Viewing Thread:
"The Wonder of Kevin Smith"

Following on from Snuggly's Chris Morris and Alan Partridge threads, this one is for people to post their fav Kevin Smith qoutes.
I accept that the language is..fruity, so let us use the BBC school of pre-watershed editing.

I shall start:

"Snoochy Boochy? Who the fun talks like that? That is funning baby talk"

Snooch to the naga-funning noonch!

"I'm a firm beliver in the philosophy of a ruling
class; espically since I rule"
- Randal Graves, Clerks

37!!?!?!???!
- Dante Hicks, Clerks

"What do you mean there's no ice! I have to drink this coffee hot?"
- Customer, Clerks

People say crazy during . One time I called this girl "Mom."
- Randal Graves, Clerks

[making "Jaws" music] Salsa shark... Man goes into cage...Cage goes into salsa... Sharks in the salsa... We're gonna need a bigger boat!
- Randal Graves, Clerks

"It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys, that's why I caged animals for artificial insemination."
- Customer, Clerks

"What's your encore? Do you, like, my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank?"
- Dante Hicks, Clerks

"You're going to listen to something I said? Haven't I made it abundantlyclear during the tenure of our friendship that I don't know salsa?"
- Brodie Bruce, Mallrats

", what you don't know about me I can just about squeeze in the Grand Canyon. Did you know I always wanted to be a dancer in Vegas?"
- Silent Bob, Chasing Amy

"We had a dream, we set out to make that dream reality, and except for when we were almost gunned down with the monkey and when I off that guy, everything went smooth as silk."
- Jay, Jay and Silent Bob, The Comic

Jay: Phase one, first you take a run at LaFours with a sock full of quarters, I'd do it, but I pulled my back out humping your mom last night. Noonch. Okay, you clock him on his head piece and knock his butt out cold. That's when phase two kicks in. I attack the structure Wolvie Beserk style and knock out the funning pin and bickety bam the muddy funkster is rubble.

"Like my gran used to say, why buy the cow when you get the sex for free"

"I talk about comics and you bring up chicks? What kind of man are you?"

"We need you two to go on an errand of destruction and trash that lame gameshow"
"That all? Sheet, we were going to do that anyway"
"Why?"
"What else we got to do?"

Jay: Shin, my grandma used to say,"which is better: a good plate with nothing on it..." No, wait, I funned up. She said "What's a good-looking plate with nothing on it?"

Dante: Meaning?

Jay: I don't know. She was senile and shin. Used to pith herself all the time.

Jay:"Olaf here is a metal band"

Caitlin:"What's it called?"

Jay:"I dunno, fun you Yankee Blue Jeans or something. Watch this, it's funny as hell, Olaf, metal face!"

Olaf: "Grrrrr..my love for you is like a truck, Berserker...would you like to makee fun Berserker!"

Caitlin: "Did he just say Would you like to makee fun?"

Jay: "Yeah, Olaf is the funning Master! Noodge"

"I want to go with you"
"What, like steady? Ok, but you pay all the bills and Silent Bob here get's to live with us"

"You were martyred?"
"That's one way to put it. Another way is to say I was bludgeoned to death by big-ash rocks"

"Fun them, fun them in their stupid ashes?"

Clerks this time;

Veronica:How much money did you leave up there?

Dante: Like 3 dollars in mixed change and a couple of singles. People only get the paper or coffee this time of the morning

Veronica: You're trusting.

Dante: Why do you say that?

Veronica: How do you know they're taking the right amount of change? or even paying for what they take?

Dante: Theoretically, people see money on the counter and nobody around, they think they're being watched.

Veronica: Honesty through paranoia.



Dante (to Randal): Go open the video store.

Jay: Yeah, you c0ck smoking clerk!

Dante (to Jay): How many times do I gotta tell you not to deal outside the store?

Jay: I'm not dealing.

Kid (to Jay): You got anything, man?

Jay: Yeah, what do you want?

From Dogma;

Bethany: Then - I don't mean to sound ungrateful - but what are you doing hanging around?
Jay: We're here to pick up chicks.
Bethany: Excuse me?
Jay: We figure an abortion clinic is a good place to meet loose women. Why else would they be there unless they like to fun?

Jay: I feel like I'm Han Solo, and you're Chewie, and she's Ben Kenobi, and we're in that funned up bar.

Loki: Any moron with a pack of matches can start a fire. Raining down sulfur takes a huge level of endurance. Mass genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in, next to soccer.