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"Relationship Rant"

I've recently broken up with another girlfriend, which is its essence doesn't bother me, because basically it wasn't working out, didnt feel right and we've decided to remain friends which is always good.

The thing that happens to be bugging me is that after we broke up she told me she loved me (actually "in love" not just the sort of 'love' you stick at the end of an email or text) and that she wants to have a baby with me.

Cue fear of fatherhood and the realisation I'm actually just a kid myself to kick in.

The thing that quite worries me is that I haven't known this girl a great deal of time at all. We met at a party, got drunk and did some stuff together and we started going out, but after a while (once I'd sobered up) I didnt feel the same and chose to end it to avoid and later heartache from prolonging the relationship. She took it badly. Really badly. With cries of "don't you find me attractive?" and "what have I done wrong" ringing through my head, I came back with the clichéd-to-death, "its not you, its me" which seemed to settle her down.

I've actually never been told by a girl that she "loved" me, nor have I ever said it to a girl. I'm quite pedantic with the word and beleive it should only be used when you mean it, and she assured me she does love me. This is rather daunting to think that someone who has known me a pretty short amount of time feels that way about me. What's even more frightening is that I don't feel the same way, at all.

I suppose I can finally empathise with those who stalk people and fall in love with them without really knowing them, and the other party is completely oblivious to this. I always though love would be something that came mutually from both parties, but I guess that isn't the case.

I'm not sure if I should feel bad about this, but I really do. I dislike hurting people, but I think I did the right thing to end it before she went skitzo and came off the pill and got pregnant to have the child she's oh-so-desperate to have.

Goes to show that you can be all mature and grown-up but still be a child yourself in some respects.

I'm still a child, I guess, but I like the security and lack of morning sickness it brings.

Paradox: wrote:
> Heh I've been invited round next week.
> She wanted me this weekend but I'll be far too drunk to board a
> train.
-----

And it's as easy as that.
The childish "but...but I love you..." witch from your 1st post is banished to the realms of "Jesus, this one girl I was seeing..." stories down the pub.

And don't be a tongue-tied hormonal teen-angst merchant. If at the end of the evening you want her, tell her.
What's the worst that can happen? She'll say "Er...I don't think of you that way" and voila, you've saved days/weeks of wondering and furtive jerking-off thinking about if you'll eventually get her.
Be bold, be an ironic caveman (total chauvanist pig but let her know you know you are) and claim her as yours.

Possibly because I refuse to play the social dance of unspoken cliches and perform the tedious dance of courtship?
It's a lot easier to be honest and cut through the crap, and you'd be surprised just how many women appreciate that.
The date with the South African two weeks ago, towards the end of the evening I just said "I won't lie, I'm thinking of how you look naked".
She laughed, said I was "crude and unbelievable", yet invited me back at the end of the night.

Would you rather some pansy-ass new age male that wants to talk about your emotions and sympathise with how goddamn harsh the world is, write poems and try to explain his inner feelings
OR
A bloke that bowls up and talks complete (but amusing and witty) nonsense and tells you that you float his boat and he'd like to spend an hour buried between your legs before he leaves at 2am to go to work?

...exactly.

I absolutely love Goatboys take on women. It always cheers me up no end for some reason :D

Heh I've been invited round next week.

She wanted me this weekend but I'll be far too drunk to board a train.

Isn't it good when things click into place?

Paradox: wrote:
> I was seeing a girl in Wakefield (near to Leeds where I live) and put
> her aside whilst I dated Psycho-McGee - but I might ring her up and
> arrange some fun. Without being in love, without caring "what
> she feels inside" and all that crap.
------

There you go, one already lined up.
Just ring her and be all "Hello stranger".
She'll ask what you've been up to, "Oh fighting bears, piracy...the usual" and go in alpha-male style.
I bet you'll be balls-deep within a week.

Leaflets for Hopeless Teenagers

I like that.
I'm just saying what I wish somebody had told me when I was wracked by that whole "life is so cruel" balls before I saw through it.
It's not to sneer at those that choose to be like that (I only give Light grief because it's funny and he's a big gay girlyman now), I just pop up to say "Well, there is another way" if it starts to get to you.

The weird thing, what took me an age to realise, is that they want the blokes that aren't interested in them.
It's an ego-thing to them, "Why doesn't he want me? I'll show him" and they'll chase you like greyhounds if you back off and stop panting.

Learn these 2 lines when somebody thinks they're all that and she'll be on her knees, bobbing back and forth like the Churchill Dog
"Half the world has boobs, so don't think that makes you special"
"I stopped auditioning for sex when I was 16"
Remove that power they hold and watch them crumble.
Then you can either throw one up her and laugh about it the next day, or be all sensitive and nice and don't.

I think it's human nature to feel the need to cling onto someone and not die alone, but it's a barrier I wan't to break.

I'm inconventional at the best of times and don't see why I should comform to cligning to some knock-me-up-and-marry-me girl. The whole "I love you" thing is probably just displaying her neediness.

Thanks for the advice Goaty, I'll really take it on board. I kind of assumed that the whole gay "fall in love and settle down" made you mature, but it's probably quite the opposite, it's just following instinct.

I am criminally soppy with women sometimes, which in reflection has never really been a good thing. The whole "treat 'em mean keep em keen" is a viable plan, it seems, and it is one I'll put to the test.

I was seeing a girl in Wakefield (near to Leeds where I live) and put her aside whilst I dated Psycho-McGee - but I might ring her up and arrange some fun. Without being in love, without caring "what she feels inside" and all that crap.

Thanks Goaty, you should make leaflets for hopeless teenagers like me.

I wish I was Goatboy

Light wrote:
> Stop thinking about it so much. Really; take the Goatboy approach of
> not taking sex and relationships too seriously.
-----

Despite his recent tendency to sound like Barbara Cartland, Light's right.
The moment you stop thinking every woman is a potential life-partner and see them as mere gloryholes that can buy you dinner?
You'll be Spanish Fly.

Now the women reading this can stop that sharp-intake-of-breath thing and put away the Bridget Jones novel.
You don't want nice, secure, dependable Mr Nice. Because you'll moan and complain to your mates about him, "He's just...I dunno...nice".
You may deny it, you may shriek and shake your head like an autistic kid at the zoo, but deep down you'd never say no to a bloke that forgets to ring, doesn't see you for a couple of weeks at a time, arrives in the evening and is gone in the morning because he has to go to work.
And you want to know why you want that?
Because "it's a challenge".

Women play retarded mindgames.
You've proved that yourself here Paradox with the whole "I love you" horseshit she came out with. Nice to leave it until you split before telling you huh?
It's a crock, the oldest line in the book (apart from the other cliche of "I love you but I'm not in love with you") and you almost fell for it.
Lighten up, shrug it off and relax, target some nice young filly and make her your own.
Think of it like Pokemon cards - collect one, trade 'em with your mates, collect them all!

It's easy to do. Learn the lines, be De Niro and voila, mindless sex with somebody that thinks the wall is dappled with sunshine everytime you bend over to collect your discarded clothes before leaving.
"Oh you're so shallow Goatboy"
"You have issues"
Blahblahblahblah, you enjoy your nice settled life with your significant other. Hug and share life's adventures together, swap stories about it "taking so long to find you, I feel like I've wasted so many years" etc etc. That's cool, hope it works out for you.
Just don't get all Richard & Judy on those that choose, instead, to play outside the rules and don't want to stroll hand in hand through IKEA or sit in a park gazing wonderously at the beauty of love all around them.

Sure I'm cynical. I did that whole "Wow, I really love that girl" thing, and that whole soap opera thing of feeling low when she handed me my heart after 3 years together etc etc.
Then I realised that hey, life didn't stop in it's tracks simply because this woman didn't want to be with me.
It was like being handed Wonka's Golden Ticket and being patted on the back.
You just need to realise that it's a game. And like any game, there are rules and set ways to get through a level that everybody does.
But, also like any game, there are shortcuts and cheats to make it more entertaining.
I play my life, the dating side, like I enabled God Mode and learned that women are easier to play than Nintendo games.

Last Friday (Light recieved the play-by-play texts) I spent the evening with a nice fit young lass. We did the whole evening in a bar thing, I ran through my schtick and she fell for it. Had that whole brushing-the-hair-from-face thing, the "oh you!" leg smack etc to break that whole non-physical-barrier. All signs were green.
Walk her back to the tube, have a nice kiss and miss my train.
"Ah there'll be another one in 5 mins" says Goatboy
"You want to come back with me?" says she
"Yes. Yes I do"

No complications, no strings, no murmured words of affection.
Haven't seen her since last...er...Wednesday and won't be seeing her until whenever I'm off next week.
"You around this weekend?"
"Sorry, working and Halo 2"
"Ah well, next week is cool" says she
Sure it is, silly rabbit.

Relax Paradox, there's no law that says you have to love the girl you hump. Hell, you don't even have to like her.

Thanks, a lot.

You turned out alright yeh? You didnt get all broody and make little Strafio's?