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"Youf Bible Causes Stir"

Christian groups are said to be up in arms about a new version of the Bible aimed at attracting teenagers back into the arms of the Lord. ‘Da Biblez’ features all of the Bible stories we know and love, but written in a style to appeal to a younger generation, and this is thought to have upset die-hard Christians.

An extract from the story of Adam and Eve that has caused so much outrage:

Adam: ‘Sup God? The Garden of Eden is the shiznit, but like, where are my homies? Ain’t even no biatches, man.

God: STFU, n00b!

Adam: C’mon bredren, you holdin’ out on me.

God: FFS! Gis a McRib and I’ll sort yo’ out.

Heather Evergreen, from Christian youth group Outreach released the following statement: “Whilst encouraging youngsters to turn to the word of God and the teachings of our Saviour Jesus Christ, I don’t think bastardising His texts is the right way to go about it, is it? The word of God should remain true, and not be portrayed in such a light – for there is only one true light, and that is the light of God that shines down from Heaven unto us, leaving the heathens in eternal darkness.”

However, the book certainly is proving popular amongst its target audience, with it now being considered cool to have a copy of ‘Da Biblez’ showing from one of the pockets of the massively oversized jeans they wear.

Burberry cap sporting youf Chazen Dave is a big fan. “S’like showed me religion in a new light, like. S’like Jesus, he had his crew, but Judas was like the mo’fo rat doin’ the dirty. We’re down wi’ that. Not, like, we like it, but like, we get it, like.S’like of the street, we sees it everyday.”

‘Da Biblez’ is available in all good bookstores at £12.99 in hardback. A paperback edition will be available in time for Christmas

Del Rogeo wrote:
> The bible is nothing but a pack of lies

yeah, I wish people would stop paying attention to lies like "you shouldn't kill other people"! Stupid Christians!!

The Bible's actually a pretty good book, or at least the Old Testament is. I used to love Noah's Ark when I was young, and Sampson and Delilah. This was before I even knew they were religious stories.

The bible is nothing but a pack of lies, but at least with the re-written version it's a funny pack of lies.

How do ya like that, miserable outraged Christians?

Mr Snuggly wrote:
> How about you stop
> criticising and try writing something of your own?

because no-one can judge anything unless they do it themselves.

Mr Snuggly wrote:

> Luv 1anova Bcoz God luvs u

That's fantastic.

I'm half tempted to rewrite the whole Bible, but that would mean reading it.

Maybe someone has given the kids a children's version, and it's in that pile of books in the garage...

er, they're different characters. God's a netspeak geek. Adam thinks he's a bit of a G. Because not everybody speaks and acts the same.

Though I don't think I made that clear in the article bit, nevermind.

blimmerfisch wrote:
> STFU, n00b!
>
> Yeah, because a "Burberry cap sporting youf" goes hand in
> hand with "STFU, n00b!"
>
> That wasn't particularly funny to be honest...

My my, aren't you little Mr. Hate-it-All. How about you stop criticising and try writing something of your own?

STFU, n00b!

Yeah, because a "Burberry cap sporting youf" goes hand in hand with "STFU, n00b!"

That wasn't particularly funny to be honest...

since when were 'internet geeks' and 'the youf' the same thing?

I go past a chutch on the way to work, and take great pleasure in seeing what new way they're trying to attract youthful visitors with the poster display outside. This week's poster, set on a backdrop of mobile phone keypad images and so forth:

Luv 1anova Bcoz God luvs u