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"ShArE a JoKe!"

Everyone loves a good joke.. So come share them here :)

Contagious Virus

A man returns to england. from Africa feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a barrage of extensive tests.
The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings.

"This is your doctor. We got the results back from your tests and we've found that you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!"

"Oh my gosh," cries the man. He's in a panic now. "What are you going to do, doctor?"

"Well we're going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes and pita bread."

"Will that cure me?" asked the man hopefully.

The doctor replied, "Well, no, but it's the only food we can get under the door."

Why did the chicken cross the...no, i forgot.

>_<

J-42 wrote:
> Little tomato, momma tomato and papa tomato are walking down the
> street. Little tomato lags behind and papa tomato squishes him and
> says: "Ketchup."
>
> Those of you who haven't seen it, it's from Pulp Fiction. :D

Yeah i laughed first time i saw that movie. And that joke always makes me giggle to this day!

A guy goes to a Council office to interview for a job. The interviewer asks him,
"Are you a veteran?"

"Yes, I served two tours in Iraq"

"Good, that counts in your favor. Do you have any service-related disabilities?"

"I am 100% disabled. A mortar round blew off my testicles so they declared
me disabled. It doesn't affect my ability to work, though."

"Sorry to hear about the damage, but I have some good news for you. I can
>hire you right now! Our working hours are 8 to 4.
Come on in about 10 tomorrow and we'll get you started."

"If working hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me to come at 10?"

"Well, here at the Council, we don't do anything but sit around and scratch our balls for the first two hours.
No point in you coming in for that."

You fcuking idiot.

:D

hehehe, I only got it on the second time of reading it. ;)

Little tomato, momma tomato and papa tomato are walking down the street. Little tomato lags behind and papa tomato squishes him and says: "Ketchup."

Those of you who haven't seen it, it's from Pulp Fiction. :D

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where
she selected
>
>a half-gallon of 2% milk,
>a carton of eggs,
>a quart of orange juice,
>a head of romaine lettuce,
>a 2 lb. can of coffee,
>and a 1 lb. package of bacon.
>
>As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to
>check out, a
>drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the
>items in front of the cashier.
>
>While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the
>drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
>
>The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but
>she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was
>indeed single.
>
>She looked at her six items on the belt and saw
>nothing particularlyunusual about her selections that could have tipped
>off the drunk to
>her marital status.
>
>Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well,
>you know what,
>you're absolutely correct. But h ow on earth did you
>know that?"
>
>The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly"

Here's one although I might not explain it properly.


There were three blondes at an interview for a police detective job.

The police man interviewed the first blonde and showed her a profile (with a profile picture that shows one half of the face) and said to her "How would you catch this man?" she replied "He'll be easy to catch as he's only got 1 ear."

The police man was unhappy by this answer and then called the 2nd blonde in. He showed her the same profile and asked her the same question of "How would you catch this man?" she replied "He'll be easy to catch as he's only got one eye."

The police was now starting to get angry and he called the third blonde in to interview her. He showed her the same profile and asked her the same question of "How would you catch this man?" she replied "He'll be easy to catch as he wears contact lenses." The police was shocked by this answer and went to check it out.

He came back and said "He does wear contact lenses! How did you know that?" the third blonde replied "It's easy to know as he only has one and one ear so he can't wear glasses."


:-D

i think hes brain dead

now ßora† §agdiyeV's joke was funny.

Either that or being at work has made me brain dead