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"THE REAL LARA CROFT"

"Angelina Jolie is Lara Croft"

After reading the reviews of the Tomb Raider movie that Goatboy so kindly donated to Special Reserve from somewhere or other, perhaps that statement is as exciting as the actual film. I'm not going to let two opinions desway me from watching the movie, simply because if its as bad it as described it should actually be worth a watch for laughing at purposes only...

Anyway, this film should hit the cinemas soon, and with 4 years worth of promotion and a supposedly pumping soundtrack (U2 - seen the vid? And Oxide/Neutrino) I imagine it will rake in the millions, just as The Mummy returns did, proving that drab, lifeless sequels sell by the bucket load, just like WWTBAM? as it happens. After deciding to even write this post, I feel that it'd be a shame to miss out on viewing Tomb Raider and I am sure it'll be one of the most popular cinema films this summer.

So, will the plot be similar to the kind of action that happened in the game? I certainly hope not! I mean, what could be worse than watching Miss Jolie jump on a large box in order to press a switch, whilst fighting off a pack of wolves, several times, falling to her demise and starting all over again? I suppose you could always play the game...although there's less effort involved watching it!

Will the costuming be awful with men in bear suits with stitching down the side? Have they made Miss Croft accurate to the gaming goddess, i.e. will she have a hideously pointy nose and mysterious disappearing magical powers? Is this film going to be worth a watch, or will it put you to sleep? There's only one way to find out I suppose...

As I sit here, writing this, watching the endless 'I used to enjoy playing football, but now I've got £10,000 "Claims Direct"' advertisement in between talentless 'popstars' and Linkin' Park shouting at me on 'The Box', I think to myself, how on earth can this movie fail!? I mean, it took 4 sequel (yes FOUR) Tomb Raider video games for us to realise that the original concept was boring, timewasting and totally unoriginal, but then I see people, like you and me, selecting 'AllStars' 'PopStars' and 'Steps' to watch and hear them mime in their own videos, and these are the most popular songs at the moment! It's madness, but maybe the fact that these stars have no talent, possibly like the Tomb Raider Directors and producers (of the film) (I shall see), brings them closer to us as individuals, making us feel better - that they can't sing, they're no good, and we get happier! It's crazy, but it could be true.

I've played the original Tomb Raider on the Sega Saturn, I still can't see what all the fuss was about with Lara Croft, I have no idea how a 'horribly pointy' fictional games character drove thousands of men away from their wives and girlfriends to buy the Tomb Raider game. I'm not saying that women don't play Tomb Raider, there probably are loads of women gamers, just none at all (except one or 2) on these discussions, but I honestly cannot see the fixation with this person, who originally was to a man.

>All Stars starts, Dan goes mad<

So are YOU going to watch Tomb Raider the movie? Can't be any worse than Pokemon the movie 2001 (edition 4, in Blue with yellow dots) but then, anything's possible and I've been wrong before.

>U2's Elevation video starts up "Terminate: Lara Croft" he he<

I'll bid you farewell, but if you do decide to risk your reputation of watching good films only, don't think you'll be the only one in the audience. It'll be packed - better pre-order your seats now!!

Dan2K1

aight cool man, i read it some other time. I need some sleep, i is knackered right now and dont have the energy to read that HUGE review. Laterz.

Erm maybe you told yourself that? Anyway, if you want to read the review, it's two posts under this.

i thought he just went under a different name for some tracks. silly me hey? I could have sworn i heard someone saying they are they same person.

Ha! Nope. Why would they be the same person?

i thought mauro picotto and mario piu are the same person.

Yeah read my review!! I go mad about how good it is and that won me a DVD! By the way, Communication is Mario Piu's. But he's great as well.

i dunno i didnt know he had two albums. I only heard a few songs by him. the claxixx mixs of proximus,iguana,lizard and the yomanda remix of communication. Is the rest of his stuff as good?

I actually wrote a review of the double album, so if you want to read it you can have look - it's here somewhere!

The Double Album, Metamorphose, Nukleuz presents Mauro Picotto: The Lizard Man or the other one? The Double Album is amazing.

nah not really into that type of music anyway, way too slow for me. U like mauro picotto right? whats the name of his album again?