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"Sorting my head out."

Again I’ve slumped into the feverish pit of depression for no apparent reason.

A state of mind that I am quite frankly sick of. It shadows over me like an eclipse and sucks any feeling of happiness I possess.

Sometimes, when I am lucky, the depression doesn’t last long. Other times I can sulk for days, not eat or sleep – just stare at my wall, asking myself one word – “why”

I have no idea what I am doing in this life. I want to be a writer, what chance do I really have? Anyone can mash a keyboard, the Alevel A grade rates are through the roof – I have no shot at a future that will offer me happiness.

I heard someone say once that people don’t fear death, they fear being forgotten. That’s what I fear anyway. I fear I will grow old, lose touch with the few friends I have and die alone and have a state funeral. That thought make me feel positively sick.

More and more lately I have thought about suicide as a serious option. I know most people consider it the cowards way out- but how many of you actually have the guts to kill yourself? It’s a drastic measure and something of a last resort, but it isn’t without it’s charms. If I killed myself I wouldn’t be forgotten. Everyone at my school and sixth form would remember me as “the guy that killed himself” – well, technically I’d be the second – a lad in year 9 hung himself and he’s not being forgotten.

Did you know children in Japan kill themselves in exams if they fear they cannot do the paper by putting a pencil in their nostril and hitting it on the bottom with the palm of their hand sending the pencil into their brain? If someone dies during an exam they are guaranteed a pass.

I know I probably don’t have the guts to kill myself, I’m a coward really. I’m not one for self harm, I think that really is a cry for help – I don’t need help, nobody can help. If I can figure out what’s wrong with my life then how can anyone else?

I guess this will be branded as a pathetic attention seeking ploy – call it whatever you want, I don’t care. I think writing this has just helped me understand things a little better and that’s what I sort of needed right about now.

Oh and no, this isn’t one of those crappy realism things I write, this is genuine.


I think I'm going to take some time out - probably wont post here for a while - I need to sort my head out.

Thanks if you read it.

Again I’ve slumped into the feverish pit of depression for no apparent reason.

A state of mind that I am quite frankly sick of. It shadows over me like an eclipse and sucks any feeling of happiness I possess.

Sometimes, when I am lucky, the depression doesn’t last long. Other times I can sulk for days, not eat or sleep – just stare at my wall, asking myself one word – “why”

I have no idea what I am doing in this life. I want to be a writer, what chance do I really have? Anyone can mash a keyboard, the Alevel A grade rates are through the roof – I have no shot at a future that will offer me happiness.

I heard someone say once that people don’t fear death, they fear being forgotten. That’s what I fear anyway. I fear I will grow old, lose touch with the few friends I have and die alone and have a state funeral. That thought make me feel positively sick.

More and more lately I have thought about suicide as a serious option. I know most people consider it the cowards way out- but how many of you actually have the guts to kill yourself? It’s a drastic measure and something of a last resort, but it isn’t without it’s charms. If I killed myself I wouldn’t be forgotten. Everyone at my school and sixth form would remember me as “the guy that killed himself” – well, technically I’d be the second – a lad in year 9 hung himself and he’s not being forgotten.

Did you know children in Japan kill themselves in exams if they fear they cannot do the paper by putting a pencil in their nostril and hitting it on the bottom with the palm of their hand sending the pencil into their brain? If someone dies during an exam they are guaranteed a pass.

I know I probably don’t have the guts to kill myself, I’m a coward really. I’m not one for self harm, I think that really is a cry for help – I don’t need help, nobody can help. If I can figure out what’s wrong with my life then how can anyone else?

I guess this will be branded as a pathetic attention seeking ploy – call it whatever you want, I don’t care. I think writing this has just helped me understand things a little better and that’s what I sort of needed right about now.

Oh and no, this isn’t one of those crappy realism things I write, this is genuine.


I think I'm going to take some time out - probably wont post here for a while - I need to sort my head out.

Thanks if you read it.

Paradox: wrote:
> Did you know children in Japan kill themselves in exams if they fear
> they cannot do the paper by putting a pencil in their nostril and
> hitting it on the bottom with the palm of their hand sending the
> pencil into their brain? If someone dies during an exam they are
> guaranteed a pass.

Don't be stupid.

That's just an old wives tale that is at every school. If someone dies during the examyou just have to retake it.

Suicide seems extreme if you admit yourself that you dont know why you are actually depressed. Whatever it is can't be causing you that much psychological pain if you don't know what it is, surely?

Have you ever been depressed? It isn't always brought on by one thing. I sometimes feel low and don't have a clue why. It's just something that happens to some of us.

I wish I could be a troubled teen.

Woah, steady on! You need to look at life from a different perspective. At the moment you're thinking, "I need to somehow make myself stand above the rest and have my name carved in stone." Well, if you keep on expecting heroic things from yourself, you'll most probably end in failure. Look at Paula Radcliffe as an example - pulled out because she knew she wouldn't get a medal.

Instead, think "Right, I've been given a life. How do I make best use of it in the time I've got?". Then you'll start to build yourself up; career, self development. You'll realise that in the future, if you get on with those things, the rest will come automatically.

Memorandum! wrote:
> Paradox: wrote:
> Did you know children in Japan kill themselves in exams if they fear
> they cannot do the paper by putting a pencil in their nostril and
> hitting it on the bottom with the palm of their hand sending the
> pencil into their brain? If someone dies during an exam they are
> guaranteed a pass.
>
> Don't be stupid.

quite.

sorry you're feeling bad Para, but this story is merely an urban legend that everyone has heard about every school (it's on a par with the "razorblades in apples at halloween")

hope ya feel better soon though mate :(

Stare emptiness in the eye. Don't fear it. What's it gonna do? It's as natural as >insert futile simile< for us to feel insignificant, because (sadly) we are. But, and there is always "a but" - (hopefully a shapely one with curvaceous hips) - there's loads of things to do: it's all ebb and flow, ebb and flow... sometimes up, sometimes down - we can't escape it. Frustration at our limitations can be seriously infuriating, depressing, soul-destroying, but there's always a sunrise. The day is long and so is the night... 2-fingers: palm-facing peace, knuckle-facing war - ebb and flow, ebb and flow... Imagination is the eternal body, blah-blah-blah.

Oh dear, BG.
Pointing out the abstractedness totally negates it.

And Kyz - of all the people that should kill themselves, you're not on the list.