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A state of mind that I am quite frankly sick of. It shadows over me like an eclipse and sucks any feeling of happiness I possess.
Sometimes, when I am lucky, the depression doesn’t last long. Other times I can sulk for days, not eat or sleep – just stare at my wall, asking myself one word – “why”
I have no idea what I am doing in this life. I want to be a writer, what chance do I really have? Anyone can mash a keyboard, the Alevel A grade rates are through the roof – I have no shot at a future that will offer me happiness.
I heard someone say once that people don’t fear death, they fear being forgotten. That’s what I fear anyway. I fear I will grow old, lose touch with the few friends I have and die alone and have a state funeral. That thought make me feel positively sick.
More and more lately I have thought about suicide as a serious option. I know most people consider it the cowards way out- but how many of you actually have the guts to kill yourself? It’s a drastic measure and something of a last resort, but it isn’t without it’s charms. If I killed myself I wouldn’t be forgotten. Everyone at my school and sixth form would remember me as “the guy that killed himself” – well, technically I’d be the second – a lad in year 9 hung himself and he’s not being forgotten.
Did you know children in Japan kill themselves in exams if they fear they cannot do the paper by putting a pencil in their nostril and hitting it on the bottom with the palm of their hand sending the pencil into their brain? If someone dies during an exam they are guaranteed a pass.
I know I probably don’t have the guts to kill myself, I’m a coward really. I’m not one for self harm, I think that really is a cry for help – I don’t need help, nobody can help. If I can figure out what’s wrong with my life then how can anyone else?
I guess this will be branded as a pathetic attention seeking ploy – call it whatever you want, I don’t care. I think writing this has just helped me understand things a little better and that’s what I sort of needed right about now.
Oh and no, this isn’t one of those crappy realism things I write, this is genuine.
I think I'm going to take some time out - probably wont post here for a while - I need to sort my head out.
Thanks if you read it.
A state of mind that I am quite frankly sick of. It shadows over me like an eclipse and sucks any feeling of happiness I possess.
Sometimes, when I am lucky, the depression doesn’t last long. Other times I can sulk for days, not eat or sleep – just stare at my wall, asking myself one word – “why”
I have no idea what I am doing in this life. I want to be a writer, what chance do I really have? Anyone can mash a keyboard, the Alevel A grade rates are through the roof – I have no shot at a future that will offer me happiness.
I heard someone say once that people don’t fear death, they fear being forgotten. That’s what I fear anyway. I fear I will grow old, lose touch with the few friends I have and die alone and have a state funeral. That thought make me feel positively sick.
More and more lately I have thought about suicide as a serious option. I know most people consider it the cowards way out- but how many of you actually have the guts to kill yourself? It’s a drastic measure and something of a last resort, but it isn’t without it’s charms. If I killed myself I wouldn’t be forgotten. Everyone at my school and sixth form would remember me as “the guy that killed himself” – well, technically I’d be the second – a lad in year 9 hung himself and he’s not being forgotten.
Did you know children in Japan kill themselves in exams if they fear they cannot do the paper by putting a pencil in their nostril and hitting it on the bottom with the palm of their hand sending the pencil into their brain? If someone dies during an exam they are guaranteed a pass.
I know I probably don’t have the guts to kill myself, I’m a coward really. I’m not one for self harm, I think that really is a cry for help – I don’t need help, nobody can help. If I can figure out what’s wrong with my life then how can anyone else?
I guess this will be branded as a pathetic attention seeking ploy – call it whatever you want, I don’t care. I think writing this has just helped me understand things a little better and that’s what I sort of needed right about now.
Oh and no, this isn’t one of those crappy realism things I write, this is genuine.
I think I'm going to take some time out - probably wont post here for a while - I need to sort my head out.
Thanks if you read it.
> Did you know children in Japan kill themselves in exams if they fear
> they cannot do the paper by putting a pencil in their nostril and
> hitting it on the bottom with the palm of their hand sending the
> pencil into their brain? If someone dies during an exam they are
> guaranteed a pass.
Don't be stupid.
Instead, think "Right, I've been given a life. How do I make best use of it in the time I've got?". Then you'll start to build yourself up; career, self development. You'll realise that in the future, if you get on with those things, the rest will come automatically.
> Paradox: wrote:
> Did you know children in Japan kill themselves in exams if they fear
> they cannot do the paper by putting a pencil in their nostril and
> hitting it on the bottom with the palm of their hand sending the
> pencil into their brain? If someone dies during an exam they are
> guaranteed a pass.
>
> Don't be stupid.
quite.
sorry you're feeling bad Para, but this story is merely an urban legend that everyone has heard about every school (it's on a par with the "razorblades in apples at halloween")
hope ya feel better soon though mate :(
Pointing out the abstractedness totally negates it.
And Kyz - of all the people that should kill themselves, you're not on the list.