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You read in the news about performance issues in London and some other places and you nodded, thought "Bloody post" and swapped stories about waiting for 3 days for a letter that should have arrived tomorrow.
You complain because your dvd doesn't arrive within 3 days from play.com, or Amazon hasn't arrived even though you requested special delivery.
Or you whinge to your family when the postie hasn't arrived by 10am and you've been hanging about waiting for that letter and blah blah blah blah.
Some of these are fair comment, some of them are tedious noise that nobody cares about or pays attention to.
However, we detest you as much as you moan about us.
Not all of you, don't get me wrong. But an awful lot of you.
Why? Here's a few inside secrets for you.
And obviously I don't speak for Royal Mail, or anybody else except for myself, so it's not potentially slanderous.
Special Delivery
These are those letters/packets with the grey sticker that says "Before 12pm", these are the packets you pay extra for because they're extremely important and you have to recieve it.
Fair enough.
SO GODDAM BE IN WHEN I DELIVER IT THEN.
9 times in the past 3 weeks this has happened. "Before 12". I arrive between 9am and 11:30am. And each and every single time nobody has been in.
You assfaces. If you pay the extra, then be in to sign for it. We've all done it, expecting a delivery of something so you take the morning off work or get up early if you're off. And you wait.
As soon as it's 12pm, go off and do stuff, I failed in my duty to deliver before the appointed time. But nooooooooooo, you have to be out don't you?
Magazines
You're invalid or lazy and can't be arsed to go to the shop to buy your Motorcycle News Monthly or FHM or Caravan World or Radio Times.
So I have the pleasure of 117 houses with heavy-ass mags I can buy in WHSmiths. And, this is the real redfacer, oftentimes a house will have 3-4 copies of the Radio Times, all addressed to different people.
WHY? WHY ARE YOU SO GODDAMN STUPID YOU NEED 3 COPIES? There is no excuse to need multiple copies of the same magazine delivered. Get in your SUV, drive the 110 yards to the local shops and. Buy. A. Magazine.
Massive Packets
Use your water-filled heads here people, some things will not go through your front door and chances are you'll be at work anyway.
So the following articles, all personally witnessed by myself, shall no longer be eligible for your weary Postman to lug around for 4hrs:
Footballs - Buy one and kick it you monger
Exhaust System - I'd like to shoot your children for that one you ass
Yukka Plant - I am not David Bellamy or Ray Mears
A Kite - Yep, a fully-extended Kite wrapped in newspaper.
Think to yourself, "Do I dabble in physics?" before you attempt to post something to your retard relatives in some vast concrete toilet in Essex
Correct Address
Seems obvious doesn't it? You learn this stuff at school, "Name. Address. Town. Postcode". Simple.
So don't just put "Sanjay Seervajingh, Church Langley, Harlow" you clown.
Try, before you squash that letter through the postbox with your flippers, to think "Now have I put all the details down?" before monging off to watch Casualty and Eastenders.
Or, my favourite so far, "Bill. Harlow. Esexx"
Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh
Crap jokes about the weather
We've heard them. All of them. Every variation. If you must speak, nod and say "Morning Postie", this is fine and very welcome in fact.
Don't say "Nice weather for ducks", because that's nonsensical.
Don't say "Rather you than me", because Postie will stop in his tracks, make a note of your door number and forget to deliver your post for the next day.
Don't say "Hope you can swim! Hahahahaha!"
Don't say "Cor, you'll be home in time for neighbours wontcha?"
Don't say "Where's Bill/Sam/Steve then? On holiday?", or if you must, then don't look puzzled when Postie says "Nope, stolen by gypsies. Or dead. I forget which" before walking across your front lawn and on to the next house.
Don't say "Oh, my post is wet" when it's thumping down and your Postman looks bedraggled and very, very angry at your jawdropping stupidity.
Of course it's wet, I've been carrying it in my arm for 20 mins whilst water falls out the sky onto it and me.
You spastic.
----
That'll do for now.
Royal Mail - We loathe you more than you do us.
But it's still the most fun job I've had in 31 years.
You complain because your dvd doesn't arrive within 3 days from play.com, or Amazon hasn't arrived even though you requested special delivery.
Or you whinge to your family when the postie hasn't arrived by 10am and you've been hanging about waiting for that letter and blah blah blah blah.
Some of these are fair comment, some of them are tedious noise that nobody cares about or pays attention to.
However, we detest you as much as you moan about us.
Not all of you, don't get me wrong. But an awful lot of you.
Why? Here's a few inside secrets for you.
And obviously I don't speak for Royal Mail, or anybody else except for myself, so it's not potentially slanderous.
Special Delivery
These are those letters/packets with the grey sticker that says "Before 12pm", these are the packets you pay extra for because they're extremely important and you have to recieve it.
Fair enough.
SO GODDAM BE IN WHEN I DELIVER IT THEN.
9 times in the past 3 weeks this has happened. "Before 12". I arrive between 9am and 11:30am. And each and every single time nobody has been in.
You assfaces. If you pay the extra, then be in to sign for it. We've all done it, expecting a delivery of something so you take the morning off work or get up early if you're off. And you wait.
As soon as it's 12pm, go off and do stuff, I failed in my duty to deliver before the appointed time. But nooooooooooo, you have to be out don't you?
Magazines
You're invalid or lazy and can't be arsed to go to the shop to buy your Motorcycle News Monthly or FHM or Caravan World or Radio Times.
So I have the pleasure of 117 houses with heavy-ass mags I can buy in WHSmiths. And, this is the real redfacer, oftentimes a house will have 3-4 copies of the Radio Times, all addressed to different people.
WHY? WHY ARE YOU SO GODDAMN STUPID YOU NEED 3 COPIES? There is no excuse to need multiple copies of the same magazine delivered. Get in your SUV, drive the 110 yards to the local shops and. Buy. A. Magazine.
Massive Packets
Use your water-filled heads here people, some things will not go through your front door and chances are you'll be at work anyway.
So the following articles, all personally witnessed by myself, shall no longer be eligible for your weary Postman to lug around for 4hrs:
Footballs - Buy one and kick it you monger
Exhaust System - I'd like to shoot your children for that one you ass
Yukka Plant - I am not David Bellamy or Ray Mears
A Kite - Yep, a fully-extended Kite wrapped in newspaper.
Think to yourself, "Do I dabble in physics?" before you attempt to post something to your retard relatives in some vast concrete toilet in Essex
Correct Address
Seems obvious doesn't it? You learn this stuff at school, "Name. Address. Town. Postcode". Simple.
So don't just put "Sanjay Seervajingh, Church Langley, Harlow" you clown.
Try, before you squash that letter through the postbox with your flippers, to think "Now have I put all the details down?" before monging off to watch Casualty and Eastenders.
Or, my favourite so far, "Bill. Harlow. Esexx"
Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh
Crap jokes about the weather
We've heard them. All of them. Every variation. If you must speak, nod and say "Morning Postie", this is fine and very welcome in fact.
Don't say "Nice weather for ducks", because that's nonsensical.
Don't say "Rather you than me", because Postie will stop in his tracks, make a note of your door number and forget to deliver your post for the next day.
Don't say "Hope you can swim! Hahahahaha!"
Don't say "Cor, you'll be home in time for neighbours wontcha?"
Don't say "Where's Bill/Sam/Steve then? On holiday?", or if you must, then don't look puzzled when Postie says "Nope, stolen by gypsies. Or dead. I forget which" before walking across your front lawn and on to the next house.
Don't say "Oh, my post is wet" when it's thumping down and your Postman looks bedraggled and very, very angry at your jawdropping stupidity.
Of course it's wet, I've been carrying it in my arm for 20 mins whilst water falls out the sky onto it and me.
You spastic.
----
That'll do for now.
Royal Mail - We loathe you more than you do us.
But it's still the most fun job I've had in 31 years.
Page:
Azul wrote:
> I'm just trying to figure out what the hell a "shooty
> fingerwink" is.
Seen Dogma? I'd imagine it to be the pose of Buddy Christ.
> I'm just trying to figure out what the hell a "shooty
> fingerwink" is.
Seen Dogma? I'd imagine it to be the pose of Buddy Christ.
Shootfingerwink?
It's that suave thing where you wink and make a shootygun motion with your index finger.
And Whitestripes, to save you coming up with a cuttin remark:
You said I was moaning about carrying stuff, and equated it with waiters moaning about no tips.
I haven't moaned about carrying it at all.
The point,as others seemed to grasp, was that some people are too lazy to walk to the shops and buy a magazine and have 3 copies delivered to the same house.
As for the massive parcels, show me the bit where I complained about carrying it?
The point there was that people spend loads on posting when a courier is cheaper and will deliver it especially.
If you misunderstood,fine. But dont get sniffy with me for not saying what you leap on the attack about ok?
Ok.
It's that suave thing where you wink and make a shootygun motion with your index finger.
And Whitestripes, to save you coming up with a cuttin remark:
You said I was moaning about carrying stuff, and equated it with waiters moaning about no tips.
I haven't moaned about carrying it at all.
The point,as others seemed to grasp, was that some people are too lazy to walk to the shops and buy a magazine and have 3 copies delivered to the same house.
As for the massive parcels, show me the bit where I complained about carrying it?
The point there was that people spend loads on posting when a courier is cheaper and will deliver it especially.
If you misunderstood,fine. But dont get sniffy with me for not saying what you leap on the attack about ok?
Ok.
Whitestripes DX wrote:
> Nothing about weight there I'm afraid, 'amount' has a different
> meaning.
------
Fair enough.
Except I haven't complained about the amount either.
It's the pointlessness of having multiple copies delivered to the same address, and being too lazy to walk to the shops.
I don't moan about delivering anything, because it's my job and I enjoy it.
It's the thoughtless people that we encounter on a daily basis.
A not-serious summing up of the everyday annoyances.
Whatever, I'm finished arguing over the internet about a topic I bashed out in 5 mins.
> Nothing about weight there I'm afraid, 'amount' has a different
> meaning.
------
Fair enough.
Except I haven't complained about the amount either.
It's the pointlessness of having multiple copies delivered to the same address, and being too lazy to walk to the shops.
I don't moan about delivering anything, because it's my job and I enjoy it.
It's the thoughtless people that we encounter on a daily basis.
A not-serious summing up of the everyday annoyances.
Whatever, I'm finished arguing over the internet about a topic I bashed out in 5 mins.
I'm going to send a letter to:
Goatboy
Rather You Than Me Drive
Harlow
England
Goatboy
Rather You Than Me Drive
Harlow
England
Goatboy wrote:
> Special Delivery
> These are those letters/packets with the grey sticker that says
> "Before 12pm", these are the packets you pay extra for
> because they're extremely important and you have to recieve it.
> Fair enough.
> SO GODDAM BE IN WHEN I DELIVER IT THEN.
> 9 times in the past 3 weeks this has happened. "Before 12".
> I arrive between 9am and 11:30am. And each and every single time
> nobody has been in.
> You assfaces. If you pay the extra, then be in to sign for it. We've
> all done it, expecting a delivery of something so you take the
> morning off work or get up early if you're off. And you wait.
> As soon as it's 12pm, go off and do stuff, I failed in my duty to
> deliver before the appointed time. But nooooooooooo, you have to be
> out don't you?
Have some common sense. How many people send stuff to themselves via Special Delivery. Most people send stuff Special Delivery because Royal Mail sucks so much that they don't trust 1st Class post. That's not a criticism, that's fact. It's nothing to do with the 'before 12pm the next day' - it's just the 'next day' bit which counts. Now I don't know if I'm sending something 'special delivery' that my recipient is going to be in at 11:37 or whenever it is the exact time you're going to be there. I'm not a psychic. And so it isn't my fault if the recipient of the post is out.
> The point is, we don't care if you complain and we're not going to
> injure ourselves. It's your right to moan, it's our right to laugh
> and not deliver to you for 3 days simply to annoy you.
But no, it isn't your right to not deliver mail for 3 days simply to annoy us. Royal Mail is a business. The people who send and recieve mail are the customers. If you refuse to serve the customers you lose the customers. Lose enough customers and you don't get your crappy pay rise you strike for over Christmas and you soon find you're out of a job as more redundancies come into place. Simple business practice.
> We've actually had mail in telling us to pay credit card debts
> before
> we got the letter.
>
> How is that a postman's fault?
> You tool. Be more proficient with your credit payments then, don't
> blame me because you spent it all on wankmags and dairy products.
> Now go do your homework.
Agreed there. It doesn't take much to set up a direct debit to pay off credit cards.
And to me it doesn't read as humour. This topic reads as a rant. Not much thought went into some of the points, but other peoples responses have been just as childish.
The fact is, you're paid to do a job, as Whitestripes has already pointed out. If you don't like it, you look for work elsewhere.
I appreciate it ain't always fun, and I appreciate that Royal Mail staff are under much scrutiny from the public and sometimes even the press, but you can't blame people for using your service. That's what is keeping you in a job.
> Special Delivery
> These are those letters/packets with the grey sticker that says
> "Before 12pm", these are the packets you pay extra for
> because they're extremely important and you have to recieve it.
> Fair enough.
> SO GODDAM BE IN WHEN I DELIVER IT THEN.
> 9 times in the past 3 weeks this has happened. "Before 12".
> I arrive between 9am and 11:30am. And each and every single time
> nobody has been in.
> You assfaces. If you pay the extra, then be in to sign for it. We've
> all done it, expecting a delivery of something so you take the
> morning off work or get up early if you're off. And you wait.
> As soon as it's 12pm, go off and do stuff, I failed in my duty to
> deliver before the appointed time. But nooooooooooo, you have to be
> out don't you?
Have some common sense. How many people send stuff to themselves via Special Delivery. Most people send stuff Special Delivery because Royal Mail sucks so much that they don't trust 1st Class post. That's not a criticism, that's fact. It's nothing to do with the 'before 12pm the next day' - it's just the 'next day' bit which counts. Now I don't know if I'm sending something 'special delivery' that my recipient is going to be in at 11:37 or whenever it is the exact time you're going to be there. I'm not a psychic. And so it isn't my fault if the recipient of the post is out.
> The point is, we don't care if you complain and we're not going to
> injure ourselves. It's your right to moan, it's our right to laugh
> and not deliver to you for 3 days simply to annoy you.
But no, it isn't your right to not deliver mail for 3 days simply to annoy us. Royal Mail is a business. The people who send and recieve mail are the customers. If you refuse to serve the customers you lose the customers. Lose enough customers and you don't get your crappy pay rise you strike for over Christmas and you soon find you're out of a job as more redundancies come into place. Simple business practice.
> We've actually had mail in telling us to pay credit card debts
> before
> we got the letter.
>
> How is that a postman's fault?
> You tool. Be more proficient with your credit payments then, don't
> blame me because you spent it all on wankmags and dairy products.
> Now go do your homework.
Agreed there. It doesn't take much to set up a direct debit to pay off credit cards.
And to me it doesn't read as humour. This topic reads as a rant. Not much thought went into some of the points, but other peoples responses have been just as childish.
The fact is, you're paid to do a job, as Whitestripes has already pointed out. If you don't like it, you look for work elsewhere.
I appreciate it ain't always fun, and I appreciate that Royal Mail staff are under much scrutiny from the public and sometimes even the press, but you can't blame people for using your service. That's what is keeping you in a job.
Jesus, now Edgy...
Ok, you people that actually read it seriously and are being all "yes but...", read the end part again.
"But it's still the most fun job I've had in 31 years."
No complaints.
So jam your finger pointing up your ass and go about your day.
Thankyouverymuch
Ok, you people that actually read it seriously and are being all "yes but...", read the end part again.
"But it's still the most fun job I've had in 31 years."
No complaints.
So jam your finger pointing up your ass and go about your day.
Thankyouverymuch
If it's the most fun job you've had in all those years, stop moaning like an old woman who's sat in a desk job for 30 years and is wondering why the only thing that's actually happened in her life is an increase in face lines.
[URL]http://www.specialobserve.co.uk/images/edgylicksmall.JPG[/URL]
Damn, kids, kids, kids. Go write some of that goth poetry and/or short stories you write so well to unload some of that teenage angst.
I thought the original post was quite amusing.
I thought the original post was quite amusing.
Goatboy wrote:
> As for the massive parcels, show me the bit where I complained about
> carrying it?
To be honest, I think it's probably here:
So the following articles, all personally witnessed by myself, shall no longer be eligible for your weary Postman to lug around for 4hrs:
Footballs - Buy one and kick it you monger
Exhaust System - I'd like to shoot your children for that one you ass
Yukka Plant - I am not David Bellamy or Ray Mears
A Kite - Yep, a fully-extended Kite wrapped in newspaper.
It certainly gives the impression you are though, even if you aren't.
> The point there was that people spend loads on posting when a courier
> is cheaper and will deliver it especially.
Okie dokie
Time for a drink and some TV.
> As for the massive parcels, show me the bit where I complained about
> carrying it?
To be honest, I think it's probably here:
So the following articles, all personally witnessed by myself, shall no longer be eligible for your weary Postman to lug around for 4hrs:
Footballs - Buy one and kick it you monger
Exhaust System - I'd like to shoot your children for that one you ass
Yukka Plant - I am not David Bellamy or Ray Mears
A Kite - Yep, a fully-extended Kite wrapped in newspaper.
It certainly gives the impression you are though, even if you aren't.
> The point there was that people spend loads on posting when a courier
> is cheaper and will deliver it especially.
Okie dokie
Time for a drink and some TV.
Page: