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"Motivationless"

Really reached the pinnacle of not caring and I'm wathcing myself decline, and it doesn't even bother me I don't think. I feel sad, like when you hear about a hooker getting a fork in the eye or something, but I dont truly care.

I cant type any more, I've had to re-corect the last sentences about 11 times because I'm such a spaz I cant even do somehting simple anymore.

Been getting D's in my work I've handed in lately, not due to not trying, I've tried a decent amount, just my best isn't as good as my best used to be.

I've been drinking a lot lately, thankfully not lonesome drinking, because that would be marginally worse, but I've been spending all my cash on money and gambling.

I hate to see what I've become, but at the same time I care so little than I carry on, without any desire the acheive anything much anymore.

It's not the being crap that bugs me, it's that I know I should want to be better than this, but I really dont. I just feel empty. It's liberating in a way.

I actually don't even know why I'm typing this, if I don't care why the hell will anyone else?

Um, thats it. Finito.

I did some stuff today after a two week build up...

Suck it up, Kyz, you big mopey poof.

Whoever wrote this please get a job. Before I throw a pen at you.

[URL]http://www.genxvideo.com/film_genres/teena.jpg[/URL]

What drugs do you take out of interest Mr Dox? If you don't want to disclose I apologise

Paradox: wrote:
> Probably should stop the drugs

...

you don't say.

What you need to hear etc la la: Pick yourself up, ass
The actual truth: It's a phase, don't worry too much

Yeah I think it could be a habbit I'm falling into, a downward spiral if you will. The longer it goes on the harder it gets to change.

Probably should stop the drugs and cut down on drinking and take it from there really.

For the ast few weeks I've been trying to muster the motivation to get my life in order - get out of bed in the mornings, make sure I'm in uni and work on time, put in lots of effort academically...

I've tried to reason it out, and work out my long term goals, try to relate all the little objectives to something big enough to be motivating.

But at the end of the day, I find myself sitting on the couch or lying in bed, and I just don't care.

It sometimes feels different when I'm up, but especially lying in bed, there just seems to be no point trying.

And being in bed just feels so good. Nothing matters, and you can sleep everything away. Whereas other life is dull and crap.



But I think motivation is only half of it - people fall into habits and routines.
Breaking the negative routine can be the crucial step in getting yourself together.
If I could break the routine of staying in bed, so my natural response was not so powerfully telling me to stay there, I think I could get my rational brain involved and maybe persuade me to get myself together.

Getting into a good habit could be most of the battle.

probably are.

I'm a fat gambling druggie, really. Those sorts of people never do well at things.