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It occurs to me that I'm a utter coward most of the time. I have trouble over-coming it, and it's half the problem why I get so paranoid and all sorts of weird crap happens.
However, I've realised that actually writing down what I'm afraid of, working it out in my mind and then scribbling it down, actually really helps me to see what I have to face. In many ways, it's a little system to see what direction I need to go next, admit to the fear, then attack it.
So, just out of interest (and to see if anyone else has the same problem with being afraid, anxious and the like), I ask what you're afraid of at the moment? You never know, with it out of your system and admitted, maybe it won't be such a problem?
I'm not just talking about phobias like spiders, heights, etc.. more things like debt, being on stage, talking to a girl, etc.
Any other fear related comments also welcome.
However, I've realised that actually writing down what I'm afraid of, working it out in my mind and then scribbling it down, actually really helps me to see what I have to face. In many ways, it's a little system to see what direction I need to go next, admit to the fear, then attack it.
So, just out of interest (and to see if anyone else has the same problem with being afraid, anxious and the like), I ask what you're afraid of at the moment? You never know, with it out of your system and admitted, maybe it won't be such a problem?
I'm not just talking about phobias like spiders, heights, etc.. more things like debt, being on stage, talking to a girl, etc.
Any other fear related comments also welcome.
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Solskjær wrote:
> I have found ways to help deal with it, but they don't seem to be
> 'permanent' enough. Taking deep breaths, smiling and acting confident
> around does help in a job where you're thrown face-to-face with
> people you wake up "fearing" - yet, in-time, it all seems
> to fade a little.
I agree! Although, it makes you [not you-you, anyone ;)] a little sad afterwards knowing that this 'front' you're putting on isn't real and kinda puts you right back where you were before.
So I think we need to try really hard to carry on with this whole confidence and dealing thing, but that's annoying, because it's like it makes us feel we can't be ourselves anymore.
> One of the worst things about it, though, is that it can really get
> you down so easily. And, it can last for weeks on end. Especially at
> this time of year.
What do you mean this time of year? Christmas??
> I have found ways to help deal with it, but they don't seem to be
> 'permanent' enough. Taking deep breaths, smiling and acting confident
> around does help in a job where you're thrown face-to-face with
> people you wake up "fearing" - yet, in-time, it all seems
> to fade a little.
I agree! Although, it makes you [not you-you, anyone ;)] a little sad afterwards knowing that this 'front' you're putting on isn't real and kinda puts you right back where you were before.
So I think we need to try really hard to carry on with this whole confidence and dealing thing, but that's annoying, because it's like it makes us feel we can't be ourselves anymore.
> One of the worst things about it, though, is that it can really get
> you down so easily. And, it can last for weeks on end. Especially at
> this time of year.
What do you mean this time of year? Christmas??
Yeah, we all fear lots. I fear that when I'm not in some sort of depression, then I'm just being an ignorant idiot. The fact is, when I am depressed, I'm not much different, its just that I hate myself, so its ok to be an ignorant idiot. I fear that I'll never really know myself properly, and that im not gonna appreciate what I can enough.
Well, nothing short term will cure it.
Sort of realising that you're being all irrational, doesn't solve anything in the short run, but I think the more you confirm your common sense by experience, the more instinctive it comes...
I know how much I've gone forward since 3 years ago.
And I wouldn't say I'm there yet, or even nearly there, but I like where I am now a lot more than I was a year ago, let alone 3.
I guess it's part of growing up. :-)
Sort of realising that you're being all irrational, doesn't solve anything in the short run, but I think the more you confirm your common sense by experience, the more instinctive it comes...
I know how much I've gone forward since 3 years ago.
And I wouldn't say I'm there yet, or even nearly there, but I like where I am now a lot more than I was a year ago, let alone 3.
I guess it's part of growing up. :-)
I know exactly what you mean.
I'm one of those people who can get very nervous about any up-and-coming thing - and I believe my 'nerves' played a big part in me failing my driving test no more than 4 times in the last 2 years; among several others things in my life.
Sometimes, at work, for example, I may feel nervous and it'll show - I've even had a customer ask me what I look so "worried" about, at times?
When I try to sit down and think of what bothers me so much, I come up with a whole list of things - most of which, no doubt, my own mind has simply made to much of, being that way.
I have found ways to help deal with it, but they don't seem to be 'permanent' enough. Taking deep breaths, smiling and acting confident around does help in a job where you're thrown face-to-face with people you wake up "fearing" - yet, in-time, it all seems to fade a little.
I haven't properly tried writing things down yet, so I will do.
One of the worst things about it, though, is that it can really get you down so easily. And, it can last for weeks on end. Especially at this time of year.
Yet, I don't believe you can fully help someone to permanently overcome ALL of their fears, for life. I don't believe people can change that much (despite what we hear of money and such).
I'm one of those people who can get very nervous about any up-and-coming thing - and I believe my 'nerves' played a big part in me failing my driving test no more than 4 times in the last 2 years; among several others things in my life.
Sometimes, at work, for example, I may feel nervous and it'll show - I've even had a customer ask me what I look so "worried" about, at times?
When I try to sit down and think of what bothers me so much, I come up with a whole list of things - most of which, no doubt, my own mind has simply made to much of, being that way.
I have found ways to help deal with it, but they don't seem to be 'permanent' enough. Taking deep breaths, smiling and acting confident around does help in a job where you're thrown face-to-face with people you wake up "fearing" - yet, in-time, it all seems to fade a little.
I haven't properly tried writing things down yet, so I will do.
One of the worst things about it, though, is that it can really get you down so easily. And, it can last for weeks on end. Especially at this time of year.
Yet, I don't believe you can fully help someone to permanently overcome ALL of their fears, for life. I don't believe people can change that much (despite what we hear of money and such).
But the trick is, are you seeing that as a description or a definition?
I mean, if you were simply describing the way you were feeling at a certain moment, then it's great. And seeing some of your works, I could only agree. :-)
But as a definition...
That means you start expecting yourself to always be bursting with creativity, and once you start expecting, the moment you find yourself not living up to that expectation you get all paranoid and start feeling you've lost it...
I guess that's when you get your "fear".
It's obviously going to be a bit of both, it is for all of us.
But if we could just throw away what we expected ourselves to be and just were then we could flow creatively.
Self critique would be purely constructive ("it's good, but wouldn't it be even better if we...") and all would be great.
So one thing saying it... :-)
I guess I don't fear anything when I really think about it, even things that I know to be dangerous. For me, fear is spontaneous emotion when my rationality goes and I'm suddenly feeling... you know... :-S
And it's almost always down to pre-concieved ideas and the like.
I mean, if you were simply describing the way you were feeling at a certain moment, then it's great. And seeing some of your works, I could only agree. :-)
But as a definition...
That means you start expecting yourself to always be bursting with creativity, and once you start expecting, the moment you find yourself not living up to that expectation you get all paranoid and start feeling you've lost it...
I guess that's when you get your "fear".
It's obviously going to be a bit of both, it is for all of us.
But if we could just throw away what we expected ourselves to be and just were then we could flow creatively.
Self critique would be purely constructive ("it's good, but wouldn't it be even better if we...") and all would be great.
So one thing saying it... :-)
I guess I don't fear anything when I really think about it, even things that I know to be dangerous. For me, fear is spontaneous emotion when my rationality goes and I'm suddenly feeling... you know... :-S
And it's almost always down to pre-concieved ideas and the like.
Strafio wrote:
> Do you genuinely fear that? Doesn't is just wind you up a little.
> Why is it scary?
> I mean, it might be holding people back, but most of the time it
> isn't doing any real harm,
I see people who misidentify belief for truth as being potentially very dangerous, like religious fundamentalists, for instance. But you're right, I don't really fear them, they just anger/unnerve me.
> What did you ever expect from yourself?
I have huge [HUGE] expectations creatively, not because I want money, fame, glamour, praise - more because I feel [and have always felt] like an overflowing cornucopia. Imagine a man with an almost uncontrollable sexual appetite... I'm that man, except creatively. There's just an swelling abundance I have to get rid of, and get rid of, and get rid of, and I can't think of anything else.
> Do you genuinely fear that? Doesn't is just wind you up a little.
> Why is it scary?
> I mean, it might be holding people back, but most of the time it
> isn't doing any real harm,
I see people who misidentify belief for truth as being potentially very dangerous, like religious fundamentalists, for instance. But you're right, I don't really fear them, they just anger/unnerve me.
> What did you ever expect from yourself?
I have huge [HUGE] expectations creatively, not because I want money, fame, glamour, praise - more because I feel [and have always felt] like an overflowing cornucopia. Imagine a man with an almost uncontrollable sexual appetite... I'm that man, except creatively. There's just an swelling abundance I have to get rid of, and get rid of, and get rid of, and I can't think of anything else.
Hmmm what do i fear, bloody loads when i think about it.
Being stuck who i am at the moment, i can't say i've ever been completely happy with myself, it seems as i try to lose my bad traits i find new ones as strange as it sounds coming from someone who who has wasted the last 8 years i'm a perfectionist and i fear not being perfect, i can't accept my own faults.
I fear my past, present and future and it's constantly in my mind that i'm being stalked by my health, i can't escape what happened and it follows me as a constant reminder that no matter what i do it can all be taken away very quickly so why bother building a life when the wrecking ball is right next door.
I'm not sure who i want to be anymore, til i was about 15 i was quite driven, you know the sort, top of the class teachers pet but i had some sort of anger in me, i could react quite easily and was very fragile and on edge and then at some point it all went away, i pretty much gave up on everything, lost my drive, calmed down, effectively and knowingly sabotaged my GCSE's and spent the next 4 years doing nothing at all and slowly getting angrier again but without anywhere to focus it. I'm not sure whether i want to go back to who i was aged 14 but i dont want to stay as i am either.
I fear losing the person i consider to be the best friend i've ever had, i'm not a trusting person at all, i've always been a loner because i decided people would only ever let me down or they would leave or i would leave and i decided that it wasn't worth finding new people only to lose them. When i joined here in january i was just looking to start talking to people again, i was gaurded and i had no intention or belief i would find someone i could form any attachment to, i was proven spectacularly wrong, in Trish May i have the friend i always needed, i trust her completely and i fear losing her more than anything else.
I fear that whatever seems to have a grip on my mind is actually nothing, just something i made up an excuse to be lazy, i find myself questioning the whole nature of depression, does it actually exist or is it just me being weak, i dont know anymore, maybe if it was my fault i could blame myself and do something about it instead of having some invisible illness, i'm tired of saying to people " I'm not well " only to have them reply " You look fine, you're faking it " i'd rather be lazy than lazy and called a liar.
When i came in this post i was going to say that although writing things down was good it was unnecessary as it could all be worked out in your head but i was wrong, typing it all out sort of slows you down and makes you go into a little more depth whereas you would move onto a different thing in your head.
Being stuck who i am at the moment, i can't say i've ever been completely happy with myself, it seems as i try to lose my bad traits i find new ones as strange as it sounds coming from someone who who has wasted the last 8 years i'm a perfectionist and i fear not being perfect, i can't accept my own faults.
I fear my past, present and future and it's constantly in my mind that i'm being stalked by my health, i can't escape what happened and it follows me as a constant reminder that no matter what i do it can all be taken away very quickly so why bother building a life when the wrecking ball is right next door.
I'm not sure who i want to be anymore, til i was about 15 i was quite driven, you know the sort, top of the class teachers pet but i had some sort of anger in me, i could react quite easily and was very fragile and on edge and then at some point it all went away, i pretty much gave up on everything, lost my drive, calmed down, effectively and knowingly sabotaged my GCSE's and spent the next 4 years doing nothing at all and slowly getting angrier again but without anywhere to focus it. I'm not sure whether i want to go back to who i was aged 14 but i dont want to stay as i am either.
I fear losing the person i consider to be the best friend i've ever had, i'm not a trusting person at all, i've always been a loner because i decided people would only ever let me down or they would leave or i would leave and i decided that it wasn't worth finding new people only to lose them. When i joined here in january i was just looking to start talking to people again, i was gaurded and i had no intention or belief i would find someone i could form any attachment to, i was proven spectacularly wrong, in Trish May i have the friend i always needed, i trust her completely and i fear losing her more than anything else.
I fear that whatever seems to have a grip on my mind is actually nothing, just something i made up an excuse to be lazy, i find myself questioning the whole nature of depression, does it actually exist or is it just me being weak, i dont know anymore, maybe if it was my fault i could blame myself and do something about it instead of having some invisible illness, i'm tired of saying to people " I'm not well " only to have them reply " You look fine, you're faking it " i'd rather be lazy than lazy and called a liar.
When i came in this post i was going to say that although writing things down was good it was unnecessary as it could all be worked out in your head but i was wrong, typing it all out sort of slows you down and makes you go into a little more depth whereas you would move onto a different thing in your head.
Grix Thraves wrote:
> I'm terrified about my art. I can draw alright, but I can't work it
> into my lifestyle easily... not in the way I can sit down and write,
> etc.. I can't easily sit down and draw.
I find this comes from too many expectations.
If you expect everything you do to be good then you'll be putting pressure on yourself, and sometimes it's silly random ideas that devellop into something REALLY special.
Because I expect every song I write to be really special, it takes ages to find the perfect words to do the perfect way, and even then it's not normally THAT good.
Wheras if I just had no standards and expectations when writing then I could write loads more, and then save the critique for editing and choosing what to use and what not.
One thing I've sort of noticed lately that with a lot of famous scientists, thinkers, philosophers, writers, etc.
They could be famous for one great idea or book or song or whatever.
The fact is, their 99 pieces of work that led up to it were complete balls but it didn't matter, and no one cares.
Perhaps these expectations are more a form of impatience than fear...
> I'm terrified about my art. I can draw alright, but I can't work it
> into my lifestyle easily... not in the way I can sit down and write,
> etc.. I can't easily sit down and draw.
I find this comes from too many expectations.
If you expect everything you do to be good then you'll be putting pressure on yourself, and sometimes it's silly random ideas that devellop into something REALLY special.
Because I expect every song I write to be really special, it takes ages to find the perfect words to do the perfect way, and even then it's not normally THAT good.
Wheras if I just had no standards and expectations when writing then I could write loads more, and then save the critique for editing and choosing what to use and what not.
One thing I've sort of noticed lately that with a lot of famous scientists, thinkers, philosophers, writers, etc.
They could be famous for one great idea or book or song or whatever.
The fact is, their 99 pieces of work that led up to it were complete balls but it didn't matter, and no one cares.
Perhaps these expectations are more a form of impatience than fear...
I'm an absolute coward. In the sense of fearing physical harm AND emotionally. Right now I'm worried about moving to the day time at my job - new hours, new team, new manager, new building. I've spent 10 months getting to know the people on my team and now, for the sake of 2 months, they've split us all up.
I met them on Friday, my new team/manager. I *did* go to the pub with two of them (talking to them for five seconds and they invite me to the pub with them) which was a good ice breaker, and it means I can talk to them tomorrow morning instead of sitting by myself, but still - I'm nervous.
Anyway, yeah - I'm a coward, one of the reasons I did boxing and stuff was so that if I *did* get dragged into a fight, I could do something about it. I would literally have to get dragged into a fight, because unless I'm stepping in to help someone I care about, there's no way you'd see me brawling in a car park.
edit - oh yeah, and I can totally relate to Grix's second post, it pretty much sums me up perfectly
I met them on Friday, my new team/manager. I *did* go to the pub with two of them (talking to them for five seconds and they invite me to the pub with them) which was a good ice breaker, and it means I can talk to them tomorrow morning instead of sitting by myself, but still - I'm nervous.
Anyway, yeah - I'm a coward, one of the reasons I did boxing and stuff was so that if I *did* get dragged into a fight, I could do something about it. I would literally have to get dragged into a fight, because unless I'm stepping in to help someone I care about, there's no way you'd see me brawling in a car park.
edit - oh yeah, and I can totally relate to Grix's second post, it pretty much sums me up perfectly
Fear is actually one of the least problems I have.
+1 me
+1 me
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