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"First Impressions"

Bare with me Life forum as I open my little heart to you all.

I'm trying to figure out if I am just paranoid or whether I am a bit of a reject. Whenever I meet new people I just seem to freeze up and not act natural and I get all these negative feelings from them. Maybe they can see the anxiety in my eyes?

Anyway, I went to my student union magazine thing for the second time just there (and got soaking on the way home). The mate who dragged me along last time naffed off to some special lecture so I ended up going alone. I could feel everyone eyeing up the new meat (even though I was there last week) when I walked in. So, most of the way through I just wanted to leave, I ended up sitting next to some middle-upper class tool who insisted on flailing his arms about and for a few minutes I hated him, just waiting for one arm to break my nose making me look like the idiot.

Then all I could think about was why I had bothered trying to crash their little clique, since I suck balls at writing and everything in general.

gamesfreak wrote:

>
> "So er, had a good day?"
> - "Yes thanks, and you?"
> "Pretty good I guess, had a boring lecture"
> - "Me too"


Yep that's it. Pointless questions and irritating chit chat.


Sometimes I go through that conversation just in an effort to not appear anti-social to these new people I've met, but really, I just don't care about your lecture.

I like them and everything, but I'm not interested in what part of law you looked at today, and neither do they care what I did with DNA in the lab today.


Thankfully now we're in the 5th week it's easy to cut to something more interesting/fun to talk about, e.g Laura's surprise birthday party etc.

I'm rubbish with general conversation with people, I just can't do it.

If there's a topic to keep talking about, fair enough, but when it comes to general everyday matters (i.e. smalltalk as you put it) I just draw a blank

"So er, had a good day?"
- "Yes thanks, and you?"
"Pretty good I guess, had a boring lecture"
- "Me too"

And that's it. I just can't seem to think of anything further on the spot to talk about. The thing is, I was fine before I came to Uni, I had a well established place in a group of friends and could talk all night, but here, it's strange and sort of, I dunno, hard.

I guess it's a general human need to feel accepted within a group of peers.

I'm having fun though, I go out with my flatmates and loads of others everyweek, it's just, I don't feel like I'm expressing myself enough as what I used to.

EDIT: Thanks for raising this topic, Sheepy, it's something that's been on my mind for a while.

It'll probably get better as time progresses.

Small talk sucks.

I figure it should be possible to cut to sometheing interesting quickly, but I'm not sure how yet.


On being yourself though - it depends what you're communicating.

In those early stages you tend only to communicate your confidence level, current state of mind / attitude and your attitude towards the person you're meeting (normal/nervous/needy/indifferent...).

I don't think any of those traits really define a person. The closest though would be your current state of mind. But that's really a personal choice, if you know how to control it. And if you can control it, you're going to go for something that feels good.

I don't mind smalltalk, I just meet some people and dismiss them as morons before I know them. Although this applies to a small number.

Yeah I feel the same. Though if it makes you feel better I reckon I have it slightly worse, I really hate small talk. It makes social interactions with people you don't know very well quite difficult.

Aww..*weeps*

I'll be your friend Sheepy!! It's all about initiative and I'm so proud and glad you went on your own if this is something that really interests you. Your contribution may not always be revered by the masses, but you'll always have derived the benefits from just getting involved.

It's been noted by my human resource management professors that first impressions are made within the first three seconds of meeting people. A lot of us would retort that we're not judgemental or stereotypical and that definitely wouldn't apply to us..but, be real, it's just human nature to do it. Hence the catch-phrase "image is everything."

So, do you appear fake from the get-go? No. You appear yourself and exactly what and who you are..or who you want to be. And for the people who can't see through to the sexy sweetheart you are, I just say fook 'em. Can't please everyone.. I don't think I'd want to. Why, then there wouldn't be any Light v Celestine crap to entertain ya'll! That would be a bummer, indeed.. Hm.

Be okay Sheepy. Atleast you're still sexy to these guys here on SR! ;)~

First off, I'd say that the onions of the kind of people who do uni magazines might not be the best people to base your self esteem on.


However, if it's a wider problem, perhaps you want to think about body language etc., and what you communicate to people as you first meet them.

People tend to treat you the way you communicate to them that they ought to treat you, and it's especially true when you first meet them since they really have little else to go on. When you meet completely new people, all they know is what you communicate to them (whether that's body language, words, attitude, appearance).

However, any attempts to influence such communication should be subtle, and should focus on changing your state of mind, then allowing that state of mind to manifest itself in your 'communication' naturally.


Most of all, I'd suggest you relax, physically and mentally, put to one side any concern about peoples' opinions of you (just let it go for the short term), and try to develop a confident, positive felling.

Get this down, and add good posture and mental composure, and the women will love you. More than they do now anyway.

"I'm being quite serious though, I think I might be a paranoid mentalist."


Sometimes I think I'm a sociopath, but then, if you think you're mad, you can't be mad can you? I hope not..

sheepy has no mates, sheepy has no mates

I'm a bit like that too... although maybe not as much as you. :-)