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"How do you Forget and Move-On?"

When you've had strong feelings for someone over a long period of time and then, you realise all hope is likely to be worth sod all when it comes down to the fact she's very happy as she is and things may never change, no matter how hard you rub that magic lamp...

How exactly do you go about moving-on from this one fixation to leave it all behind in the past?


That is, basically, the situation I'm in now. Having realised she's more than just 'happy' with her current situation, she'll soon be moving out on her own and everything... Despite her "reputation", there maybe nothing left for me worth fighting for.

When I've been in this kind of situation before, I don't think I've properly "forgotten" about the girl in question. I have learnt how to move on. I understand feelings cannot simply 'die' in an instant, but there must surely be a way of dealing with it and changing your perspective?


The people I know are cut short of ideas on this matter, having barely been this far, this seriously themselves. Ideas I've heard are, generally, ones I just want to forget. You know... Drinking never solves anything and only makes it worse. Is f***ing the very next pretty thing you see really gonna take your mind of it all, if it's meaningless in itself?

How do you escape from these feelings at the end of a meaningful relationshup that breaks down into a million-and-one tiny pieces?

I've seen how hard it can hit people when it comes to divorce if they don't deal with it properly. Very different situation here, I know that. But my 'Confidence' and such has always been very fragile. The slightest crack could lead to social problems, or something, with me...


So, how DO you deal with it?
How HAVE you dealt with things?

What on Earth do I do?

"crack could lead to social problems"

You said it.

The Hibernator wrote:
> Out of curiosity...
>
> Are you a girl who mast*rbates?

Y'know, I can sense the hundreds of pairs of eyes glued to the screen for a response to this little gem.

I suggest crying and writing really execrable poetry.

Failing that, realise that the next one will be better (they always are) and go watch Goodfellas or something.

Out of curiosity...

Are you a girl who mast*rbates?

So what's benefits are there for women who mast*rbate? That obviously won't rid any prostate cancer. Boy, I hope they find something mast*rbating can cure for women.

It's in the language filter? Mast*rbatng may be a rude word, but it's nature!

Miserableman wrote:
> Your Honour wrote:
> Masturbation never solves anything....
>
> BBC News begs to differ:
> [URL]http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3072021.stm[/URL]

Well, that puts it all into perspective.

When I was talking about the moving on, not getting stuck at one stage, it can happen as quickly as you like, but as a very rough rule of thumb, try not to be at any one stage for longer than a week, 2 at most.

Ah, Solskjaer, it's been a long road, are we nearly at the end of it?

I wasted 2 years of my life in a similar way. It can really sap your self esteem can't it? I hope you make a clean break.

Find someone else. I've said it before, and I stand by it. Meaningless sex will help with the self esteem, though perhaps not the moving on, but an easy-going relationship with someone - even if you don't have particulalrly strong feelings for them to begin with - will help get you back on track.

There were 2 girls from my past weighing on my mind. There was one who was a good friend, who I lost touch with. About a year on I realised I kind of loved her. Then there was the one I wasted a couple of years on, quite similar to your situation.

The first one took a couple of relationships to get past, and now, though I still miss her, I don't long for her in the same way.
The second one - a bit of no-strings female interaction (from flirting to casual sex, it's all good) helped rebuild my self-esteem, and a good relationship put her behind me.

I still think about each of them sometimes, I don't think you ever 'forget' them completely (nor would I want to really), but neither of them holds me back or messes me up any more. There's no more negative impact.



A couple of weeks ago I was teetering on the brink of what could have become another 'K'-type situation for myself, but through being aware of what could happen if I let myself slip into that situation again (and in honesty, a bit of luck finding someone else - always the key ;^) ), I've avoided it.

To offer you some advice on avoiding it happening in the future, I'd say that you have to keep moving forward with a girl - certainly until you're 'in a relationship'.
You meet
Then you talk to her a bit
You flirt
You kiss her
You start dating her

If you get stuck for too long at any one stage, you either have to move forward or stop trying for her, abandon the situation and look for someone else.
If things stagnate at one stage before you're in a relationship with her, you have a very slim chance of ever getting her (and despite what you may feel at the time, she's not really that special, there are a thousand equally good women waiting to meet you), and a high chance of getting stuck in another K situation. Which you really don't need.


If you want to talk things out, my msn is huw41 @hotmail.com (take out the space - I think my breaking it up might stop crawler program things picking up my address for junk e-mail.

Been there in the past.

What got me through it?

Good family, good friends, and keeping occupied.

It still took a hell of a long time, but one day I thought about the person concerned and realised... "Hey, it doesn't hurt any more!"

Notorious Biggles wrote:
> But for those few hours, as we sat and just talked about life and
> everything, it dawned on me that there are others out there, there
> is more than just one woman for you.

Quoting for truth. The notion that each of us have "one true love" somewhere else in the world is a Disney fantasy.