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It seems to me so often that I have little passion for life. That I feel no love, or compassion, that no compliment ever lifts me and no critic could ever insult me.
Absolute emptiness, void of love, perhaps that's what depression is. The inability to find reward or satisfaction in anything.
Personally I love to be challenged, but I often set my sights too high, aiming to work to a ridiculous amount of pressure, which always ends in failure. Finding a balance can prove difficult.
However, perhaps I'm thinking less of myself than I really am. Is it possible, beyond all the apparent emptiness, that I am indeed a very passionate person, but simply bored of all I've surrounded myself with?
Excitement, for me, comes from change. From not being able to predict so easily what's coming, what's around the corner. I love driving for that reason.
Unpredictability keeps me alive, the surprise and shock. Unfortunately, I don't know why, but my own mind tends to quickly and very easily find patterns in all I do, and it becomes boring to me. It's certainly a talent I have, to find patterns, but it's also my curse, and I swear it's slowly killing me.
Perhaps I'm fickle, or maybe I just demand more. Even if my predictions are right or not, what I really need is something that I can't even begin to learn patterns to so easily. Science bores me, utterly, because of this. Reward comes surely in the unpredictable, but how often would that occur?
But is it even possible to settle into spontaneous-ism? What job could bring that satisfaction? I love things that I cannot predict, but do I have to spend my entire life jumping from one job to another just to satisfy myself?
I seek excitement, and without it I become slow and depressed, and my mind becomes more tangled just to keep me from killing myself.
It's a bit of a vicious circle too, because I fear change, but I'm not even sure why. To be honest, I think that fear's fading now. I guess I'm more afraid of being too pinned down by work, or having too much responsibility.
I really need to employ my imagination a bit more in 'real life'.. it's there to keep me alive after all.
But what's good for spontaneous living? What possible course could I study at University that could match up to that?
I'm so puzzled over what to actually do with myself, but at least this is a big step in actually realising what I enjoy. It's really a horrible thought to believe that you have no passion for anything, that you've been worn down. Ugh.
So I don't suppose anyone has any ideas? Things that wouldn't become repetitive or boring, without being so creative? (I'm trying to leave creativity out of it, as I'd rather write as a hobby.)
Thanks for any help.
Absolute emptiness, void of love, perhaps that's what depression is. The inability to find reward or satisfaction in anything.
Personally I love to be challenged, but I often set my sights too high, aiming to work to a ridiculous amount of pressure, which always ends in failure. Finding a balance can prove difficult.
However, perhaps I'm thinking less of myself than I really am. Is it possible, beyond all the apparent emptiness, that I am indeed a very passionate person, but simply bored of all I've surrounded myself with?
Excitement, for me, comes from change. From not being able to predict so easily what's coming, what's around the corner. I love driving for that reason.
Unpredictability keeps me alive, the surprise and shock. Unfortunately, I don't know why, but my own mind tends to quickly and very easily find patterns in all I do, and it becomes boring to me. It's certainly a talent I have, to find patterns, but it's also my curse, and I swear it's slowly killing me.
Perhaps I'm fickle, or maybe I just demand more. Even if my predictions are right or not, what I really need is something that I can't even begin to learn patterns to so easily. Science bores me, utterly, because of this. Reward comes surely in the unpredictable, but how often would that occur?
But is it even possible to settle into spontaneous-ism? What job could bring that satisfaction? I love things that I cannot predict, but do I have to spend my entire life jumping from one job to another just to satisfy myself?
I seek excitement, and without it I become slow and depressed, and my mind becomes more tangled just to keep me from killing myself.
It's a bit of a vicious circle too, because I fear change, but I'm not even sure why. To be honest, I think that fear's fading now. I guess I'm more afraid of being too pinned down by work, or having too much responsibility.
I really need to employ my imagination a bit more in 'real life'.. it's there to keep me alive after all.
But what's good for spontaneous living? What possible course could I study at University that could match up to that?
I'm so puzzled over what to actually do with myself, but at least this is a big step in actually realising what I enjoy. It's really a horrible thought to believe that you have no passion for anything, that you've been worn down. Ugh.
So I don't suppose anyone has any ideas? Things that wouldn't become repetitive or boring, without being so creative? (I'm trying to leave creativity out of it, as I'd rather write as a hobby.)
Thanks for any help.
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Photographer?
It's kind of an instant thing, I suppose - everchanging subject and all that. A photographic journalist who captures all types of diverse events, from war to tradegy to triumph to - whatever. More to do with reality than fantasy/creativity.
Hack knows how one becomes such a person though.
It's kind of an instant thing, I suppose - everchanging subject and all that. A photographic journalist who captures all types of diverse events, from war to tradegy to triumph to - whatever. More to do with reality than fantasy/creativity.
Hack knows how one becomes such a person though.
Photographer's passed my mind a few times... really considering it actually. Thanks for bringing it forward in my head a bit, need that every now and again.
Grix Thraves wrote:
> As for the art thing, I can't draw/paint
Have you seen your Terrence thing?!
> As for the art thing, I can't draw/paint
Have you seen your Terrence thing?!
You think I've got THIS far by having talent?
Come on, I didn't draw that, I traced it. :D
Come on, I didn't draw that, I traced it. :D
Grix Thraves wrote:
>
>
> As for the art thing, I can't draw/paint/do much
Ahh, so you'd be a 'modern artist'.
There are lots of types of artists though, as BG suggested Photography is a good choice. I can't draw or make things to save my life, but I did an AS in photography because it meant I could express things in art without having to draw. And then when it came to our practical exam and everyone was busy in the art department making large installations/models/statues etc as part of their display, it just had the most wonderful atmosphere, the kind you only get when everyone is calm, friendly and really enjoying what they are doing.
An RE teacher from our school left for 3 years to travel Europe and Asia, he came back near the end of year 11 and took over our RE class. He was really glad he had done it and had a lot of interesting stories and photos of the things he'd done. I'm considering it myself after I've finished Uni.
>
>
> As for the art thing, I can't draw/paint/do much
Ahh, so you'd be a 'modern artist'.
There are lots of types of artists though, as BG suggested Photography is a good choice. I can't draw or make things to save my life, but I did an AS in photography because it meant I could express things in art without having to draw. And then when it came to our practical exam and everyone was busy in the art department making large installations/models/statues etc as part of their display, it just had the most wonderful atmosphere, the kind you only get when everyone is calm, friendly and really enjoying what they are doing.
An RE teacher from our school left for 3 years to travel Europe and Asia, he came back near the end of year 11 and took over our RE class. He was really glad he had done it and had a lot of interesting stories and photos of the things he'd done. I'm considering it myself after I've finished Uni.
SHEEPY wrote:
> I analysis everything in life
Know what you mean, but something's not quite right there....
> I analysis everything in life
Know what you mean, but something's not quite right there....
Grix Thraves wrote:
> erm, really trying to get away from the boring pattern stuff, you
> know?
>
> Thanks though?
Boring, think of all that stress you could get, win a million lose a million in a day what a cool job. Boring?! Or are you after somethign like pro sportsmen ;) My bro is a pro freestyle skier and he just bumms around all day seems pretty fun.
> erm, really trying to get away from the boring pattern stuff, you
> know?
>
> Thanks though?
Boring, think of all that stress you could get, win a million lose a million in a day what a cool job. Boring?! Or are you after somethign like pro sportsmen ;) My bro is a pro freestyle skier and he just bumms around all day seems pretty fun.
Take up a martial art.
It's sort of something you can do within boredom patches.
If I find myself bored I can just start practicing Wing Chun movements, just perfecting them and making them instinctive.
And you can practice your stancework on a moving bus, always good fun. You get a few looks but usually in a friendly way. :-)
It's sort of something you can do within boredom patches.
If I find myself bored I can just start practicing Wing Chun movements, just perfecting them and making them instinctive.
And you can practice your stancework on a moving bus, always good fun. You get a few looks but usually in a friendly way. :-)
I'd say law, something that is constantly evolving and nothing is ever the same, i love that it is adverserial and you either win or lose in the end.
I'm in a dead-end job right now, and it's depressing the hell out of me.
I did bump into an old workmate yesterday though, and it turns out he is now a Paramedic.
We're going to meet up in Leeds soon for a few drinks and he's going to put me through to the right people to get into this job. Decent money, never the same day twice, always on the move. Sounds great to me - just what I've always wanted.
Grix, I havn't read most of the replies in here and I may have missed something from the original post, but how about joining the Police/Paramedic/Firefighter? All jobs that will constantly challenge you and give you a sense of fulfilment and self-satisfaction.
I don't know what exactly would be your ideal job, but I've found that thinking outside of my preferred criteria (PC manufacture/repair/maintenance) has opened my eyes to a whole new load of possibilities.
I just hope success is at the end of this road. Hope it's at the end of yours too.
I did bump into an old workmate yesterday though, and it turns out he is now a Paramedic.
We're going to meet up in Leeds soon for a few drinks and he's going to put me through to the right people to get into this job. Decent money, never the same day twice, always on the move. Sounds great to me - just what I've always wanted.
Grix, I havn't read most of the replies in here and I may have missed something from the original post, but how about joining the Police/Paramedic/Firefighter? All jobs that will constantly challenge you and give you a sense of fulfilment and self-satisfaction.
I don't know what exactly would be your ideal job, but I've found that thinking outside of my preferred criteria (PC manufacture/repair/maintenance) has opened my eyes to a whole new load of possibilities.
I just hope success is at the end of this road. Hope it's at the end of yours too.
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