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"A man needs protection ..."

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.

One wet and rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

She looked out the window and yelled to her lover: "Quick! Jump out the window! My husband's home early!"

"I can't jump out the window!", came the strangled reply from beneath the sheets. "It's raining out there!"

"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. "He's got a very quick temper and a very large gun, the rain is the least of your problems!"

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window. As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running alongside the others, about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could.  After a little while, a small group of runners, which had been studying him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.

"Oh yes!" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free."

Another runner moved alongside. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?"

"Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!"

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried. "Do you always wear a condom when you run?

"Nope ... only when it's raining."

Reefer wrote:
> A donkey walks into a bar and the barman says "Why the long
> face?".

Old.


> THAT is funnier than your joke

No, it wasn't.


> Try again

No.

The last line should read:

"Yes .... anyway, did you hear that you get your breath back quicker if you bend over when you've finished the race?"

LMAO! :0D

Blank's added degree of wit > j00.

A panda walks into a bar, and the barman says "Why the round face?"*





*Note, this is NOT a true story, in reality the barman said "Get out, you're a panda"

A donkey walks into a bar and the barman says "Why the long face?".

THAT is funnier than your joke, and even that was shockingly bad. No offence man, or woman, or whatever. Try again, MAKE ME BLEED (or laughter will suffice).

Reefer wrote:
> *scratches head*
>
> So bad, I don't know where to begin.

Bad? Tell me a better one, then.

Paradox: excellent.

*scratches head*

So bad, I don't know where to begin.

Talking about Timmargh here, not you, Paradox. Your joke actually made me chuckle :0D

Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an Alcoholic, one was a Chain-Smoker, and one was a gay sex addict. The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, "If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die." The men left the doctor's office, each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice. While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar. The Alcoholic, hearing the loud music and smelling the ale, could not stop himself. His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey. No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead. His companions, somewhat shaken, left the bar, realising how seriously they must take the doctor's words. As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still burning.
The sex addict looked at the Chain-Smoker and said, "You know if you bend over to pick that up, we're both dead."

Heh that was good.

Heh.