The "Freeola Customer Forum" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
Best bits:
Countless monkeys (real ones too)
They're all really violent
Tim Roth
Helena Bonham Carter makes one sexy chimp
The ending
Worst bits:
Mark Wahlberg
The beginning
No monkey-on-monkey action
Not being able to figure out which apes are from the WWF
The ending
The one-liners:
'Get out your monkey'
'I'm going to get my chimp'
'Get your stinking hands off me, you damn dirty human!'
Verdict - a monkey-tastic 7/10
Okay - deep breath. Remember Walberg went into a time storm chasing the monkey in the pod? Well, he goes back in time and lands on this planet, which the Apes take over etc. Now, the ships land on the planet in REVERSE. We see the monkey go off first; he lands at the end of the film. Walberg goes second, chasing the monkey and he lands on the planet after the whole ship (with the monkey's that end up evolving to inhabit the planet) that had chased him into the time storm.
Okay, time has been reversed OR the time storm sends the ships into random points along a Universal time line. If Walberg leaves earth in 2001 AD, he could have actually landed on the Ape's planet in 1,000,000 BC, basically Walberg went back in time to arrive on the Ape's planet. Still following me?
Now, once you've got your head around that, there are two things that can happen. Firstly, the Ape's planet could have been Earth. In the film the Apes "took over" the planet from a race of Neanthral man (look at the human's clothes, tools, and how the monkey's note the humans poor language). At the end of the film Walberg's character goes back through the time storm to a modern day version of the Earth - which is actually the same Ape planet he left, but a couple of thousand years on.
There's a flaw with this idea though - Burton categorically stated that the film did not take place on Earth. Okay, so remember that the Ape's planet could have been thousands of years BC? Well, when Walberg goes back through time to the modern day the Apes have had thousand's of year's worth of evolution and have mastered space travel (with extra help from studying the huge space ship still landing crashed on their planet). So at some point between the time when Walberg is on their planet and the later date when Walberg returns to Earth the Ape's colonized it and killed off the humans. Remembering that Roth's war like character is left locked in the navigation room of the ship (the travel aspect) with a gun (war side of things) he could get all the sorts of ideas necessary to start this plan. They also know other planets exist as Walberg arrived on their planet from his home - Earth.
If anyone knows the Planet of the Apes bigwigs tell them I have the sequel sorted. Expect a come back for Estella Warren's character in fewer clothes, but generally jiggling around more.
In armour.
And they talk
It does have it’s good points, the best of which is Tim Roth. I would never guess it was him. As an ape, he is (obviously) unrecognisable but his voice is also almost impossible to recognise. His character is fantastic. He isn’t that big an ape but he is really powerful and the way he is always jumping around works really well. Whenever he walks towards the camera, he also tilts his head downwards and looks up with his eyes in order to make himself seem more menacing, and it works.
I was never bored but I was never really overly excited either. The make-up was really good and it made certain apes look menacing whereas other apes looked much less of a threat.
The ending has left it wide open for a sequel and judging by the profits in America, there should definitely be one. Hopefully it will be better than this one as this could have been so much better. Maybe Wahlberg could die at the beginning and someone else could be the hero. Kris Kristofferson perhaps.
I would recommend people to see it as there is probably going to be more than one sequel so why miss out on the first one and then have no idea what is going on in the other films. You might as well go and see this one as it’s good fun anyway, and then look forward to the next film which will hopefully be better.
The ending was bad? The ending was fantastic, which left you startled and puzzled. Tim Burton did exactly every memorbale film needs, a good ending.
Sorry if you ain't seen them:
Saving Private Ryan:Hanks Dying
Arlington Road:Too good to explain
The Green Mile:Well maybe not such a great ending
Ok you win, maybe every film doesn't need a good ending to be memorable but in my opinion if sure as hell does it.
Best Bits:
:I can't believe no-one has mentioned it
Estella Warren in a short skimpy dress
Now in my opinion if she was just in the film fully clothed it would still be worth going to watch. Ok so she said about 5 words and she acted worse than a plasticine model, but she appeared in the film and that's all that matters.
:Good one liners
As for the rest of the film I agree the ending was annoying, I thought the twist was predictibal but still satisfying and the plot was great.
You were mean't to see the world in a different perceptive and I think it did just that, makes you think afterwards.
Worst Bits:
:Now I ain't the most intelligent man in the world but the ending wasn't explained, but then again I think it was probally better it wasn't, leaving a mystery behind. Maybe for a sequel.
:No apes ripping each other's head's off and playing football with them.
And that is my summary of the film. And as for that Mark Wahlberg thing I was shocked that you thought that, he played it too the bone,even though orignally Matt Damon was supposed to play the role. But that's life.
Big angry monkeys, cool make-up.
Plot did what it needed to do, Wahlberg did what he had to do.
But the monkeys...oh lord the monkeys.
I'm gonna get me one.
I've never seen the original, but have seen some in the series, and they were pretty cool too, buy hey, it's talking monkeys, how can it not rule?
The monkeys look great, and the way they acted was really odd, with them squealing, and sniffing everything.
Tim Roth made one mean monkey, and I loved the way they fought by knocking people down, and pounding on them.
It was rather refreshing that they didn't have to make a big thing of any 'love' angle, as most Hollywood films felt they had to, other than the kiss at the end.
Mark Walburg is cool. Was pretty anonymous in this movie, but did the job.
The ending was cool, you knew it was coming, but it was still cool. That statue/ monument looked real mean.
Honestly, loved this film. Top stuff.
Anyway, I'll bet large wads of cash that Burton was forced to film the ending, as it is, sets up a sequel nicely for the Suits. He'll not be helming says he, but remember another big name director's recent U-turn regarding sequels? No? Okay, Spielberg letting someone else helm a film stemming from something he started - claimed that after the Jaws experience he'd never let that happen again.
Think I’ve managed to side step giving away the ending… just… though if you haven’t guessed already from the media coverage/friend's viewings you’re probably incapable or reading anyway…