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"I see the fire"

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Mon 11/04/05 at 18:16
Regular
"Catch it!"
Posts: 6,840
I see the fire- By Luke Poulton

I see the fire in front of my eyes.
Burning,blazing hot.
As the wood burns into crisp in the fire.
We throw in plastic and watch that melt.
As we sit on the grass in the garden I see the fire.
The sparks fly high.
I see the fire and it is hot.
Mon 11/04/05 at 22:10
Regular
"0228"
Posts: 5,953
What rhymes?
Mon 11/04/05 at 20:43
Regular
Posts: 5,848
The rhymes were too 'obvious' for my liking. No offence, but you chose all of the obvious things - the fire is hot and things melt

If it was longer and more descriptive it would be - not diabolical. As it is ... edit it and refine it, add more desciption and more advanced vocabulary
Mon 11/04/05 at 20:19
Regular
"spongemycarpetydont"
Posts: 536
And that dot! Not too far up, not too far down...sheesh!
Mon 11/04/05 at 20:12
Regular
Posts: 2,207
Small J's were my demise at first. Loopy crapholes.
Mon 11/04/05 at 20:01
Regular
Posts: 16,548
Waaaiiit. You haven't seen my J's yet. Works of art, my friend, works of art.
Mon 11/04/05 at 19:45
"period drama"
Posts: 19,792
Not good enough.
*loads shotgun*
Mon 11/04/05 at 19:12
Regular
Posts: 16,548
One of the hardest letters to perfect, the K. Took me most of my life to get it right.
Mon 11/04/05 at 19:09
"period drama"
Posts: 19,792
What? It's good for them.
I go around primary schools to boost moral.

"What!? You call that an 'K'? *slap* I've seen blind, limbless lemurs form better 'K's! Get out of my sight!"
Mon 11/04/05 at 19:06
Moderator
"possibly impossible"
Posts: 24,985
FinalFantasyFanatic wrote:
> I'd suggest never trying to write poetry again.

It's comments like that which lead to children's inadequecy for reading and writing...

;-)
Mon 11/04/05 at 19:04
"period drama"
Posts: 19,792
I'd suggest never trying to write poetry again.

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