The "General Games Chat" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
FM licked the first three fingers of his right hand and stroked his eyebrows, smoothing them down. He turned at, white robes with simple gold embroidery down the front swishing around him as he heard the guard approach.
FM was standing in a simple square room, with four braziers, one in each corner, all burning different colours. These weren’t normal flames however, as they did not give off coloured light, and the room remained smokeless, with a white light seeming to emanate from the walls and floor, with no shadows forming. In the middle of the room were two pedestals, about four feet apart. On top of them was a box. In it was FM’s father. FM turned as the guard stopped, bowing.
“Master.” Said Sniper, raising his head, looking into FM’s cold, hard eyes.
“You have your mission? You are ready to leave?”
“Yes Master.”
“Good.” FM turned back to look at the coffin, licking his fingers and rubbings his eyebrows again as he spoke. “This is just the first part my friend. I will have my revenge, I do not know when, but I will/”
“Yes Master.” There was an edge of concern in Snipers voice.
“What is wrong, my friend?”
“I do not know, Master. I think I am worrying with no reason.”
“Ah. You are concerned about the book, yes?” Sniper lowered his eyes. “Do not fear. I will find the book. MY magic grows with each passing month, soon I will have the power needed to find the book. Then, when it is mine, I will have unimaginable power!” FM felt a shiver run up his spine as he closed his eyes, imagining the power he would wield. He looked at Sniper. “You have your orders.”
“Yes Master Meister.”
“Go. Be swift, and do not fail me.” Sniper turned and left the room.
FM turned back to the coffin. As he walked around it, his fingers traced the inscription carved into the stone. He knew them all, word for word, but their feel comforted him. They were instructions on how to travel the underworld.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Wrath exploded through Meka’s mind. He screamed “No!” in a murderous rage as he leapt off the rock. With both hands he brought the sword up while still in mid-air. When he hit the ground he recoiled, swinging it around from behind in an arc. The sword whistled with its speed. The man had turned as Meka hit the ground. Seeing Meka coming, he brought his own sword up defensively, with lightning speed.
Meka watched as if in a dream as his sword come around. Every ounce of his strength went into trying to make the sword go truer, go faster. Be deadlier. The magic raged with his need. Meka looked from the mans sword, hard into the steel blue eyes. Mekas sword followed the track of his eyes, he heard himself still screaming. The man held his sword straight up, to deflect the blow.
Everything else around the man dissolved in Mekas vision. His anger, the magic, was unleashed like never before. No power on earth could deny him the mans blood.
He finished his arc, the sword coming round at eye height to the side of the mans head. It shattered through the mans sword, and exploded through his chainmail hood, bits of molten twisted metal flying off into the undergrowth. The sword continued its journey, making contact with the mans skull, and continuing through, out the other side of his head.
Bits of bone blood and brain flew up into the air as the early morning air was filled with a cloud of red mist. Steaks of blood covered Meka, dripped down his body, dribbled off his sword as he slowly lowered the point to the ground.
The mans body crumpled slowly to the ground, blood pumping out over the ground, mixing with the puddles already there. Meka could feel the cold mist help cool his body.
“Meka!” Meka awoke, a sheen of sweat over his whole body. “Meka, my brother, are you alright?” asked Grix.
“It was that dream.”
“Again?” Meka nodded in reply.
“Come on, get up, we have to meet the others soon.”
“Who?”
“You know, the others from the village. Dan2K1, Venombyte and Ant.”
“What about er-no, and YH?”
“They said they had something to do. They will meet us later.” Grix helped his brother to sit up.
“Ok, give me a few minutes." Grix nodded and left the room. Meka put his head in his hands as he thought about the dream.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
“Master Meister?” FM looked around.
“Yes?”
“I have some bad news Lord, about Sniper.”
“He hasn’t dies again has he?”
“Yes Lord, he fell off his horse.”
“How did that kill him?”
“Into the moat.”
“He can swim.”
“Yes Lord, but as he tried to climb out, he must have pulled the lever, the one you ordered put in?”
“I vaguely remember.”
“That let the piranhas in.”
“Ah. I should have expected something like this. He has a whole bloody palace to have his accidents in. I put all that sponge about so he wouldn’t hurt himself, and yet he falls into the piranha moat. Amazing. Nevermind, he will be back by now. Tell him to continue with his task. Tell him to be more careful next time.”
FM was standing in a simple square room, with four braziers, one in each corner, all burning different colours. These weren’t normal flames however, as they did not give off coloured light, and the room remained smokeless, with a white light seeming to emanate from the walls and floor, with no shadows forming. In the middle of the room were two pedestals, about four feet apart. On top of them was a box. In it was FM’s father. FM turned as the guard stopped, bowing.
“Master.” Said Sniper, raising his head, looking into FM’s cold, hard eyes.
“You have your mission? You are ready to leave?”
“Yes Master.”
“Good.” FM turned back to look at the coffin, licking his fingers and rubbings his eyebrows again as he spoke. “This is just the first part my friend. I will have my revenge, I do not know when, but I will/”
“Yes Master.” There was an edge of concern in Snipers voice.
“What is wrong, my friend?”
“I do not know, Master. I think I am worrying with no reason.”
“Ah. You are concerned about the book, yes?” Sniper lowered his eyes. “Do not fear. I will find the book. MY magic grows with each passing month, soon I will have the power needed to find the book. Then, when it is mine, I will have unimaginable power!” FM felt a shiver run up his spine as he closed his eyes, imagining the power he would wield. He looked at Sniper. “You have your orders.”
“Yes Master Meister.”
“Go. Be swift, and do not fail me.” Sniper turned and left the room.
FM turned back to the coffin. As he walked around it, his fingers traced the inscription carved into the stone. He knew them all, word for word, but their feel comforted him. They were instructions on how to travel the underworld.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Wrath exploded through Meka’s mind. He screamed “No!” in a murderous rage as he leapt off the rock. With both hands he brought the sword up while still in mid-air. When he hit the ground he recoiled, swinging it around from behind in an arc. The sword whistled with its speed. The man had turned as Meka hit the ground. Seeing Meka coming, he brought his own sword up defensively, with lightning speed.
Meka watched as if in a dream as his sword come around. Every ounce of his strength went into trying to make the sword go truer, go faster. Be deadlier. The magic raged with his need. Meka looked from the mans sword, hard into the steel blue eyes. Mekas sword followed the track of his eyes, he heard himself still screaming. The man held his sword straight up, to deflect the blow.
Everything else around the man dissolved in Mekas vision. His anger, the magic, was unleashed like never before. No power on earth could deny him the mans blood.
He finished his arc, the sword coming round at eye height to the side of the mans head. It shattered through the mans sword, and exploded through his chainmail hood, bits of molten twisted metal flying off into the undergrowth. The sword continued its journey, making contact with the mans skull, and continuing through, out the other side of his head.
Bits of bone blood and brain flew up into the air as the early morning air was filled with a cloud of red mist. Steaks of blood covered Meka, dripped down his body, dribbled off his sword as he slowly lowered the point to the ground.
The mans body crumpled slowly to the ground, blood pumping out over the ground, mixing with the puddles already there. Meka could feel the cold mist help cool his body.
“Meka!” Meka awoke, a sheen of sweat over his whole body. “Meka, my brother, are you alright?” asked Grix.
“It was that dream.”
“Again?” Meka nodded in reply.
“Come on, get up, we have to meet the others soon.”
“Who?”
“You know, the others from the village. Dan2K1, Venombyte and Ant.”
“What about er-no, and YH?”
“They said they had something to do. They will meet us later.” Grix helped his brother to sit up.
“Ok, give me a few minutes." Grix nodded and left the room. Meka put his head in his hands as he thought about the dream.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
“Master Meister?” FM looked around.
“Yes?”
“I have some bad news Lord, about Sniper.”
“He hasn’t dies again has he?”
“Yes Lord, he fell off his horse.”
“How did that kill him?”
“Into the moat.”
“He can swim.”
“Yes Lord, but as he tried to climb out, he must have pulled the lever, the one you ordered put in?”
“I vaguely remember.”
“That let the piranhas in.”
“Ah. I should have expected something like this. He has a whole bloody palace to have his accidents in. I put all that sponge about so he wouldn’t hurt himself, and yet he falls into the piranha moat. Amazing. Nevermind, he will be back by now. Tell him to continue with his task. Tell him to be more careful next time.”
Page:
"Anyway, what happened to you guys?" Asked YH, "The last time we saw you was just before we ended up in some Crystal Maze type puzzle thingy."
"We we in the film set of Jurrasic Park." Replied Ant.
"Cool."
"Not really, we nearly died."
"Ah."
They were sitting around outside Goatboy and Wookiees place having a barbecue.
"So where are we?" Asked Grix.
"Out house." Replied Goaty and Wookiee in unison."
"Where's that exactly." Meka had a worrying thought spread over him, could it be? But that was all over, wasn't it? Goatboy just turned and smiled at the group and went back to cooking some burgers. Wookiee changed the subject.
"Anyone for another drink?"
"We we in the film set of Jurrasic Park." Replied Ant.
"Cool."
"Not really, we nearly died."
"Ah."
They were sitting around outside Goatboy and Wookiees place having a barbecue.
"So where are we?" Asked Grix.
"Out house." Replied Goaty and Wookiee in unison."
"Where's that exactly." Meka had a worrying thought spread over him, could it be? But that was all over, wasn't it? Goatboy just turned and smiled at the group and went back to cooking some burgers. Wookiee changed the subject.
"Anyone for another drink?"
Game got up and shot after Grix fast as lightning but didn't get very far before being triped over my Meka!
"Whoaaaahhh!" *Thud*
Game fell to the floor... and was about to get up when they heard a screech... almost like a tree splitting.
It was the floor. It completely colapsed and everyone fell down. The fall seemed to last ages with everyone scrabling together to get to the top of the pile to sofen their landing. No one succeeded and they were about to hit the metal floor when it opened... they floated down into the fairyland.
They landed in a heap in the purple water. They all got up and Ant did a head count.
"Game, yes... Grix, yes... Meka... Fm... Yes..."
And was interrupted by a humming noise...
'Mwaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh'
'The Sugar Machine' whizzed past them only to spin round 180º and stop right by Meka and FM...
The driver was wearing all sort of cool clothes. He had a black leather biker-like farmers cap on backwards... and blue jeans. He lifted up his purple shades and spoke...
"Duuuudes!!" Yelled Goatboy as nodded his head in joy. "Hop on... me and Wookiee are cookin' some munch! You can have some!"
They all hopped onto the back of the Sugar Machine but had to tie Sniper to the back of it because all the seats were taken.
As they rode over the Candy Plains in the open to vehicle the approached 2 deck chairs a paddling pool and one hell of a stereo system. He pulled up to the pool and they all saw Wookiee who was smoking some Blue Leaves.
They all hopped of and stood by the deck chairs... Goaty clicked his fingers and more chairs appeared... Meka, FM, Game and YH sat down as Sniper and Ant battled it out for the pink seat...
Grix walked over to the stereo system...
"Ha ha ha!" he laughed... "Nice speakers!" He said in a rather sarcastic voice.
"You're not kidding!" said Wookiee Check this out...
Wookiee turned and nodded at Goatboy who transformed the microscopic speakers into massive 500amp Mega-Blasters... The mucis started playing...
"Ah..." said Game... "This was the song Grix was talking about earlier..."
"Indeed, It was" Agreed Grix...
"Clutch..." Said Goatboy "My favourite... I love 'Pitchfork'"
"Yeah" Said FM, "The way Neil Fallon sings just amazes me... he shows such emotion... and Dan Maines is a quality Bassist."
Everyone turned to FM, who had never shown much interest in music before...
"What?!" He yelled as a bright Pink and Yellow Butterfly caught his attention... he picked up a handbag, seemingly out of nowhere and went of skipping...
"Anyway, dudes..." Said Goatboy. "We've gotta get some grub... Whaddya want?!"
"Whoaaaahhh!" *Thud*
Game fell to the floor... and was about to get up when they heard a screech... almost like a tree splitting.
It was the floor. It completely colapsed and everyone fell down. The fall seemed to last ages with everyone scrabling together to get to the top of the pile to sofen their landing. No one succeeded and they were about to hit the metal floor when it opened... they floated down into the fairyland.
They landed in a heap in the purple water. They all got up and Ant did a head count.
"Game, yes... Grix, yes... Meka... Fm... Yes..."
And was interrupted by a humming noise...
'Mwaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh'
'The Sugar Machine' whizzed past them only to spin round 180º and stop right by Meka and FM...
The driver was wearing all sort of cool clothes. He had a black leather biker-like farmers cap on backwards... and blue jeans. He lifted up his purple shades and spoke...
"Duuuudes!!" Yelled Goatboy as nodded his head in joy. "Hop on... me and Wookiee are cookin' some munch! You can have some!"
They all hopped onto the back of the Sugar Machine but had to tie Sniper to the back of it because all the seats were taken.
As they rode over the Candy Plains in the open to vehicle the approached 2 deck chairs a paddling pool and one hell of a stereo system. He pulled up to the pool and they all saw Wookiee who was smoking some Blue Leaves.
They all hopped of and stood by the deck chairs... Goaty clicked his fingers and more chairs appeared... Meka, FM, Game and YH sat down as Sniper and Ant battled it out for the pink seat...
Grix walked over to the stereo system...
"Ha ha ha!" he laughed... "Nice speakers!" He said in a rather sarcastic voice.
"You're not kidding!" said Wookiee Check this out...
Wookiee turned and nodded at Goatboy who transformed the microscopic speakers into massive 500amp Mega-Blasters... The mucis started playing...
"Ah..." said Game... "This was the song Grix was talking about earlier..."
"Indeed, It was" Agreed Grix...
"Clutch..." Said Goatboy "My favourite... I love 'Pitchfork'"
"Yeah" Said FM, "The way Neil Fallon sings just amazes me... he shows such emotion... and Dan Maines is a quality Bassist."
Everyone turned to FM, who had never shown much interest in music before...
"What?!" He yelled as a bright Pink and Yellow Butterfly caught his attention... he picked up a handbag, seemingly out of nowhere and went of skipping...
"Anyway, dudes..." Said Goatboy. "We've gotta get some grub... Whaddya want?!"
"Quick! Everyone, over there!"
Grix looked around... he was the one that ordered everyone around... who had said that...?
"Game? What are you doing here?"
"I've been with you all the time, you idiot, now, let's get over there!"
They all followed Game, and jumped over the side of the set...
"Quick, under the floor boards!" Game ordered... Grix frowned at him.
The animatronic T-Rex fell off the edge of the set, and smashed on the floor.
"Hurrah!" They chanted.
-------
"So... where are we?" Ant asked.
Grix looked over the cardboard hills. A wall.
"I'm not sure, but I don't think we can get out." Grix muttered... looking around. The room was huge. At least a few acres of land was inside this place... odd.
"Never say never, Grix." Game said, "There's always a way!"
Grix frowned again. Happy git. Stealing his ordering the others around.
He'll get Game... oh yeah.... he'll get him good...
Grix pushed Game onto the floor, and ran away.
Grix looked around... he was the one that ordered everyone around... who had said that...?
"Game? What are you doing here?"
"I've been with you all the time, you idiot, now, let's get over there!"
They all followed Game, and jumped over the side of the set...
"Quick, under the floor boards!" Game ordered... Grix frowned at him.
The animatronic T-Rex fell off the edge of the set, and smashed on the floor.
"Hurrah!" They chanted.
-------
"So... where are we?" Ant asked.
Grix looked over the cardboard hills. A wall.
"I'm not sure, but I don't think we can get out." Grix muttered... looking around. The room was huge. At least a few acres of land was inside this place... odd.
"Never say never, Grix." Game said, "There's always a way!"
Grix frowned again. Happy git. Stealing his ordering the others around.
He'll get Game... oh yeah.... he'll get him good...
Grix pushed Game onto the floor, and ran away.
"How can you tell we're in the Jurrasic period?"
"One r, two s's. The dinosaurs, more than anything."
Grix, M16, Pb and Ant ran away from the dinosaurs... wishing Sniper was here to slow down the rather fast pursuit of the T-Rex behind them...
-----------
"Are you tied securely?"
"I dunno." Sniper answered back... he was attached to a wire, which run across the length of the room. There were lasers on the floor, they guessed as much they had to cross them.
"That's good enough." FM and Meka pushed Sniper, and watched him as he swayed from side to side, across the to the other side of the room.
"Good grief!" FM said... "It's working!"
Sniper swam through the air, making him edge closer to the middle of the room...
When, they realised.
Meka was the first. "Err... Sniper?"
Sniper was the second. "Pull me back! Pull me back!"
They unfortunatly had forgot that wires weren't as tight in the middle as they were in the end, and as Sniper reached the centre of the room, he began to slowly move downwards towards the floor...
FM, Meka, Your Honour and Venombyte pulled up on the wire, to stop him from reaching the lasers...
Sniper began to sweat... a small bead of salty water dripped down his nose...
Sniper reached carefully, and grabbed the bead of water...
But he unfortunatly put his elbow across the lasers.
Four miniguns from each corner of the room focused on the point at which the lasers were broken... much like touch screen technology.
Sniper lay in a floor of blood and bullets. That's about all that was left... and then, oddly...
"What?" FM watched... "Sniper's vanishing!"
The blood disappeared, straight from under their eyes.
"What? What's happening?"
-----------
*RAGHHHHHHHHH*
"I think, I saw in Jurassic Park, that if we stay still, he won't see us."
"Alright Ant." Grix said, between breaths. "You stop running, and the rest of us will keep going."
Ant looked as Grix as he ran... and then looked forward.
Sniper was standing straight in front of him.
*WHUMP*
"Sniper, get off me!" Ant got to his feet again, and began to run.
"Sniper! Run!" M16 shouted...
The T-Rex looked down at where Sniper stood... he sniffed, looking around.
Sniper stood completely still...
The T-Rex, satisfied that there was no-one there, ran on.
Over Sniper.
----------
"Where did Sniper go?"
"I'm here."
FM jumped out of his skin, and turned around...
"How the hell did you get there?"
"I dunno. Where's the dinosaur gone?"
"What?"
"One r, two s's. The dinosaurs, more than anything."
Grix, M16, Pb and Ant ran away from the dinosaurs... wishing Sniper was here to slow down the rather fast pursuit of the T-Rex behind them...
-----------
"Are you tied securely?"
"I dunno." Sniper answered back... he was attached to a wire, which run across the length of the room. There were lasers on the floor, they guessed as much they had to cross them.
"That's good enough." FM and Meka pushed Sniper, and watched him as he swayed from side to side, across the to the other side of the room.
"Good grief!" FM said... "It's working!"
Sniper swam through the air, making him edge closer to the middle of the room...
When, they realised.
Meka was the first. "Err... Sniper?"
Sniper was the second. "Pull me back! Pull me back!"
They unfortunatly had forgot that wires weren't as tight in the middle as they were in the end, and as Sniper reached the centre of the room, he began to slowly move downwards towards the floor...
FM, Meka, Your Honour and Venombyte pulled up on the wire, to stop him from reaching the lasers...
Sniper began to sweat... a small bead of salty water dripped down his nose...
Sniper reached carefully, and grabbed the bead of water...
But he unfortunatly put his elbow across the lasers.
Four miniguns from each corner of the room focused on the point at which the lasers were broken... much like touch screen technology.
Sniper lay in a floor of blood and bullets. That's about all that was left... and then, oddly...
"What?" FM watched... "Sniper's vanishing!"
The blood disappeared, straight from under their eyes.
"What? What's happening?"
-----------
*RAGHHHHHHHHH*
"I think, I saw in Jurassic Park, that if we stay still, he won't see us."
"Alright Ant." Grix said, between breaths. "You stop running, and the rest of us will keep going."
Ant looked as Grix as he ran... and then looked forward.
Sniper was standing straight in front of him.
*WHUMP*
"Sniper, get off me!" Ant got to his feet again, and began to run.
"Sniper! Run!" M16 shouted...
The T-Rex looked down at where Sniper stood... he sniffed, looking around.
Sniper stood completely still...
The T-Rex, satisfied that there was no-one there, ran on.
Over Sniper.
----------
"Where did Sniper go?"
"I'm here."
FM jumped out of his skin, and turned around...
"How the hell did you get there?"
"I dunno. Where's the dinosaur gone?"
"What?"
Despite the film being over for a long time, Sniper was still mumbling about his character as they sat down in their usual seats, back in the pub. The barman looked at them out of the corner of his eye. He was sure that they were here just a few minutes ago and there had been some terrible noises, like someone learning to drive a car, badly, but they were paying customers, and regulars at that.
“So,” said Grix to the assembled posse, “What can we do today, other than sit around in the pub? which, incidentally, we spend a worrying amount of time doing.”
“mumble…always the butt of the jokes….hrumph….mumble…”
“That’s the problem.” Replied M16, “When we’re not on adventures, it can get a bit boring. It’s ok to say that we’re not getting ourselves nearly killed, but where’s the fun?”
“mumble mumble dead all the time...mumble”
“Yeah.” Said FM, holding up some sort of glowing ticket, “so it’s a bit lucky I found this then.”
They all huddled around FM and looked at the ticket, which was now producing a golden luminescence that lit up FM’s features and showed his enormous grin.
“So, what is it?” Ant asked, puzzled.
“Well…..I don’t actually know. But it looks like a cinema pass, and if I’m not mistaken, all we need to do is go back to the cinema and point it at the screen…”
“mumble ..piranha...mumble.. .sword...mumble mumble..”
They dragged Sniper along as the gang headed back to the cinema, this time heading for the back door that Timewarp had seen open earlier on. Once through the door, with Goatboy complaining that perhaps it wasn’t quite legal sneaking in to the back of the cinema, they went towards the one screen that had been shut down for the night.
Sounds of movie screams and car chases echoed from the other halls and a faint smell of popcorn hung in the air as they made their way inside the darkened room, only the glow of the ticket and Meka’s pocket torch lighting the way. As they neared the screen, the ticket’s glow became more intense.
Suddenly a burst of light shot out and blinded the group. When they opened their eyes they saw a completely different world in front of them. Well, to be precise they saw several different worlds, as they had somehow been separated into two parties.
“Well at least we still have the ticket…” said FM, holding it up.
“Half.” Corrected Meka, as he looked around the landscape of silver corridors. He spotted a pile of goggles on the floor and motioned for the others to pick them up. Putting them on, they saw a criss-cross of red lasers across the length of the corridor.
“hmm.” Said Your Honour. “Who wants to go first?” They all looked at Sniper.
-- -- --
Meanwhile, the other party had an equally strange sight to behold.
“Well, this is…interesting…” understated Grix. “We seem to be in some kind of Jurassic land…”
“So,” said Grix to the assembled posse, “What can we do today, other than sit around in the pub? which, incidentally, we spend a worrying amount of time doing.”
“mumble…always the butt of the jokes….hrumph….mumble…”
“That’s the problem.” Replied M16, “When we’re not on adventures, it can get a bit boring. It’s ok to say that we’re not getting ourselves nearly killed, but where’s the fun?”
“mumble mumble dead all the time...mumble”
“Yeah.” Said FM, holding up some sort of glowing ticket, “so it’s a bit lucky I found this then.”
They all huddled around FM and looked at the ticket, which was now producing a golden luminescence that lit up FM’s features and showed his enormous grin.
“So, what is it?” Ant asked, puzzled.
“Well…..I don’t actually know. But it looks like a cinema pass, and if I’m not mistaken, all we need to do is go back to the cinema and point it at the screen…”
“mumble ..piranha...mumble.. .sword...mumble mumble..”
They dragged Sniper along as the gang headed back to the cinema, this time heading for the back door that Timewarp had seen open earlier on. Once through the door, with Goatboy complaining that perhaps it wasn’t quite legal sneaking in to the back of the cinema, they went towards the one screen that had been shut down for the night.
Sounds of movie screams and car chases echoed from the other halls and a faint smell of popcorn hung in the air as they made their way inside the darkened room, only the glow of the ticket and Meka’s pocket torch lighting the way. As they neared the screen, the ticket’s glow became more intense.
Suddenly a burst of light shot out and blinded the group. When they opened their eyes they saw a completely different world in front of them. Well, to be precise they saw several different worlds, as they had somehow been separated into two parties.
“Well at least we still have the ticket…” said FM, holding it up.
“Half.” Corrected Meka, as he looked around the landscape of silver corridors. He spotted a pile of goggles on the floor and motioned for the others to pick them up. Putting them on, they saw a criss-cross of red lasers across the length of the corridor.
“hmm.” Said Your Honour. “Who wants to go first?” They all looked at Sniper.
-- -- --
Meanwhile, the other party had an equally strange sight to behold.
“Well, this is…interesting…” understated Grix. “We seem to be in some kind of Jurassic land…”
"I'll drive, I'm sober."
Ant placed a few cushions on the drivers seat, while Grix, FM and Pb bundled into the car.
"Room for one more?"
Ant, the thirteen year old, and the only one who could think straight, drove the drunken Grix, who, apart from having trouble walking because he still wasn't used to using his body, was having trouble keeping his food inside him... FM, who was having a conversation with the back of Ant's chair, Pb, who was attempting to put all the seatbelts around him, and Sniper, who remained tied to the top of the car.
Ant turned the key, and started bunny hopping the car forward.
"This driving isn't so hard."
"Use thee cluuutcch thhingy. Stoppp itt frrrom jeeerkkking forrrwaaard."
Ant pushed his foot down on the clutch, and the car stopped. Sniper slid off the top of the car, and landed on the bonnet.
A few minutes later, FM was in the drivers seat.
"Where are we going again?" He asked...
"Meka's house. Some surprise thing."
"Oh. Ok."
FM started the car, and sped away... Sniper immedietly fell off the back of the car, tied to the roofrack still, which had fell with him, landing on the ground behind them...
Fm, being the person he is, decided to take the scenic route. Through the woods... they passed a camp site, a swamp, with an X-Wing in...
"Ah... back on the road now." FM was delighted.
Grix turned the radio on... a certain Queen song was on...
30 minutes later.
*BUMP*
"What was that?"
FM stopped the car, and looked outside. Sniper was in a mangled mess on the floor, still tied to the roof rack.
FM looked around... they were outside the pub.
"Fancy a drink, anyone?"
They all bundled out of the car, and headed back into the pub.
Ant placed a few cushions on the drivers seat, while Grix, FM and Pb bundled into the car.
"Room for one more?"
Ant, the thirteen year old, and the only one who could think straight, drove the drunken Grix, who, apart from having trouble walking because he still wasn't used to using his body, was having trouble keeping his food inside him... FM, who was having a conversation with the back of Ant's chair, Pb, who was attempting to put all the seatbelts around him, and Sniper, who remained tied to the top of the car.
Ant turned the key, and started bunny hopping the car forward.
"This driving isn't so hard."
"Use thee cluuutcch thhingy. Stoppp itt frrrom jeeerkkking forrrwaaard."
Ant pushed his foot down on the clutch, and the car stopped. Sniper slid off the top of the car, and landed on the bonnet.
A few minutes later, FM was in the drivers seat.
"Where are we going again?" He asked...
"Meka's house. Some surprise thing."
"Oh. Ok."
FM started the car, and sped away... Sniper immedietly fell off the back of the car, tied to the roofrack still, which had fell with him, landing on the ground behind them...
Fm, being the person he is, decided to take the scenic route. Through the woods... they passed a camp site, a swamp, with an X-Wing in...
"Ah... back on the road now." FM was delighted.
Grix turned the radio on... a certain Queen song was on...
30 minutes later.
*BUMP*
"What was that?"
FM stopped the car, and looked outside. Sniper was in a mangled mess on the floor, still tied to the roof rack.
FM looked around... they were outside the pub.
"Fancy a drink, anyone?"
They all bundled out of the car, and headed back into the pub.
*drum roll*
Turbonutter was dejected. He knew he'd changed the script since they had last seen it. But it didn't matter did it? The people wanted action, and blood, and the film gave lots of that.
"You just can't please some people." He complained to himself as he watched the group walk away, out of the cinema. He went to get his coat, and walked out into the cold, rainy night, "Bloody English weather." HE complained.
He saw someone he knew, and wandered over to try and get a lift home....
- - - - - - - - -
"Got any ID?"
"No, why, do i need it?" Grix replied.
"You tell me."
"No, i don't."
"Thats all right then, what can i get you?"
"Three lagers, one bitter, a JD and coke, a vodka and orange and a bowl of sugar please." The barman looked slightly confused at the last.
"Small or large?"
"Sorry?"
"The bowl of sugar?" Grix looked over to the table, Any looked hungry.
"Two large please." Grix got the drinks and sugar and went over to the table. "So, what shall we do now?"
"Get drunk." Said Meka.
"Very" Agreed YH. Everyone accpeted this plan, but before they got too drunk, they all arranged to meet at Meka's house in the morning.
"I have a surprise for you all." He said.
"You just can't please some people." He complained to himself as he watched the group walk away, out of the cinema. He went to get his coat, and walked out into the cold, rainy night, "Bloody English weather." HE complained.
He saw someone he knew, and wandered over to try and get a lift home....
- - - - - - - - -
"Got any ID?"
"No, why, do i need it?" Grix replied.
"You tell me."
"No, i don't."
"Thats all right then, what can i get you?"
"Three lagers, one bitter, a JD and coke, a vodka and orange and a bowl of sugar please." The barman looked slightly confused at the last.
"Small or large?"
"Sorry?"
"The bowl of sugar?" Grix looked over to the table, Any looked hungry.
"Two large please." Grix got the drinks and sugar and went over to the table. "So, what shall we do now?"
"Get drunk." Said Meka.
"Very" Agreed YH. Everyone accpeted this plan, but before they got too drunk, they all arranged to meet at Meka's house in the morning.
"I have a surprise for you all." He said.
"I can't believe he went ahead and made the film anyway."
Ant had commented all the way through the film... Mel Gibson played him. He seemed pleased.
They had all been invited to the world premire of Turbonutters film... the script altered, quite obviously, since they had last read it. Obviously not getting the actual people to play their own parts had not stopped him making the film.
"I think it was better on paper." Grix said, trying to speak above FM shoving popcorn in his face...
"What do you think..." Meka said, to Pb, "...would happen if we walked out?"
"Turbonutter would get a lot of press, the film will hit the top spot, and I'll never be able to sleep at night."
"Ah, yeah, good point." Meka brought his coke back to his face.
"Why do I keep dying?" Asked Sniper...
---------------
"So, what did you think of the film, guys?"
Turbonutter stood in front of them, as they tried to make a hasty exit...
"It sucked, to put it simply." Ant said, never one to hide his emotions. "Why the hell were we in the stone age anyway?"
"Iron age Ant." Grix said.
FM sighed.
"It's what the people want. Action! Adventure!"
They all shook their heads, and walked off...
Grix stumbled back.
"I just wanted to say, I want to thank you for casting Tom Hanks as Sniper."
"Oh... ta."
Grix wobbled off.
-----------------
"So... do we get any money out of this?"
The others held a blank face to Ant's comment.
"I guess not."
"I think the main thing is that we're all still here, back from Grix's sodding mind...."
"Hear hear." Grix chanted.
"And our lives are peaceful, once more. Bill Gates is dead, Sheepy is no longer a threat..."
"Nope." Sheepy added.
"And we can finally get some rest." FM finished.
Grix went back to the bar, and bought everyone a pint. Well, everyone except Ant. He was too young. Well, Grix was too, but that didn't seem to bother him.
Ant had commented all the way through the film... Mel Gibson played him. He seemed pleased.
They had all been invited to the world premire of Turbonutters film... the script altered, quite obviously, since they had last read it. Obviously not getting the actual people to play their own parts had not stopped him making the film.
"I think it was better on paper." Grix said, trying to speak above FM shoving popcorn in his face...
"What do you think..." Meka said, to Pb, "...would happen if we walked out?"
"Turbonutter would get a lot of press, the film will hit the top spot, and I'll never be able to sleep at night."
"Ah, yeah, good point." Meka brought his coke back to his face.
"Why do I keep dying?" Asked Sniper...
---------------
"So, what did you think of the film, guys?"
Turbonutter stood in front of them, as they tried to make a hasty exit...
"It sucked, to put it simply." Ant said, never one to hide his emotions. "Why the hell were we in the stone age anyway?"
"Iron age Ant." Grix said.
FM sighed.
"It's what the people want. Action! Adventure!"
They all shook their heads, and walked off...
Grix stumbled back.
"I just wanted to say, I want to thank you for casting Tom Hanks as Sniper."
"Oh... ta."
Grix wobbled off.
-----------------
"So... do we get any money out of this?"
The others held a blank face to Ant's comment.
"I guess not."
"I think the main thing is that we're all still here, back from Grix's sodding mind...."
"Hear hear." Grix chanted.
"And our lives are peaceful, once more. Bill Gates is dead, Sheepy is no longer a threat..."
"Nope." Sheepy added.
"And we can finally get some rest." FM finished.
Grix went back to the bar, and bought everyone a pint. Well, everyone except Ant. He was too young. Well, Grix was too, but that didn't seem to bother him.
As the group of adventurers parted, Vottanator emerged from the shadows and muttered, "Everything is going to plan" before laughing insanely and returning to the shadows.
Who was this strange man and what was his purpose? So many questions and so few answers. And what was with those shades in this ancient land.
Who was this strange man and what was his purpose? So many questions and so few answers. And what was with those shades in this ancient land.
Page: