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"What the..."

…Hell is that? Oh, that’s what it is. It’s a lump. I’m having a wash, and I’ve found a lump. A lump. A lump, down there!

The first thing that went through my mind was that it can’t be attached. Perhaps it’s a freakishly large micro-bead from my body-wash? Maybe I just haven’t washed this area enough in the past and the dirt has grouped?

Ok, that’s a load of crap. What went through my mind was something along the lines of, “oh my God! Crap! I’m going to die!” and so on.

I went into work because a new guy has started and the boss needed me to train him up. Fat lot of good I was. I couldn’t concentrate in the slightest, not even on simple tasks. I lasted half a day before having a rather hard talk with my boss and being told to go home and go to the doctors because, “you’re no use to me like this”.

I made a last minute appointment, well, by this I was told to come just before close of surgery and wait to see the doctor.

I waited there for a good 45 minutes. Despite arriving before several other people I was the last to go into the office. Those 45 minutes were torture. Not only because of nerves, but also because of having to share the waiting room with this pikey couple who played with their phones the whole time. Nothing grates me as much as the “click-click-click” of mobile phone buttons.

Anyway, I went in and was examined. She then paused for what could have only been a few seconds before telling me her opinion. This however seemed like it was a much longer period of time.

Verdict – she thinks it’s an infection of some special named gland, but I’ve got to keep a really close eye on it.

So it turns out it usually is nothing, but it’s still definitely best to be safe. So lads, check yourself…like you need and excuse anyway, but if your wife/missus/mum asks what you’re doing, just say you’re performing a home medical or something.

Nerve-racking day.

I wonder if flashers get nervous about exposing themselves at the doctors office.

We had a ball talk at school once... when I was about 15/16.

I found a lump and had to go to the doctor and get a scan.
That was a fun filled time of sheer embarrassment and fear of death.

*cries*

Black Glove wrote:
> Just out of interest: does your doctor have tied-up hair, nose-tippy
> spectacles and Page Trois cleavage?

The one i saw on Tuesday did

* Licks lips *

I went back today but got someone else :(

Blacky, she does have the hair and glasses you talk of, but not the cleavage. She did have a tight-fitting top though. When I were a lad I used to quite like her...age hasn't been too kind to her since then.

What does it feel like? I suppose the best way to describe it would be as anything alien to usually being around that whole area.

Reminds me of a Tom Green song.

Also, i've no idea what a lump would feel like, if you know what I mean.
Sort of.
SOmething.
I dunno.

Black Glove wrote:
> Just out of interest: does your doctor have tied-up hair, nose-tippy
> spectacles and Page Trois cleavage? -

No-ones that lucky BG. That only happens in the movies.

Or else you have to pay extra...

I have a lump in my throat at the thought that our English_Bloke could be afflicted by a testicle-devouring tumour ... but seriously, glad it is nothing as serious.

Just out of interest: does your doctor have tied-up hair, nose-tippy spectacles and Page Trois cleavage? -

Hmm... I certinaly wouldn't have wanted to be in your shoes. I hate going to the doctor's as it is (you go in with, say, a nose infection and come out with four variants of the 'flu) but when it's "personal" it's a million times worse.

The most worrying thing is that if I'd got the lump anywhere other then where I got it, I wouldn't have worried so much.

Yep it's usually nothing.

Had a bit of a scare at uni went to the uni doctor and it turned out I'd just popped a vein in my arm. Still there today but it was a fairly large bump that turned up out of the blue and had me worried for a day or so.