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It's quite funny really. How something as stupid as a length of copper can leave you in such a deadly position, I thought as I stared up at the wires above my head. The crackles of electricity brought incredible fear into my heart and I couldn't stop thinking about how I spent my life.
Ever since I was a toddler I was always causing trouble but not the regular, Oh God I was something special. I had a thing with wires. I loved strangling toys and creating booby traps for unsuspecting passers-by.
As I grew older I begun to work on bigger projects, small bombs and trip-wires. The other kids used to laugh at me and call me a nerd and other hurtful names. But the more I hated them the more my passion grew for wires. Until they occupied my every thought, dream and waking moment.
By the time I was thirteen I was isolated from the other students and my parents still didn't care much about me. The other kids gave me a nick-name and I suppose it was'nt that bad really. Stat. Short for Static it was used so frequently even my parents call me that. I can't even remember my real name. Though I know my surname is Morgan.
At the age of fourteen I had stopped caring about my school work and my mind was a matrix of copper. My complexion had become pasty and my ginger was dull and lifeless. I knew I had a calling in life. I started building a bomb so complex I wasn't sure it was real. But I knew what I was doing.
By fifteen it was finished a creation the likes of man had never seen before hidden away in my garden shed. I pressed a button on the side of its door to open it, then stepped inside. Everything was ready and I waited for a thunderstorm and the final imput. Lightning.
So there I was Snakes of death hanging from the ceiling grinning at me and humming an electrical theme-song. Suddenly a bolt of lightning struck the machine and I had energy flowing through me like water through a drainpipe. I could feel my heart beating at an incredible rate and I find it difficult to explain, it was as though I was connected with every electrical impulse in the entire galaxy and as I crumpled to the ground dying I knew my destiny had been fulfilled.
Ever since I was a toddler I was always causing trouble but not the regular, Oh God I was something special. I had a thing with wires. I loved strangling toys and creating booby traps for unsuspecting passers-by.
As I grew older I begun to work on bigger projects, small bombs and trip-wires. The other kids used to laugh at me and call me a nerd and other hurtful names. But the more I hated them the more my passion grew for wires. Until they occupied my every thought, dream and waking moment.
By the time I was thirteen I was isolated from the other students and my parents still didn't care much about me. The other kids gave me a nick-name and I suppose it was'nt that bad really. Stat. Short for Static it was used so frequently even my parents call me that. I can't even remember my real name. Though I know my surname is Morgan.
At the age of fourteen I had stopped caring about my school work and my mind was a matrix of copper. My complexion had become pasty and my ginger was dull and lifeless. I knew I had a calling in life. I started building a bomb so complex I wasn't sure it was real. But I knew what I was doing.
By fifteen it was finished a creation the likes of man had never seen before hidden away in my garden shed. I pressed a button on the side of its door to open it, then stepped inside. Everything was ready and I waited for a thunderstorm and the final imput. Lightning.
So there I was Snakes of death hanging from the ceiling grinning at me and humming an electrical theme-song. Suddenly a bolt of lightning struck the machine and I had energy flowing through me like water through a drainpipe. I could feel my heart beating at an incredible rate and I find it difficult to explain, it was as though I was connected with every electrical impulse in the entire galaxy and as I crumpled to the ground dying I knew my destiny had been fulfilled.
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It was a genuine comment.
Ashman has a problem.
He's an idiot.
Apparently humour has no part in the creative writing forum so my future contributions should be deadly serious upon pain of death or perhaps you need to remove the stick from your ass and work on your constructive criticism instead of being a mong with an inflated ego because he won an internet writing competition.
If people actually bothered to give decent feedback then you might see more people actually use this forum. As it is things were better off when they were posted in the Life.. forum and the constructive criticism was a lot better in there.
Sort your forum out into something half-decent before you go pointing fingers elsewhere.
Ashman has a problem.
He's an idiot.
Apparently humour has no part in the creative writing forum so my future contributions should be deadly serious upon pain of death or perhaps you need to remove the stick from your ass and work on your constructive criticism instead of being a mong with an inflated ego because he won an internet writing competition.
If people actually bothered to give decent feedback then you might see more people actually use this forum. As it is things were better off when they were posted in the Life.. forum and the constructive criticism was a lot better in there.
Sort your forum out into something half-decent before you go pointing fingers elsewhere.
I thought there's alot of potential, but you need to develop it.
More feelings and emotive language, maybe?
More feelings and emotive language, maybe?
I liked it, though it was rushed. An edit in which you add this quality by say 3 paragragh's that's actually relelvant to the story and it'll be great. Well done.
I know I'm going to change it. I wrote it last night and I was quite tired. But first today I have to do my homework.
Hmmmm, no, it all seemed a bit instant, no feelings or motives behind it. As well as this there were numerous grammar errors.
Still potential shown in some of your description, but you need to spend longer over the structure of the piece or it ends up as just...well...jotted notes sort of half-moulded into a story.
And as for you, Hedfix, you can shut the feck up. Come back when you've made a half decent contribution to the forums, or at least attempted to, yeah? So far all you've done in CW is litter it.
Still potential shown in some of your description, but you need to spend longer over the structure of the piece or it ends up as just...well...jotted notes sort of half-moulded into a story.
And as for you, Hedfix, you can shut the feck up. Come back when you've made a half decent contribution to the forums, or at least attempted to, yeah? So far all you've done in CW is litter it.
Its something rubbish I just made up in about 2 minutes.
This is good.
It's quite funny really. How something as stupid as a length of copper can leave you in such a deadly position, I thought as I stared up at the wires above my head. The crackles of electricity brought incredible fear into my heart and I couldn't stop thinking about how I spent my life.
Ever since I was a toddler I was always causing trouble but not the regular, Oh God I was something special. I had a thing with wires. I loved strangling toys and creating booby traps for unsuspecting passers-by.
As I grew older I begun to work on bigger projects, small bombs and trip-wires. The other kids used to laugh at me and call me a nerd and other hurtful names. But the more I hated them the more my passion grew for wires. Until they occupied my every thought, dream and waking moment.
By the time I was thirteen I was isolated from the other students and my parents still didn't care much about me. The other kids gave me a nick-name and I suppose it was'nt that bad really. Stat. Short for Static it was used so frequently even my parents call me that. I can't even remember my real name. Though I know my surname is Morgan.
At the age of fourteen I had stopped caring about my school work and my mind was a matrix of copper. My complexion had become pasty and my ginger was dull and lifeless. I knew I had a calling in life. I started building a bomb so complex I wasn't sure it was real. But I knew what I was doing.
By fifteen it was finished a creation the likes of man had never seen before hidden away in my garden shed. I pressed a button on the side of its door to open it, then stepped inside. Everything was ready and I waited for a thunderstorm and the final imput. Lightning.
So there I was Snakes of death hanging from the ceiling grinning at me and humming an electrical theme-song. Suddenly a bolt of lightning struck the machine and I had energy flowing through me like water through a drainpipe. I could feel my heart beating at an incredible rate and I find it difficult to explain, it was as though I was connected with every electrical impulse in the entire galaxy and as I crumpled to the ground dying I knew my destiny had been fulfilled.
Ever since I was a toddler I was always causing trouble but not the regular, Oh God I was something special. I had a thing with wires. I loved strangling toys and creating booby traps for unsuspecting passers-by.
As I grew older I begun to work on bigger projects, small bombs and trip-wires. The other kids used to laugh at me and call me a nerd and other hurtful names. But the more I hated them the more my passion grew for wires. Until they occupied my every thought, dream and waking moment.
By the time I was thirteen I was isolated from the other students and my parents still didn't care much about me. The other kids gave me a nick-name and I suppose it was'nt that bad really. Stat. Short for Static it was used so frequently even my parents call me that. I can't even remember my real name. Though I know my surname is Morgan.
At the age of fourteen I had stopped caring about my school work and my mind was a matrix of copper. My complexion had become pasty and my ginger was dull and lifeless. I knew I had a calling in life. I started building a bomb so complex I wasn't sure it was real. But I knew what I was doing.
By fifteen it was finished a creation the likes of man had never seen before hidden away in my garden shed. I pressed a button on the side of its door to open it, then stepped inside. Everything was ready and I waited for a thunderstorm and the final imput. Lightning.
So there I was Snakes of death hanging from the ceiling grinning at me and humming an electrical theme-song. Suddenly a bolt of lightning struck the machine and I had energy flowing through me like water through a drainpipe. I could feel my heart beating at an incredible rate and I find it difficult to explain, it was as though I was connected with every electrical impulse in the entire galaxy and as I crumpled to the ground dying I knew my destiny had been fulfilled.
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