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Sick Memories
2 buckets of sick are out for a walk when one starts crying "Whats the matter" asks the other bucket
"I was brought up down that alley" replies the other bucket
Charles Duped*
Prince Charles arrives home to find "Charles is a W**ker" written in the snow. He says to his detective, "This seems to be written in urine. Test it and find out who did it."
Later that afternoon, the detective returns from the lab. "Bad news, I'm afraid, sir. The urine is Will Carlings's."
"Whys that bad?"
"The handwriting's Princess Diana's
*old joke
more later
2 buckets of sick are out for a walk when one starts crying "Whats the matter" asks the other bucket
"I was brought up down that alley" replies the other bucket
Charles Duped*
Prince Charles arrives home to find "Charles is a W**ker" written in the snow. He says to his detective, "This seems to be written in urine. Test it and find out who did it."
Later that afternoon, the detective returns from the lab. "Bad news, I'm afraid, sir. The urine is Will Carlings's."
"Whys that bad?"
"The handwriting's Princess Diana's
*old joke
more later
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sorry sheepy
DanDaGr8 wrote:
> 2 ramblers (walking kind,not newbies) were walking through a field
> when one says to the other
"Look theres a sheep with foot and
> mouth"
"How'd you know its got foot and mouth" asks
> the other rambler
"Its on fire"
Thats damn mean! hehe
Poor SHEEPY!
> 2 ramblers (walking kind,not newbies) were walking through a field
> when one says to the other
"Look theres a sheep with foot and
> mouth"
"How'd you know its got foot and mouth" asks
> the other rambler
"Its on fire"
Thats damn mean! hehe
Poor SHEEPY!
2 ramblers (walking kind,not newbies) were walking through a field when one says to the other
"Look theres a sheep with foot and mouth"
"How'd you know its got foot and mouth" asks the other rambler
"Its on fire"
"Look theres a sheep with foot and mouth"
"How'd you know its got foot and mouth" asks the other rambler
"Its on fire"
RastaBillySkank wrote:
> Pop
*POP goes Dan's head after looking at a picture of the X-Box to long*
*Head regrows, Dan sets fire to picture*
:]
> Pop
*POP goes Dan's head after looking at a picture of the X-Box to long*
*Head regrows, Dan sets fire to picture*
:]
lol
Pop
Settling down to enjoy his drink, man hears a voice say "You've got lovely ears, you have. Really lovely."he looks around but nobodies there, so he carries on drinking, when he hears "I like your haircut, it really suits you." again he looks round and see's nothing, so he goes back to his drink. He keeps hearing the voices until he asks the barman "Have you been hearing these voices telling me how nice i look?" the barman says "Oh its just the peanuts, they're complimentary"
This isn't a proper joke but it's definitely the funniest thing I've heard in a long time. I first found it about 6 months ago. So, HERE GOES!
58 Actual Newspaper Headlines
1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
5. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
6. Farmer Bill Dies in House
7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
8. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
9. Stud Tires Out
10. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
11. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
12. Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
13. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
14. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
15. Eye Drops off Shelf
16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
17. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
19. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
21. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
22. Miners Refuse to Work after Death
23. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
24. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
25. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
26. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
27. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
28. Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
29. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84
30. War Dims Hope for Peace
31. If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
32. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
33. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
34. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
35. Deer Kill 17,000
36. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
37. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
38. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
39. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
40. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
41. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
42. Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
43. British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
44. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
45. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
46. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
47. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
48. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
49. Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
50. Air Head Fired
51. Steals Clock, Faces Time
52. Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
53. Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumn
54. Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
55. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
56. Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
57. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
58. Include your Children when Baking Cookies
58 Actual Newspaper Headlines
1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
5. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
6. Farmer Bill Dies in House
7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
8. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
9. Stud Tires Out
10. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
11. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
12. Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
13. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
14. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
15. Eye Drops off Shelf
16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
17. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
19. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
21. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
22. Miners Refuse to Work after Death
23. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
24. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
25. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
26. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
27. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
28. Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
29. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84
30. War Dims Hope for Peace
31. If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
32. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
33. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
34. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
35. Deer Kill 17,000
36. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
37. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
38. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
39. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
40. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
41. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
42. Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
43. British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
44. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
45. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
46. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
47. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
48. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
49. Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
50. Air Head Fired
51. Steals Clock, Faces Time
52. Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
53. Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumn
54. Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
55. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
56. Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
57. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
58. Include your Children when Baking Cookies
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