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Christian groups are said to be up in arms about a new version of the Bible aimed at attracting teenagers back into the arms of the Lord. ‘Da Biblez’ features all of the Bible stories we know and love, but written in a style to appeal to a younger generation, and this is thought to have upset die-hard Christians.
An extract from the story of Adam and Eve that has caused so much outrage:
Adam: ‘Sup God? The Garden of Eden is the shiznit, but like, where are my homies? Ain’t even no biatches, man.
God: STFU, n00b!
Adam: C’mon bredren, you holdin’ out on me.
God: FFS! Gis a McRib and I’ll sort yo’ out.
Heather Evergreen, from Christian youth group Outreach released the following statement: “Whilst encouraging youngsters to turn to the word of God and the teachings of our Saviour Jesus Christ, I don’t think bastardising His texts is the right way to go about it, is it? The word of God should remain true, and not be portrayed in such a light – for there is only one true light, and that is the light of God that shines down from Heaven unto us, leaving the heathens in eternal darkness.”
However, the book certainly is proving popular amongst its target audience, with it now being considered cool to have a copy of ‘Da Biblez’ showing from one of the pockets of the massively oversized jeans they wear.
Burberry cap sporting youf Chazen Dave is a big fan. “S’like showed me religion in a new light, like. S’like Jesus, he had his crew, but Judas was like the mo’fo rat doin’ the dirty. We’re down wi’ that. Not, like, we like it, but like, we get it, like.S’like of the street, we sees it everyday.”
‘Da Biblez’ is available in all good bookstores at £12.99 in hardback. A paperback edition will be available in time for Christmas
An extract from the story of Adam and Eve that has caused so much outrage:
Adam: ‘Sup God? The Garden of Eden is the shiznit, but like, where are my homies? Ain’t even no biatches, man.
God: STFU, n00b!
Adam: C’mon bredren, you holdin’ out on me.
God: FFS! Gis a McRib and I’ll sort yo’ out.
Heather Evergreen, from Christian youth group Outreach released the following statement: “Whilst encouraging youngsters to turn to the word of God and the teachings of our Saviour Jesus Christ, I don’t think bastardising His texts is the right way to go about it, is it? The word of God should remain true, and not be portrayed in such a light – for there is only one true light, and that is the light of God that shines down from Heaven unto us, leaving the heathens in eternal darkness.”
However, the book certainly is proving popular amongst its target audience, with it now being considered cool to have a copy of ‘Da Biblez’ showing from one of the pockets of the massively oversized jeans they wear.
Burberry cap sporting youf Chazen Dave is a big fan. “S’like showed me religion in a new light, like. S’like Jesus, he had his crew, but Judas was like the mo’fo rat doin’ the dirty. We’re down wi’ that. Not, like, we like it, but like, we get it, like.S’like of the street, we sees it everyday.”
‘Da Biblez’ is available in all good bookstores at £12.99 in hardback. A paperback edition will be available in time for Christmas
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<3 biblez
OMG, god ninja'd my ******* cloudsong man!
What a well thought-out and decisive ending
Mr Snuggly wrote:
> All I have ever seen you do is complain about things
Well, you're wrong.
Sorry!
> All I have ever seen you do is complain about things
Well, you're wrong.
Sorry!
Memorandum! wrote:
> Del Rogeo wrote:
> The bible is nothing but a pack of lies
>
> yeah, I wish people would stop paying attention to lies like
> "you shouldn't kill other people"! Stupid Christians!!
Actually I'm sure the important commandments were (or at least would have been) implemented in law by civilised society at some point or other. But I see where you're coming from. I think it would be more reasonable to take the bible as fiction that can give guidance on the 'right' way to go about life rather than something to believe in word-for-word.
> Del Rogeo wrote:
> The bible is nothing but a pack of lies
>
> yeah, I wish people would stop paying attention to lies like
> "you shouldn't kill other people"! Stupid Christians!!
Actually I'm sure the important commandments were (or at least would have been) implemented in law by civilised society at some point or other. But I see where you're coming from. I think it would be more reasonable to take the bible as fiction that can give guidance on the 'right' way to go about life rather than something to believe in word-for-word.
blimmerfisch wrote:
> So because I criticise one piece of text - note, I criticise,
> ie, my personal opinion - I hate everything?
> What on earth are you blabbering on about?
>
> And mate - you're one to talk, considering you consistently slate
> movies, yet you've never written nor directed a major film in
> Hollywood yourself.
> That's such a stupid, stupid argument
All I have ever seen you do is complain about things, you're always first with a dissenting word. And I write many things about movies, the Why I Hate... articles are written in jest, I don't actually want to shoot kids in the head with a nailgun. Anyone with sense could see that.
Please do not take this as an invitation for a 'flame war' as I can't be bothered arguing with a kid on a chat forums and have better things to do. So, in summary: all I ever see you do is b|tch and moan. Deal with it.
> So because I criticise one piece of text - note, I criticise,
> ie, my personal opinion - I hate everything?
> What on earth are you blabbering on about?
>
> And mate - you're one to talk, considering you consistently slate
> movies, yet you've never written nor directed a major film in
> Hollywood yourself.
> That's such a stupid, stupid argument
All I have ever seen you do is complain about things, you're always first with a dissenting word. And I write many things about movies, the Why I Hate... articles are written in jest, I don't actually want to shoot kids in the head with a nailgun. Anyone with sense could see that.
Please do not take this as an invitation for a 'flame war' as I can't be bothered arguing with a kid on a chat forums and have better things to do. So, in summary: all I ever see you do is b|tch and moan. Deal with it.
Don't mind if I do.
screw it
Mr Snuggly wrote:
> My my, aren't you little Mr. Hate-it-All. How about you stop
> criticising and try writing something of your own?
Sorry, what?
Mr Hate-it-All?
So because I criticise one piece of text - note, I criticise, ie, my personal opinion - I hate everything?
What on earth are you blabbering on about?
And mate - you're one to talk, considering you consistently slate movies, yet you've never written nor directed a major film in Hollywood yourself.
That's such a stupid, stupid argument
> My my, aren't you little Mr. Hate-it-All. How about you stop
> criticising and try writing something of your own?
Sorry, what?
Mr Hate-it-All?
So because I criticise one piece of text - note, I criticise, ie, my personal opinion - I hate everything?
What on earth are you blabbering on about?
And mate - you're one to talk, considering you consistently slate movies, yet you've never written nor directed a major film in Hollywood yourself.
That's such a stupid, stupid argument
Del Rogeo wrote:
> The bible is nothing but a pack of lies, but at least with the
> re-written version it's a funny pack of lies.
>
> How do ya like that, miserable outraged Christians?
--
Actually, I'm fairly sure your little moment of righteous anger doesn't register with them.
Could be wrong, though.
Anyway, Meka-san, excellent stuff. Made me laugh.
> The bible is nothing but a pack of lies, but at least with the
> re-written version it's a funny pack of lies.
>
> How do ya like that, miserable outraged Christians?
--
Actually, I'm fairly sure your little moment of righteous anger doesn't register with them.
Could be wrong, though.
Anyway, Meka-san, excellent stuff. Made me laugh.
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