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"You be careful!"

Out in the sticks as a rural cop is much different.
I spent all Monday night dealing with one mental health patient after another.

I went to this house for people with mental health problems where there was a report of an elderly lady attacking members of staff. Myself and another officer turned up and there she was. 63-years-young, about 5’ 7” with really skinny arms and legs.

Me: Hi there, can we sit down and have a chat?

Lady: No! Pish off! I funking hate you! You be careful. You be careful.

Ok, I thought. I talked to the staff who told me she had been like this for ages, just standing in the doorway spouting random swear words and occasionally trying to slap people.

We decided that we would have to sit her down until the doctor could come and see her. Luckily at this point she tried to attack another officer, so we had to take control of her anyway. We took one arm each and she then tried to bite us, so we had to put her arms behind her back. She then tried spitting at us, so we had to bend her forward a little to stop her from landing one load of globules mess. So, there we were. Two officers putting restraints on an elderly lady who is bent at the waist and now unable to move, when we heard a little voice say…”you be careful. You be careful”.

So, to cut a long story short, we sat her down, she kept getting up every 20 minutes only to threaten us and then be sat back down again. 3 and a half hours later a doctor came and said, “yep, she’s nuts, take her to hospital” and then go back off to bed. So at 4am we took her to hospital.

Last night was very quiet. We only had about 4 jobs to deal with over the 11-hours. Still, I got to drive around a lot quite quickly to try to learn the area.

Not a post with me usual zest or humour, but that is because I’m nakered. Two weeks holiday now! Woo!

But do they try to hit and spit on you?

Women spitting. Yuck...

I'll just assume a sharp-shooter was involved somewhere along the line.

She had it coming though, silly bint.

SHEEPY wrote:
> Pfft I need to deal with nutters all the time.

Yeah, "The Scottish".

English_Bloke wrote:
"Women spitting. Yuck..."

You can't force them to swallow, Mr Bloke, after all, would you?

Heh

aimed at both posts blow

English_Bloke wrote:
> But do they try to hit and spit on you?
>
> Women spitting. Yuck...

No, but there I am stacking stuff in the back of my shop. And they come in and I need to talk to them until I call the nutter ward.

I don't get paid enough.

" Do you trust meeeeee? "

" Aye, sure why not? "

monkey_man wrote:

>
> Yeah, "The Scottish".

Well, they're just as bad. Damn working class.

I went in to Tesco at 2am last night to buy lunch. I thought it would be safe at that time. Oh no.

The guys opening line was, "I don't want to cause trouble, but.."

It went downhill from there.

Grix Thraves wrote:
> English_Bloke wrote:
> "Women spitting. Yuck..."
>
> You can't force them to swallow, Mr Bloke, after all, would you?

I eat a lot of strawberries.

Harlow has quite a lot of inbred mentalists. It's like everyone's the village idiot. I remember staying round at Snuggly's once to be awoken by a dawn chorus of swearing from the street's resident 'character'. She "loves Harlow in the morning", apparently. "F**king loves Harlow in the morning"...

But there's always Tiger-man. He's a trooper. Literally.