, just to admire the gorgeous 'talent' of Mark Walhberg is an attractio for any female).
Right from the start the vision of an ape society 'aping' a human society was just too ridiculous for words. The film was poorly acted, badly paced and extremely unconvincing. One of the biggest problems in this remake is that the humans CAN talk, I was informed that in the origional they couldn't which i think would have worked much better. The fact atht they can talk makes the idea that they would be treated like animals ridiculous. You can bet that if apes could speak English in our world, we probably wouldn't keep them in zoos, animal rights notwithstanding.
Tim Burton is class. Unfortunately this film isn't. Too much like a comedy at the start and the whole film relies on special effects and the ape costumes. By the way how is it that Helena Bonham Carter's character has human hair and modern style? The film plot is thin.
A part of the film i thought was totally ridiculous was when Mark was leavin the planet and snogged Helena (Ari) which is simply stupid, i dont really agree with humans and animals getting it on , just doesn't do it for me, the apparant love triangle between mark , helena and estrella is only highlighted at the end when both female ape and human share a passionate snog with him , estrella and mark hardly spoke thoughout the entire film so this snog was a pathetic way to film some extra running time .
If you must see it go to the cinema as it is only the effects that saves this film from total obscurity.
Sun 19/08/01 at 15:17
Regular
Posts: 1,294
I think Mark Wahlberg was a pretty good choice for the movie, he blends in well with the monkers!

{:-D
Fri 17/08/01 at 12:25
Regular
"Infantalised Forums"
Posts: 23,089
In The Independant today, Tim Burton says
"I would rather jump out of a window than make a sequel"

Which makes me admire him even more
The only sequel Burton has ever done is Batman Returns, which was dark, nasty and violent.

Burton is a Silverback Director.

Burton + monkeys + Tim Roth = Monkey Magic
Fri 17/08/01 at 12:22
Regular
"Pouch Ape"
Posts: 14,499
Don't get me wrong. I love the POTA series and I might buy the originals on DVD, but this just seemed like a mon(k)ey spinner.
Fri 17/08/01 at 12:07
Regular
"Infantalised Forums"
Posts: 23,089
Mr.Snuggly wrote:

> However, any film with monkeys is okay by me.

Damn straight.

Best
> bits:
Countless monkeys (real ones too)
They're all really violent - Awesome.

The one-liners:
'I'm going to get my chimp' -

This is the best line from any movie, ever.
Except for Project X
"He's smoking!"
"Yeah?!
"That monkey is smoking!"
"Go tell him it's bad for him then"
"...he looks pretty angry"
"That's why we gave him the smoke"


Verdict - a monkey-tastic 7/10
Fri 17/08/01 at 12:06
Regular
"Pouch Ape"
Posts: 14,499
I wasn't so impressed. There was no need for this film to be 'reimagined'. I think one day someone came up with a slightly different ending and that person happened to be Tim Burton.
Fri 17/08/01 at 12:03
Regular
"TheShiznit.co.uk"
Posts: 6,592
Hmm, okay, I was expecting this to be pure summer blockbuster material, but with a nice Tim Burton-tint to it. I also read some dodgy reviews of it, which lead me to believe it was a bit pony. However, any film with monkeys is okay by me.

Best bits:
Countless monkeys (real ones too)
They're all really violent
Tim Roth
Helena Bonham Carter makes one sexy chimp
The ending

Worst bits:
Mark Wahlberg
The beginning
No monkey-on-monkey action
Not being able to figure out which apes are from the WWF
The ending

The one-liners:
'Get out your monkey'
'I'm going to get my chimp'
'Get your stinking hands off me, you damn dirty human!'

Verdict - a monkey-tastic 7/10

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