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I apologise in advance folks, this is going to be a long rambling post purely because it’s midnight and yet again, I find myself unable to sleep or switch my head off.
Listening to radiohead as I surf the net looking for something I haven’t seen before, some topic that might interest me in someway, nothing to do with computers or movies or music, something new.
I need constantly to stimulate myself. I don’t mean that in a smutty way for once, I mean that I need continuous input and information, new experiences and new things to discover.
Why? Let me try to explain how my life changed completely by chance one morning.
I was in a serious road accident in 1991 that, by all rights should have killed me. I should not have come out alive and very nearly didn’t. A learner driver out with his brother smashed into me doing almost 70mph and destroyed my car. The accident was radioed in as a fatal, and the ambulance crew were shocked to discover that I was still breathing, albeit with great difficulty.
I ended up with a fractured skull, a small break at the base of my neck and my left arm crushed at the elbow from the force of the impact., along with various scrapes, cuts, bruises and a black eye from where I bent the steering wheel in half from smashing into it with my face.
I have absolutely no idea what happened, cant remember at all. It happened on a Saturday morning about 10am in Harlow.
I remember the Friday night before, but nothing really for the next couple of weeks.
I had to endure almost 7 months of intensive physio to restore feeling and movement back into my arm which is now held together with pins, screws and a lot of wire, and then a further year as an outpatient in an attempt to get my arm back to how it was before.
It never will be, I have restricted movement because of the amount of damage sustained to it. I’m no gimp, but I cant fully extend or contract it, I had the option of having the metalwork out, but the risk was almost 70% chance of permanent paralysis if I risked it, so I didn’t do. Instead, I have a looping scar that runs from half way up my arm to mid forearm.
I suffer from pretty constant headaches and in winter I get aches and pains, I have been told that I WILL end up with rheumatoid arthritis when I am older and I just have to live with that fact.
Anything else? Yep. As a result of the head injuries, I suffer from reduced tolerance stress disorder, which basically means that I have a very short temper and am prone to mouthing off and uncontrollable fits of anger over the slightest things.
So why am I telling you this? It certainly isn’t in some attempt at sympathy, not for one second, I have worked my balls off to overcome a majority of the effects and live pretty much how I did before. You wouldn’t know to look at me the damage I took, it doesn’t hinder me in anything I choose to do.
No, the reason I’m boring you with this is to say that the only positive thing to come out of my accident was the realisation that life is short and can end any second, no matter how carefully you live, what you choose to eat, where you live, what you do for a living, it doesn’t matter. All it takes is one little instant and you could be out of here in a second.
If I had taken a different route that day, left 20 seconds earlier or later, stopped to buy a drink it would never have happened and my life would have taken a completely different path. But I am who I am today and where I am because of this thing.
That may not sound like a positive thing, to know that you can die at any second, but it is.
It liberates you from things that don’t matter. Things like savings, a decent career, worrying about doing what you want with your life.
The only thing that matters is that you make each and every second count that you are alive, live each day like it could be your last.
It took me almost 9 years to win a compensation case against the other driver,who was totally at fault and I was awarded £20,000 in damages for injury, loss of work, restrictions in later life etc.
What did I do with that money? I helped my mum pay off her debts, took off round America for 2 months, used it for a deposit on renting a flat, basically did everything I had ever wanted to do and didn't care about saving it.
I spent the lot.
Some will say I was stupid, should have invested it etc etc, but I don't see the point.
I wouldn't have had that money if I hadn't been injured, it's not liked I saved for years and who knows when I'm gonna die? Why deny yourself just in case you make it to 70 and make more money?
No thanks, I lived my life in the best way possible.
And I still do, it doesn't take money to be free in what you want to do.
I wanted to work in radio, did that with 10.17 for a while, wanted to be a journalist, tried that and still do the occasional freelance games review, things like that.
I wanted to play the drums, taught myself and I'm now in a band that I love, writing scripts and have an agent..I am doing the things that I want to, not the things I feel I should do.
I don't care about having a career, some nice job with a pension plan and savings. I have to make sure that everything I do is what I want to with my life, there are still some things I have yet to achieve, but I know that I will on my own terms.
Being almost killed and surviving has given me an absolute lust for life, every single day means I have the chance to learn something new, experience something I have never had before.
Sure, there are days when I forget that and get wound up about my stupid job, but then I remember who I am and where I have been and it just doesn't matter.
I play videogames with my mates, go see my girlfriend, make music and play to it to people.
When I'm onstage I have the biggest, stupidest grin you can ever imagine, because what's going through my head is "Christ, look at what you're doing, this is amazing and beautiful"
I constantly lend music to people, to try and share something new with them, or tell them about movies they might have missed or a book that I love and want to share.
That's why I spend so much time in the DVD and music forum here, I have so many things that I want other people to experience, I just want to say "this and this and this, and oh have you heard this? What about this?"
I get frustrated when people act with closed eyes and minds, cut themselves off from new things and refuse to listen. That's why I read books about politics and life and death and god, I want to know as much as I can, learn as much as I possibly can, visit all the countries in the world, because we just dont have that much time to do this stuff and you never, ever know when it will end.
So please, I beg you, don't deny yourself something because you are nervous about the outcome, it might just not matter.
There is someone you fancy but are embarrassed to tell them?
Do it, you never know and I would hate to think that you missed that chance and something happened to you.
Please, don't waste the time that you have, because it's the most precious thing you do have and it could be taken away at any time.
Don't spend your time hating other people because of religion or skin colour of because they look funny, please don't waste your precious, precious time on anything other than enjoying life and making each and every moment like it's your last.
You like to sing? Do it, get a band together and sing, dont worry about what anyone else thinks.
You want to be a writer, maybe you write poems and you think they'll laugh at your for reading them, doesn't matter, take that chance, seize that moment and make it yours.
Don't waste time on things that upset you, do something you've always wanted to.
Go talk to that boy/girl you fancy, read that book your mate is trying to lend you, listen to classical music, rock, rap, jazz...there is so much life out there just waiting for you to grab it and make it your own.
Listening to radiohead as I surf the net looking for something I haven’t seen before, some topic that might interest me in someway, nothing to do with computers or movies or music, something new.
I need constantly to stimulate myself. I don’t mean that in a smutty way for once, I mean that I need continuous input and information, new experiences and new things to discover.
Why? Let me try to explain how my life changed completely by chance one morning.
I was in a serious road accident in 1991 that, by all rights should have killed me. I should not have come out alive and very nearly didn’t. A learner driver out with his brother smashed into me doing almost 70mph and destroyed my car. The accident was radioed in as a fatal, and the ambulance crew were shocked to discover that I was still breathing, albeit with great difficulty.
I ended up with a fractured skull, a small break at the base of my neck and my left arm crushed at the elbow from the force of the impact., along with various scrapes, cuts, bruises and a black eye from where I bent the steering wheel in half from smashing into it with my face.
I have absolutely no idea what happened, cant remember at all. It happened on a Saturday morning about 10am in Harlow.
I remember the Friday night before, but nothing really for the next couple of weeks.
I had to endure almost 7 months of intensive physio to restore feeling and movement back into my arm which is now held together with pins, screws and a lot of wire, and then a further year as an outpatient in an attempt to get my arm back to how it was before.
It never will be, I have restricted movement because of the amount of damage sustained to it. I’m no gimp, but I cant fully extend or contract it, I had the option of having the metalwork out, but the risk was almost 70% chance of permanent paralysis if I risked it, so I didn’t do. Instead, I have a looping scar that runs from half way up my arm to mid forearm.
I suffer from pretty constant headaches and in winter I get aches and pains, I have been told that I WILL end up with rheumatoid arthritis when I am older and I just have to live with that fact.
Anything else? Yep. As a result of the head injuries, I suffer from reduced tolerance stress disorder, which basically means that I have a very short temper and am prone to mouthing off and uncontrollable fits of anger over the slightest things.
So why am I telling you this? It certainly isn’t in some attempt at sympathy, not for one second, I have worked my balls off to overcome a majority of the effects and live pretty much how I did before. You wouldn’t know to look at me the damage I took, it doesn’t hinder me in anything I choose to do.
No, the reason I’m boring you with this is to say that the only positive thing to come out of my accident was the realisation that life is short and can end any second, no matter how carefully you live, what you choose to eat, where you live, what you do for a living, it doesn’t matter. All it takes is one little instant and you could be out of here in a second.
If I had taken a different route that day, left 20 seconds earlier or later, stopped to buy a drink it would never have happened and my life would have taken a completely different path. But I am who I am today and where I am because of this thing.
That may not sound like a positive thing, to know that you can die at any second, but it is.
It liberates you from things that don’t matter. Things like savings, a decent career, worrying about doing what you want with your life.
The only thing that matters is that you make each and every second count that you are alive, live each day like it could be your last.
It took me almost 9 years to win a compensation case against the other driver,who was totally at fault and I was awarded £20,000 in damages for injury, loss of work, restrictions in later life etc.
What did I do with that money? I helped my mum pay off her debts, took off round America for 2 months, used it for a deposit on renting a flat, basically did everything I had ever wanted to do and didn't care about saving it.
I spent the lot.
Some will say I was stupid, should have invested it etc etc, but I don't see the point.
I wouldn't have had that money if I hadn't been injured, it's not liked I saved for years and who knows when I'm gonna die? Why deny yourself just in case you make it to 70 and make more money?
No thanks, I lived my life in the best way possible.
And I still do, it doesn't take money to be free in what you want to do.
I wanted to work in radio, did that with 10.17 for a while, wanted to be a journalist, tried that and still do the occasional freelance games review, things like that.
I wanted to play the drums, taught myself and I'm now in a band that I love, writing scripts and have an agent..I am doing the things that I want to, not the things I feel I should do.
I don't care about having a career, some nice job with a pension plan and savings. I have to make sure that everything I do is what I want to with my life, there are still some things I have yet to achieve, but I know that I will on my own terms.
Being almost killed and surviving has given me an absolute lust for life, every single day means I have the chance to learn something new, experience something I have never had before.
Sure, there are days when I forget that and get wound up about my stupid job, but then I remember who I am and where I have been and it just doesn't matter.
I play videogames with my mates, go see my girlfriend, make music and play to it to people.
When I'm onstage I have the biggest, stupidest grin you can ever imagine, because what's going through my head is "Christ, look at what you're doing, this is amazing and beautiful"
I constantly lend music to people, to try and share something new with them, or tell them about movies they might have missed or a book that I love and want to share.
That's why I spend so much time in the DVD and music forum here, I have so many things that I want other people to experience, I just want to say "this and this and this, and oh have you heard this? What about this?"
I get frustrated when people act with closed eyes and minds, cut themselves off from new things and refuse to listen. That's why I read books about politics and life and death and god, I want to know as much as I can, learn as much as I possibly can, visit all the countries in the world, because we just dont have that much time to do this stuff and you never, ever know when it will end.
So please, I beg you, don't deny yourself something because you are nervous about the outcome, it might just not matter.
There is someone you fancy but are embarrassed to tell them?
Do it, you never know and I would hate to think that you missed that chance and something happened to you.
Please, don't waste the time that you have, because it's the most precious thing you do have and it could be taken away at any time.
Don't spend your time hating other people because of religion or skin colour of because they look funny, please don't waste your precious, precious time on anything other than enjoying life and making each and every moment like it's your last.
You like to sing? Do it, get a band together and sing, dont worry about what anyone else thinks.
You want to be a writer, maybe you write poems and you think they'll laugh at your for reading them, doesn't matter, take that chance, seize that moment and make it yours.
Don't waste time on things that upset you, do something you've always wanted to.
Go talk to that boy/girl you fancy, read that book your mate is trying to lend you, listen to classical music, rock, rap, jazz...there is so much life out there just waiting for you to grab it and make it your own.
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We are scar brothers!! No seriously that was a moving post. I have not quite been through what you have. Also in 1991 I tripped over a 6 inch fence and landed on grass. I shattered my arm and elbow. The nerve into my hand was damaged and it was 18 months to 2 years before I regained control of my hand. I had to large pins in my arm to rebuild it. The doctor pulled the first pin out with a pair of pliers in a small room with shelves at the bottom of the bed. I will never forget seeing the doctor hitting the shelves as the pin came lose very suddenly when he put everything into removing it. The second one, thankfully, was removed under anasthetic so I did not feel the extreme pain. So that is how we are scar brothers. In 1998 I was on my bike when a car came out of a car park fast and hit me. Stupidly I did not have a helmet on. The result serious head injuries. Not as bad as yours though. All recovered within a few months without any therapy. I did not remember what happened, impact was just a blur, a noise and feeling heard and felt from what seemed to be outside my body. After that nothing. The ironic thing is that they blamed it on me and sued me. However some children were behind me and they said that he hit me. But it was the adults accross the road doing their gardening that killed their claims. I sued them but never got a penny. Good that you did. Your injuries were more severe. It is good that you have managed to remain so calm about it. Other people that I know that have been in serious accidents are very bitter about it. Goatboy live your life the way you want. Enjoy every moment of it. As Bon Jovi said in their excellent song Its my life
It's my life
It's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
(It's my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just wanna live while I'm alive
It's my life
So true. One last thing if you are interested in God, listen to Jehovahs Witnesses. They are to be trusted and they do make sense. They seem to answer everything better than the rest of the Christian churches. Just listen to them. The worst that can happen is that you disagree.
It's my life
It's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
(It's my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just wanna live while I'm alive
It's my life
So true. One last thing if you are interested in God, listen to Jehovahs Witnesses. They are to be trusted and they do make sense. They seem to answer everything better than the rest of the Christian churches. Just listen to them. The worst that can happen is that you disagree.
Goatboy, do you not sometimes just wonder what your life might have been like if it wasn't for the crash?Please, I don't mean the slightest bit of offense here, but do you not sometimes wish things could have been different?
RastaBillySkank wrote:
> I'm not joking in what I'm about to say.
That post reduced me to
> tears. Not actual crying, just tears welling up in my eyes.
Nobody will laugh at you mate.
And if they do then they didn't get what I was trying to say.
I'm being honest when I say that if nothing else, if me fighting my hardest to get back to normal enabled me to write that post today and it reached even one person, then I know I did the right thing.
Not seeking validation at all for my experiences, nor am I feeling sorry for myself.
All I can say, at the risk of repeating myself, is that I learned one thing.
Enjoy your life.
Enjoy every single moment you can, and like today with me and the council thing, if there are moments you have to get annoyed, don't dwell on it.
God I sound like a Pepsi advert, but we get such a short time of it to make ourselves happy.
Please, please don't wait until your old and looking back before you think "I should have done that/said that", because it'll be too late then.
You're young (I am too being 28), make the most of it.
Relish the fact that you are young and have the world in front of you.
I will develop arthritis when I am older, I will lose my sight in at least one eye due to the damage sustained (detached cornea and damage to the optic nerve)
I'm on a timer, I don't know how long I have until this stuff kicks in. Might be tomorrow, might be 50 years from now.
But that means I have to get busy right now, I cannot waste one single solitary day when I can still do stuff.
I'm not being morbid or depressed, I can't get like that.
It just boils down to one simple thing time and time again:
Time is running out faster than you or I realise, and I am on a mission to do everything I want to do.
I'm not even close to half-way yet, I may never get to do it all, but I will die trying.
That's why I joke about, that's why I take things like freedom of speech and freedom to watch what I want seriously.
I don't want limits placed on me, I cannot live being not able to do/read/think anything that takes me fancy.
I'm going to shut my face now, times a' wasting and I got my girlfriend to see, band to rehearse with, games to play, books to read, movies to watch, people to meet...so many things yet to be done.
What does the rabbit say in Alice in Wonderland?
"I'm late, I'm late!"
Too true bunny, too true.
Catch you guys later, and Rasta: Thank you for being honest in your emotions, nobody will laugh.
And cheers Wookie for what you said, I don't consider myself anything special, or any different from any other muppet that makes dumb jokes and argues about tv shows.
I've just seen my expiry date and it's put a rocket up my butt.
> I'm not joking in what I'm about to say.
That post reduced me to
> tears. Not actual crying, just tears welling up in my eyes.
Nobody will laugh at you mate.
And if they do then they didn't get what I was trying to say.
I'm being honest when I say that if nothing else, if me fighting my hardest to get back to normal enabled me to write that post today and it reached even one person, then I know I did the right thing.
Not seeking validation at all for my experiences, nor am I feeling sorry for myself.
All I can say, at the risk of repeating myself, is that I learned one thing.
Enjoy your life.
Enjoy every single moment you can, and like today with me and the council thing, if there are moments you have to get annoyed, don't dwell on it.
God I sound like a Pepsi advert, but we get such a short time of it to make ourselves happy.
Please, please don't wait until your old and looking back before you think "I should have done that/said that", because it'll be too late then.
You're young (I am too being 28), make the most of it.
Relish the fact that you are young and have the world in front of you.
I will develop arthritis when I am older, I will lose my sight in at least one eye due to the damage sustained (detached cornea and damage to the optic nerve)
I'm on a timer, I don't know how long I have until this stuff kicks in. Might be tomorrow, might be 50 years from now.
But that means I have to get busy right now, I cannot waste one single solitary day when I can still do stuff.
I'm not being morbid or depressed, I can't get like that.
It just boils down to one simple thing time and time again:
Time is running out faster than you or I realise, and I am on a mission to do everything I want to do.
I'm not even close to half-way yet, I may never get to do it all, but I will die trying.
That's why I joke about, that's why I take things like freedom of speech and freedom to watch what I want seriously.
I don't want limits placed on me, I cannot live being not able to do/read/think anything that takes me fancy.
I'm going to shut my face now, times a' wasting and I got my girlfriend to see, band to rehearse with, games to play, books to read, movies to watch, people to meet...so many things yet to be done.
What does the rabbit say in Alice in Wonderland?
"I'm late, I'm late!"
Too true bunny, too true.
Catch you guys later, and Rasta: Thank you for being honest in your emotions, nobody will laugh.
And cheers Wookie for what you said, I don't consider myself anything special, or any different from any other muppet that makes dumb jokes and argues about tv shows.
I've just seen my expiry date and it's put a rocket up my butt.
Goatboy wrote:
> I know I say "dude" too much
You tree-hugging hippy freak.
:-)
> I know I say "dude" too much
You tree-hugging hippy freak.
:-)
Cheers boys.
I didn't write that in any attempt at "hey, feel sorry for me", because that crash and the resulting change in my life has been the single most important thing that has ever happened to me.
I know I say "dude" too much, I know I talk complete crap most of the time, I know I can get over-opinionated in topics, but that's because I feel so passionately about life.
All I was trying to say is, at the risk of sounding like a movie, please make every moment count in your life.
Dont deny yourself anything, never feel ashamed for anything you do.
Anything you want to do in your life is correct, be it write poems, learn to ride a horse, create something from matchsticks...whatever it is doesn't matter, just for christ's sake do it.
Don't wait or worry about other people and what they may think or if you will be laughed at.
Please, live like every day might be your last, I can say honestly that if it ended on my home from work, I could look back and say that there is nothing I wished I had done but didn't.
It sounds cheese, but life is the most precious and perfect thing you have, you may not realise until it's almost gone, please dont wait that long.
Peace
Goatboy
I didn't write that in any attempt at "hey, feel sorry for me", because that crash and the resulting change in my life has been the single most important thing that has ever happened to me.
I know I say "dude" too much, I know I talk complete crap most of the time, I know I can get over-opinionated in topics, but that's because I feel so passionately about life.
All I was trying to say is, at the risk of sounding like a movie, please make every moment count in your life.
Dont deny yourself anything, never feel ashamed for anything you do.
Anything you want to do in your life is correct, be it write poems, learn to ride a horse, create something from matchsticks...whatever it is doesn't matter, just for christ's sake do it.
Don't wait or worry about other people and what they may think or if you will be laughed at.
Please, live like every day might be your last, I can say honestly that if it ended on my home from work, I could look back and say that there is nothing I wished I had done but didn't.
It sounds cheese, but life is the most precious and perfect thing you have, you may not realise until it's almost gone, please dont wait that long.
Peace
Goatboy
I concur, Mr Skank.
Goaty's just one of those people you're proud to know. Even if it is only as a 'faceless' bod on a forum.
More power to you, Goatboy.
Goaty's just one of those people you're proud to know. Even if it is only as a 'faceless' bod on a forum.
More power to you, Goatboy.
and I have no shame in admitting that.
Goaty, I admire you. You went through s*** and you're still here, making us laugh and living your life.
And what's more, you're right. Do what you want because you never know what's going to happen in the next year, the next month, the next week, the next day, not even the next hour.
Goaty, I admire you. You went through s*** and you're still here, making us laugh and living your life.
And what's more, you're right. Do what you want because you never know what's going to happen in the next year, the next month, the next week, the next day, not even the next hour.
I'm not joking in what I'm about to say.
That post reduced me to tears. Not actual crying, just tears welling up in my eyes.
That post reduced me to tears. Not actual crying, just tears welling up in my eyes.
i'm pritty much the opposite of you goatboy. I never do anything unless it actually has to be done. i only leave my house to go work and college, the rest of time i spend playing games and on here. that is basically my whole life.
Goatboy that post kicked cheese.
No seriously that was excellent and rocked.
Seems you went through some real crap but you came out good and now I want your band to do better than ever :)
Listening to Radiohead as well... top guy :D
Who knows might go ask that bird down the road out even though I hardly know her.
(This was posted at 2am so sorry for strangeness of it)
No seriously that was excellent and rocked.
Seems you went through some real crap but you came out good and now I want your band to do better than ever :)
Listening to Radiohead as well... top guy :D
Who knows might go ask that bird down the road out even though I hardly know her.
(This was posted at 2am so sorry for strangeness of it)
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