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"THE REAL LARA CROFT"

"Angelina Jolie is Lara Croft"

After reading the reviews of the Tomb Raider movie that Goatboy so kindly donated to Special Reserve from somewhere or other, perhaps that statement is as exciting as the actual film. I'm not going to let two opinions desway me from watching the movie, simply because if its as bad it as described it should actually be worth a watch for laughing at purposes only...

Anyway, this film should hit the cinemas soon, and with 4 years worth of promotion and a supposedly pumping soundtrack (U2 - seen the vid? And Oxide/Neutrino) I imagine it will rake in the millions, just as The Mummy returns did, proving that drab, lifeless sequels sell by the bucket load, just like WWTBAM? as it happens. After deciding to even write this post, I feel that it'd be a shame to miss out on viewing Tomb Raider and I am sure it'll be one of the most popular cinema films this summer.

So, will the plot be similar to the kind of action that happened in the game? I certainly hope not! I mean, what could be worse than watching Miss Jolie jump on a large box in order to press a switch, whilst fighting off a pack of wolves, several times, falling to her demise and starting all over again? I suppose you could always play the game...although there's less effort involved watching it!

Will the costuming be awful with men in bear suits with stitching down the side? Have they made Miss Croft accurate to the gaming goddess, i.e. will she have a hideously pointy nose and mysterious disappearing magical powers? Is this film going to be worth a watch, or will it put you to sleep? There's only one way to find out I suppose...

As I sit here, writing this, watching the endless 'I used to enjoy playing football, but now I've got £10,000 "Claims Direct"' advertisement in between talentless 'popstars' and Linkin' Park shouting at me on 'The Box', I think to myself, how on earth can this movie fail!? I mean, it took 4 sequel (yes FOUR) Tomb Raider video games for us to realise that the original concept was boring, timewasting and totally unoriginal, but then I see people, like you and me, selecting 'AllStars' 'PopStars' and 'Steps' to watch and hear them mime in their own videos, and these are the most popular songs at the moment! It's madness, but maybe the fact that these stars have no talent, possibly like the Tomb Raider Directors and producers (of the film) (I shall see), brings them closer to us as individuals, making us feel better - that they can't sing, they're no good, and we get happier! It's crazy, but it could be true.

I've played the original Tomb Raider on the Sega Saturn, I still can't see what all the fuss was about with Lara Croft, I have no idea how a 'horribly pointy' fictional games character drove thousands of men away from their wives and girlfriends to buy the Tomb Raider game. I'm not saying that women don't play Tomb Raider, there probably are loads of women gamers, just none at all (except one or 2) on these discussions, but I honestly cannot see the fixation with this person, who originally was to a man.

>All Stars starts, Dan goes mad<

So are YOU going to watch Tomb Raider the movie? Can't be any worse than Pokemon the movie 2001 (edition 4, in Blue with yellow dots) but then, anything's possible and I've been wrong before.

>U2's Elevation video starts up "Terminate: Lara Croft" he he<

I'll bid you farewell, but if you do decide to risk your reputation of watching good films only, don't think you'll be the only one in the audience. It'll be packed - better pre-order your seats now!!

Dan2K1

I wouldn't complain about Lara Croft wallper, Is iyt on sale set?

Pokemon shaped chicken in breadcrumbs?
Pokemon bikes, trikes and garden furniture?

They must have Pokemon wallpaper by now.

Pokemon cereal? Pokemon scarves, pokemon deo spray.

I hope it does better than other Game to Movie Films.
Remember, Super Mario Brothers, Street Fighter, Mortal Combat, Wing Commander.
The only recent conversion that seems to have done well is POKEMON althoughin fairness to the other mentioned films Pokemon followed a hugly sucsessfull TV series and anything to do with Pokemon will SELL.

Dan2K1 wrote:
> "Hey, I'm not telling everyone to avoid it, just saying
> "Dont come moaning to me" because I don't like to say
> "I told you so"."

Ah but if they did all start
> complaining - not to you, just in general, then I'm sure you
> wouldn't mind saying 'I told you so'

No I wouldnt,I'd just look at the floor and then beat them with a big stick that says "Indie films are much better than this tosh, should've watched Year of The Gun instead mate"

I have seen the trailers and it doesnt seem too bad. It looks action packed, which is a good thing. I know the trailers only usually show the good bits but I wouldnt mind checking the film out as it wont be that bad.

"Hey, I'm not telling everyone to avoid it, just saying "Dont come moaning to me" because I don't like to say "I told you so"."

Ah but if they did all start complaining - not to you, just in general, then I'm sure you wouldn't mind saying 'I told you so'. Anyway, how much has the film made?

Dan

Nice post Dan.

Well, I've checked out the reviews from most U$A sites, it opened on the 15th, and I haven't read one single decent review.

One thing does intrigue me though, they all mention her "mood boobs" that alter in size depending on the scene.

I dont know, I thought "Oh what the hell" and went to watch The Mummy Returns with the missus.
I normally avoid these big "event" movies because I've found them, mostly, to be utter, utter pap.

The Mummy sucked hard, and I regretted it about 30 minutes into it.

I admit, I'm a film snob. Actually, looking through my vid collection, I'm not a snob at all.
I have Mallrats, Smokey and The Bandit, the Die Hard movies.

What I am, however, is fatigued with adverts telling me how cool a film will be. The ones advertised on soft drink cans, food wrappers, buses etc.
They just seem like they need to sell them big because otherwise you'd think "No thanks".

But thats just me I supposed.
Before The Mummy Returns, the last film I saw was...er...One Night at McCools.
And that rocked big time.
A clever story, good actors, it was funny, sexy, exciting and, above all, fun.

From what I've read about Tomb Raider, there isnt a single good thing about this movie.

Normally, I dont pay attention to reviews, but when a movie makes me think "I dont think so..", then I check reviews from trusted sources (aint-it-cool, Coming Attractions etc).

And this one will be bad.
But it'll make money, which is what it's about now.

Hey, I'm not telling everyone to avoid it, just saying "Dont come moaning to me" because I don't like to say "I told you so".

If you want to see it that bad, wait until November when the DVD/Video is out.
At least nobody will spot you coming out shaking your head and wondering what you just spent £5 on.

Smoking is stupid.

Lit up like a cigar, strung out like a guitar!

Great song!

Night! >I don't get no sleep<