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The time was midnight, the moon was full, the city was London and Kai Hackeysack was sprinting full speed down the litter scattered alley behind the Fung Sheung restaurant. He paused for a moment to catch his breath and threw himself behind a pile of rubbish bags.
He picked up his mobile phone and dialled the number of his best friend Marley. "Hey Mar.... Damn!". It was just Marleys answerphone . In frustration he slammed his phone into the trashcan and tightened his scarf shivering.
Kai was on the run. He had squealed on his Boss who he had seen commiting murder so his boss sent two hardcore goons after him. Kai had survived so far by keeping to the shadows and sleeping rough. He heard tires squeal and took his pistol from his holster.
After five minutes of painful waiting he leapt up and stole across a dusty road pulling up his hood. It had started snowing . Kai couldn't feel his fingers and he knew if he did'nt find food and shelter soon he wouldn't survive...
He slowed to a walk and looked around him and saw an old woman gibbering to herself across the street. He continued until he came across a scrawny hobo chewing on a piece of meat. "Give me that you scrawny clown". And kicked the poor man in the stomach. The tramp growled and dropped his treat retreating into the darkness of Gladstone Park.
Gnawing hungrily Kai noticed the warehouse looming up in front of him. "Maybe I can get in there", he thought. And jumped up onto the fence tearing his woolen coat on the cruel barbed wire then landed cat-like on all fours on the other side.
The security camera had long since been vandalised and the back door was open. Kai walked along the chilling black corridors until he came across a room with an open door. Inside there was an old mattress along with a few broken bottles and some empty paper bags. As he sat down on the mattress the urge to sleep overwhelmed him and he nodded off.
Before dawn he was awoken by a loud creak and muffled voices. Knowing who had come for him he instantly became alert. He felt for his gun but it was'nt there he must have had dropped it whilst running. Mad with fear he backed up against the wall and as the door opened he heard the cold words "Hes in there the one who stole my dinner...". And as the sun rose gunshots and screams could be heard in London.
He picked up his mobile phone and dialled the number of his best friend Marley. "Hey Mar.... Damn!". It was just Marleys answerphone . In frustration he slammed his phone into the trashcan and tightened his scarf shivering.
Kai was on the run. He had squealed on his Boss who he had seen commiting murder so his boss sent two hardcore goons after him. Kai had survived so far by keeping to the shadows and sleeping rough. He heard tires squeal and took his pistol from his holster.
After five minutes of painful waiting he leapt up and stole across a dusty road pulling up his hood. It had started snowing . Kai couldn't feel his fingers and he knew if he did'nt find food and shelter soon he wouldn't survive...
He slowed to a walk and looked around him and saw an old woman gibbering to herself across the street. He continued until he came across a scrawny hobo chewing on a piece of meat. "Give me that you scrawny clown". And kicked the poor man in the stomach. The tramp growled and dropped his treat retreating into the darkness of Gladstone Park.
Gnawing hungrily Kai noticed the warehouse looming up in front of him. "Maybe I can get in there", he thought. And jumped up onto the fence tearing his woolen coat on the cruel barbed wire then landed cat-like on all fours on the other side.
The security camera had long since been vandalised and the back door was open. Kai walked along the chilling black corridors until he came across a room with an open door. Inside there was an old mattress along with a few broken bottles and some empty paper bags. As he sat down on the mattress the urge to sleep overwhelmed him and he nodded off.
Before dawn he was awoken by a loud creak and muffled voices. Knowing who had come for him he instantly became alert. He felt for his gun but it was'nt there he must have had dropped it whilst running. Mad with fear he backed up against the wall and as the door opened he heard the cold words "Hes in there the one who stole my dinner...". And as the sun rose gunshots and screams could be heard in London.
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sorry about the grammatial errors people I corrected this in Microsoft works but by accident put in the uncorrected version. Sorry.
Not bad, although it seems to be one short sentence after another and a lot of them seem to start with "he". I haven't counted how many do and there may in fact not be that many, but that's just how it felt while I read it.
I liked the opening quite a bit hence why I actually read it all, which is a rare thing.
There are also a grammatical errors, (yes I know me talking about grammar is ironic), which disrupted the 'reading experience'. But yeah. Not bad at all.
I liked the opening quite a bit hence why I actually read it all, which is a rare thing.
There are also a grammatical errors, (yes I know me talking about grammar is ironic), which disrupted the 'reading experience'. But yeah. Not bad at all.
The time was midnight, the moon was full, the city was London and Kai Hackeysack was sprinting full speed down the litter scattered alley behind the Fung Sheung restaurant. He paused for a moment to catch his breath and threw himself behind a pile of rubbish bags.
He picked up his mobile phone and dialled the number of his best friend Marley. "Hey Mar.... Damn!". It was just Marleys answerphone . In frustration he slammed his phone into the trashcan and tightened his scarf shivering.
Kai was on the run. He had squealed on his Boss who he had seen commiting murder so his boss sent two hardcore goons after him. Kai had survived so far by keeping to the shadows and sleeping rough. He heard tires squeal and took his pistol from his holster.
After five minutes of painful waiting he leapt up and stole across a dusty road pulling up his hood. It had started snowing . Kai couldn't feel his fingers and he knew if he did'nt find food and shelter soon he wouldn't survive...
He slowed to a walk and looked around him and saw an old woman gibbering to herself across the street. He continued until he came across a scrawny hobo chewing on a piece of meat. "Give me that you scrawny clown". And kicked the poor man in the stomach. The tramp growled and dropped his treat retreating into the darkness of Gladstone Park.
Gnawing hungrily Kai noticed the warehouse looming up in front of him. "Maybe I can get in there", he thought. And jumped up onto the fence tearing his woolen coat on the cruel barbed wire then landed cat-like on all fours on the other side.
The security camera had long since been vandalised and the back door was open. Kai walked along the chilling black corridors until he came across a room with an open door. Inside there was an old mattress along with a few broken bottles and some empty paper bags. As he sat down on the mattress the urge to sleep overwhelmed him and he nodded off.
Before dawn he was awoken by a loud creak and muffled voices. Knowing who had come for him he instantly became alert. He felt for his gun but it was'nt there he must have had dropped it whilst running. Mad with fear he backed up against the wall and as the door opened he heard the cold words "Hes in there the one who stole my dinner...". And as the sun rose gunshots and screams could be heard in London.
He picked up his mobile phone and dialled the number of his best friend Marley. "Hey Mar.... Damn!". It was just Marleys answerphone . In frustration he slammed his phone into the trashcan and tightened his scarf shivering.
Kai was on the run. He had squealed on his Boss who he had seen commiting murder so his boss sent two hardcore goons after him. Kai had survived so far by keeping to the shadows and sleeping rough. He heard tires squeal and took his pistol from his holster.
After five minutes of painful waiting he leapt up and stole across a dusty road pulling up his hood. It had started snowing . Kai couldn't feel his fingers and he knew if he did'nt find food and shelter soon he wouldn't survive...
He slowed to a walk and looked around him and saw an old woman gibbering to herself across the street. He continued until he came across a scrawny hobo chewing on a piece of meat. "Give me that you scrawny clown". And kicked the poor man in the stomach. The tramp growled and dropped his treat retreating into the darkness of Gladstone Park.
Gnawing hungrily Kai noticed the warehouse looming up in front of him. "Maybe I can get in there", he thought. And jumped up onto the fence tearing his woolen coat on the cruel barbed wire then landed cat-like on all fours on the other side.
The security camera had long since been vandalised and the back door was open. Kai walked along the chilling black corridors until he came across a room with an open door. Inside there was an old mattress along with a few broken bottles and some empty paper bags. As he sat down on the mattress the urge to sleep overwhelmed him and he nodded off.
Before dawn he was awoken by a loud creak and muffled voices. Knowing who had come for him he instantly became alert. He felt for his gun but it was'nt there he must have had dropped it whilst running. Mad with fear he backed up against the wall and as the door opened he heard the cold words "Hes in there the one who stole my dinner...". And as the sun rose gunshots and screams could be heard in London.
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