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"Career Seeking"

It seems to me so often that I have little passion for life. That I feel no love, or compassion, that no compliment ever lifts me and no critic could ever insult me.

Absolute emptiness, void of love, perhaps that's what depression is. The inability to find reward or satisfaction in anything.

Personally I love to be challenged, but I often set my sights too high, aiming to work to a ridiculous amount of pressure, which always ends in failure. Finding a balance can prove difficult.

However, perhaps I'm thinking less of myself than I really am. Is it possible, beyond all the apparent emptiness, that I am indeed a very passionate person, but simply bored of all I've surrounded myself with?

Excitement, for me, comes from change. From not being able to predict so easily what's coming, what's around the corner. I love driving for that reason.

Unpredictability keeps me alive, the surprise and shock. Unfortunately, I don't know why, but my own mind tends to quickly and very easily find patterns in all I do, and it becomes boring to me. It's certainly a talent I have, to find patterns, but it's also my curse, and I swear it's slowly killing me.

Perhaps I'm fickle, or maybe I just demand more. Even if my predictions are right or not, what I really need is something that I can't even begin to learn patterns to so easily. Science bores me, utterly, because of this. Reward comes surely in the unpredictable, but how often would that occur?

But is it even possible to settle into spontaneous-ism? What job could bring that satisfaction? I love things that I cannot predict, but do I have to spend my entire life jumping from one job to another just to satisfy myself?

I seek excitement, and without it I become slow and depressed, and my mind becomes more tangled just to keep me from killing myself.

It's a bit of a vicious circle too, because I fear change, but I'm not even sure why. To be honest, I think that fear's fading now. I guess I'm more afraid of being too pinned down by work, or having too much responsibility.

I really need to employ my imagination a bit more in 'real life'.. it's there to keep me alive after all.

But what's good for spontaneous living? What possible course could I study at University that could match up to that?

I'm so puzzled over what to actually do with myself, but at least this is a big step in actually realising what I enjoy. It's really a horrible thought to believe that you have no passion for anything, that you've been worn down. Ugh.

So I don't suppose anyone has any ideas? Things that wouldn't become repetitive or boring, without being so creative? (I'm trying to leave creativity out of it, as I'd rather write as a hobby.)

Thanks for any help.

It seems to me so often that I have little passion for life. That I feel no love, or compassion, that no compliment ever lifts me and no critic could ever insult me.

Absolute emptiness, void of love, perhaps that's what depression is. The inability to find reward or satisfaction in anything.

Personally I love to be challenged, but I often set my sights too high, aiming to work to a ridiculous amount of pressure, which always ends in failure. Finding a balance can prove difficult.

However, perhaps I'm thinking less of myself than I really am. Is it possible, beyond all the apparent emptiness, that I am indeed a very passionate person, but simply bored of all I've surrounded myself with?

Excitement, for me, comes from change. From not being able to predict so easily what's coming, what's around the corner. I love driving for that reason.

Unpredictability keeps me alive, the surprise and shock. Unfortunately, I don't know why, but my own mind tends to quickly and very easily find patterns in all I do, and it becomes boring to me. It's certainly a talent I have, to find patterns, but it's also my curse, and I swear it's slowly killing me.

Perhaps I'm fickle, or maybe I just demand more. Even if my predictions are right or not, what I really need is something that I can't even begin to learn patterns to so easily. Science bores me, utterly, because of this. Reward comes surely in the unpredictable, but how often would that occur?

But is it even possible to settle into spontaneous-ism? What job could bring that satisfaction? I love things that I cannot predict, but do I have to spend my entire life jumping from one job to another just to satisfy myself?

I seek excitement, and without it I become slow and depressed, and my mind becomes more tangled just to keep me from killing myself.

It's a bit of a vicious circle too, because I fear change, but I'm not even sure why. To be honest, I think that fear's fading now. I guess I'm more afraid of being too pinned down by work, or having too much responsibility.

I really need to employ my imagination a bit more in 'real life'.. it's there to keep me alive after all.

But what's good for spontaneous living? What possible course could I study at University that could match up to that?

I'm so puzzled over what to actually do with myself, but at least this is a big step in actually realising what I enjoy. It's really a horrible thought to believe that you have no passion for anything, that you've been worn down. Ugh.

So I don't suppose anyone has any ideas? Things that wouldn't become repetitive or boring, without being so creative? (I'm trying to leave creativity out of it, as I'd rather write as a hobby.)

Thanks for any help.

No help here sorry.

I think too much these days, I analysis everything in life and no longer trust people to get close to them. I moan about life all the time and it isn't until something is gone that I learn to appreciate it. The motivation I had as a child is long gone and I have no idea what the future holds for me. It makes me nervous a bit but at least it isn't written in stone. I could do what I want but it's very likely anything good will come along.

I'm going to move to Europe and ran a cafe.

Run obviously.

um..art?


Get some money and a big back pack and only one set of clothes, and hike around Europe/Asia.

If anything it will be exciting as you won't know where you might end up the next day, or in a few weeks time. And if you like a place you can stay for a while and get a job making wicker baskets or something.

Play the stock market.

erm, really trying to get away from the boring pattern stuff, you know?

Thanks though?

Oh, to Foszy that was.

As for the art thing, I can't draw/paint/do much but write for sh*te. I rhyme occasionally, but not all that well.

And again, want to do a job I can depend on, but still changes... I can't always depend on my imagination, I do need the excitement of the job.

McDonald's for you m'lad

DIE